A/N: Thanks to Alexex, aka Quincy aka Bombalurina aka AWESOME for this idea. E-hugs!

It was a…You know what? No. *foghorn* this. I am not doing another stupid, *quack*ing intro where I describe what kind of *slide whistle*ing day it was. It's stupid, and lazy, and I QUIT!

"Well, looks like we'll have to do this without the omniscient narrator this time" said Quaxo, also known as me, as I assumed the role of first person narrator.

Just then, Etcetera burst in, an unconscious Rum Tum Tugger draped over her arms, and screamed:

"'M SORRIEEEEE!"

"Alright Cettie, calm down, and tell me what's wrong." I replied, trying to take control of the situation.

"HOW CAN I BE CALM WHEN TUGGIE BROKE HIS LEG!" she replied in my ear.

"Thank you. Do we need to fix his broken leg?"

"Yes please mister doctor Quaxo sir."

"Alright then," I sighed, blood possibly trickling down my ears. "I'll get a gurney for him to lie on."

And get one I did. However, as I placed the wounded bore onto the sterile bed, I heard a tiny little noise that sent chills down my spine.

It was Etcetera. "Is there any way I could help out?" she asked.

"Well, sorry, but I think I have this covered, I…"

"Do it, Quaxo, or she'll never shut up about it." Jemima reminded me, as her friend gave me the puppydog eyes.

"Fine" I said, knowing I'd regret it later. "Could you grab me some sedative? If he wakes up, he could be in incredible pain, and we wouldn't want that. Jem will get it out, I just need you to bring it to me while I wheel Tugger out of here. Do you think you could do that for me?"

"Or maybe I could wheel Tuggsie in while you get the sediment?"

She's right, I thought to myself, she'd probably trip and break it.

"You're right, maybe it's not quite suited to your talents" I lied.

"Yay!" squealed the incessant pseudo-stalker, as I grabbed the chloroform, eying it pensively.

I decided it would not be in my best interest to sedate Etcetera, as her mother would probably freak out. She's so sensitive. But I'll have you know, it got very, VERY tempting at times. For example, when I was setting the bone back in place, she wouldn't stop screaming "EEEW!"

Then, just as I finished wrapping up his leg, the door creaked open, and my worst nightmares came through. The. Entire. Fanclub. All. At. Once.

"Who said you all could come in here?" I asked/shouted the mass of screaming fangirls.

"Jemima!" Bombalurina piped up. "She said my Tugger was hurt, and you needed volunteers to help nurse him back to health."

Thinking quickly, I left without saying anything. What? I don't work well under pressure.

Once Jem saw me, she immediately burst out laughing. "Sorry, I just couldn't help it!"

"Well I can't just tell them all to go home…"

"I know! Isn't it hilarious?"

I very much disagreed, giving her something not unlike the face most cats make when they are being bathed.

"Jemima, if you don't figure out a way to get them to go away, I swear you are fired."

"Now now now, let's not be hasty. Who said that a mass of volunteers had to be an impediment?"

"Alright, fine. But only if you organize them, and take over as narrator." Quaxo said, evidently very tired of describing the events happening around him.

"I hope she knows what she's doing" he thought to himself, "I wouldn't want the Tugger's beautiful, sexy body to…"

"I thought no such thing!" Quaxo lied. "OK, that's it. I'm narrating again."

"You're no fun" said Jemima, a whole bag of twizzlers falling out of her mouth.

"I can't leave for 500 words without you two staring a fight? This is absolute rubbish. I'm taking over. Now stop bickering and get back to the story!" said the omniscient narrator, who is evidently Jennyanydots this time.

"Yes ma'am." Replied Quaxo and Jemima sheepishly.

"So, on that note, I'll wait outside and redirect patients while you clean up the mess you made." Quaxo scolded.

"Okay then. Have a nice break!" chirped Jemima. She then waited for the door to close, before saying something that you kittens probably shouldn't be hearing.

About an hour later, Jemima peeked out and told Quaxo he could come in.

"About time. There hasn't been a single patient in need of redirection! It seems most of them just go straight to Jennyanydots these days." Quaxo replied. I do have that effect on people.

Upon re-entry, he was surprised to find that just about everyone was set to working on something, and those who weren't were quietly awaiting instruction.

"This is amazing!" he said. "How did you manage…This?"

"I told them that if they weren't quiet, they'd have to leave, because they might damage his hearing. Everything else worked itself out after that."

"Maybe you aren't so useless after all."

"Thanks, I like to think of myself as not useless."

"Don't mention it."

A/N: Shorter chapter than the last three, but I thought it was pretty good. Also, prize goes to whoever can figure out what happened to Tugger before the next chapter goes up. Still accepting requests for cats to injure/sicken. Still accepting votes for how Quaxomile turns out.