Equivalent Exchange
Chapter Six: The Truth can be Ugly, The Truth can Hurt
Iroh observed as Zuko finished his final series of katas, wiped down his face and bare chest and then slipped his sleeveless tunic back on.
"Zuko, you've been driving yourself hard and everyone else too for the past six months. I don't think a little birthday celebration will hurt. It's Mai's thirteenth; that's very important for a young woman. Besides, I have gifts," Iroh wheedled.
"Fine; Agni knows you'll do it no matter what I say. I'm only giving in for Mai, though," the banished prince agreed reluctantly.
"Yes, of course, for Mai. Oh, I'm looking forward to this little party. Jee and I have been honing our musical skills. You'll be surprised when you hear us."
"Don't tell me you're going to dance and expect me to," Zuko groaned, slapping a hand against his forehead.
"Maybe," Iroh replied evasively. "Let's take things as they come. I must tell cook to go ahead with the dinner plans."
He rubbed his hands together with anticipation.
"Fine, I'm going back below to see Mai. I promised that I would bring her some tea when I finished my work out."
Iroh grinned and watched as his nephew walked along the centre of the deck to the stairs that led below.
"She's got him wrapped around her finger," the old man observed.
"Here's your tea," Zuko said as he placed it down on Mai's bedside table.
Mai was stretched out on her bed reading 'Love Among the Dragons' for what seemed like the thousandth time. She regretted not buying more books in Sagami-wan and couldn't wait to finally arrive in their next port of call, a coastal city named Anshan. Apparently, the Avatar, in one incarnation or another, once visited there. That meant that Zuko must visit it too.
"Thanks," she said and patted the empty spot beside her.
Zuko flopped down comfortably and closed his eyes.
"Uncle Iroh insists on this party tonight. I couldn't talk him out of it."
"It won't be that bad. If I was at home, my mother and father would make a huge deal out of this birthday. And they would try to push me onto some rich young man of standing or other. I'm so glad that I'm missing that. Ugh!"
"I'm glad you are too," Zuko said softly. "I'm glad that you're with me."
Mai turned over onto her side and looked at her boyfriend. In the six months since they had left the Fire Nation, his burn had healed completely. His scar was bad, just as he had feared it would be. It marked him and would mark him for the rest of his life. The scar covered a good portion of the left side of his face, even his left ear, and it was a startling shade of red. The part around his eye was a darker colour; the fire's heat must have been most intense at that point. His eyebrow would never grow back. But the prince was lucky he could still see out of the narrowed, perpetually angry looking eye.
Despite all that, Mai was of the opinion that no man in the world was more handsome than Zuko. She had convinced him to let his hair grow out again, and had evened out the differing lengths as his new hair came in. For a few weeks it had looked ridiculous but now he had a full head of dark brown hair pulled into a topknot, just like he had before the Agni Kai, only shorter. Mai liked it much better.
This quiet time in Mai's room was part of their routine now. Zuko practiced his firebending for two hours every morning. Most days he was frustrated or angry when he finished. He pushed too hard sometimes and wanted to learn what he wasn't yet ready to. Mai usually stayed away and read like she had this morning. Occasionally she watched him go through the moves out of simple curiosity about his progress. From what she could see, Zuko was stuck. He needed to let go of all his anger to move forward. She could see that. Iroh could see that. Even Jee knew. But Zuko hadn't made the realization yet.
"Your tea's getting cold," Zuko remarked.
"Hmm," Mai replied and turned over again, this time reaching for her cup.
She drank down most of the warm liquid and then laid her head on Zuko's chest. It was an intimate gesture, one they were both very comfortable with. Zuko's hand rose automatically to stroke her hair and Mai sighed with contentment. This, this bond, this closeness, this love they shared, was the reason the young woman left her home behind and all the luxuries that home provided. It was worth it in her mind. Never once had she regretted her decision. Zuko was the one who worried and felt guilty. That was typical of him, however.
Despite their growing closeness, they had yet to share a kiss. Neither was in a hurry. They were young, not much more than children in some ways, and besides that, Iroh watched them very carefully.
"Did Mai get her tea, Zuko," the former general asked through the closed door to Mai's room.
"Yes, Uncle," Zuko sighed. "We're just talking."
"That's good. There's plenty of time for more than talking in the years ahead."
They both blushed at that remark and as if to contradict the old man, Mai placed a soft kiss on Zuko's cheek. The prince's breathing grew heavier and he felt desire curl and swell like a like a slowly building fire.
"Um, I'd better go wash up, Mai. I'll see you at lunch, okay?"
"Okay," Mai replied without protest. "See you at lunch."
Another part of their routine was sword practice for Zuko and knife throwing practice for Mai. Every afternoon as long as the weather permitted and sometimes even when the weather was awful, Zuko worked on learning the art of the dual swords while Mai maintained her already high level of skill with her knives and shuriken and arrows.
Sometimes Mai would stop her practice routine and watch Zuko move with grace, the swords becoming more and more a part of him as the days passed. He had been reluctant at first, and a bit awkward. After all, benders weren't supposed to use conventional weapons. They had an element at their command. What could a sword or a bow and arrow possibly do better? Iroh, ever wise, had pointed out that one could never have too many skills. Mai had pointed out that sharp, pointy things could do a world of damage. Zuko was convinced and threw himself into the task of teaching himself with vigor.
His style was his own and never having battled anyone with the sword, Zuko wasn't sure just how he would do. Mai figured he would do alright. She had a good eye and often coached him. She even created tasks for him to perform with the huge blades, tasks that would increase his dexterity and finesse.
"You're letting your left arm drag a bit," she called from across the deck.
Zuko corrected himself and threw Mai a smile. He liked when she taught him. He admired her own skills very much and was more than happy to bow down to her in this particular area.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Zuko said when they were both finished.
Mai just looked at Zuko with her eyebrows arched and waited for him to begin.
"I've been thinking about acquiring another new skill. You remember those masks I bought?"
Mai nodded.
"They would be good for infiltrating places, keeping our identity secret, that kind of thing."
"Okay, but most people don't know who we are anyway and what would we infiltrate?"
"Uh, I don't know, Mai. I just think it's something we should do. Call it a hunch."
"Alright, something about the idea is appealing. It sounds….fun. We could practice in Ansham. Maybe we can sneak up on some old ladies or something."
"Start small," Zuko quipped.
"Exactly! I'm going to get washed up and changed for our," she cleared her throat, "birthday party. I suggest you do the same," Mai said, wrinkling her nose.
Zuko was clean now and smelled good. He slowly dressed in the finest robes that he had brought, tied his sash carefully and ran a hand through his loose hair before pulling it back up into a topknot. On the table lay a small heart shaped rock. The prince touched it lovingly before placing it safely in a pocket that coincidentally lay over his heart. The rock was a gift from Mai, something she had handed him casually over a year ago. The act and the gift were both unusually sentimental for the restrained Mai and that made Zuko treasure it all the more. Of course, when he took it with him that day six months ago, he never thought that Mai would be with him now. He still woke up some nights believing her presence was just a beautiful dream. When he saw her face the next morning, pure relief and pure love both flooded through him. She made the pain of his banishment, the pain of disgrace and rejection, the pain of knowing deep down that his own father despised him, bearable. She even made him forget sometimes that he was on an impossible quest with virtually no hope of finding what he sought. She made him wonder sometimes if maybe he should begin a quest of his own and forget about his 'honour'. She made him wonder what honour really was.
With a wistful sigh, he left his room and knocked on Mai's door.
Mai put on her only dress, the purple one she had stuffed in her bag on a whim. It was tighter than it used to be, mainly around her breasts and hips and was a good two inches shorter. Her other clothes were roomy and long and Mai hadn't noticed any kind of growth spurt until now. Maybe that's why she was always eating. Disappointed she pulled the dress back off and thought for a minute.
She found her plain black skirt along with a plain black tunic, dressed again, and then used the dramatic purple sash from the discarded dress. It would have to do, not that it really mattered anyway, but she had mentioned dressing up a bit to Zuko. With her earrings and her lovely hair loose but tucked behind her ears, thick bangs framing her face, she looked amazing. Mai took one last peek in her mirror. She was satisfied.
Much as she was loath to admit it, Mai was kind of excited about their birthday celebration. All her other birthdays had been nightmares with Zuko's brief appearances the only bright spots. Her parents saw them as opportunities to parade their daughter in front of polite society. They never considered what she might want or what would make her day a happy one. This celebration was the first quiet, simple one of her life and Zuko would be there the entire time celebrating his as well. Mai smiled thoughtfully and then moved toward the door.
Zuko was waiting for her.
"Hey," the prince greeted her. "You look great. I thought you were going to wear a dress."
"Seems I've outgrown it," Mai replied drolly.
"Oh, so that's why you're hungry all the time."
"Yeah, yeah, speaking of, do you know what we're having tonight?"
"Don't know, but it smells good."
Hand in hand they walked down the narrow hall to the dining room. It was ablaze with little lanterns and Iroh greeted them, wearing his best along with a beaming grin.
"Sit down, sit down," he encouraged and poured them both some steaming green tea. "Dinner is ready. Jee will be joining us shortly."
Zuko spotted his uncle's sungi horn and Jee's bouzouki* in the corner. He gave Mai and nudge and she followed his gaze.
"We're doomed," she leaned over and whispered in the prince's ear.
Jee entered, giving both Mai and Zuko a formal bow.
"Happy fourteenth birthday, Prince Zuko and happy thirteenth birthday, Lady Mai," he intoned in a deep, rich voice.
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Zuko replied while Mai gave the grey haired man a nod.
Cook began to serve, bringing in savory dish after dish, most of which were favorites of either Mai or Zuko. Iroh and Jee fell into a rather cerebral discussion about music. They seemed to almost forget the young people at the table. And once the meal was finished and the fire whiskey appeared, the fun really began.
"I have presents for you both," the retired general hiccoughed after his third generous glassful.
He reached underneath his seat and pulled out a pile of oddly shaped packages. Zuko's were wrapped in plain red cloth while Mai's were prettied up more with bits gold.
"Go ahead," Iroh encouraged. "Open them."
Mai and Zuko exchanged a glance and then tore the wrapping off of their gifts. When she saw the generous pile of books in one, Mai gave Iroh a grateful smile. And when her fingers touched the well made dagger her narrow gold eyes sparkled with delight. She received much needed clothing as well. Briefly, Mai wondered how Iroh knew what size to get (he apparently had anticipated her body's changes) but shoved that thought out of her mind. She turned to watch Zuko open the last of his gifts. A pile of clothing lay on the table along with a beautifully drawn and coloured map of the world. Zuko had a book in his hands. He looked dumbfounded.
"What is this, Uncle?" he asked.
"Read the title, boy. That says it all."
"'A World without Balance'," Zuko read. "Wasn't this book banned at home?"
"Indeed it was. You're very fortunate to have that in your possession. I want you to promise me that you'll read it. Trust me, it's important."
"Sounds like Avatar stuff," Zuko grumbled.
"Just read it," Iroh repeated in a stern voice. "Mai, you should read it too."
"Um, okay," she replied.
"Cook, where's that cake?" Iroh bellowed. "The young people are getting restless."
The cook, a tiny, strange looking man carried in a cake and then brought in fresh tea. Iroh reached for the fire whiskey instead.
"I've never seen your uncle refuse tea," Mai observed quietly.
"It's almost frightening," Zuko agreed.
The cake was sliced and eaten with gusto. It was delicious and Mai enjoyed every bite. As soon as they were finished theirs, Jee and Iroh picked up their instruments and began to play. The tunes started out merry but got more and more melancholy the more alcohol the pair consumed. When they each stood up and performed some bizarre, jerky puppet like dance, singing in screeching voices and gesticulating with their arms, instruments abandoned on the floor, Mai lost it. She giggled and couldn't stop. Zuko looked at her strangely. He'd heard Mai snicker and chuckle and occasionally let out a brief giggle, but this was a full blown laughing fit. Zuko wondered if it was her first. It made him so happy to see her like that; he couldn't help but join her.
When their laughter finally died out, they left the two drunken men and went above deck for some fresh air. Neither Jee nor Iroh saw them leave or noticed their absence. They were having too much fun of their own.
The night was overcast; there would be no stargazing this time. But the late summer air was mild and seemed to caress them.
"So, happy birthday, Mai," Zuko said.
He reached into his robes, his hand brushing against the rock that he treasured, and fumbled for a small box.
"Here," he said.
Awkwardly, Zuko thrust the box at Mai. She frowned and then opened it. Inside sat a ring, simple gold with a small red stone.
"Uh, it's, it's very pretty, Zuko."
'We're betrothed, right?" the prince asked.
"Yeah, we are."
"I thought that maybe you could wear the ring as a, you know, a symbol."
"Like I'm your property," Mai teased.
"No, of course not," Zuko objected. "I don't think of you like that at all."
His face was flushed and he looked offended.
"I was kidding, Zuko. You need to lighten up more."
"Oh, yeah, so will you wear it?"
"Yes," Mai replied and slipped the ring on.
She held her hand up so that Zuko could see. Without saying anything, the prince moved in close and placed his lips over Mai's. He allowed them to linger for just a moment before stepping back.
"You're beautiful," he said and then looked back out into the darkness.
Eight days later: Anshan, Earth Kingdom
Captain Zhao shouted parting instructions to his crew and then stepped of his massive Fire Nation war ship. He hated being in this Agni forsaken Earth Kingdom hole, but rumor was that the Avatar once knew people here and visited frequently. So, the filthy city was as good a place as any to begin his search for Prince Zuko.
He ran fingers down his healthy set of sideburns and observed. It was no wonder these people were losing the war. They all looked stupid and simple and lived like rats, scurrying about aimlessly, doing nothing productive. The city was disgusting. Zhao stepped daintily along the dirt streets and held one hand over his mouth as if he were afraid of catching something.
"Why would the Avatar ever come here; friends or nor friends?" he asked himself.
He pushed his way through people, careful not to touch them with his hands. Terrified of his uniform and all it represented, the town's citizens stepped aside for Zhao and murmured quietly among themselves. Was this the beginning of an invasion? Was theirs next in a long line of Earth Kingdom cities stomped down by the iron foot of the Fire Nation?
Zhao made inquiries. No one had a clue what he was talking about, but they did their best to be helpful anyway. He ran across the occasional rebellious big mouth but once he turned his fist into a ball of flame, they cooperated too.
Irritated by his lack of progress, he entered a tavern, wiped off the seat with his sleeve and sat down. Alcohol didn't carry disease or go bad. He was safe.
"Give me your strongest stuff and do it quickly" the captain ordered rudely.
The tavern owner poured some amber coloured liquid into a glass and placed it in front of Zhao.
"On the house," he said.
He was an old man who had seen a lot. His fingers trembled.
"I wasn't planning to pay you, filth."
Zhao took a swig and considered the taste.
"Give me the bottle."
The owner placed the bottle down. Zhao drank in measured gulps for more than an hour. The sun was setting. He needed to look around some more. If Zuko wasn't here, he might take his anger out on the townspeople. After all, Ozai did say that he should enjoy himself.
Anshan was another waste of time. Just like the air temples, there was no information about the Avatar. But instead of silence and old bones, there was noise and life. That was something at least. Mai and Zuko had dinner aboard the ship and then prepared for an evening of skulking about. In Mai's room, they put on the masks Zuko had bought all those months ago and peered at their reflections in Mai's mirror.
"Kind of scary," Mai observed.
"I like it," Zuko stated.
His scar was gone, hidden behind the painted wood, and for just a moment he pretended that the Agni Kai had never happened, that when he untied the cloth that held the mask in place and pulled it from his face, he would be whole. Sensing Zuko's thoughts, Mai placed a hand on his arm and squeezed.
"Let's go," she suggested.
Zuko nodded and they left the ship, walking quietly down the gangplank, and onto the docks. It was late and there weren't many people about other than drunks and prostitutes. They kept to the shadows, their dark clothing blending in and their masks standing out. Zuko had his swords slung across his back and Mai wore every one of her weapons. It never hurt to be prepared.
There was no real purpose to their movements. They had no real destination. It was all about getting comfortable with their disguises and learning to move as stealthily as possible. When they turned a corner and reached the main street, the pair heard a commotion.
"Firebender," Zuko whispered to Mai as a huge blast of flame shot into the sky.
The crowd dispersed and revealed Captain Zhao, unsteady on his feet and ranting about a banished prince. He stumbled and almost fell, catching himself at the last moment. People laughed but shut up quickly when the angry man punched his fists rapidly, sending balls of fire everywhere. A building ignited and without thinking, Zuko took control of the flames, forcing them to die. The crowd looked around in wonder. How had the fire stopped?
"Damn," Zuko hissed and pressed himself further into the shadows.
He pulled Mai in beside him and the two held their breaths. Zhao was drunk but he knew there was another firebender close by.
"Is that you, Prince Zuko?" he bellowed. "Too afraid to show yourself, are you? You are a coward, so I'm not surprised."
The crowd was still now, listening carefully to every word. Mai held onto Zuko's arm tightly. She could feel his muscles stretching and straining as if trying to break free. He wanted to confront the captain. He wanted to prove that he was no coward.
"Don't, Zuko," Mai warned. "It's not worth it."
"I have to know what he wants and what he's doing here," Zuko replied. "You stay here where it's safe."
He took off his mask and swords and placed them on the ground before walking out into the street. Mai readied her knives, keeping her eyes trained on Zhao.
"Oh, ho, here's the little boy now," Zhao jeered when he spotted Zuko. "There's something different about you. Wonder what it could be. Has six months away from home made you braver?
"What do you want with me?" the prince asked coldly.
"Your father sent me after you. He misses you and wants you back home. The banishment was a mistake, he said and everything is forgiven. He just wants his heir back in the palace."
For a second Zuko believed.
"Father forgives…" he said softly.
Then Zhao began to laugh. It was a terrible sound, cold and heartless. Zuko's good eye narrowed and his whole face hardened into a mask of hate.
"Give me a minute," Zhao said and wiped at his eyes. "You should have seen your face."
"What do you want?" Zuko hissed and raised his fists.
"I'm doing my job," Zhao replied. "Ozai sent me to keep an eye on you. He thinks that you might betray him, betray the Fire Nation."
"I wouldn't," Zuko yelled indignantly. "I just want to regain my honour and go home."
"Well, I wouldn't count on that. Daddy gave me permission to kill you if I see fit. If I see any signs of rebellion, if that doddering old uncle of yours starts feeding you traitorous thoughts, I'll do you in with pleasure."
"Why don't you just kill me now?" Zuko asked. "You can tell my father anything. He won't know the difference."
"I could," he replied. "But that wouldn't be any fun. I enjoy the chase. I enjoy the hunt. Besides, you might lead me to the Avatar. I would be a hero if I laid the airbender at your father's feet."
"Bastard," Zuko spat and Zhao laughed again.
"Everywhere you turn, Prince Zuko, you'll see me. Oh, I almost forgot. The princess is very upset with Mai."
Mai tensed at the sound of her name.
"What do you mean?" Zuko snarled. "If you touch Mai, I'll kill you."
"Hmmm, you shouldn't have taken her with you. She deserves better than the life you're providing for her. No decent man would drag his girlfriend along on his banishment."
"I didn't….." Zuko began.
He stopped when a blade whizzed by his head and landed in the soft fleshy part of Zhao's upper arm. It was the only spot unprotected by armor and Mai's aim was perfect. Zuko smirked.
"I think Mai's got something to say."
The girl stepped out from the shadows, her mask off, and looked Zhao directly in the eyes.
"You bitch," Zhao screamed as he pulled the knife out and tossed it onto the ground.
"Treat it nicely," Mai said. "Blades like that aren't cheap."
"I have permission to kill you too," Zhao growled. "You can come with me willingly and I'll put you on a ship back to the Fire Nation. Azula will welcome you back. If you decide to stay with him, Azula will label you a traitor. You know what happens to them, don't you?"
Zhao dabbed at his wound and then wiped the blood off on his pant leg.
"I won't go back," Mai stated calmly. "It was my choice to go with Zuko. That's where I want to be."
"Foolish girl," Zhao stated.
He summoned the beginnings of a flame in the palm of his hand and then collapsed into the hard packed dirt of the road, the alcohol and blood loss finally taking its toll.
"Mai!" Zuko shouted. "Run."
The pair retrieved their masks and Zuko his sword, then ran back to the ship. Zuko gave the order to leave and they were well out to sea before Zhao even got up.
"I see," Iroh said softly after Mai and Zuko informed him of all that had happened.
Iroh stroked his beard and looked off into the distance.
"He hates me," Zuko stated sadly. "I thought that I could, I thought…but I never had a chance. What am I supposed to do now?"
"We'll figure it out, nephew, we will. I still believe that after all this is over, you will be Fire Lord, an honourable one."
"But how?" Zuko yelled.
"Zuko," Mai said and reached for his hand.
"Leave me alone," the prince growled and shook off her touch.
He stomped down the stairs and entered his cabin, slamming the metal door closed and locking it. Sliding down onto the floor, Zuko wept.
*Who wouldn't want to use that word? It's an ancient three stringed instrument that looks like a deformed guitar.
A/N: I've never had so much fun writing a story (hence the quick update). I love this AU thing. I love being able to twist things (while keeping the heart of characters the same, of course) and change things. It's very freeing. And I get more and more plans/ideas constantly. Zuko and Mai are going to eventually run into many familiar faces.
Thanks for your feedback. It inspires me to keep writing and do the very best that I can.
Alabaster