Chapter 3

Cate

Our lunch arrived shortly after Baze was finished his shower. "here I got it" I pushed a twenty towards him. He shook his head "nope this one is on me, it's my house" tossing my money back at me he jogged towards the stairs. I grabbed for my phone while returning the money to my wallet. I had several texts from Ryan and one from Lux.

I'm going to hang out with Jone's after school. I'll be home after dinner, you don't have to wait up for me either. How are you feeling anyway?

I smiled a little I knew she hated me for scaring Eric Daniels away but it was for her own good. He wasn't good for her I mean he was seven years older then her what could he possibly get from being with a kid her age.

Okay that is fine. I'm over at Baze's. I'll just eat with him maybe. Be careful and check in. I'm as good as I can be.

I hit send before I started looking at what Ryan had sent me.

Cate this is important! Ignoring me isn't the way for this to end.

I know you have your phone. Please just call me.

I want to see you for dinner. I don't want our relationship to end badly. I still care about you.

I stopped reading after three. I knew he wouldn't give up if I didn't answer so I texted him back fast just as Baze was returning with our pizza.

What is so important. Okay I'll meet you for dinner.

"that smells amazing" I commented as he placed the box on the table. "way better smelling then anything that comes out of your kitchen" he teased me about what a bad cook I was. "hey I'm getting better, let me show you I'll make dinner for you sometime" he made a face like he was unsure "fine I get it. You think I suck too" I left my plate on the table and returned to the couch. "Cate I was kidding" he followed me to the couch where I was sulking. I wasn't in the mood for jokes right now and I guess I can't hold that against him how is he suppose to know what my mood is like. "okay sorry, I'm just not myself. I'm more uptight then usual" I faked a laugh but he could see right through it. "with time everything will get better I mean I just got out of a relationship too" he tried to explain that he knew what I was feeling but it was different. "Baze no offense but that is a little different Ryan and I were married, we were having a baby I mean that's a little more heartbreaking then what happened with you and Emma." I gathered my purse, jacket, and shirt that I had changed out of and headed towards the door. "yeah maybe it will be best if you leave, I forgot no one can top Cate Cassidy right" Baze slammed the door after I had walked through it.

The moment I reached my car I regretted what I had just said to him. If Baze didn't talk to me then really I had no one left to talk to. I had decided after my dinner with Ryan I would apologize to him, hopefully he would forgive me.

Baze

I felt bad about joking with Cate. I know she is having a hard time with everything and maybe she was right our situations were a little different. I put the food in the fridge. Why did I open my mouth, now our lunch is wasted and she is gone. No wonder she hates me. I decided to text Lux maybe she could talk to Cate and get her to calm down some.

Hey Kiddo. Cate and I got into a little blow out, maybe you could talk to her. Let me know she is ok. She won't answer my calls.

A few seconds passed and Lux responded, it amazed me how fast kids text

Sure no problem Baze. She texted me too. She said she's sorry for walking out like that. She's on her way to see Ryan now.

A part of me wanted to find out where they were meeting and be there in case she needed me. I didn't want Ryan to change his mind, I knew Cate was hurting but in time I could make her feel better. I flopped down on the couch and flipped through the channel, nothing caught my attention. The only thing on my mind was Cate.

Cate

I wasn't really sure where I was going. I just got in my car and drove. I wasn't suppose to meet Ryan for hours but maybe he would be at the house packing his stuff. After driving around in circles for what seemed like hours I stopped in front of my house, it use to be our house. His blue car was in the drive way so I left mine on the street. I was hesitant when entering the house, I was afraid I would break down when I saw him.

He looked up when I entered the bed room we once shared. A slight smile on his face. "hey" it sounded almost like a whisper.

"Hi, so packing I see. Where are you going to stay?" I asked even though I already knew the answer. I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him put his things slowly into the boxes.

He swallowed hard before replying to my question "I'm going to move in with Julia, see how that goes. I uh called a lawyer today about the divorce he said he would draw up the papers and we can sign them in a few months" he stopped what he was packing and joined me on the bed. I just nodded tears were glossing my eyes I did my best to keep them in.

"wow I just can't believe this is all happening, I mean just a few days ago we were happy. Were we ever really happy?" I finally looked him in the face, he turned away maybe it hurt him to look at me.

"it's for the best you know, you can focus on your career and on Lux, and I mean you know how badly I want a kid of my own and I'm going to have that." his words hurt me, how could he say that this was for the best. What about how I felt? Didn't any of that matter now.

"so where did you go when you left the station?" Ryan changed the subject, I suspected a hint of jealousy in his voice.

It took me a few minutes to answer his question my mind was fogged, my head was starting to hurt. I needed a drink. I stood up without giving him an answer and walked into the kitchen. Opening the cabinet above the stove I pulled out a bottle of wine, twisted the cap off and took a drink.

"Cate don't resort to this please" Ryan begged me following me to the kitchen.

"I'm self soothing, and what do you care anyway. I was with Baze this afternoon. We got into a fight and now he hates me because I'm so wrapped up in my own hurt that I couldn't see that he's hurting too, and you know what it serves me right you know. I never was meant to be with anyone." I rambled on before I brought the bottle of wine to my lips again. The taste immediately relaxed me as it slid down my throat.

Ryan grabbed for the bottle but I fought him for it. It ended up flying across the room and hitting our wedding picture off the wall. "look what you did now" I shouted at him as I made my way across the room to pick up the broken bottle and picture.

Ryan knelt next to me to help but I didn't need his help. In fact I just wanted him out of my life.

"Cate I really want to be your friend, I don't want you to hate me" he grabbed for the same piece of broken glass I was and our hands touched. Once upon a time his touch was like magic to me now It just felt numb.

"okay we can be friends." I knew it was going to be hard being his friend but I really wasn't ready for Ryan to be out of my life completely. I closed my eyes as he pulled me close wrapping his arms around me. "if you ever need to talk I'll be here for you. You know that right?" I had pulled back some, his hands caressed my cheeks.

"I don't know. I'm not going to lie, you can go finish packing. I have to go take a shower" I pulled away from him completely. "we still on for dinner? I'll bring home some Chinese and maybe you can help me finish packing, we can watch a movie together or something?" I wasn't really sure why Ryan wanted to hang out with me all of a sudden. "maybe we will see, we can at least have dinner" I left him standing alone in the kitchen.

Once I was in the bathroom. I turned the hot water on full force. Once I was stripped of my clothing I stepped in, the hot water was a rush of relief to my worn down, sad body. I could have stayed in there all day but sadly after about an hour the hot water ran out.

Lux

The final bell rang for the day. 3:04 I was the first student out of the English class room, I use to be the last but those days are gone since Eric is no longer here. I wonder how he is doing. I rushed to my locker. I hope Jones got my text about meeting me after school I didn't feel like going home and dealing with the Ryan, Cate, Baze drama that was unfolding while I was at school.

"Lux. Over here" Jones was standing by my locker. It was kind of cheesy he had flowers. "what are these for?" I accepted them with a smile.

I put my books in my locker before we left the school together. We walked through the parking lot towards his jeep. Half way through the lot he linked his fingers with mine. "Jones we can't" I tried to pull my hand away but he held it tighter. We both stopped when we reached his jeep.

" and why not?" we were standing face to face. "Tasha, and well I'm just not ready. But I really could just use a friend right now" I lowered my eyes to the ground. I wasn't ready to get into another relationship my feelings for Eric weren't going away anytime soon. "then I can be that friend for you" he wrapped his arms around me, I leaned my head on his shoulder. I felt his lips press gently against my hair.

"so we should get going. What do you want to do tonight?" he asked helping me into his car. "maybe you can help me with my English paper, I haven't even started it and well.. Eric.. I mean Mr. Daniels was helping me but he's um.. Well you know" It hurt even talking about Eric. No one would ever understand how much he meant to me. "sure I could help. I can order some pizza for us. My parents are gone for the night, they are visiting my grandparents, so we have the house to ourselves" he winked at me. I just laughed.

"why would it matter if we had the house to ourselves?" I questioned already knowing what he had in mind. "oh it doesn't" he smiled before turning his head and focusing on the road ahead of us.

Cate

I managed to get dressed in some pajamas, my hair was still wet, un brushed and tangled. I entered the kitchen and pulled out another bottle of wine since Ryan broke my previous one. I grabbed a glass and headed for the sofa to watch some tv and drink the pain away. I was on my third glass of wine when Baze called.

"Hey how are you doing?" He seemed more relaxed then he was earlier.

"I'm alright, just watching some tv. Ryan is suppose to be coming over for dinner." I sighed leaning my head back against the couch.

"you know, I'm sorry about earlier. Maybe you can come over when he leaves?" Baze sounded nervous for some reason.

"I think I'm going to call it a early night. Lux said something about sleeping over at your house so just let me know when she gets there. Maybe we can get something to eat when I'm done work tomorrow" I really didn't feel like going anywhere. I was the only place I needed to be right now on a couch with a blanket and a bottle of wine.

"sure that's fine" he sounded upset or maybe disappointed.

"I'll see you tomorrow okay. I'm sorry too for how I acted. I'm not the only one hurting and I should have realized that. I'll cook you that dinner I promised you tomorrow" I laughed and he joined in.

"I'll make sure I have take out menu's ready don't you worry" he teased me again. This was what started our fight earlier. I let it go and laughed some more. I heard the door open and I fell silent.

"Cate are you there?" Baze must have said my name a few times before I snapped out of my daze.

"sorry. Ryan just got home. I have to go." I hung up the phone before he could say anything else. I set my phone on the table just as Ryan was entering the living room.

"I see you had a little bit to drink" he pointed to the empty bottle laying by my feet.

I lowered my eyes to look at it too. One bottle was nothing. He was over reacting.

"that is nothing. I mean what do you expect me to do?" I started crying. I couldn't pretend to be alright anymore because I wasn't.

Baze

The line went dead before I could say another word to her. She sounded so sad and I felt like it was my fault even though it wasn't. she wasn't sad over me. She was sad over Ryan. It kind of made me jealous that she would still care so much about a guy who got another girl pregnant and then left her. I would never do something like that to her.

Suddenly my mind went back to when Cate told me she was pregnant and I just walked away like it was nothing. How different would things have been if I had stood by her, maybe we would be together right now, and maybe I would have gotten to see my daughter grow up instead of missing out on sixteen years of her precious life. If I got another chance to have a child I would surely stand by that woman no matter what.

Cate

I grabbed our plates and put them on the table along with another bottle of wine. This was the only thing that was making me feel a little better. We ate silently. I wasn't even sure why he wanted to have dinner with me if he had nothing to say. "I'm sure Julia is wondering where you are" I broke the silence but his silence remained. "how do you be friends with someone you still love?" I spoke again. He just shrugged "you just grow out of love, or just love that person another way" he finally spoke back to me. He continued to eat, I just stared at my plate of lo mein. Usually I loved it but tonight I had no appetite.

"not hungry?" he asked an obvious question. "my stomach kind of hurts. I think I'm just going to go to sleep" I tossed my plate in trash leaving Ryan alone in the dining room. I crashed the second I reached the bed. I wasn't even tired. I just curled up against a pillow pretending it was Ryan.

I heard the foot steps when I looked up he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"do you know how hard it is for me to leave you like this?" his hand rubbed my back gently.

"doesn't seem like it's that hard for you" I sniffled back my tears. Whenever he was around all I wanted to do was cry.

"believe me it is extremely hard. I feel so bad just walking away from you. But then I'm like torn because.."

I cut him off "because of the baby and Julia. I know" I sat up moving myself farther away from him. His touch was making me sick now. I just wanted him to leave and let me get over this my way.

"I'll let you go to sleep. Call me if you need me I'll come right back over I promise" his lips touched my forehead gently and then he was gone.