Equivalent Exchange
Chapter 14: Coming to Terms
It was days before Zuko said another word. He rode ahead of the other three, pushing the komodo-rhino to go faster and for longer, as if by doing so he could somehow erase the sight of that village from his mind. Nights he stared into the fire as if mesmerized and picked at his food, barely eating anything. Mai watched him from the corners of her eyes, wanting to reach out but instinctively knowing that her betrothed needed time to himself before he could come back to them.
It still hurt though; it hurt to see him in so much pain and distress. Mai could better deal with the anger that radiated off Zuko as well.
"He looks…broken," Mai said to Iroh and Jee a few days after their discovery of the decimated village.
Zuko sat apart from them, not moving, sifting something back and forth in his mind, trying desperately to come to terms with all that he now knew. Mai and Iroh and Jee could almost see the movement inside his head, like the gears of some complex machine.
"What about you, dear; how do you feel about what you saw?" Iroh asked.
"Sick," Mai replied succinctly.
"Yes," the former general agreed. "That sums everything up, doesn't it?"
"I want to help him," Mai stated.
She took a small spoonful of the evening's fish soup and then put her bowl down on the ground. Scattered rocks were their seats this time. They were camped beside a small river that ran through the forested area they were traveling in. Mai could see small hints of spring, from green shoots poking their tiny heads out of the moist, still partially snow covered soil to the occasional insect buzzing irritatingly close to her ear. It had warmed up enough in their ten days of travel since leaving Omashu to remove their gloves and loosen their cloaks. Soon, neither would be needed at all.
Mai reached in her pocket for a hair tie and pulled her thick black tresses into a ponytail.
"I'm not that hungry," she said, excusing herself, and walked toward the river.
Jee and Iroh exchanged a glance. Mai was always hungry. Iroh shifted on his rock and watched her walk briskly, back and shoulders straight, looking every bit the regal noble she was despite her surroundings. Once at the river, the young woman crouched down, scooping up water with her hands and splashing her face over and over again, until it felt numb. Standing up again, she looked off into the forest feeling purified somehow; her head was clearer than it had been for the past few days. She looked and she thought, about home and where she was now.
Mai missed daily baths and her comfortable bed. She missed her dining room and her perfect nails, painted black preferably. But despite all that she missed, all the horrors she had witnessed over the past year and all that she was trying to understand, Mai was happier than she had ever been.
Despite the fact that she was 'dead' to her family and her nation and despite the fact that both considered her a traitor, she was freer now than at any other time in her life. She was a girl traveling with three men, well two men and a teenage boy, and she could share her thoughts and feelings without hesitation. For the first time in her life, people besides Zuko actually listened to her, respected her and accepted her fully. For the first time in her life, she felt like a complete person. Given the chance to do things over, she would leave with Zuko, no hesitation at all. No amount of luxury could compare to what she had now. Besides that, she loved Zuko and absolutely refused to live her life without him.
"Are you alright?" Jee asked when Mai came back to their small camp and began to pick away at her now cold soup.
She shrugged and then looked over at Zuko, as if to say, 'I'm okay, it's him I'm worried about.'
"He'll come around," the lieutenant said. "Prince Zuko doesn't let things defeat him. He's a strong young man."
Mai just nodded her agreement and gave Jee a grateful smile. The lieutenant was a good man and Mai was glad he decided to stick with them.
"Is everyone finished their soup?" Iroh asked pleasantly. "I'll get started on the dishes."
"Yeah," Mai replied and discreetly dumped hers out behind the rock she sat on.
She helped Iroh clear up, placing a hand on Zuko's shoulder momentarily before taking his bowl, still mostly full, out of his hands. He didn't look up or say anything, but Mai was certain that she saw the tension in his shoulders ease just a little bit.
Sometime during the night, Zuko moved his bedroll closer to Mai's, close enough so that he could reach out and touch her. When she awoke the next morning, Mai felt the comfortable weight of Zuko's arm across her middle. She moved so that she could see his face. His eyes were still closed but he was in the process of waking up. He looked lost and vulnerable even while mostly asleep. Eventually, his eyes opened slowly, gold irises meeting Mai's.
"Hey," he said, smiling faintly.
Things were better then, not perfect, but better. Zuko rode along with Mai again, still not saying a lot, but at least he answered when she spoke to him. His appetite picked up and he began a training ritual of his own after dinner every evening.
"Can I watch?" Mai asked as Zuko swung his swords in a gentle arc, loosening his muscles.
He nodded and then quirked his lips upward. She settled herself down on a ragged tree stump and looked on as her betrothed fought an invisible opponent, licks of fire snaking their way down the wide, flat blades.
Wanting to make things more interesting, Mai pulled out some of her knives, caught Zuko's eyes, and then threw them in his general direction. The prince dodged and swatted gracefully, until Mai ran out of weapons. He helped her retrieve them all and they went through the routine again, despite the rapidly falling darkness.
So his routine became their routine.
They skirted around Anshan, Jee picking up some supplies for the rest of their journey and followed the coastline as they continued west, sometimes camping right on the beach. Mai and Zuko would go for a swim, wearing nothing but their underwear. The feel of water all around her, even salty water, was incentive enough to endure the embarrassment of Jee and Iroh laughing at the both of them. The sea was still cold from the long winter and the two emerged frigid and pink skinned. Zuko wrapped Mai's cloak around her and then his arms, sending heat pulsing through her body. She would never get used to just how good his arms around her felt.
"How much longer?" Mai asked Iroh on the fifteenth day of their journey.
"Oh, I'd say we have another week at least," the old general replied. "That's according to the map Bumi gave me."
"And where are we going again?"
"We're going to stay with another member of the Order of the White Lotus. He actually lives very close to a Fire Nation colony."
"Great," Zuko put in sarcastically. "I can't wait to see who we run into there."
"It will be fine," Iroh admonished. "It's just a small town of merchants and fishermen. It's close to a large river."
"So, will we be camping?" Mai asked tentatively. "Or are there houses to stay in?"
"I'm not sure," Iroh replied. "But surely you're used to camping now, Mai?"
"Used to, yes, but I'll never actually like it."
The two older men burst out laughing and Mai rolled her eyes, looking for support from Zuko.
"Beds are nice," Zuko said neutrally. "But I'm more worried about other things. I want to improve my bending as much as I can and my swordsmanship and my fitness. I want to be ready to fight."
"Easy, Zuko," she said as if trying to calm down an over stimulated child or an upset animal.
He shot her a glare and pushed on ahead, leaving her alone at the end of the small group.
"Jerk," she muttered but didn't mean it.
"Trust me, nephew, you will have ample opportunity to work on your bending."
"Why are you being so mysterious, Uncle?"
"I don't know what you mean," the man winked. "Just be patient. You'll find out who we're staying with soon enough. It's not like you know the man anyway."
"Fine, fine," the prince grumbled and edged around the two men, wanting to be alone again.
"Do you recall your teenage years?" Mai heard Iroh ask Jee as she closed the distance between them and herself.
Jee chuckled and ran a hand through his grey hair.
"I do; they were good for the most part. The young ladies were particularly nice."
Mai rolled her eyes again.
"Ah, yes, nubile young women," Iroh said in a soft tone. "Those were the days."
He looked over his shoulder and saw Mai right behind him.
"Of course, there was school and training and all those changes we go through at that age."
He looked back at Mai again and gestured her forward. She pressed her knee into the komodo-rhino's side and it sped up a bit, moving forward to join the two men.
"I never thought about your schooling, Mai. What exactly are you missing?"
"Trust me, nothing," she replied. "Falsified Fire Nation history, poetry, etiquette; like I said, nothing."
"Hmmm, I still feel responsible. Have you read all your books?"
"Yes, a few times."
"We'll see about getting you some more if we can, alright?"
"Sure," Mai said.
She looked ahead, her eyes on Zuko's straight back. His dark brown hair, quite long now, was pulled up into a tight topknot and it bobbed up and down with the motion of the animal. Mai wondered what he would look like with shorter hair and bangs perhaps. It wasn't traditional Fire Nation style but that wasn't really an issue any more.
"I must be bored," she said under her breath.
By the time they had set up camp for the night, Zuko was calm again. He threw Mai a sheepish look and she twisted her lips into a sort of smile in response.
"Sorry, again," he whispered a few minutes later, when Mai served him his rice. "Can we take a walk later?"
"I suppose," she replied stiffly.
He kept his eyes on her as she moved about the small camp, serving Jee, Iroh and then herself. He watched as she ate, careful not to spill anything anywhere.
"What?" she finally asked irritably.
"Nothing," the prince replied.
Iroh cleared his throat loudly.
"Zuko, are you and Mai training after dinner again?"
"I am," he replied. "I don't know about Mai."
The retired general looked at Mai.
"Yeah," she agreed. "It's not like there's anything else to do."
"Good, good, now you two didn't have an argument, did you?"
"No," Zuko answered quickly. "We're going for a walk later, right Mai?"
"Mmmmhmm," she nodded.
"Well, just be careful," Iroh warned. "Jee and I will clean up so you can go whenever you're ready."
"Thanks, Uncle," Zuko said.
Fifteen minutes later the young couple left the camp and walked briskly southward, toward the ocean. The night was mild but with a strong breeze off the sea.
"Lots of stars tonight," Zuko began haltingly. "It's pretty."
"Zuko?" Mai asked.
"Yeah," he answered.
"You know that you can talk to me, don't you. I mean about what happened in the town. Don't brood anymore."
"It's not brooding, it's thinking," he corrected. "There's a difference."
"Looks like brooding to me," Mai snapped back.
"Okay, maybe it is brooding," Zuko confessed. "I just, I can't get it out of my mind."
"Maybe that's a good thing; remembering will remind you why we're doing what we're doing….whatever that is exactly."
"I guess you're right," the prince agreed and sat down on a rock damp with sea spray. "Agni, it was so terrible. I didn't know things like that happened. No one ever mentions that."
His words were angry and sorrowful. He picked up a stone and flung it into the water, watching as it disappeared. Then he picked up another and another and threw until his arm ached. Mai stood close by, saying nothing but lending her support anyway.
"I don't know why you stick with me," he muttered.
"Well, right now, I've got nowhere else to go," she replied with a smirk.
"Ha, ha," Zuko said, feigning laughter.
"You know why," Mai said more gently and touched his arm with her fingertips.
She looked down at the ring on her other hand and smiled. Zuko reached for her hand and then pulled her down onto his lap. They sat like that, one side of Mai's face pressed tight into Zuko's chest, looking out at the sea and the darkening sky. They forgot about their training and they forgot about Jee and Iroh back at camp. For those few minutes, they were the only ones in the world and everything was good.
As they approached their destination, turning inland away from the ocean to follow a river, they began to see more and more travelers. Most were farmers or merchants or fishermen, moving goods from one village or town to the next. Everyone was friendly enough, but eyed the komodo-rhinos warily. They were a Fire Nation animal, after all. Zuko kept his head down and remained silent whenever someone passed by. It was as if he were ashamed. Iroh, however, always gave a cheerful greeting and asked about conditions further on.
"It's the only way to get information," the old man told Zuko, clapping his nephew on the back.
"Yeah, yeah," the prince agreed.
Pohuai Stronghold, a Fire Nation fortress well known to both Iroh and Jee sat on the opposite side of the river from where they were riding. The group could just make out its intimidating pagoda styled tower. The sight of Fire Nation architecture wrenched at Zuko's heart and he felt a fresh stab of homesickness.
"We got many of our supplies from Pohuai," Iroh recounted. "Remember, Jee?"
"Yes, I remember and I've been there a few times. There's a contingent of Yu-Yan Archers stationed at the fortress all the time. You don't want to mess with them."
"So they're as good as the books say?" Mai asked.
"Better," Jee replied with a grin. "They can pin a fly to a tree without killing it."
"I wonder if I could do that with a knife," she mused, her interest obviously piqued.
"I think you could," Zuko said immediately and shot her a knowing look.
She met his gaze and flushed briefly, edging her rhino over so that she could touch her betrothed if she wanted to. They rode along cautiously, keeping a look out for anyone Fire Nation. With both a fortress and a colony nearby, the possibility was far greater than it had been so far.
The scenery changed the closer they got to the mysterious Order of the White Lotus member. Things began to look almost swamp like. Many smaller rivers joined up with the major one that flowed out into the ocean. As they moved further inland, away from the refreshing sea breeze, the humidity increased and they found themselves shedding layers of clothing despite the fact that it was still early spring.
The trees, all thin trunked and scrawny looking, seemed to lean into the river as if seeking something within its murky looking depths. Sprawling bushes covered much of the ground and the roadway soon became more of a path. Insects hummed incessantly and swarmed around their heads. Mai wore a grim expression, and swatted occasionally at the pests, but to no avail.
After riding for a ways up a steep incline, with thick forest on both sides of them and the river somewhere to their left, they came to the summit of the hill. Wooden stairs led down to the water and simple wooden huts were scattered here and there, one on a tiny island near the river's centre.
"Down this way," Iroh instructed everyone. "See those stairs there."
They all nodded in reply and guided the animals down the steps, out of the forest and into the bright light. A scruffy looking man who had been fishing from a rock in the river looked up at their arrival and smiled.
"You must be General Iroh and Prince Zuko," he yelled.
Everyone winced.
"Not so loud, my friend," Iroh chastised kindly. "We can't be sure who's listening."
"Oh, yeah," he yelled again. "Sorry. I'll get my master."
"His master?" Zuko asked as he dismounted.
"Yes," Iroh said. "Jeong-Jeong, firebending master, former admiral in the Fire Nation navy and the first deserter ever."
The man, his name was Chey they later learned, hopped his way across the river on steps of stone and then crossed a small wooden bridge to Jeong-Jeong's hut. He knocked a few times before a gruff voice answered.
"Go away, Chey, I'm busy," the man shouted rudely. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone?"
"But, but, we have visitors," Chey stuttered.
"I don't care if the Fire Lord himself is here. I'm busy."
The group exchanged puzzled glances and then looked back at Chey who shrugged his shoulders apologetically.
"Sometimes he's a bit grumpy. But he's a great man, a genius really," Chey said as he joined them back on the river's bank. "Come with me. I'll get you set up. Maybe Jeong-Jeong wil see you later."
"We're going to have one great year," Mai said sarcastically and leaned her head on Zuko's shoulder.
"At least you don't have to train with him," the prince retorted.
"Yeah, there's that," Mai smiled. She gave him a quick kiss. "Have fun."