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In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Seven

Pictures hanging in a hallway or the fragment a song. Half-remembered names and faces but to whom do they belong?

She slowly blinked her eyes open, the shutters that were tightly pressed against her eyes slowly rose as she tried to fight the darkness that screamed within her. All she could see was two single white bars of light pouring into her eyes and burning her, she squeezed her eyes shut again and was confronted by the darkness.

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Like icicles slowly dieing in the mid morning sun of a winters day, slowly dripping into nothing until they no longer exist, until they're not even a memory, they slowly fade into nothingness – like him. He could feel the cool beads of sweat running down his back and dissolving into his stained clothes. He knew he was surviving a lot better than she was – he closed his eyes as the screams of the week before shot through him, as he remembered the billowing smoke carrying the stench of burning flesh – he knew it was her, he knew it was her flesh that burned and his fingers clenched.

He was holding on for longer than she had – she'd tried to fight it, but slowly, after each torture and each crime, it drained away from her – sometimes losing your sanity makes it easier, more bearable, sometimes if you don't know who you are it makes it hurt less – for you can't remember what you were or what you lost – you cant even remember the ones you love, which is why it doesn't hurt to lose them.

'Stupid ape' he spat softly. He didn't mean it – he never did, but it made it easier to hater her, because if he hated her then he couldn't love her and if he didn't love her then he couldn't lose her, and if he didn't lose her then he could keep his sanity. And so he waited – the silence slowly killing him, it was worse than when her screams rang through the air, because then he at least knew she was still alive. All he knew now was that she wasn't Rose – she hadn't been Rose since she'd slipped from his hand, she'd forced herself to forget him and in forgetting him she'd lost herself.

He also knew of the fire – a fire she'd started, a fire she'd dance in and a fire she'd burned in, the smell still clung to his nose, the stench of burning flesh – the stench of death and the stench of Rose. He closed his eyes unable to feel the pain – there was one thing he could feel though and it burned in his heart – his broken body hung from its shekels as he prayed for her to live.

She couldn't take it anymore; the emptiness of her mind, the pain and the screams she was terrified to identify as her own. The noise had stopped as had the blood. She knew how they worked – six hours rest, six hours "exercise", she counted the seconds until they came again – 21600 seconds of hurting. Only 600 seconds until they returned.

Before her they had set a candle, its light becoming a beacon in the darkness of the blood stained room – she knew in 400 seconds they would mop up around her as though she were a piece of furniture, an ancient fixture against the wall.

In 399 seconds she'd make her move – it was the only chance she had. She looked at the ropes that marked her wrists – they were tight around her hands so that purple – almost black - bruises marked her wrists and her hands were swollen and purple like berries ripe for picking, She counted each second in gleeful await – she'd been saving her energy – her stomach no longer roared in hunger but began to swell like the children of famine, she no longer fought back when they hurt her – there was no point – she always lost, and so she lay there whilst they beat her, waiting – just waiting until they forgot to put the candle out – and today was that day.

They came preciously six hours after they'd last left her – she'd counted. They had their mops and began to wipe around her feet – she could feel her toes twitching in anticipation of how she would escape and find the man with the chocolate brown hair and everything would be alright. She had it planned down to the exact moment – there was one cleaner, there always was – it threw the cleaning solution onto the floor and moved closer to her. She raised her feet in a single movement and kicked it back; the cleaner skidded on the solutions and then back into the candle. Her face lit up as the candle fell to the floor; it hit the cleaning solutions and engulfed the room, the flames swept across the room taking the cleaner with it

'Sorry' she murmured as the flames shot towards her, they grew and grew until they licked at her skin. They were deep amber like every sunset she had ever seen, they burned at her skin eating her alive but she didn't care, she could feel the ropes around her burning to ashes and fading away – soon she was free.

Balancing on weakened legs with wasted muscle, she looked at the inferno around her. She saw the door and ran for it, she ran towards the fire, towards a fate that had to be better than what she'd been living through – the only thing she didn't know was the wall of flames before her – that wasn't in her plan.

It was at this point he smelt her in the smoke.

Mary tucked a hot water bottle up next to her – the first thing she felt was the heat burning at her skin – then she felt the flames licking at her wrist again.

'No!' she screamed, her voice hoarse and dry

'The fire…take the fire away!' she cried hysterically 'please…please no more' she begged. Mary jumped in alarm and instantly removed the hot water bottle

'Sweetheart?' Mary asked cautiously

'Doctor!' she screamed 'Doctor!'. She cried the word – the only word that held any meaning to her. Three doctors ran in amazed by the screams of their patient – she opened her eyes and shook her head

'No…no not you – I want the Doctor' she cried.

'Sweetheart, we are the doctors' they told her placatingly

'No' she whispered 'you can't be', she shook her head. Mary knelt beside her

'Who's the Doctor?' she asked softly. The girl shook her head with her eyes wide

'I don't know' she whispered 'I don't know'

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It had been exactly 21600 seconds – he had counted.

'Oh Rose' he breathed. And then they came; only 21599 seconds until it was over... 43200 until it began again

'Oh Rose'

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