Depression and Thrill
Sarreaha:
...last month Olivia agreed to marry me. We plan to marry in June ...
Her brown eyes just couldn't get past that one phrase. The whole letter was filled with non-essentials, the normal things that happened in the paper, around home ... the boring stuff. Yet in the middle of the letter were two little lines hidden away. As if the writer was ashamed to write them. That he wanted to hide them away in the clutter of every day life.
She didn't understand it, but she felt hurt.
The letter clutched in her fingers, her small owl gripping her shoulder, Sarreaha had left the courtyard and traveled across the grounds. She wanted to be a lone, and yet the grounds were too open, too many people traversed them, and the castle was full to the top with people. She needed somewhere where people didn't normally go, at least by choice. Her eyes spied the green houses.
Snow crunching under foot, Sarreaha made her way to the last green house, opening the door she let herself in. A blast of humid air hit her face and Chess had hooted, startled. Her eyes took in the wide variety of plants present. She recognized some but others she didn't. However, she moved towards a section of Flutterby bushes, they would cause her no harm, before she took a seat.
Once more her eyes traveled to the letter, bypassing the pleasantries to those two sentences. She had not thought her father had been serious about the woman, and yet he was. Sarreaha had tried to give Olivia a chance, she had tried to share her father with another woman. But she couldn't. Not because she was selfish and wanted to keep her daddy to herself, no. She didn't like Olivia. The woman quickly wore on Sarreaha's nerves.
Dad knows I don't like her! Why would he want to marry her? she thought bitterly. She felt the sting of tears as they filled her eyes. She wiped them away but they continued to come. Great, now I'm crying ... it's not that big of a deal ... so why am I crying? She was trying to convince herself.
It wasn't working.
Sarreaha knew if she was completely against the idea of this woman in the house that she could go live with her mother. But she loved her dad, thats why she chose to continue to live with him. Surely there wouldn't be that big of a difference?
Her mind was in a whirl ... both in the way her father chose to inform her and the implications that it had in regard to herself. With a sigh, she folded her arms over her knees and laid her head down. She would just allow the tears to come. It was no use trying to stop them.
Devon:
Devon stared out the window, staring at nothing. His dark olive eyes was hollow and lifeless. Devon was so sick of it now. It had almost been going on for over a year now. The sleepless nights. The images of other people's lives. The images that would never leave his mind. The dark lady he'd seen oh so many times. And the overwhelming power that filled him, sickening him.
Just there and then, Devon couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he could see everything. As he was sitting in the library, he could see that someone was thinking of their boyfriend, others were hating their life and someone was even thinking of themselves in a very high standard. He could see, or feel, everything. All he wanted to do was to yell out and scream, telling them to shut up. Instead, Devon stood up and left. Why on earth did he believe that he could concentrate in a room like the library?
Devon sighed to himself as he walked slowly, as always, nothing seemed put of place with him any more. He was as tired as always and as laid-back as always. Nothing glancing behind his dark face and silent appearance.
Things seemed to really bug Devon lately, however, things were actually going better, no matter how dark it may seem. Now that Devon actually had an idea of what his illness was, he had started studying this phenomena to try and help himself. As he had no one to turn to, he had to take action in is own hands. And he had found something that might even work. The problem was, how to get it? And was he man enough to do it?
Devon found himself walking towards the green houses, even though he was only dressed in a simple pair of worn jeans and a thin dark green sweatshirt. It was freezing and the green houses seemed comfortable. He bet there weren't many people there. Entering one of the green houses Devon was overwhelmed by a wall of feelings.
Sadness, depression, loneliness.
He couldn't make them all out, and didn't want to either. However, Devon couldn't just stand there, so he closed the door and started feeling his way forth to where these feelings were coming from. As he waked over by the Flutterby bushes, Devon saw that it was Sarreaha sitting there. A wave of his own feelings rushed to him as he saw that she was crying.
Devon used every fiber of his willpower to push all her thoughts and feelings away, he didn't want to know what she felt if she didn't tell him. Somehow, in a way Devon couldn't explain, he managed to block out all her feelings and thoughts, and for a brief moment, it seemed that he was back to normal. Devon blinked before stepping forth.
"Hi." Devon said walking over to Sarreaha. He didn't wait for an invitation as he just sat down next to her.
Sarreaha:
It had been too much to hope for. One finds a place to be a lone and some one else comes along and discovers it to. However, when the person interrupting Sarreaha's solitude became known, she found she didn't mind so much. However, if she was in the mood for reflection it would be interesting that each time she met Devon alone, so far, was after she received news about her father's girlfriend.
When he sat down next to her, Sarreaha moved to wipe her tears away. She didn't like people seeing her cry; she felt so defenseless ... especially with the fact she cried so easily. Sarreaha would cry over the silliest and smallest things. She could not explain why she was like that, but she was and Sarreaha disliked it about herself.
Hi he had said simply to her. She smiled weakly at him when she said softly, "Hey." She jumped slightly when her small brown owl jumped off her shoulder and into the air long enough to land on one of the beams near the roof of the greenhouse. "I should have left him outside," she said quietly, looking up at the bird. However, her owl had been the furthest thing from her mind; plus, the creature had stayed on her shoulder the entire time.
She did not realize it right away, but her eyes had continued to water with tears. The owl's flight having taken her mind from it after she had wiped the previous tears away. "You seem to have knack of finding me when my mood is low," she then commented to Devon with another weak smile. "In Diagon Alley and now here..."
Sarreaha leaned back into the bush, it giving a shutter causing the leaves rub against another emitting a low cwshh noise.
Devon:
Devon couldn't keep his eyes of Sarreaha as he watched her. He felt so bad for her, being so sad. He felt the urge to do whatever she wanted for her. Somehow, he disliked to see her so sad, and he wanted to make whatever made her sad disappear.
Devon's eyes traveled to the small brown owl sitting on her shoulder as she replied to him. He had honestly not noticed it. His eyes had been to occupied to take in Sarreaha's eyes. The brown owl jumped and flew up, landing near the roof of the greenhouse. I should have left him outside. Devon looked at Sarreaha. He really didn't like to see her so sad, he felt like doing something to cheer her up.
But what can I do? I'm no good with people... Devon thought to himself. Devon looked back at Sarreaha to see her eyes filled with water again. He nearly jumped as she spoke again, ever so softly. You seem to have knack of finding me when my mood is low. In Diagon Alley and now here...
Devon weren't really sure what to say, but still, the words were out of his mouth before he had had the chance to think them through. "Perhaps it's because I'm drawn towards you, and whenever you are sad, I come in hopes of making you happy again."
Devon couldn't believe that the words had left his mouth so suddenly, but at the time being, it had sounded so good. Nevertheless, Devon weren't sure what to make of it, perhaps it was not the words Sarreaha had needed to hear at the particular moment. But, the words had been said. All Devon could do, was to wait for his brain to function again, and for his heart to stop beating so fast.
Sarreaha:
Part of Sarreaha didn't really expect Devon to reply to what she had said, and part of her did. She really attributed it to the fact, that since school had started she had learned more about Devon. She had not seen him outside their classes and yet the seemed enough to give her an idea what he was like. And her brief meeting in the summer seemed to confirm her thoughts a little bit.
As Sarreaha learned more about Devon, she also found herself listening more to the Rumor Mill of the school. She had heard the things that were said about him. However, she did not believe them. Despite the fact she didn't believe them, she still felt concern for him. Sarreaha could see there was something wrong. Something that Devon was hiding. However, Sarreaha would never push someone to reveal anything to her. Instead, she was just there. Someone to talk to, someone to count on...
So it was a little surprising at the words that had come out his mouth. Perhaps it's because I'm drawn towards you, and whenever you are sad, I come in hopes of making you happy again. She had not been expecting them. The words seemed to say so much and yet so little. It gave her some hope but then logic came and squash it away. Could he really mean something by it? Or was he just saying it because she was crying?
Either way, a smile lit Sarreaha's lips at the words. They may not have been the thing she needed to hear but they had done something. Maybe she had cried all her tears, maybe she had come to terms with her situation, maybe his words did have an affect, or maybe it was a little of everything but her tears seemed to quell a little.
Moving on instinct, Sarreaha gave Devon a soft kiss on the cheek. "Thanks," she said softly, as she leaned her head against his shoulder. Despite what Devon may think, Sarreaha didn't think he was that bad with people. She probably would have said as much but it was not forefront in her mind. Instead, her mind was still contemplating the words he had spoken.
Devon:
For Devon, time seemed to stand still as he'd spoke the words. It seemed like Sarreaha would never say anything, or do anything, and perhaps she wouldn't. Perhaps this were one of those things he said, which didn't need a reply. However, suddenly time moved again, but Devon was still frozen. He was what happened, in the corner of his eye, but he couldn't help it, nor prevent it. He didn't know, he had never seen. He'd dreamed of it, but he thought it had only been a dream, a real dream.
A kiss.
On the cheek, nevertheless, but a kiss.
Sarreaha leaned on Devon's shoulder, and all he could do was to sit there. His feelings were trembling inside so much that he forgot to register that he'd seen something. He couldn't remember. Did that just happen? Devon couldn't think clearly. Sarreaha's soft lips still lingered on his cheek where she'd left a mark. An invisible mark.
So, not knowing quite what to do, as she'd left his speechless and stunned, he just sat there and let her lean on him. Perhaps his shoulder was just what she needed right now.
Looking up, deep in thoughts, Devon felt sort of calm. It had been a long time since he'd been so calm. Suddenly, his mind was clear and free from pressure, and thinking was easy. He'd cleared his mind, and it was all thanks to Sarreaha. Now that he sat there, he suddenly knew how to solve his problems.
"Thank you Sarreaha," he whispered barely noticeable. He hadn't even registered that he'd said it.
Sarreaha:
Sarreaha had felt a blush flow over her cheeks when she realized that she had done. Had she really just kissed him on the cheek? She didn't even want to contemplate how her thoughts would have gone if she had kissed him on the lips in stead. True, it had felt natural to do the action ... but she felt the embarrassment from it.
What must Devon think? Would he suspect that she liked him? Would he think it was just her way of saying thank you to him. But then she had never done it before. Oh, it was just so confusing. She closed her eyes trying to block it from her mind. But it was just there. It seemed she had found the perfect remedy for casting the melancholy thought of her father's remarriage from mind.
However, Sarreaha wasn't about to go kissing a guy every time she felt glum now. No. She wasn't that type of person. The girl could not even say if she would do it again or not. However, she she had to do the previous minutes over again, she did not think she would change anything. However, the Kiss was not the only thing on her mind. She was now leaning against him, her head on the shoulder.
Had she lost her mind in those minutes? Really! Where did it go? Or rather why was it kicking in now after everything had already been done! Her thoughts and embarrassment was broken off, however, when she heard the soft utterance from Devon, Thank you Sarreaha.
She opened her eyes and tilted her head slightly so she could get a view of his face. She felt confused. Why was he thanking her? What was he thanking her for. "For what?" she asked him softly. Sarreaha did not think she had helped in any way, as far as she knew he had been the one doing the helping.
Devon:
One could compare it with floating on air, this feeling that he had. Devon kept on looking up. His dark olive eyes were as always, but, perhaps, if possible, a little brighter. It was hard to define how he felt. It was all a mix up for shock, calmness and confusion. Shock: because she'd just kissed him. Calmness: because her presence made him a better person. Confusion: because he didn't know where this left him and Sarreaha.
Did this mean she liked him? No, Devon weren't sure if he were to allow himself to think like that. Someone, even in Sarreaha's presence, that was a question he had to think about on his own.
For what? Devon had almost forgot his comment that had slipped out from his lips. Now that Sarreaha had spoken, he'd come back from wherever his mind had floated. He continued to look up, even though he could feel her eyes on him. He half smiled. "For being here," he said simply even though it hadn't been so simple to say.
Devon didn't recognize himself. Where did his ability to speak come from? However, Devon was glad that he did. Perhaps he could silently admit to himself why he said what he said. Could he possibly be interested in her? Yes, he could. That was definitely a possibility. Why else say what he said?
Devon felt like he could be himself around Sarreaha, and that was a good thing. It was sort of an un-touched freedom to speak ones mind. A kind of freedom, Devon usually never allowed himself to have. He was a loner, someone in the shadow. And he liked it there. But sometimes, even the shadow needs light.
Sarreaha:
For being here. Sarreaha's brows furrowed at his response. She did not understand exactly what he meant. However, that may have been because Sarreaha didn't even know Devon's problems, she only had surface glimpse and even that was not much. How could she understand the deep feelings and thoughts that were with in the boy? Thoughts and feelings that had never been shown on the surface, at least what Sarreaha had ever seen.
Despite not knowing, Sarreaha didn't ask. She never asked. It was probably the best trait about her: she didn't probe. She didn't ask question upon question expecting an answer. Instead, she waited to be told, to be trusted.
Either way, a smile touched her lips. "You're welcome," she stated softly, she may not have understood exactly how she helped him, but she did understand that she had done something. Looking at him, there seemed to be something different, not something she could spot or point out.
In a few moments, Sarreaha got to her feet. She moved underneath the rafter part that her owl sat on. She reached a hand up to the creature, "Come 'ere, Chess," she said to the bird and yet it stayed where it. "Silly bird, come here so I can let you outside," she told it with a laugh, however the bird ruffled his feathers at her with a hoot. Sarreaha's hand dropped back to her side and she shook her head with a small smile.
Although her mood was considerably lighter, Sarreaha still felt the rock in her heart that her father's letter had placed there. She could not say how she felt or even what she would do with this information. The only thing she knew was that she would take it as it came.