Chapter Two:

The Lizard Of Oz

After five hour's of walking Jack and Will soon came to the castle were the Lizard of Oz lived. Will ran up to the door and got ready to knock on the door.

"WILL!" Jack yelled in horror "They will never let us in if they see you're ugliness! I'll knock! Then I'll go talk to the Lizard and you stay here and hide!" Will started to cry but he obeyed.

Jack knocked on the big Shiny Green door. "Ooooo! Shiny!" said Jack happily. A little man with big ears opened the door. The little man smiled at Jack's beauty.

"HAHAHAHA!" laughed Jack crazily "You have very large ears!" he continued to laugh.

For ten minutes Jack just stood laughing at the man's ears and the man just stood smiling at Jack's attractiveness. Will grew impatient and started to throw rocks at Jack and the man.

"What the- oh right Will!" said Jack "Hello mister…I came to see the Lizard! The wonderful Lizard of Oz! Will and me heard he is a Liz of a Liz if ever a Liz there was! If ever oh ever a Liz there was the Lizard of Oz is one because because because because because BECAUSE! Because of the wonderful things he does! I'm here to see the Lizaaaaaaaard! The wonderful Lizard of Ooooooooooooooooooooooozzzzzzz!" He then got hit in the head by another one of Will's rocks so he stopped saying Oz. He then smiled his best most attractive smile at the little big-eared man.

The little man blushed and said, "You're very attractive! Usually people aren't allowed to see the Lizard but since you're so good-looking I'll let you in! My name is Poneario!"

Poneario led Jack into the building up seventeen flights of stairs and to another big shiny door. Jack was so tired from climbing he almost passed out dead. You see Jack is very eye-catching but very out of shape. He thinks since he's so handsome he doesn't need exercise.

"He's right in there!" said Poneario "Call me gorgeous!" he left.

Jack passed out and slept for three hour. When he woke up he ate some lint that was at the bottom of his pocket and knocked on the door. A very ugly little munchkin man answered the door. He was even grosser than Anna Nicole Smith but not as ugly as Will Turner. Jack was blinded by his ugliness.

"ARG! I am blinded by you're unattractiveness!" yelled Jack shielding his poor attractive eyes. The little ugly man was blinded by Jack's attractiveness.

"AGGHHHH! I am blinded by you're attractiveness!" yelled the little ugly man shielding his ugly unattractive eyes.

For about half an hour they just stood they're screaming and shielding they're eyes. Suddenly one of Will's rocks flew through the window and hit them in the face.

"OUCH! That hurt more than you're unattractiveness!" said Jack "I'm cured! My eyes are immune to you're ugliness!" He smiled and started to dance attractively.

"That also hurt more than you're attractiveness!" said the ugly little man "I'm cured! My eyes are immune to you're good looks!" he smiled and started to dance unattractively.

After fifteen minutes of attractive and unattractive dancing seventeen rocks and a chunk of plaster came flying thought the window hitting the freakish men.

"Oh yeah! We are wasting time dancing! I must see the Lizard!" said Jack

"You came to see the Lizard?" asked the ugly little man

"I came to see the Lizard!" said Jack "The wonderful Lizard of Oz! I've heard he is a Liz of a Liz if ever a Liz there was! If ever oh ever-" he then got hit by a rock.

"Will's right! We're wasting time! Show me to the Lizard little ugly man!" said Jack

"My name is Oscar!" said Oscar the ugly little man. " Follow me!" he led Into a bedroom and to a glass aquarium. Inside was a lizard about the size of you arm (unless you've got freakishly long arm's like Ozzy Osborn)

"Lizard! I've come to ask you to make my ugly hideous friend as beautiful as I!" said Jack. The lizard just sat there and ate some pipe cleaner.

"Why won't he talk?" asked Jack

"Lizard's don't talk you freak!" yelled Oscar " For an extremely good-looking person you aren't at all smart! Now get out of my room and stop talking to my pet!"

"You mean he isn't magic? Then why does he have his own castle named after him? Why does he have his own theme song? Why is he known far and wide for his powers? Why does Orange juice have chunky pulp?" said Jack.

"Hmmm…" said Oscar thinking about it. "I really don't know! Good questions! Except for the Orange juice one. That was just meaningless."

"But I love Orange juice!" said Jack. He then left the castle so Oscar could think in privacy.