Carlos Antony Garcia
I stepped into the cramped room and closed the door. I ran my fingers through my hair and sat down with a sigh. I swallowed and he leaned forward.
""I'm not going to try to make you mad, and I'm not going to try to set you off. Or see where your boiling point is. I just want to be civil." He whispered across the table.
"I'll try to do the same." I said looking away to the window. My lip curled with disdain. I looked back to him to see his hair fall into his face. How could he have lured Katie in?
"I loved her you know." He whispered and I held back the instinct to wrap my fingers around his neck.
"I loved her too," I said calmly, "We all did."
"But you, you loved her like I loved her. You loved her more than everyone else did. You would have brought all the stars to Earth just to see her smile."
"We all felt that way." I spoke simply and calmly. He couldn't know…
"You know when I was on top of her," he began and I gritted my teeth at the thought of that monster hurting Katie, "She used to call out your name. She called for you even before she called for Kendall. Sometimes she'd call out your name in ecstasy; other times she chanted it like her own personal mantra. She said it as if she believed you'd come save her." He whispered across the table.
"I wanted to save her. I wanted to save her so bad that it hurts." I whimpered, trying to hold myself together.
"But you know you couldn't have saved her. No one could have. Yet you're still going to harbor this forever, carry it on your shoulder forever. As if you were to blame. You're guilty Carlos… Why is that?" He smiled at me darkly and I turned away
"She asked me that day if I wanted to ride with her. I should have gone. She wouldn't have been subjected to this horrible fate."
"Again Carlos, you wouldn't have saved her. I would have just killed you. No one would have known. She had no choice." I looked down at the table, wishing I could straighten out my emotions. I looked weak. Why couldn't I verbally bash him like my father would have?
"The casket thing was your idea wasn't it?" I looked up at him and he smirked. "Don't you remember? You talked to me at the funeral, asked me how I knew Katie. I told you I was one of her friend's father."
I gripped the legs of my chair as I tried to calm down.
"You are a sick, perverse bastard. Attending the funeral of a girl you raped and murdered. You do know you're getting the death penalty, right? Kidnapping, rape, murder, especially of a young child. Oh you're going down." He smirked and said, "Yes, I do realize that. That's why I'm here telling you. I couldn't imagine not telling you guys what happened to your sweet angel. That would be truly sadistic. I had to give my baby some justice."
"Real justice wouldn't have killed her. Real justice wouldn't have raped her." I snarled.
"Why do you insist on calling what I did to her rape? I made love to her, showed her more pleasure than you could ever imagine. It's the same thing you wanted to do to Katie. Only I had the balls to do it, to hold her in my arms and claim her until we both couldn't get out of bed. Until her body was rocked with spasms and she was moaning your name. It was weird, no matter what I did, it was always you. Why was that?" I turned my head to the side and looked at the ground.
"Carlos…" he said in a singsong voice and I said, "I've done something's I shouldn't have. Things I'm not proud of." A cold chill ran through the air and he chuckled.
"You know it won't end with her; you're going to lust for her everyday. Then you're going to look at other girls like you did Katie. You're going to try to bury yourself in other little girls who look like her first. Then you're going to go for other kids, blondes, reds… boys. Anything to fill the void. I remember being just like you, Trying girls your age but never being fully… satisfied. Then finding the right girl, but it's so wrong, isn't it Carlos. Wanting to be in her so bad you ache…"
I groaned, "Shut up." I breathed.
"Yet you like it. You like how forbidden and dangerous it is. And you want more; you need more than the occasional hugs and lap sits. But then she gets taken from you and now take what you deserve, what you so desire from someone else to attempt to replace her, and maybe you will, but then you'll come to realize she'll never stay that way so you kill her, giving up your life so she'll get justice and you'll never try to fill her place anymore."
"I'll never be like that. Never."
"Ha. That's what you think. But it has come to my attention that most child lovers, 'pedophiles'" he said with disgust, "Have such a childish personality. You never quite grow up, never quite mature. Katie saw that in you wasn't she? She was the first to forgive your naivety and the first to comfort you, even if she didn't quite understand why you were upset. Because sometimes you could forget she was a child."
I looked down at the table and a tear fell on the table. Then two, three, and soon I was crying. He came around the table and put his hand on my shoulder.
"I wanted to say… I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I took her away. I had to. I had no other choice."
"You're a liar." That was it, I broke. "You're lying and you know you are. You had another choice! You just didn't want to let her go. You wouldn't let her go. Her other choice was to live, to just let her go. But you wouldn't. She was an angel. It was hard to tell how old she was. But it was possible. Did you recall how young she was when you sucked the life out of her? Did you remember that she was only ten years old? She never got to experience life. Did it dawn on you when you never gave her a choice? She never had a chance. You just were too selfish and afraid for your own ass to give her back."
I put my head in my hands and whimpered.
"Why couldn't you give her back?"
"Carlos… I'm sorry. I am. Katy meant the world to me."
"She was my world." I interjected.
'But I'll always be in the back of your mind, even after I die. You'll think about me as much as you do Katie. So just let her go. Let me go. Don't dwell on it because it'll devour your soul and then you'll break. Do you want to break?"
"I've got to leave," I said, my voice distraught.
"Carlos, I'll always be there. You'll remember me as she's crying beneath you, begging you to stop. I'll be there."
I bolted from the room and Mrs. Knight wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "Come on Carlos let's go." We walked out of the precinct, all as a unit. We each wore a strong face, even though we each had fared our own lost. We were all coming back with our own cracked look at ourselves. Because no matter what that man said to each of us, we were sure of two things. It was finally real; Katie was never coming back, and we each would never be the same. We were too rocked. He had asked questions that none of us were prepared to answer. Questions that we'd never even thought people would ask us. How could he see through the façade than none of our friends had even seen? We all walked out to the car in silence, no one dare confirming their silent fears. It was terrifying that somewhere deep in our psyche we were each as evil and perverse as Tony Valencia.