Here come a new one with Goku POV. I was disappointed of how they show Goku in reload gunlock. He looked even younger than in the first serie. So, this is my answer for why.
Mask
I always wore a mask. The mask of the fun-loving boy. The mask of the ever happy Goku. I have no choice but keep the pretense. Even since we have left Chang'an I was stuck in this role.
And for why, do you ask me. Because if I don't, the others would fall apart. Gojyo need me to fight and yell. It is his way to relieve the stress. And Hakkai see me as a younger student. Not that the two of them don't like me, but they can't see the real me. The one who was suffering from loneliness.
Only Sanzo can see it sometime, not often but it's better than not. And at this time he was so nice with me ( which means that he don't hit me too much with his damned fan) that I fall in love with him again. Because I really am in love with him, but I hid it like most of the things. I know that until our journey had ended and we were victorious, I have to keep it for myself. Sanzo had no time to deal with it, even if he felt something more to me than he let appeared.
I don't had tell you that I can heard Sanzo thought too. It was an other of my secret. At first it was just a feeling, but now I almost can tell what he felt in spite of his attitude. And more than once I was very happy of what I discovered.
It's hard to play an act again and again, and sometime I snap. Like the time when Gojyo had left us for his search of the "kami-sama". This time I had left my mask fall and I had even throw a pillow right into Sanzo's face. I really had believed that my last hour had come. Fortunately, Sanzo's anger had found an other target. And, more than ever, I was happy that Sanzo was angry with the Kappa.
So, you see. I can't be myself. Not now, not yet. But one day I will. And this day Sanzo would not escape me. I'm sure of it.
End
I plan to write a saiyuki fic. please take a look.