Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N: Italics indicate a dream sequence.
The song for this chapter is "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner

Chapter 4—What Might Have Been

Hours had passed since Horatio had been shooed out of the bright, comfortable hospital room in the women's center. Now things were decidedly more somber. Another Florida thunderstorm raged outside as lightning flashed and rain pounded against the outside windows. The weather matched his mood.

He had lost count how many times he had been in the ICU and for so many people. All those victims. Eric Delko. Marisol. Now Yelina. But this time it seemed so different, he thought, as his eyes followed those IV and EKG lines that ran from behind her head and trailed down to her chest and her arm. He'd never felt so alone before. That lightning lit up the back of the room as the thunder crashed again.

Silently he walked in and sat down next to the head of her bed. As she slept, quietly and gently he reached out and stroked those beautiful curls of hers that lay spread out over the white pillow. Over and over again he heard the hissing of her oxygen canula and the Beep! Beep! Beep! of the EKG monitor behind her head. In his silent thought he figured out that her IV monitor clicked about every minute or so. The gray blood pressure cuff inflated on her arm and let out a sigh. Gently he reached down and touched her belly so as not to cause too much pressure. She was oblivious to everything, just continuing to sleep peacefully, it seemed.

Horatio could no longer help himself. He began to think about what might have been. If he had asked the pretty young homicide detective out before Raymond did. If he hadn't gotten used to "those boundaries" before Rick Stetler could steal her away. If Raymond hadn't shown up alive. Maybe if she and Ray Jr. had run away from Rio while Raymond was tangled up with the drugs. What might have been?

What might have been if she hadn't gotten sick? Why didn't he really notice her until she needed him? Maybe if he had been there for her and Ray Jr. more, she might have been resting comfortably in the soft, cozy women's hospital instead of in the stark, wiry intensive care ward.

He was starting to get drowsy. He hadn't gone home at all. He hadn't eaten. He just kept watching Yelina as her chest rose and fell faintly.

He heard a tap on the window. Horatio turned to see Eric peering through the glass wall. Horatio stepped out of the room. "Eric."

Delko wiped the rain out of his hair and watched with him through the window. "How's she doing, H?"

"Not too well, Eric."

He turned in the direction of more wet footsteps. Alexx, Calleigh, and Frank were walking up to him, leaving wet footprints on the grey floor. Calleigh wrung the excess rainwater out of her blonde hair.

"Hell of a night out there" Frank said, shaking rain off his arms. "How you holding up, Horatio?"

"I'm all right. Not sure about Yelina. They won't tell me anything."

Alexx put a wet hand on his shoulder. "You leave that to me, Sweetie. I'll talk to the nursing staff and see what I can find out. Sometimes you just have to speak the language" she said as she slipped out to the nurses' station.

As he watched through the wall, his hands in his pockets, Calleigh stood next to him and just watched. "She's lucky to have you" the ballistics expert finally said.

He just stared silently.

Minutes later Alexx stepped out in the hallway. She had a much more confident look about her.

"Okay. Talked with the shift nurse. What she told me was that one of her arteries just above her round ligament ruptured. There was a small aneurysm right in front of where Dr. Keener cauterized it. It must have happened right around the time Yelina was waking up. So they took her back into surgery, and they were able to seal up the aneurysm. The good news is, I looked at her vitals, and she looks like she's slowly stabilizing. The bleeding is what caused her heart rate to drop, but it looks like that aneurysm's not gonna cause any more problems. In fact, if she stays stable, it looks like they should transfer her to a regular room in the morning. They just want to make sure she doesn't rupture again. In fact, they didn't even have to make any new incisions. They just took off the surgical glue and worked right through the incisions she already had. Right now they have her on Oxycodone just to sleep off the second surgery." Alexx looked down at the P.I. "Yelina's in good hands right now. In fact, she's off in La-La Land, probably dreaming sweet dreams about something. Or someone."

"Or someone" Horatio lamented.

"You had any dinner yet, Horatio?"

"I've been right here the whole time" he said tiredly.

Alexx looked at Calleigh. "Calleigh, what do you say we watch Yelina while Horatio gets a bite to eat out of the cafeteria?"

Calleigh nodded. "Sure. Horatio, we'll be right here."

He looked at the floor. "She might wake up while I'm gone."

The mother hen firmed her touch on his shoulder. "Baby? You've got to get something in you. Now I promise you. If she wakes up, we'll call you. She's gonna be looking for you when you wake up."

"C'mon, Horatio. I'll go with you" Frank promised. "Cup of coffee sounds good right about now."

Finally he nodded and stood up. "Call me."

There were no sounds except the warm beach wind whistling through her curls and her white beach wrap. From the cabana she admired the beautiful Caribbean.

Horatio stood by the massage table with a bottle of pina colada-scented massage oil and a towel draped over his shoulder. He wore a tee shirt that showed his magnificent arms.

"Come. Lie down, Yelina." he whispered into her ear as he untied her fluttering wrap, letting it fall to the sand. "Tell me now. Where does it hurt? I promise I'll make you feel all better."

She blushed as the breeze now caressed her naked skin. "My belly's a little sore" she whispered back, caressing her stomach.

He patted the soft massage bed. "Lie down, and I'll take the hurt away."

"You'll be gentle?"

"Yes."

As she lay face up on the massage table, he lay a sheet over her body, but she pushed his hand away. "No. I want you to see me."

He smiled. "I'd like that." He poured the warm oil on his hand and, with circular motions of his palms, worked it into her tender belly. She moaned with pleasure as she took in the sensations, along with the pina colada and tropical scents. A tropical bird called in the distance.

"Am I taking your hurt away?"

She smiled with her eyes closed. "Mmmm. Yes. Please don't ever stop taking my hurt away."

He leaned closely to her ear as his soft, oily hands worked their way further up her body now. "I'd love to massage you in my own special way, Yelina."

"Mmm. You'll be gentle?"

"I promise."

Yelina opened her eyes to see his face right beside hers in the darkness. In her sick drowsiness, she merely studied him for the longest time—his furrowed eyelids, his tousled red hair, his cheek resting on his hands. As her senses came back little by little, she realized that he had fallen asleep while sitting next to her.

A glance at the clock told her that it was three-thirty in the morning. The sweet, beautiful Caribbean surf of her dream was now replaced by the hissing of oxygen, the EKG machine, and the blood pressure cuff. The sweet smell of the pina colada had now become medicine and chemicals.

"Horatio" she whispered.

He didn't respond. He must've been tired, she thought.

"Horatio?"

He opened his eyes with a start and jerked his head up at the sound of her voice. Slowly and painfully he straightened up his back and stretched. He then smiled at her tiredly. "Welcome back."

Yelina never moved. "Have you been here the whole time?"

"I have."

She smiled. "I had a dream about you."

He smiled back. Gently he took her hand in his, careful to avoid the IV needle. "And I had one about you too."

"How long, Horatio?"

"How long till what?"

"How long are we going to avoid how we feel about each other?"

Gently he interlocked his fingers with hers. "Yelina? That's never gonna happen again."