Minna-san! Look at me! Updating so soon! I'm proud, I hope you are too. Anyway, here you go. I don't know how I feel about last chapter so I might be editing it in the near future. I had to do a re-write with this one, but I'm glad how it turned out. As always, reviews are food to my writing soul. Enjoy! Thanks for reading!
As the striking beams of daylight streamed through her window, Usagi reluctantly opened her eyes. Blinking rapidly, she let her eyes adjust to the sunshine interrupting her slumber. A hazy fog settled on her brain and confusion clouded her mind. Determining there a catalyst that caused her to wake, she glanced up to see the cause of her interruption. And saw two bright yellow eyes narrowing at her. Cat-alyst indeed.
"Hai, Luna?" her morning voice choked out. Usagi quickly cleared her throat as the suspicious cat simply answered, "Haruka's on the phone. Your mother has been yelling at you for the last ten minutes." She could feel her eyes widen in alarm at the proclamation. Coughing again, she avoided Luna's eyes and picked up the receiver on her nightstand.
The cat gave a disdainful sniff and pattered out of the bedroom, slamming the door shut with her foot. Usagi couldn't help but grimace. As the previous night started slowing filtering through her mind, she started to experience the emotional hangover.
The emotional hangover was something Usagi knew all too well. She didn't know if this was the technical name for it, nor did she know if other people experienced this, but she was unhealthily familiar with this feeling. It usually happened the morning after she had been particularly emotional. When tears were involved. When people were involved to witness the tears and the emotions. Usagi was the absolute master at hiding her feelings, keeping them deep down at bay, as anxiety and fear bubbled around her gut. Sure, some people would describe her as an open book, as she jumped from one rollercoaster of emotion to the next. However, she had a whole gallery of secrets her closest confidants didn't even know existed. When she had those rare moments where she paraded her emotions she so carefully buried, embarrassment was an understatement. Utter and encompassing mortification seemed more fitting.
And oh, what a dose of emotional hangover she was feeling right now. Her first instinct was to believe it was all just a dream. She had envisioned a particular shameful emotional outburst through her dreams, and no really, Usagi, there's no reason to fret. Unfortunately, usually the next step was admitting that indeed what she had imagined actually happened.
Just thinking about the events at the park, turned her face a nice fiery red. It wasn't even the affection that had been displayed between her and Haruka that made her body thum with regret. It was her being way too honest and way too emotional that quite frankly made her want to sink into her mattress and, well, die. Damn Haruka and her confrontational personality. Why couldn't she be passive aggressive and they could forget the previous night ever happened?
Against her better judgment, she clicked the button on the cordless phone, and put her ear to the receiver. She heard her mom having an in depth conversation with Haruka.
"Mom," she sternly interrupted just as the elder Tsukino started to talk about her errands for the day. "I'm up. You can leave Haruka alone."
She heard her mom huff. "Well, there you are. Haruka, have a wonderful time at the concert. Tell Mirichu I said good luck. Ja ne!"
The line clicked as Usagi's mom hung up. Usagi didn't say anything. Frankly she didn't know what to say, nor did she want to say anything. As far as she was concerned, last night never happened.
"Usa?" Haruka finally asked after a few moments of silence.
"Hai," Usagi responded. She sat up in her bed and her right hand automatically reached to her forehead to massage her temples. She didn't have a headache yet, but she fully expected one.
"How are you?"
"Fine. Did you need something?"
"Well, you weren't answering your phone this morning. I figured I'd try your home number."
Usagi sighed. "'Ruka, it's-" her eyes glanced at her alarm clock. "SEVEN A.M.? Why are you calling me at seven a.m. on a Saturday?"
"Gomen, I was going to call later. I forgot Michiru had a concert this afternoon. We're two hours away from Tokyo right now."
"I'm guessing Michiru is sound checking right now?"
"Hai, right now would be the only time I could get away."
"Right," she muttered. No time like the present to deal with uncomfortable awkward conversations, she thought sarcastically.
"Odango, I want to apologize for last night. I never should have said those things to you last night. I wasn't acting as your protector; I was just acting selfish. I cannot control what you do."
Usagi was stunned. She didn't think she had ever heard the tomboy apologize before. It was rather unsettling.
"Don't worry about it," she finally forced out. In actuality, Usagi was beyond relieved they weren't talking about her outburst. The outburst that included her admitting she hadn't spoke to Mamo-chan for months.
"However," Haruka's voice turned stern. "As your protector whose number one priority is your safety, I do not think it's wise for you to speak with Seiya. She is an alien and we do not know her agenda. And I fully plan on communicating that message to all the Starlights. I think you know that Taiki and Yaten will agree with me."
Usagi didn't respond. As Haruka lectured, she detachedly looked around her room, which resembled a clothes dump. I need to clean up, she thought passively.
"Usagi?"
"Hai?" Maybe if she just ignored everything Haruka said, she could get off the phone.
"Usa," her voice turned soft in a very un-Haruka like way. "I'm worried about you. You told me Mamoru hasn't contacted you."
"I was overacting," she lied. "You know me, if I'm not the center of attention, I make a fuss. He's very busy with his studies."
"Oh, okay, is he studying right now?"
Usagi's eyes narrowed on their own accord. She didn't know if she was angry the girl was calling her bluff or for continuing this god-awful conversation. But now she was on the defensive. "Haruka, don't call me first thing in the morning, while you're at your girlfriend's concert and start interrogating me. I get it. You're my senshi, you need to say your piece in regards to my safety, fine. But my love life has nothing to do with you." She was quite proud her voiced remained calm.
"We kissed each other Usa, that's why it has something to do with me. Or are you going to ignore it?"
"I honestly almost forgot about it," she bit back. Which was sort of true. Usagi was so concerned about her vulnerability she displayed, the kiss was the least of her worries.
There was sigh on the other line. "Usagi, yes you do remember. You're just doing what you always do. If you feel threatened, you just bury it deep down and try to forget. I don't work like that. I admit there's chemistry between us. I have feelings for you. And I know you have feelings for me. Before Seiya came into the picture, we were fine. You told me everything."
"No, Haruka," Usagi whispered, her body started to curl in a ball as if it could stop the emotions from tumbling out of her body. "We were fine until you decided to have a family."
"I did not decide to have a family."
"You picked Michiru over me. You picked Hotaru over me."
"I did not-"
"Haruka, where are you right now?" her voice remained soft. "You're at Michiru's concert. You could have chose to stay behind, to come to my house to talk at a decent hour, but you chose to travel with her. You want to be my personal mirror and hold it up to my face? Fine, I'll do the same to you. You're choosing Michiru every day. You drove me into Seiya's arms." With that final statement, Usagi hung up the phone.
Laying back down, still wrapped in a ball, she hugged her knees to her chest. Although she hated to admit it, she knew Haruka was right that she shouldn't be talking to Seiya right now. It hurt like hell, but there was a huge conflict of interest. The other Starlights had a right to hate Usagi, for she was guiding them off the path of finding their princess. Perhaps the only problem here was Usagi's brokenness and cowardness. She hated feeling lonely, feeling empty. It seems she had a nasty habit of reaching out to women who were unattainable and unavailable. As her sobering thoughts continued, she finally managed to drift into a restless sleep.
Six hours later, she was crying again. So much for getting rid of this damn hangover.
Seven hours later, as she poured over her statistics book, trying to remember the formula for standard deviations, her cell phone started to ring. At first she started to ignore it, until she was awarded a loud "Ahem!" from Luna. Reaching in her bag for her phone, she saw the blinking name "Seiya Kou" run across her screen. Her eyes and heart shut closed.
"Who is it?" Luna asked.
Usagi didn't respond.
"If it's the senshi, you need to respond."
Usagi turned around from her desk to look at Luna. "Define senshi."
Luna's face visibly softened. "Is it Seiya?"
"Not anymore," she grumbled bitterly, pressing the ignore button.
Eight hours later, apparently Seiya didn't like being ignored. Usagi was scratching her head vehemently as she tried to find z scores when her phone rang for the tenth time. Ignoring it, she spoke aloud, "I think z equals x minus mean divided by standard deviation?"
She turned around in her to chair. "Does that sound right?"
Her phone stopped ringing. Then promptly started ringing again.
Luna eyes flew to the ceiling as she thought about the math statement. "I have no idea. Call Ami-chan?"
Just as Usagi answered, "Nah," her phone rang again.
"Maybe you should just answer it," Luna advised.
Shaking, Usagi grabbed the cellular device and shut it off. "Look. No ringing. Problem solved."
"Usagi-chan," began Luna.
Usagi's head dropped to her desk with a loud thump. "What?" she whined.
"Are you okay?"
No. I am most definitely not.
"Iie."
Luna scurried across the room and leapt on Usagi's desk in two jumps. Planting her bottom on Usagi's textbook, she stared up pensively at her owner. "You don't have to tell me everything, Usagi. I can't control you."
Usagi thought it was odd that was the second time she head that statement today.
"But," Luna continued. "You know I'm here to listen. You know you can share whatever you want. No judgment."
Usagi gave a half-smile and looked away to gaze out the window. She saw two kids playing tag across the street. She felt a pang in her chest when she realized how carefree they looked.
Turning back to Luna, she shrugged her shoulders and thought, Why not?
"Haruka kiss me yesterday."
Luna sat still. "Okay," she finally responded.
"After she told me I wasn't to see Seiya. After I said some things I shouldn't have said."
Luna, although quiet, seemed unimpressed.
Usagi was rather disappointed with her guardian's response.
"Isn't that weird to you? You know, since she's with Michiru? Since I'm with someone? Did I mention I kissed her back? "
Luna's nose rose in the air. "I've heard stranger things, actually. Besides, with you and Haruka's history, I'm not surprised."
"Our history? You mean when we were fighting against each other at one point?"
"No, Usagi-chan," Luna rolled her eyes. "In the silver millennium."
She snorted. "Since I remember everything from then."
Luna sighed. "I forget you girls don't remember everything."
Usagi contemplated swatting the cat for her assumptions. Truth be told, though, she was relieved at their banter. They hadn't spoken in weeks.
Picking up her pencil as she wrote down the next math problem, she nonchalantly asked, "So what was our history in the silver millennium?"
The cat rose on all fours and jumped off the desk to pace. "You and Uranus were close. She was the head guard of the senshi, but your best confidant as well." She stared at the floor. "Granted, this was before either of you had met Prince Endymion or Neptune. But you grew up with her. We in the royal court always wondered about your relationship. Uranus was very affectionate with you publically."
Luna stopped pacing as the memories coursed through her mind. "Granted, it wasn't uncommon for a royal to have a close relationship as so with a guardian. And it wasn't taboo for women to fall in love with each other like it is now. But at the end of it all, she was just your guardian and you were the princess of the galaxy." She then smiled wistfully. "I guess not that all has changed. Duty over heart. Duty over dreams. Duty over life."
Usagi was dumbfounded as Luna explained herself and Uranus from such an earlier time. It was so…ideal. Actually it reminded her of English and Spanish monarchs she learned in her history class last year. They had spouses for title alone, but had their own, intimate lovers.
Shaking her head to clear it, she quickly banished the thought. Usagi, no. She has Michiru. She is not available for friends with benefits. "I wonder why neither one of us remembers that."
Luna scoffed. "Whose to say Haruka doesn't remember it? After all, it seems you're the one in denial about your relationship."
Now, Usagi really stood up straight in her seat. Could that be it? Haruka remembered a past that she didn't? That would explain her warm acceptance to Mamo-chan and her livid hatred to Seiya. Was it because Haruka and Haruka alone was supposed to be the only intimate female friend of the moon princess?
Before she could overanalyze any more feelings, she felt the unwelcome, but too common feeling of danger in her gut. "Oh shit," she whispered. "The others are transforming."
"Okay," Luna's speech was rushed. "You need to listen to me. We have a plan considering the last encounter."
"A plan? Whose we? "
"Usagi, your star seed is at stake, don't argue!" she yelled. "Transform right now and I'll explain on the way."
As Usagi reached in the air and shouted her incantation, she couldn't help but dread the knowledge that she would be running into Haruka and Seiya tonight.