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In The Windmills Of Her Mind

Chapter Eleven

Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind

Walking on the fresh grass he crushed the thin blades that stood beneath him, the drops of fresh rain being pressed into the ground underneath the weight of his presence. He'd been watching Rose for days now – he'd seen her wake and he'd seen her remember, he'd seen her grow and he'd seen her fall apart. He knew that this was his chance, his chance to prove how good of a doctor he was – he knew he could give this girl back her memories; he just had no idea of what the consequences would be.

Rose raised one of her trembling hands, wincing as her ribs reacted to the movement, but she didn't care. Using her fingers she brushed the drops of rain off her face that mixed with her tears, she then ran her fingers over the gash that covered her forehead – her fingers probed the skin softly feeling for the difference in what she was and what she had become.

He walked up behind her and gently rested a hand on one of her shoulders, she shuddered in reaction but didn't move – she had lost some of her instant reactions. She slowly turned her head round, wincing as her neck strained itself, her eyes moved so that they could slowly focus on him – finally she'd turned enough so that she could see him.

He stood tall before her, his hair was cropped back to his head and remained in tight ginger curls, his eyes were a deep green and they watched her with a sense of intrigue as her eyes glazed and her lips moved

'Oh I wanted to be ginger, I've never been ginger!' . Rose shivered as stolen words forced themselves through her mouth, out of her memories and into her reality. She shook her head and looked at him in silent question. She didn't want him to be there – and so she didn't speak. He walked around until he was in front of her, then he sat down on the other edge of the sand pit in front of her

'I love it when it's quiet out here, lets me think' he murmured quietly waiting for her to respond. She watched him suspiciously and didn't speak; she consciously pulled her fingers out from the depths of the sand and gently brushed the tiny grains off of herself. He watched her actions, silently assessing her. He drew in a deep breath of air

'I love it after it rains – the smell, its just fantastic' he watched as her eyes flickered in reaction to his words. She slowly raised her head to meet his eyes, he smiled gently at her and held out his hand – she watched it but never touched it. He smiled again and withdrew his hand

'I'm Jacob' he told her after a moment, she looked at him thoughtfully before answering

'Rose' she whispered quietly. He nodded and stood up, offering his hand out to her

'It's getting cold out here' he told her 'Shall we go inside'

Rose looked around at the darkness which was seeping in over the grass and around the hospital. She shivered underneath the thin cotton of her hospital gown and nodded, she struggled to stand as she refused his hand again – she didn't like to be touched. It took her a while, she fell and she winced, she felt the pain soaring through her as her wounds reminded her of what she'd been through; but finally she dragged herself to her feet. She wobbled on her crutch and watched him as he walked silently before her – she followed him in silence towards the doors of the hospital.

As she walked through the doors she took one last look over her shoulder, the stars were shinning brightly above her and for the first time in so long a hint of a smile touched her lips

'He knows all their names' she whispered almost choking on her words.

'Hmm?' Jacob asked as he turned back to her. She froze when she saw him looking at her and her smile dropped; she shook her head and began to slowly walk past him. He watched her limp ahead of him and he knew that this project would be special – very special indeed.

That night Rose lay beneath her cotton sheets and she shivered as she remembered the coldness of her cell, and the heat of his touch. She shook her head to herself as silent tears streamed down her cheeks reminding her of all she'd lost – she still didn't know the whole story, and part of her never wanted to know. But something was itching at her, egging her on – one question that stung the back of her mind in the darkness preventing her from reaching sleep. It was a question she had mulled over for hours, a question she almost didn't want to know the answer to, and a question that gnawed at her soul. She closed her eyes and saw his face smiling at her in a long forgotten city

'What happened to you?' she whispered to a face only she could see. Silently she choked on her tears as the endless night rolled on.

Jacob watched her through the darkened window of her door, he watched as she spoke to herself and she worried herself – he knew that she hid so many depths and he knew that there was only one way to reach them.

'Doctor Roberts?' a voice called out from behind – Jacob swirled around to see another doctor standing behind him – older, more worried.

'Call me Jacob' he said with a smile. The elder doctor ignored him and looked from Jacob to Rose

'Is there any other way?' he asked after a moments pause

'Doctor Jameson' he murmured 'Trust me, this is the only way. Let me have her' he almost pleaded longing to know what was hidden within her mind. Doctor Jameson looked back in the window and saw Rose shivering under her pile of sheets, her face was wet with tears and her lips moved on forgotten words. He swallowed heavily before finally nodding

'Have her – just… just keep me updated' he mumbled after a while. Jacob smiled to himself

'Thank you' he called back after him – he gained no response as the other doctor walked away, but he felt a flutter of excitement unravel in his stomach. Finally he would learn to see in the darkness.

Rose awakened that morning to a strange face beside her bed, she watched him as he wrote in a notepad which was bare from words other than the ones he had just scribbled. She watched his spider like handwriting progress from across the page until he finally looked up. When he saw she was looking at him his face burst into a smile

'Morning Rose' he said brightly. Rose watched him suspiciously

'Why are you here?' she murmured quietly. He stood up and held his hand out again

'I'm a Doctor here at the hospital – I'm part of your team now. I'm a psychologist-'

'I don't want a psychologist' she cut in. He grinned at her

'But you've got one' he told her. He watched her react before he sat down on the edge of her bed 'listen Rose' he told her softly 'it's not as bad as it seems. I'm just here to help you, that's all'

Rose watched him warily, too tired to argue – the screams in her mind had kept her up all night.

'If you just come with me, then I can make it all alright again' he promised her with a smile. She felt her mind ache with a longing for peace as screams rattled through it again, she shrugged to herself and allowed herself to be helped into a wheelchair before being slowly wheeled away towards the end of the darkened corridor. Soon she would know. Soon it would all be over.