As Edward raced furiously through the streets of New York, his mind (along with his superhuman body) was going a mile a second.
"Why didn't it work, dammitt?" he cursed under his breath.
He could sense the other Cullens following him, but keeping their distance, just enough so he could sense them, but not read their minds clearly.
Suddenly, something caught his eye and he stopped immediately, barely noticing the fact that he had skidded into a light post and knocked it over
.
"Hey, Buster, that's against the law you know!", yelled a nearby policeman who had watched the pole fall, openmouthed.
Edward ignored the Policeman, and proceeded to dash into the small drugstore he'd spotted.
"Give me one can of Comet, a bottle of Windex, rat poison, bug spray, and every toxic chemical substance that you carry please", Edward demanded of the perplexed salesman.
Edward drummed his fingers in frustration on the glass countertop as the man went to fetch everything- agonizingly slowly, in Edwards opinion-, but quickly stopped when he heard a crack and a few shards of glass fell to the floor.
"That's $57.92 sir", said the salesman as he rang it all up.
Edward impatiently tossed a hundred dollar bill at the man and growled, "Keep the change" as he impatiently struggled with the child-proof, (and apparently vampire-proof) lid on the bottle of rat poison.
Losing his patience, he bit it off, much to the shock of the salesman. As the salesman's mouth dropped open, Edward quickly downed the contents of the bottle. A few customers watched in horror and one whipped out her cell phone to dial 911. Before she'd punched in a single number, The rest of the Cullens raced in. Esme snatched the phone out of the woman's hand and laughed nervously.
"It's a joke everyone", Rosalie announced, glaring at Edward.
"Some stupid marketing scam I think", muttered the woman with the cell phone to her friend, and glared at Edward and the Salesman as they walked out.
Edward, realizing the poison had no effect, quickly ripped the tube of Comet in half and crammed both halves down his throat.
He gagged and fell to the floor, writhing about from the taste.
"Soon I will be with you, my sweet Bella", he moaned, as the other Cullens watched in shock.
Edwards vision began to get fuzzy.
"Finally!" he thought.
Suddenly, the taste of the poison caught up to him.
He retched and stood up. There were a few shocked customers still staring as the other Cullens tried to shepherd them out.
As Edward hurried in the direction of a nearby aisle, he bumped into a lady carrying a huge bag of dog food, coincidentally, the same lady he'd bumped into in front of the empire state building.
"You again!", she snapped, recognizing Edward. She began hitting him with her bag of dog food.
Resisting the urge to cram some of the remaining poison down her throat, Edward raced forward, all the while the old lady following him, still whacking him with her dog food.
As Edward reached his destination, the candy aisle, he managed to shove the old lady into a nearby display. As she and the display crashed to the floor, he grabbed a bag of M&M's off the shelf.
He'd never had much tolerance for chocolate, even when he was human, but he figured anything would be better than the taste of the comet still lingering in his throat.
To the amazement of several teenage girls in the aisle, Edward ate the M&M's, bag and all, than grabbed a Snickers bar.
Suddenly, Alice appeared at the end of the aisle.
"I found him!", she shouted.
Edward promptly choked on his candy bar and ran, with the wrapper still stuck between his extremely venomous teeth.
Suddenly, he found himself slipping and falling, landing on a cushion of dog food and stuffed animals.
He had tripped over an infuriatingly cute fluffy bunny, which of course reminded him of Bella.
"Son, you're coming with us", said a cold voice.
Edward looked up. A large police officer was standing above him, hands on hips, with an annoyed expression on his face.
"Attempted theft, vandalization, the purchase and consumption of highly toxic substances", listed the officer, ticking them off on his fingers as he talked.
"So it's off to the ER first, then the police station for a little chat", continued the officer, holding up a pair of hand-cuffs.
Edward rolled his eyes, a gesture not missed by the policeman, who glared at him and gestured for him to get up.
Edward spit the Snickers wrapper into the officers face and got up and ran.
"Hey, you come back here right now you mediocre delinquent!" shouted the officer, red in the face and waving his fist.
Edward allowed enough time to give the officer a rude hand gesture before racing out the door.
Time for plan C.