Equivalent Exchange
Chapter 7: Reluctant Acceptance
Zuko sulked for two weeks. There really was no other word to describe his behavior. Both Mai and Iroh tried for a few days to talk to him, to bring him out of the despair he had sunk so far into, but the prince would have none of it. He practiced his bending with a terrifying fury, incorporating his swords, creating something entirely new. Everyone stayed well away from him when he was above deck. He didn't care where his fire went or who it might endanger. He was in his own world; a world of anger and disillusionment and the deepest hurt he had felt since his mother disappeared.
With no instructions from Zuko, Iroh decided on the route that the ship took. In an attempt to hold off Zhao, he created a bizarre path that often doubled back and then went forward again. Every morning they awoke free and safe, he thanked Agni and then crossed his fat fingers in hopes that their luck would continue. There were no stops at any ports. Everyone was beginning to feel confined and edgy.
"I want to slap him," Mai confided to Iroh one afternoon over a cup of tea.
The retired general chuckled. The young woman had taken to sitting with Iroh for an hour or so after lunch. She enjoyed the company and he allowed her to vent her feelings, something she was growing more comfortable with daily.
"I understand," he replied with a nod. "Here, dear, try one of these tarts. They're excellent."
"Cherry, mmm," Mai said and took two. "He's not the only one with problems. Azula wants me dead. I've been labeled a traitor. And Azula is scary. I just hope she doesn't convince the Fire Lord to let her come after me herself. I worry about her more than Zhao. He's an idiot."
"Captain Zhao is over confident and quick to anger. He is still dangerous, believe me. He trained with one of the best, Jeong-Jeong. I don't know if Zuko could take him. It's best to stay far away, for now at least."
"So what are we going to do?"
"Well, we can travel endlessly around the world, staying on this ship, until we run out of money, or we can leave the ship behind and travel across land. There are many, many places to hide and I know a few people here and there who could help us. We have to face the fact that we might not see the Fire Nation for a long time. Zuko, and you as well, Mai, have to face the fact that the nation you were born and raised in needs to change its ways. If it doesn't someone will force change upon the Fire Nation."
"The Avatar?" Mai asked.
"I'm not sure; perhaps. But I have high hopes that you and Zuko will be agents of change. Like I've said many times, Zuko will rule the Fire Nation one day. And he will be a different kind of leader. Ozai showed Zuko his true colours. It's a difficult thing for a young man to accept that his father has no use for him. Since he was small, my nephew has tried to win Ozai's approval. It's natural for a child to crave that. Every child deserves it. But Ozai wouldn't give it. Zuko has been hit hard with a terrible truth. He will adjust eventually. We need to let him do it in his own time."
"I want to help him," Mai stated. "But, I don't know how."
She looked down at her hands and twisted the ring she wore back and forth.
"You gave up everything for him. He knows that you love him, Mai. That's the best support you can give. Cheer up. Things will improve. I'm going to have my afternoon nap. I will talk to you later."
Iroh left but not before placing a firm, comforting hand on her shoulder. Mai felt better. A fresh determination to snap Zuko out of his tailspin took hold. She got up, walked to Zuko's cabin and knocked continuously until he finally pulled open the door.
"What do you want?" he demanded brusquely when he saw Mai.
She saw a flash of remorse in his gold eyes. That was all she needed.
"I'm coming in," she stated and pushed her way by her betrothed.
She sat down on the bed and really looked at Zuko. Agni, it was not a pretty sight. There were heavy dark circles under his eyes and his clothes were rumpled and dirty looking. It appeared as though he hadn't bathed recently either. In just two weeks, Zuko had lost weight. His pants hung low on his hips and he pulled at them, tying the drawstring tighter.
"You look like you just crawled out from under a rock," the young woman said. "Zuko, it's time to stop all this."
"I'm not ready," he replied.
His voice cracked and his face crumpled. Mai stood up from the bed and wrapped her arms around him. He cried into her shoulder until he could cry no more. They moved to the bed and Mai pulled his head down onto her lap, running her fingers through his tangled hair.
"We're going to get married one day. Don't you think it's a good idea to talk to me? I want to help you, Zuko. I, I love you."
"Mai," he whispered. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I've been, I am so angry. I knew my father never liked me like he did Azula, but sending Zhao after me…after he already banished me and did this." Zuko indicated his scar. "I'm sorry that your life's been ruined. It's all my fault."
"I'm going to say this one more time; I want to be here with you, no matter what happens, no matter where we end up. And I'll help you however I can. You need to stop pouting and make some decisions. Iroh and I have talked a lot. Please, come upstairs, have dinner with us tonight. And for Agni's sake, take a bath."
Zuko scowled and then sniffed the air.
"I suppose I do smell," he agreed and sat up. "Sorry."
"Stop saying that and do something productive. I'll be waiting."
Mai kissed him chastely on the lips and then left, leaving a bewildered but happier Zuko behind.
"Nephew, I'm glad to see you've finally returned to the land of the living," Iroh said pointedly when Zuko took a seat at the dinner table.
"I am sorry, Uncle," the prince replied humbly and bowed his head.
"Your apology is accepted. Now, you need to make some decisions. They won't be easy ones."
Mai reached for his hand under the table and applied gentle pressure to his fingers. He squeezed back and gave her a weak smile. Zuko still looked tired but he had washed and dressed in clean clothes. He had even taken the time to comb his hair and make a neat topknot.
"So where exactly are we?" Zuko asked.
Iroh laughed. "Actually, we're not that far from Anshan. Our course has been rather unique. We don't want to run into Zhao again if we can help it."
Zuko's face hardened at the mention of the captain.
"I'm pretty sure that he gave away more than he intended to," Mai remarked. "The alcohol was talking."
"Yes, yes," Iroh agreed. "We have an advantage now. How are we going to use it?"
"This is what we know," Zuko said calmly. "My father sent Zhao after me because he thinks I might start some sort of rebellion. He has permission to kill me, all of us, if he sees any signs. Ozai doesn't want me to come home. He wants nothing to do with me. Right?"
Mai and Iroh both nodded.
"My father thinks that maybe you, Uncle, will influence my thinking. And Azula wants Mai back. Since Mai refused Zhao's offer, Mai is considered a traitor now. Whipping that knife at him didn't help," Zuko added and flashed Mai a proud grin. "My search for the Avatar seems pointless now, doesn't it?"
"If the Avatar does appear one day, nephew, I think that you and he will meet and something great will happen."
"Why do you think that? I don't understand. Everything is wrong. I don't want to rebel against my own nation. I don't want to be a traitor. I don't want to attack my father. How did all this happen?"
"You are not a traitor. I know that you love your nation and its people. You showed that at the war meeting. But the Fire Nation under your father and grandfather and great grandfather is corrupt and evil. We are not spreading our greatness; we are beating down the rest of the world. Surely, you've seen signs of that already. Open your eyes, Zuko. Look, really look, at the towns and the people everywhere we go. You will see"
"So my father was right. You are trying to turn me against my country," Zuko snapped.
"Have you been listening at all?" Iroh roared. "Ozai cast you aside like garbage. I picked you up after that Agni Kai. I held you. I sat with you. I'm here with you now. You don't owe that man anything. He is wrong in so many ways. You can make things right again; you and Mai and any other allies we pick up along the way."
"I can't, I just can't….how, how did all this happen?"
"Maybe it's supposed to be," Iroh replied in a softer tone. "You are the grandson of Avatar Roku after all."
Zuko dropped his teacup on the floor and stared wide eyed at his uncle. The porcelain shattered and the sweet scent of jasmine filled the air.
"What the..?" he whispered.
He pushed back his chair and headed for the deck. Mai followed close behind.
"I feel like I'm in the middle of some horrible, weird dream," Zuko explained to Mai when she touched his shoulder but asked nothing.
Zuko dropped his head into his hands and shook it back and forth as if the action could dislodge whatever strange thing it was that seemed to have taken over his life and his mind.
"This, this whole thing is just crazy," he yelled.
To emphasize the point, the prince sent a huge blast of fire out into the evening sky. It looked like a comet blazing through the darkness, lighting it up briefly and then fading into nothingness.
"It's all a shock," Mai finally said with typical understatement.
"What is my uncle thinking? Am I supposed to save the world or something?"
"I think that's the Avatar's job," Mai replied dryly. "You're supposed to restore honour to the Fire Nation. That's much easier."
Zuko snapped immediately. "It's not funny, Mai."
"Oh, get over yourself; so your great grandfather is Avatar Roku, so you're on the run, so your father can't stand you. You've got me and you've got Iroh. And maybe you've got a way of getting back home after all. It just happens to be a different way. Personally, I don't care about the world and I don't care about the Fire Nation's honour. I care about you. So snap out of it."
"It's not that simple."
"Then make it simple," Mai urged. "Come back downstairs. I think your uncle might be getting into the fire whiskey again. And you know what happens when he does that."
Zuko couldn't repress a smile.
"Okay, just give me a few minutes to digest everything. Then I've got some questions for him."
"You're alright?" Mai asked.
"I will be," Zuko replied. "Thanks, Mai, for, I don't know, for making my worries seem stupid."
"Hey, someone's gotta do it; might as well be me."
With that she turned on her heel and marched back down below. Zuko watched her go and thanked once again whatever marvelous stroke of fortune had given Mai to him.
Zuko listened to Iroh recite the tale of Fire Lord Sozin and Avatar Roku. Years earlier, the retired general had read Sozin's final testament, the real final testament, written by Sozin and telling the true story of his life. It was fascinating and both he and Mai sat listening raptly to the ultimately tragic story.
"So Roku married Ta Min."
"Yes, and they had two children, both daughters; Mizuki and Sakura. Mizuki never married but Sakura wed a man by the name of Kenta. They had one child, your mother, Ursa."
"Why would the royal family accept the granddaughter of the Avatar into their family?" Zuko asked.
His brow was furrowed and he was biting his lip with a vengeance, trying his best to understand everything.
"I have a few theories. I think the most reasonable one is this; Avatar blood combined with royal family blood would make powerful benders."
"Well, they were half right," Zuko remarked despondently. "It made a powerful bender."
"You just haven't come into your own yet, nephew. You must be patient and realize that not everyone learns at the same speed."
"That's a nice way of saying that I stink."
Mai quickly raised a hand to her mouth and repressed a laugh. Zuko was so negative some times that it was funny. When she had regained control of herself Mai posed her own question.
"Why didn't Ursa tell Zuko who her grandfather is?"
"No doubt she wanted to, but was forbidden," Iroh guessed. "I hope that one day we'll be able to ask her."
"You think she's alive?" Zuko asked excitedly. "Is it possible?"
"I have no evidence proving otherwise. Do you?" Iroh asked back.
"Agni, I feel like my head is going to explode," the prince moaned. "My entire life has been turned upside down."
"For what it's worth, Zuko, I think your mother would be proud of you."
"Proud? Look at me?" the young man exclaimed.
"And," Iroh continued, "She would want you to make the right choice."
"Mom," Zuko whispered dreamily.
'Ooh,' Mai thought to herself. 'That's blatant manipulation, Iroh. Zuko would do anything for his mother.'
She frowned and wondered for a moment if Iroh perhaps had his own agenda. She was only thirteen but Mai was adept at reading people. Years of observing the upper crust of society at various dull functions had sharpened her skill to a razor's edge. Iroh was a good man but not above a little push here and there for his own benefit. She would keep her eyes on him, for Zuko's sake.
"I think that we've talked enough for tonight," Iroh stated. "Tomorrow we'll come up with a plan. Goodnight, you two."
He got up from the table, groaning and stretching for a moment before heading off to his cabin. Mai watched Zuko. A myriad of expressions crossed his face, from anger to shock to a sort of excitement. She didn't need to use her skills to read Zuko. His emotions were always right there for everyone to see. Sometimes she envied him that and sometimes she was grateful for the mask she often hid her feelings behind.
"Mai" the prince said hesitantly. "Would you stay with me tonight?"
Mai raised her eyebrows and waited for the inevitable stuttering explanation.
"I, I don't mean like that," he said in a horrified voice. "It would be nice to have someone else in my cabin, that's all."
"Iroh will freak if he finds out," Mai reminded her betrothed.
"He won't," Zuko stated firmly.
"I suppose it's alright then. Let me get ready for bed first. I'll knock on your door."
Mai used her bathroom and then entered her own cabin, changing into her nightgown and brushing out her thick, black hair. She felt a strange thrill of excitement at the thought of spending the night with Zuko, no matter how innocent it all was. Being physically close with him was like nothing else she had ever experienced. She felt safe and loved and accepted. That was Zuko's gift to her, one she wouldn't give up for anything.
He opened the door as soon as her knuckles made contact with the steel. He was dressed in just his sleep pants and Mai's breath hitched as she admired his upper body.
"I can sleep on the floor if you like," he offered. "I just want you here with me."
"Don't be stupid," Mai replied. "We can both fit on the bed."
Nervously, Mai lay down, pulling the sheet up over herself and waiting for Zuko to join her.
"You're sure? I won't try anything."
"That's right. You won't," Mai agreed.
Zuko crawled under the covers and turned to face Mai. They fell asleep looking into each other's eyes and woke up tangled together like huge puzzle pieces that had been discarded by an angry giant. It was the best night either of them had ever spent.
Zhao's ship, somewhere on the sea near Anshan, early the next morning
"We're waiting for your instructions, sir," said Zhao's second in command, a seasoned navy man named Tanaka.
"Well, you're going to have to wait a bit longer," Zhao retorted grumpily as he stared off into the waning dark.
The captain was angry with himself and embarrassed. Tanaka was the one who finally found him face down in the streets of Anshan, intoxicated and wounded. He'd been there for three hours. No one had helped him. Zhao supposed he could understand why.
Tanaka hadn't said anything to the rest of the crew; he knew what would happen if he did. But still, the fact that someone saw him in a weakened state irked Zhao. The fact that Tanaka also knew Zuko and Mai had slipped from his grasp was more troubling. He needed to find those brats and finish them off. A second in command who wondered about your competence was a liability. What he needed was good old fashioned luck, again.
"Come on," he pleaded with some unknown power. "Help me out, just one more time."
As if in answer to his secret prayer, the lookout called down to them excitedly.
"I've spotted a small Fire Nation vessel, sir. It must be Prince Zuko's."
"Yes," Zhao exclaimed. "Pull up alongside. I'm going to board. Tanaka, gather thirty men. You'll be coming along too. They will pay for their carelessness and incomptence."
"Yes, sir," Tanaka replied.
Zhao grinned and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. He would have some fun with Zuko first. And that girl; she was a real beauty. He might enjoy some time with her too before he turned her to ash. Zuko was no match for him and neither was Iroh. Their small forces had no chance against him and his shipload of skilled men. Zhao composed a mental letter to Fire Lord Ozai telling him of his triumphs. Perhaps he would get a promotion.
"We're gaining steadily sir. It looks like they haven't seen us. Their lookout must be asleep. By the time the sun's up, we'll be right there," Zhao's lookout informed him.
"I'm coming Prince Zuko," the Captain said with a smirk. "I'm coming."
"Do you hear something?" Mai asked Zuko as they both awoke.
Early morning sun made its way through the small porthole and Mai squinted irritably. The sounds of stomping up on deck hurt her ears.
"Yeah," he replied. "Something's going on."
"Zuko, get up," Iroh called frantically from the other side of the prince's door. "Zhao has found us."
He tumbled off the bed, dragging the sheets with him and yanked open the door.
"Uncle," he cried.
Iroh burst into the room, took a look at Mai who sat sleepy eyed on the bed, frowned but said nothing. Mai grabbed the pillow, covered her nightgown and blushed.
"Get dressed, both of you. Zhao and his men have boarded. I don't know how he found us" Iroh said urgently. "But he did. I'll see you on deck."
"My bad luck," Zuko moaned and began to dress.
Without thinking he pulled off his sleep pants and then remembered Mai.
"I'll, I'll go to my room," she stammered and hurriedly went next door.
Both were fully dressed in minutes and ran above deck. Zuko stood protectively in front of Mai.
"Sweet," Zhao noted disdainfully. "It's no use trying to protect her, Zuko. She's mine now."
"Get off my ship," Zuko ordered.
His fists were clenched at his sides and he radiated fury. Zhao just roared with laughter.
"My ship is bigger. I have more men. I'm better than you are. Therefore, I win."
With a signal from their captain, Zhao's men circled around Zuko and Mai. Two of them reached out for the girl. She brandished knives and faced them down.
"I wouldn't if I were you," Zhao warned. "We've already got your boyfriend's uncle. See, he's all chained up over there."
Zuko and Mai followed Zhao's gaze and looked into Iroh's worried eyes.
"I can give the order to burn him just like that."
Mai lowered her blades.
"Drop them," Zhao hissed.
The sound of metal hitting metal was thunderous in the sudden quiet. The men reached for her again and this time Mai didn't resist. But she was thinking very hard while the soldiers tied her hands tightly behind her back. As the soldiers pushed her along the deck, Zhao stepped in front of her. He reached out and brushed her silken hair, a sickeningly lustful look crossing his face.
"It's been a long time," he said to no one in particular.
Mai looked icily at him but held her tongue. Silently she vowed to disembowel the bastard if he so much as tried anything with her. Smoke curled up from Zuko's tightened fists as he watched. The soldiers surrounding him all readied their own fire.
"Wait," Zuko shouted. "I challenge you, Zhao."
The captain looked momentarily shocked, then broke out into wild laughter.
"You challenge me; to what; a game of pai sho?"
"Agni Kai," Zuko spat.
"Wasn't it just about seven months ago that you refused to fight your father, our glorious Fire Lord?"
"That was then, this is now," Zuko replied through clenched teeth.
On the other side of the deck, soldiers shoved Mai brutally down beside Iroh.
"What in Agni's name is he doing?" Mai whispered. "Idiot."
"Trying to save your life, my dear," Iroh replied and his warm whiskey coloured eyes shone with pride. "And don't think I've forgotten about seeing you in Zuko's bed."
A/N: I was going to explain things a bit further but figured that a bit of a cliffhanger might be fun.
So, we've got our Zuko/Zhao Agni Kai but with higher stakes and much sooner.
I realize this chapter was a bit dialogue heavy but there was a lot of 'splainin' to do and Zuko had a lot to say.
More action next time for sure.
Love the reviews; thanks. They are the only real way I have of knowing whether you guys like the chapters or not.
Alabaster