Equivalent Exchange
Chapter 3: Adjustments
By the time Mai woke it was already long past noon. She rubbed at her eyes and stretched out her stiff limbs. Her left cheek was marked from where she had lain against her satchel and her normally perfect hair was a mess. And she was hungry and needed to use the bathroom. Funnily enough, when she was making her plans neither of those inevitabilities occurred to her. Mai had no choice now and it was time to reveal her presence anyway. She grabbed both her bags, tidied her hair the best she could and left the storage room. The corridor outside was empty but dim sounds drifted toward her from other hallways and from above deck.
Mai thought for a moment, trying to recall the right way to the stairs. She decided on left and came upon the metal steps less than a minute later. Timidly, Mai climbed upward. Her soft shoes made hardly a sound on the hard metal. No one would hear her coming. She could pick up Iroh's booming voice and the laughter of other men. Zuko's voice was not among those she heard. Maybe he was still in his room. Taking a deep breath, the twelve year old put her feet on the top step; she emerged above deck.
The cool ocean breeze felt refreshing and Mai took a moment to enjoy it before making her way toward the group of men. Her eyes sought out Iroh. He sat cross-legged on the deck, a large cushion underneath his bottom, his broad back facing her. Four men were gathered around him, looking at what she thought was a pai sho board. One turned and spotted Mai. The man, who was probably about forty, gave her an odd look and then tapped the retired general on the arm. He glanced up at the soldier who pointed in Mai's direction. Iroh scooted around on his cushion and his gaze fell immediately upon Mai. She bit her lip and waited for whatever lecture was coming.
"Mai?" Iroh asked gently, eyes wide with surprise. "What are you doing here?"
She opened her mouth but no words came. Seeing her distress, Iroh stood up and walked over to where she stood. He wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders and guided her to the railing, far away from the curious group of men.
"Oh, my dear girl, what have you done?"
"I, I want to be with Zuko; it's that simple."
He nodded his head sympathetically and his warm amber eyes were full of kindness.
"I understand that, Mai. But do you realize exactly what you've gotten yourself into? Zuko has been banished. He can never return home unless he captures the Avatar, someone who hasn't been seen for a hundred years. Are you willing to give up everything that you have at home for life on a ship with a bunch of old men? Are you willing to give up stability for a life of wandering around the world over and over again? I want you to think very hard, Mai. I'm sure that we can still get you back to the Fire Nation before anyone even realizes that you left."
"I've already thought about it," Mai replied defiantly. "I know what I'm doing."
"I have to give you options, dear," he placated her. "I have to give you a way out. What about your parents? How will they feel when they discover that you've run away?"
"They'll get over it," Mai said with sad certainty. "They don't care about me anyway. Look, I wrote them a letter explaining everything and I can keep writing so they'll know that I'm alive. But I won't go back. I won't! Zuko and I are betrothed, no matter what Fire Lord Ozai says or does. And I want to be a part of his life."
Her face was flushed now and her almond shaped eyes were shining. She gripped her two bags tightly.
"You're willing to share in his disgrace? You're willing to be painted with the same brush as Zuko has been?"
"Yes, I am."
"What in Agni's name are we going to do with you, girl? And how will Zuko react?" Iroh mused. He stroked his beard, a habit he had picked up during his years as a general. "Eh, maybe you'll be good for him. His mood certainly couldn't get any worse."
"May I see him?" Mai asked.
"I'll take you to him. He's fragile, Mai, and he's hurt and he's very, very angry. Just don't expect too much too soon."
"General Iroh, could you show me the bathroom first?" the young girl asked with just a hint of embarrassment.
"Of course, of course," the older man chuckled, "and I'll see about a room for you too; this way, Mai."
Iroh led Mai back below deck. Her heart thundered in her chest and she thought the entire crew must hear it.
Iroh waited for Mai to finish up in the ship's bathroom, such as it was. It couldn't compare to the luxury of the one she had left at home, but that was fine. Zuko was here, not back in the Fire Nation capitol.
"His room is down this hallway. You'll get to know your way around soon enough. It's a bit difficult since all the corridors look the same."
Mai nodded and followed behind the retired general.
"Ah, here it is," he said softly. "Are you ready, Mai?"
She swallowed and gave Iroh another nod. The old man knocked on the door.
"Zuko, you have a visitor," he announced cheerfully.
"I told you to leave me alone," the prince growled. "I'm busy looking at the maps. And I don't want to talk with any of your old cronies."
"You see now what I meant about his mood?" Iroh whispered to Mai with a wry grin. "I hope that you can ease his frustrations."
Iroh tapped on the door again.
"It's a special visitor, someone you're not expecting. Open the door, nephew, you'll be glad that you did."
Mai could hear the rustling of paper and then footsteps making their way across the floor. She held her breath. The door opened slowly, making a harsh squealing sound. Mai saw Zuko before he saw her. She sucked in her breath as she took in the stark white bandage that covered half the left side of his face, the shaved head with only a top knot remaining and worse than anything else, the narrowed eye, so bitter looking and so very, very sad. That eye finally saw her and for a fleeting moment, Mai was certain she had glimpsed disappointment in it.
'He was hoping the visitor was Ozai, that his father changed his mind about the banishment,' Mai reasoned to herself.
Still, it wasn't the look on his face that Mai had imagined and she felt hurt.
"Mai," Zuko finally said in a hoarse voice. "You shouldn't be here."
"I'll leave you two young people to talk," Iroh said wisely and walked off down the hallway, taking quick glances back until he turned a corner.
"Aren't you happy to see me?" she asked, carefully masking the hurt she felt.
As if suddenly realizing that Mai could see what the Agni Kai had reduced him to, Zuko put a hand over his bandage and looked ashamed.
"Yes," he replied, "Of course I am. But why? You know, don't you, what's happened to me? You know that you are no longer obligated to me in any way. You're free, Mai. You don't have to associate with the disgraced prince."
"You idiot!" Mai fumed and pushed her way by Zuko into the room. "Yes, I know everything. I want to be with you. I don't want to be free of you. As far as I'm concerned we're still betrothed and you had better treat me right."
Mai sat down on Zuko's bed, pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. She looked up at the prince appraisingly. He looked back, his good eye open wide.
"I, I, can't believe that, that you left your home for me," he finally stuttered. "What about your life, Mai? You could have everything and now you have nothing. What if you change your mind? What if you regret coming with me?"
"You can be so dense sometimes," she sighed. "What would I do at home; hang out with your sister, wait for my mother to drag a parade of young men by, young men I don't want to meet, or sit around and think about you? I want to be here, Zuko."
"Mai," he choked out softly.
Zuko sat down beside his girl and put a hand on her arm. He clutched at the fine cloth of her robe as if seeking support.
"It's okay, Zuko. You worry too much. I'll be fine."
"You deserve so much more than this," he replied and looked around the cold metal cabin. "I might never set foot on Fire Nation soil again."
"Then I won't set foot there either," Mai stated firmly.
"You make it sound so simple," Zuko said with a frown. "I want you to have a good life. I can't guarantee you that. It might be terrible."
"Anything's better than the boredom I would suffer at home," Mai said and rolled her eyes.
"Do you think that you're parents will look for you?" Zuko asked.
"Huh, I doubt it. I wrote them a letter and told them everything."
"You're sure?" Zuko asked again. "I can have them turn the ship around…"
"For the last time, no," she replied.
"Okay, okay, you're staying. I get it. You should have my room, Mai. I'll find another one."
"Whatever, Zuko; I don't care."
They looked at each other then, really looked. Mai reached up with her hand and touched the bandages that covered Zuko's burn. Her fingers gently skimmed across the white surface. The banished prince closed his good eye and a pained look crossed his face.
"How bad is it?" she asked quietly.
"Bad," he grimaced. "The scar, it's going to be…"
"I don't care about that," Mai interrupted him. "It must hurt an awful lot."
Mai recalled a time when one of Azula's pranks had gone just slightly awry. She accidentally burned Mai's hand and the pain had been excruciating. It was hard to imagine just how much suffering Zuko had to endure.
"The herbs help," he shrugged. "It's not the worst part, though. I've lost my honour, Mai."
His voice was full of despair and broken sounding. Mai held his hand in hers. They sat like that for the rest of the afternoon.
Iroh knocked on the door to Zuko's room and cheerfully called the pair to dinner.
"Cook made his specialty tonight," he said in a lilting tone. "It smells delicious."
"We're coming, Uncle," Zuko replied. "Just give us a minute."
"What are you two doing in there anyway?" the retired general teased.
Zuko flushed instantly but Mai just giggled.
"Nothing, we're just sitting," the prince replied indignantly.
Zuko opened the door and let Mai exit first. They followed Iroh to a small room off the kitchen. A table was set for three, candles casting a soft glow over the room.
"Sit, dear," Iroh said to Mai and gestured to a cushion on the floor.
She sat and Zuko followed, shifting his cushion a bit closer to Mai's. The food was indeed aromatic and Mai's stomach growled. Iroh served her a good sized helping of rice and then ladled out the savory chicken and vegetables. She picked up her chopsticks and dug in. Zuko ate more slowly and kept glancing over at Mai as if he expected her to vanish at any second.
"So, Zuko, where exactly are we going to first?" Mai asked.
"The Western Air Temple," he replied. "Maybe we can find some clues there."
"Yes," Mai agreed. "An airbender was next in the avatar cycle."
"That's why Sozin had them wiped out," Iroh stated darkly. "He was afraid that the Avatar after Roku would stop his plans for conquest."
"Wiped them out?" Mai said innocently. "I thought that we battled the Air Nation army. It was part of our Great March of Civilization."
"The Air Nomads did not have an army. They were pacifists. Sozin had them slaughtered in an attempt to kill the next Avatar. Maybe way back in the beginning, Sozin really believed that he was trying to improve the world, but his actions and those of his successors have been nothing but tyrannical."
"Why are you saying those things about our country and about the Fire Lord?" Zuko asked angrily. "You're talking like a traitor."
"Because they are true," Iroh replied and his eyes flashed angrily. "I'm hoping that our travels will open your eyes, and Mai's."
Zuko scowled. "I love my country."
"I love it too," Iroh replied. "But I'm not naïve enough to believe that we do no wrong. I was a general, remember. I saw things, did things that I'm ashamed of. It took Lu Ten's death to make me realize some hard truths. Just keep your minds open, both of you."
The atmosphere in the room was tense now and Mai looked between her betrothed and Iroh. She wasn't sure what to think. All her life, Mai, like every other child in the Fire Nation, was taught that her country was greater than all the others, that they should rule the world simply because of that greatness. She had never questioned it, nor had Zuko. Then again, neither had ever been outside the Fire Nation or spoken with anyone from another part of the world. That was about to change.
"What happens if you can't find any clues, Zuko? Where do we go next?" she finally asked, wanting to diffuse the tension.
"We'll visit every air temple first and then, and then….I don't know."
Zuko seemed to waver between hopelessness and fierce determination. His future, something that was once laid out for him, was now uncertain. He had no idea what tomorrow would bring or the next day or the next year. His status, his honour, his home, had all been stripped away from him. He was adrift now and Mai's heart ached for him. Maybe, just maybe, she could help.
"That's as good a plan as any," Iroh said. "We'll take everything one day at a time. Now, who wants dessert?"
Mai looked up at the word and nodded vigorously.
Zuko carefully spread a blanket out on his mattress and placed his pillow at the end nearest the door, giving it a few punches for good measure. The mattress was thin and the bed beneath made of thick metal. It looked uncomfortable.
"Here," he said. "It's the best we've got. And this is the largest room."
"I can sleep in the next room," Mai replied. "You don't have to give up your bed or your big room."
"I want to," the prince stated with a happy smile and Mai glimpsed the 'old Zuko' for just a moment.
In her mind, she had already separated the Zuko pre-banishment from this new Zuko. He was the same, but not; a darkness had invaded him. Flashes of bitterness and harshness and terrible sadness all showed themselves and seemed to fight for control of the young man.
"Okay," she agreed. "Thank you."
"I'll clear my things out tomorrow and we'll buy another mattress the first chance we get."
"I have money, Zuko. I brought all my savings. It's not that much, but it will help."
"Keep it," he stated.
"No, I want to contribute something."
"When you need new things, you can buy them for yourself. How's that?"
Mai shrugged. "Fine."
"Look, I'm really tired, Mai and my uncle still needs to change my bandages."
He took a look around the cabin as if making sure it was safe for Mai and then opened the door.
"Oh, okay, good night."
"Good night," Zuko replied and went next door.
Very carefully, Iroh peeled back the bandages and let the burn breathe for a few minutes. He had to bite back a gasp every time he saw the damage Ozai had done to the thirteen year old. Zuko still hadn't dared to look at his face. He imagined horrible things, perhaps far worse than anything real could ever be. And the look in his uncle's eyes, the look the old man tried so hard to disguise, said just how hideous his face really was. How would Mai be able to stand looking at him?
"Are you in a lot of pain right now, nephew?"
"Yes," Zuko replied bluntly.
He was talking about much more than his wound.
"Prepare yourself; I'm going to put the salve on now."
Zuko gripped the legs of his pants tightly and grit his teeth. Iroh applied the cream, his meaty hands showing surprising gentleness, and then applied clean bandages.
"How does it look?" the young man asked hesitantly.
"A little better," Iroh replied brightly. "I want you to sleep now. You're pushing things. There is no rush, nephew."
"No rush?" Zuko exclaimed. "The sooner I find the Avatar, the sooner I can go back home. And the sooner Mai can go back. I have twice the incentive now."
"I can't tell you how surprised I was to see her," Iroh stated. "She's a strong girl and very determined to be with you. There's no talking her out of it. Much as I worry about her parents and the effect all this will have on them and much as I worry about what Mai might be in for, I'm glad that she's here with you."
"So am I," Zuko said gratefully. A flurry of emotions passed over his face. He took a moment to compose himself then continued. "I didn't want to lose her too, on top of everything else. Mai's, she's different from other girls. She…but what about when she sees my face, Uncle? What will she do?"
"I honestly don't think that she cares. Give her some credit. Like you said, she's different from other noble girls. The two of you have always had something special, Zuko. There's no reason for that to change. We'll just have to make Mai as comfortable as we can and consider her when we make decisions. It will almost be like the two of you are married."
"What? Married?" the young man shouted.
Iroh's eyes were twinkling and Zuko frowned.
"Maybe sooner than you think," the old man continued. "Goodnight, nephew."
He left Zuko's room and knocked on Mai's door.
"Come in," she called.
"It's just me, dear," Iroh said as he opened the door. "Is everything alright?"
"Fine," she replied and blinked owlishly in the half light
"Good; I'll see you tomorrow, then. I'm glad that you're here, Mai."
She gave the old man a smile and turned over on the mattress. Iroh tugged the door closed and it screeched again.
"I must remember to get some oil for that door," Iroh stated and walked toward the engine room.
There was another game of pai sho awaiting him.
Try as she might and despite her fatigue, Mai couldn't get to sleep. Her body had adjusted itself quickly to travel on the sea and instead of making her feel nauseous now, the motion of the small ship was soothing. She felt as though the vessel was cradling her, keeping her safe from the perils of the deep and she liked that feeling. She liked that Zuko was next door too. Part of her wanted to go to him, crawl under his blanket and press her body against his warmth. The saner part of her knew that Zuko wasn't ready for that yet. His wounds were still too raw and the pain inflicted upon him was too intense to get over in just a few days.
She turned over again. Her eyes could just make out the Fire Nation flag on the wall. Other shapes were visible in the muted darkness. A table with candles and another table with maps spread out neatly were the main furnishings. There was also a small, low bench style seat and a rattan rug. A few comfortable cushions were scattered across the grey floor and some books had been piled in a corner.
Frustrated, Mai got up from the bed and searched in her bag for a robe. She slipped her feet into her shoes and opened the door as silently as she could. She found her way above deck again and gasped as the almost cold air hit her lungs. Shivering, she pulled her robe tighter around her body and then walked to the railing.
The early spring night was clear and lovely. The sea was calm now and lapped gently against the ship as it made its way closer to the Western Air Temple. Mai leaned her elbows on the railing and looked up at the sky. The stars were plentiful and seemed to twinkle with some secret delight. She sighed.
'I really did it,' Mai whispered. 'I'm not in the Fire Nation anymore.'
"I couldn't sleep either," Zuko said behind her and Mai yelped with surprise. "Sorry; I didn't mean to frighten you."
He wore loose pants and a robe but his feet were bare.
"Aren't your feet cold?" Mai asked.
"They're fine," he replied. "I heard your door open. I wasn't sure if I should follow you."
"I'm glad you did."
Zuko joined her at the railing and took his own look at the sky.
"I know some of the constellations," he said. "They're really easy to pick out tonight."
"Show me," Mai demanded.
"Okay; that one right over there is the Agni constellation."
"Where?" Mai asked.
Zuko took her hand in his and pointed with both of them to the flame shaped grouping of stars.
"Do you see it now?" he asked softly.
"Yeah, I see it," she whispered and turned to give Zuko a smile.
A/N: I've been giving this story an unhealthy amount of thought over the past few days and I've come to at least one decision. Those of you expecting this story to be a rewrite of the series, the only difference being that Mai's with Zuko, will be disappointed. I figured that if I'm going AU. I might as well go really AU. The end result will be the same, but the journey there will be very, very different. Mai's presence during those early years of Zuko's banishment would have a huge impact on him and on how he went about things. And Mai will be changed as well.
I've already got Iroh trying to instruct them on the evil ways of their country. I don't think he tried that so early on in the tv series.
I figure on having Zhao play a big part as a villain and adversary for both Mai and Zuko. The Blue Spirit will play a large part too.
Other than that, things are still sort of up in the air.
Alabaster