The Hot Borg Equilibrium
"Sheldon. Can I ask you a question?"
"The ability to offer an interrogative rests solely on the one asking it."
"The ability to inter-what-now?"
"Your syntax was incorrect."
"Oh. Right. I meant, May I ask you a question."
"You may, but I prefer you didn't while I'm currently watching Star Trek."
"Really? This is Star Trek? I don't see Spock."
"You're referring to Star Trek: The Original Series, which aired for three seasons from September 8th, 1966, through June 3rd, 1969. We're watching Star Trek: Voyager."
"Is there a difference?"
"Is there a difference? Star Trek: Voyager takes place approximately a century after the original. It has an entirely new cast of characters set in an entirely different quadrant of the universe."
"Sorry I asked."
"... Even though it generally follows the foundation of the original franchise, Voyager did have its breakthroughs, for instance, having a woman cast as the lead role.
"Really? As Captain?"
"Yes, Kathryn Janeway, whom frankly, if James T. Kirk commanded wouldn't have gotten his ship stranded 75,000 light years from earth."
"I'm pretty sure that was an insult, but I'm gonna let it slide. Back to my question. I was wondering, have you ever found a girl, uh, you know... hot?"
"Hmm. Are you using the term "hot" to gauge temperature or physical attractiveness?"
"Attractiveness."
"In that case: No."
"No? So, you've never looked at a woman and felt 'the feelings.'"
"Correct. By the way, I believe I've made my stand on air quotes at my monthly 'Intolerable Personal Habits Seminar' perfectly clear."
"My bad. Well, look, how about her? She looks pretty, who's she?"
"That's Seven of Nine Tertiary Adjunct of Uni-Matrix 0-1"
"I'm not saying all that."
"They called her 'Seven' for short."
"OK. Don't you think Seven looks pretty?"
"Well, she does have a strong muscle structure and a low body fat ratio western cultures deem desirable. I would consider her attractive by those parameters."
"Ha. Knew it. You are human after all."
"Please, Penny. She's a character in a fictional television series, nothing more."
"Who I kinda look like."
"You have no similarities at all."
"Oh yeah? She looks about my height. We're both blonds. We're both athletic."
"Physical characteristics aside, Penny, you don't have tiny microscopic machines encoded to assimilate any material it comes in contact with coursing through your cybernetically enhanced body, or have the knowledge of the entire Borg collective at your disposal."
"The entire Borg collective?"
"Well, all the knowledge before she was severed from the hive mind. And all you posses is an inferior immune system marked by your inordinate tendency to catch the flu, and the smattering education of whatever you retained at community college before you hopelessly dropped out."
"Again, I'm gonna to let that slide."
"What are you doing?"
"Texting Leonard to see if he knows where I can get a Seven of Nine costume for Halloween."
"I assure you there are none."
"Then I'll make one."
"You'll fail."
"Come October I'll be the hottest Borg in Pasadena. Isn't that right, Shelly?"
"Your plan to undermine my patience will not prevail."
"Oh, I believe it will."
"I'm going to my room.
"Resistance is futile, Sheldon. It is useless to resist."
END
My first Big Bang Theory fic. Usually, when I start writing for a new fandom I start off small, so this seemed appropriate. Meaningless drabbles are fun and always the remedy for an acute case of writers block. Hope I got the characters right. Thanks for Reading. Qapla'