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In The Windmills Of Her Mind
Chapter Seventeen
Like a circle in a spiral…
As Jacob spoke those words to her, Rose felt the rest of her memories falling into place. She squeezed her eyes shut and gasped for breath as her lungs tightened around her dislodged ribs. She drew in ragged breaths through the pain as she saw the last month playing through her head like a film without sound; it soared through her mind until she could only see vague fragments blasting into her sight.
She could feel the acid dropping into the seeping wounds that already marked her back, her hands flexed in pain before she faded away into the darkness in which she hid. Her body writhed in pain as her heart pounded weakly within her chest. She could feel her ribs move as arms collided with them, she could hear them crack as she cried out, she could feel the essence of her slosh around within her stomach. She could feel the hope in her heart fading away as she slid to the floor, she could feel the last moment of air being sucked from her lungs.
Like a wheel within a wheel…
She could feel knifes being pressed into the softness of her skin, and she could feel her blood leaking out of her. She could feel them probe and feel them murmur, she could feel their hands within her skin, touching her organs and pressing her soul. She could feel their pain flowing through her veins as she faded away again. She could feel death.
Never ending or beginning…
It wasn't until she could feel nothing – not a pain, not a whimper, it wasn't until not even a smile could form upon the edge of her lips that she was free. It was only now she could plan, only now she could escape, it was only now she could try to save the man who's memory had saved her from insanity throughout the dark pain filled hours.
Like a carousel that's burning, running rings around the moon…
That's when the fire came, that's when she walked into the flames – not afraid to burn, not afraid to scream. It was when she walked into the flames that she killed, that she maimed, when her skin burned away from her arms she could escape the restraints of scabs and flesh. As she fled the cold stone corridors where flames leapt around her she was finally free of her pain and her tears.
Like a tunnel that you follow to a tunnel of its own…
She left the building. Half dragging herself, half walking, the screams of the dying barely reached her ears as she walked into the darkness of the night. She never looked back – only forwards as she searched for a memory painted into her mind, a blue box. In her mind she knew it was safe and so she searched, unknowing of where to look or of what to know, she searched for her salvation.
Down a hollow to a cavern where the sun has never shone…
The grass was wet between her toes, her crimson blood marked the emerald green rug that covered the earth. She dragged her bleeding soul through the day and through the night, past the pain and past the fear until she could take it no more. She paused for a moment and then she fell. She lay in the grass, its wet stems pressed into her mouth, her wounds bleeding and her limbs aching. Her eyes shut as flames leapt through her mind, screams reverberated through her until there was nothing left to lose. She lay there in the mud until it had all drained out of her as easily as tears.
Like a door that keeps revolving in a half-forgotten dream…
With her hands tucked tightly around the blades of grass was how Jacob found her, he had leaned before her, his hand pressing over her mouth. His skin rough against her coarse chapped lips, his hand pressed over her mouth and his fingers squeezed her nose shut – her eyes never opened as he slowly killed her as she lay innocently in her despair.
It was the cries of hospital staff that forced him to stop, cries that forced him to stand and shout she had a pulse, cries that forced him to forget his mission and act the doctor he had forgotten he had been trained to be. He watched as they battled to save the one that got away – the one he needed to die.
Like the circles that you find in the windmills of your mind…
With Rose's face pressed into the grass and the rain battling her wounds where blood had once wept she finally knew her story. She turned her face to stare up at Jacob, her eyes staring into his soul as she slowly sat. She turned slowly from her grave in the mud and watched his eyes which burned with promise. As he raised his hand to strike her she simply shook her head.
He froze as he saw her eyes; he saw something he feared, something he hid from. He saw the determination in her eyes, the promise of hope for the one she loved, he saw a promise in her eyes and it unnerved him.
She reached out and tore up the leaflet that was stained with the blood of her Doctor. She dragged herself to her feet, as weak and limp as a new born lamb, but she turned away from Jacob. He lay pressed into the mud, his heart burning with fear of his actions; she turned to him and looked down. She leaned before him, her fingers gently caressing his lips as he had once down to hers, she pressed against his nose threatening the stream of air that was his life source. And then her fingers left him as quickly as they had touched him, she turned from him and stared out into the night. She'd had enough of death, there was only one thing she needed now, and it was up to her to find it.
So she left this hospital, she turned blindly into the dark with only the moon guiding her, and she walked away from all the pain towards hope. She walked towards her Doctor because only she could save him now.
Half-remembered names and faces but to whom do they belong…
Thanks for reading, hope things are starting to make more sense now...