Soy sorry for the delay...
thank-you all for the reviews here is CHAPTER 5.
3 or more reviews...peas and chips or you won't get part 6

They were still in the closet, still curled up together.
Just staring at the wall in front of them. Something was eating at Grissom. He had spent most of the boys life drinking. He thought it was better that way, yes it hurt like a bitch but the boy was better off not knowing him.

He hoped that brass didn't find him; Sara was just trying to be a good wife and stop him from hurting. Finding him would only dig up more scars and bring more pain. He didn't have the heart to tell her that he didn't want that.

Grissom had spent nearly thirty years coming to terms with the fact that, yes his baby boy was better off dead.
"Have you ever shot anyone, Sara?" her head flew up meeting his blue blood shot eyes in the poor light.
"No" she murmured "Have you?"
"Three" The first man he shot was a junkie, totally out of his mind. Gil had only been on the job a few weeks. He was brandishing a gun and waved it around at Gil, the man fired a shot aimed at brass and Gil shot him back. Empted the magazine of his berretta.

The second time, he shot Jim brass in the foot at the shooting range.
The third was the last time he felt safe carrying a gun.
1994.
It was a boy trying to break into his home he shot him once in the chest. He had one brown eye and one blue, stubble upon his chin. He was convinced it was Jackson. He even had the DNA tech run a test against his DNA, inconclusive match.

"You think you shot Him?" spoke Sara.
"When I shot him, I felt a pang in my chest...it felt like guilt, at the same time I felt happy, relived" How could a father say that? He wanted his son dead?
"Because you knew where he was?"
"Yes because I knew it was by my hand...not some monster"
"Is that why you don't like carrying guns?"
He spoke a desperate plea.

"I don't want you to find him" she cradled him her arms again like she did before. What did this Becky do to him to hurt him so very very much? To have him convinced, that he didn't want his son.
"Tell me about Becky?"

Gil met Rebecca Garrett in his first year in college, he quickly fell in love. Rebecca wasn't so sure.
The cracks in their relationship started showing about six months in, she started asking for money.

He gave it to her willingly, never protested. But still she complained that he never gave her anything.
At one point he was giving her $300 dollars a week. He barely had enough to get by. While she was spending the money on drugs. She wanted more.

They always used protection when it came to sex but Becky came up with an evil plan to place a small hole in every condom in their little apartment, determined to have a child so she could get more money. And it happened, they conceived Jackson.
"I never felt so happy, that I was going to be a father" but he never knew the true reason for his son.

He told his mother the good news, she was just as happy as him but she told him to marry Becky so that if she did try to take the child of him he would have more of a chance of winning custody over his child. He didn't listen.
Rebecca asked for more money, he didn't have any. She threatened to leave him then, so he went to Vegas playing poker in the little backrooms winning big. He went to the Rampart and played blackjack...cleared the dealer on the way out he was escorted to the box. He was told that he wasn't welcome at the Rampart anymore.

Jackson finally came along...Becky was ready for leaving, she had enough money to go far away and three months later she did.
It broke his heart that he could be such a fool...so blind. She never loved him. She used him.

"Aw Gil" She pulled him closer kissed his head, stroked his cheek.
"I don't want you to find him...leave him alone" He didn't want to find his son. Not because he reminded him of her...he looked nothing like her. He reminded him that he was a fool, a blind fool.
What kind of child would want a father that was fool?

"He wouldn't understand...he would see you for you...his daddy" She tried to persuade him.
"Why couldn't you have just left the box alone?" he cried as he buried his head in his hands.
"I was trying to help you"

"Can't we just go back to how it was? Just me and you in Paris?"He asked
"It never was just you and me" she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder "Was it?"
"Leave me, Sara...go back to Vegas" She could believe he was saying this. She couldn't leave him in this state...she couldn't leave him.
The phone rang in the other room; she left in search of it. Leaving Gil alone in the dark.
"Please be dead" he said to himself

TBC