H:TEC: Difficulties of Life Chapter 8: The Revelation, a harry potter fanfic

The Revelation

Devon:

It was after Christmas. Christmas; the too used holiday that he couldn't care less of right now. It was New Years eve... or at least, soon to be eve. It was right after dinner time. However, no matter how long it had been since Christmas, Devon Nutosk still carried with him a secret gift in his pocket. It was to that special someone. The special someone that he'd screwed up with. If he could, he would've kicked himself a hundred times. There was no headache in the world that could erase the pain that he felt in his heart when he thought about how he'd walked away from the only person on the planet that he truly did care for.

Devon wandered lost and alone in the corridors in the dungeons. He'd just walked out of his common room, not knowing where to go. He'd probably go up to one of the many towers at Hogwarts and just watch the ground, prepare himself for the massive headache that would come along with the students when the holiday ended. Somehow though, Devon doubted he'd be able to concentrate on that.

Recently, it hadn't been his worries for his dreams or headaches that had occupied his mind, but it was his special someone. Sarreaha. How could he have just walked away from her like that? Pushed her aside as if she was any other worthless person who didn't give a jack about him?

Devon cursed himself as he walked. How could he have been so blind and stupid? He was such a selfish person! All Devon could think of was her sad face. When she had needed someone, he'd just turned the other check. He should go up to her and take his arms around her, but he couldn't summon up enough courage to do it. He wasn't... man enough.

As if dealing with nightmares and troublesome dreams weren't enough, here he walked trying to deal with his people-skills as well... or more or less, his girl-skills. And frankly, they sucked.

The snow was like a while blanket outside. Cold, alone and no trace of human life on it. It felt very much like his lonely heart. It hurt so much and a huge hole was chewing itself deeper and deeper into his soul. If he'd only summon up enough courage to face her again...

Lost in his thoughts, Devon totally lost track of time and space or where he was walking, so as he rounded a corner, he bumped into someone. Who on earth could it be? There weren't that many people at the castle during the holiday. Dragged out of his own isolated world and very surprised by the sudden contact, Devon jumped as images flew before his eyes. It took only a second before he realized who he'd so rudely walked into. Sarreaha.

Sarreaha:

Her mind was still such a jumble mess. It had been a mess for most of the year now. The only difference now, Sarreaha was letting the mess affect her, and affect her it did, not that anyone was really seeming to notice. It was kind of sad that. To think the Hufflepuff had not built up any strong ties at the school to the point that people would actually notice something was different about her. However, Sarreaha was unaware of it for the most part.

Besides the fact the girl smiled rarely, she had also noticibly lost weight, in comparison to the previous year, as well as she had little drive to do anything. She really didn't see the point in trying at this stage of things. Sarreaha really didn't see the point.

However, she could not say what drove her to leave her common room to walk around the school again. After that one meeting with Devon she had pretty much cooped herself in her dorm again. True, she had left a couple time, each time hoping she wouldn't face him. After that last meeting, she didn't know if she could bear it. It had just seemed as if everything had gone all wrong ... well things were already wrong but they had gone worse than expected. True, Sarreaha had not known what she had expected. She didn't know what she expected anymore. Perhaps she was blowing things out of proportion ... there are people have such changes in their lives almost every day and they continued on fine. Why couldn't she?

If her life wasn't falling apart already, what made it worse was she was now suffering a cold from her little adventure out in the snow a few days back. It really was not her year. If anything, her cold made her feel even more the need to do nothing, but doing nothing allowed your mind to think. One needed to turn off the mind ... it was the source of all the problems. It was always thinking, always dwelling on things, turning them this way and that. Making things worse than they already were. Just bringing the pain back to the forefront of one's conscious. It needed to be turned off.

Walking through the dungeon corridors, Sarreaha was not paying attention to where she was going. Her gaze was focused on the ground and her hands were in the pockets of her black hoodie. Her mind was not even focused on her surroundings. It was questionable if she even knew where she was, let alone where she walking, at the moment. When she came to an abrupt stop she was confused. Her mind was still fuzzy, taking her a moment to realize she had walked into someone. It took her another short moment to realize who the person had been.

Devon.

Of all the people she had to walk into, it had to be him. Why him? Did the fates like torturing her? Their friendship was already ruined, were they now taunting her with what she couldn't have? At the moment she would have given anything for the ground to just swallow her up. As it was she couldn't bring her feet to move, to flee. Nor would her lips form any words. She felt as if she was frozen in time again, just like last time. Why?

Devon:

His heartbeat begun racing faster and faster and it was suddenly as if Devon could see Sarreaha for the first time in a long time. She'd grown thinner and weaker. More down. She was... depressed. Lonely? Devon couldn't quite tell, but the air somehow told him as the awkward silence pressed on. And all Devon could do was to look at her.

Was this his chance?

Devon didn't know what to say, or do. After their last encounter, what could one say? He'd just walked away from her. Would he do that now too? He couldn't... he wouldn't.

"Hi," Devon said slightly. It was almost a whisper, but it was still noticeable in the dark, cold and silent corridors. Devon kept his eyes on her. She looked so down. It couldn't all be his doing.

He'd just not seen her... how ironical.

Devon couldn't let his troubles stand in his way now. He didn't care how much it would hurt, all he wanted, was to make up with Sarreaha again. He couldn't bare this awkward feeling. He wanted to help her, cause there was obviously something going on in her life that he'd missed. He wanted to be her friend... a friend she could always talk to. Devon had never felt so much for a single person before. Not even his family. Or... it was a different kind of caring, something he probably took for granted, but then again, they would always be there. Sarreaha might not.

I'm sorry... the words were on the tip of his tongue, yet he didn't know how to approach her. All he could do was to wait for her response. What would she do? Hit him, yell at him... or perhaps... she simply didn't care anymore...

Sarreaha:

Sarreaha wasn't really sure what to do. For the moment it seemed as if neither of them wanted to speak. Sarreaha could not even bring herself to make eye contact with him. She didn't want to see the look his eyes may hold. She didn't want to see a reconfirmation of the fact he didn't care anymore.

Instead, Sarreaha had turned her gaze towards the floor. She felt like an idiot for just standing there. But what could she do, aside from pull her feet from the floor that they were taking root in and walk around him, but that seemed a little too much work for the moment, or rather farthest from her mind. So she remained where she was standing, her eyes concentrating on the floor, her feet and his feet, waiting for the latter to walk away. Hadn't that been what happened the last time? Well, she had walked first but still.

However, instead of walking away his voice reached her ears/ Hi. Sarreaha felt confused for a moment. Why was he talking to her? Hadn't he made it sort of clear that he didn't want to be around her last time? True, her fuddle mind was jumping towards so many conclusion and yet it did not stop hope from funneling up. It was possible right? Maybe the last meeting had been a fluke?

Her brown eyes flickered away from the floor to look at his face. "Hi," she echoed softly. She wasn't sure what else to say. Sarreahe didn't know what footing they were one. She just didn't know. It seemed as if neither of them held all the cards in this situation. Neither of them knew what was going to happen, what move to make next. Sarreaha was content though to leave the ball in Devon's court, to allow him to make the moves. It was his game.

Devon:

He still felt the words on the tip of his tongue, but the words wouldn't come. And it sure didn't help much with the awkward silence that laid over them like a heavy winter blanket. Winter had never been so cold before. No, really. Devon had been a huge fan of winter, it gave him a reasonable argument to go out from the common room. The Slytherin common room was infamous for being the coldest room in Hogwarts during winter.

Right now though, the cold walls of his common room was seeming a bit more alluring that standing here with this heavy silence.

Hi. Her reply was as weak as his greeting. Was this how their relationship had worked out, a one syllable sentence each time they spoke? Devon didn't understand how they could've floated so far from each other. Devon weren't sure whether or not he was seeing things or if he was just thinking back... hos they'd met, and the kiss in the green house, and the spring... he was so confused. How could they have exchanged all that into... this?

"I..." Devon started, but the words were stuck in his throat. How did he knew what to say? He was sure that whatever it was that he said, that it would be wrong. He needed to be pushed, and with this awkward silence laying over them, there was nothing pushing him in the right direction. He was simply... floating away.

Devon couldn't express how much he wanted to tell her all he felt and thought, but even he couldn't make out any of it. Sadness, happiness and confusion. What was this feeling inside of him? He'd never experienced it so strong before...

Sarreaha:

After her soft greeting, Sarreaha's eyes had returned back to the floor. The floor was a safer object to look at. One knew where they stood with the floor. They stood on it; it was that simple. However, one did not know what was underneath the floor. So perhaps the floor was indeed like people. One could see the outside but not what was underneath. The outside could be both be misleading and correct. The answer all depended upon the situation.

However, perhaps Sarreaha didn't want to think of that aspect of the floor. It lost it's safety in that thought pattern, it became as bad as looking at Devon and in turn it felt as if she was looking at him. She could not read what was underneath the quiet and solemn exterior, just like she could not see underneath the dark, cold and hard stones beneath her feet. It was a depressing thought pattern when placed together.

I... Her gaze moved from the floor to look back him. He was better looking than the floor ... but the floor wasn't toying with her feelings ... Since when had it become a competition between the floor and Devon? That thought confused Sarreaha, enough for the confusion to show on her face. It was probably not the best time to look confuse but it was something at least.

She tore her mind away from the small war in her head to realize he had started to say something but had stopped. Why? The confusion on her face had changed to be replaced with curiousity. Sarreaha could not say what drew her from the darkness in her mind, but the curiousity she felt was better than the fog she had been living. Maybe it was Devon, things had always seemed a little better when he was about. Even in the past he would meet her when she was down and somehow by the end she was back and smiling. Where was that smiling girl now? Why couldn't she surface from the darkness engulfing her being right now? Why? Why? WHY?

"Yes?" she softly prodded finally. Her voice was still soft and she surprised herself with the word coming from her mouth. How had it broken through the statue state she had found herself in? Was it the hope that had started to bubble at the beginning of this meeting or something unknown?

Devon:

He was pulling in his shirt, fiddling with his hands. Restless. Restlessness. What to do? Where to look? How to behave? And what was this feeling inside of him? Emptiness? How did one fill such a void? He didn't want contact with people... it hurt, but still, he wanted to reach out and touch Sarreaha. What had he done? Pushed her away? But he pushed everyone away, even his family, what was so special about Sarreaha? Why should she get special treatment?

Because you care... that's why... Devon stared at the floor too. It seemed that both found the floor more safer to look at than each other. Why was that? There was so many questions inside Devon's mind. He wanted to push people away, didn't he? Pushing people away helped him staying sane. If he had contact with every person he'd ever met and interacted with, then what would become of him? Devon still didn't know what his dreams were. His dreams. The dreams he dreamt at night. Where was his dreams? The ones people dreamt at night, dreaming of their perfect place, love and happiness. All Devon ever saw once he closed his eyes was murder, blood, death and a dark hooded woman.

Yes?

She was curious, or at least, she was inviting. Devon took a short breath, as if he'd forgotten how to breathe. His eyes were blurry and unfocused before he looked up to look at Sarreaha. His knees felt weak, threatening to give in any second now. His head was dizzy and his mind was clouded. What could he say?

"I..." Devon tried to steady his voice, but he couldn't find it. His eyes darted back and forth between escape and salvation. "Do you..." Devon closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He let out a small frustrated sigh. Why was it so difficult to just speak, say the right words? Make it up...

"Do you hate me?" Devon finally asked, his breath short yet deep. His eyes had darted down towards the ground again. He couldn't bare to face her, to look her in the eye. He was sure that spite in what he'd said, he'd probably just said the wrong thing. He only hoped, it wasn't something he was going to regret...

Sarreaha:

Sarreaha had not noticed that Devon had been sharing her affliction of staring at the floor until she had looked up and kept her gaze focused on him. It made her realize that he was having equal difficulties with what was going on between them at the moment. In a way it was reassuring. His insecurity allowed the small hope to blossom a little more and part of the dark cloud to disappear, the part that had appeared during their last meeting.

As her eyes had been studying him, he had been trying to gather the strength, the words to speak. She noted it somewhere in the back of her mind. However, in the present she didn't think about it but rather waited for him to string words together, to dig them up from the depth of his soul.

Waiting for him to speak, Sarreaha found her eyes soon traveling back to the floor, that evil dirty floor, as the fingers of her hands played with the seam of her hoodies' pocket. She found her ears listening to the sound around them as she waited to hear his voice so instead she noted the sounds of the corridor, its silence, it's own strange noise. Then it happened.

Do you hate me?

The question had left his mouth fully and her eyes shot back to rest on him in surprise. Did he truly think that? How could he think that? Her mind was a mess of surprise and shock at the question. Had she acted someway to make him think that? She had not been acting any difference, at least compared to the last month or so. Had her change really affect him that much? That he would think that? Had that been what had occurred during their last meeting?

Sarreaha closed her eyes to free her mind from the questions that had flooded it. Her thinking would not answer Devon. How she wished it would. It would be so much easier if people could just read her mind when she wanted them to. Instead of fumbling for the correct actions or words they could just search inside her mind and see the answer, the truth there. Life would be so much simpler that way. Of course life did not work that way, so one had to fumble and try to express what they wanted.

"No," she whispered. She was not aware she whispered the word, her mind was speaking so loud that the word had escaped in a mere whisper and even softer the words, "quite the opposite really …" Whether Devon heard them would be left to see, but with the silence of the corridor perhaps they would be hard to miss. But with the words, color had sprouted in her cheeks as she blushed and her eyes had sought the safety of the floor once more.

Devon:

It had been the longest silence Devon had ever experienced. At least, in his mind it was. Usually Devon was a huge fan of silence, but with a silence like this one, he wasn't exactly in a comfortable spot. All the time he waited, he couldn't help but to think that what he'd asked was a little drastic. Hate was an awfully strong word, and he'd noted somewhere in his mind that he didn't see Sarreaha the type of person to fully hate someone that easily. He weren't even sure if she could hate someone at all. Perhaps just a really deep type of indifference or dislike.

No.

Devon almost jumped by her answer, it came out so sudden in the all forsaken hallway. The corridors were silent, yet, silence had its own sound.

...quite the opposite really...

His heart skipped a beat. As he kept looking down, he blinked feeling blood drain from his head. The opposite of hate? Well, that was lo... No it couldn't be. He must've heard wrong. Or perhaps he hadn't? It was all so confusing. It was like he refused to believe that anyone could care for him, yet the hope that someone would was suddenly lit. And in it all, Devon couldn't help but to feel so selfish, making it all seem to be about him. Who was the one with the huge troubles? Sure he had his lack of sleep that make him want to turn insane, but that didn't affect Sarreaha. It was something else. Don't think he hadn't noticed her small weight loss or her sad expression.

Devon looked up with a slightly confused expression. "What?" He let the words slip out so carelessly. They'd been in his mind, and without thinking, he'd let them out. Again without thinking, Devon shifted his position slightly, taking a small step foreword.

Oh, how he wished someone would just push him into recklessness so that he might take a few more steps and embrace the pretty girl standing in front of him... Oh how he wished...

Sarreaha:

Silence had followed her soft words. Why was there silence? Probably because she had shocked Devon ... at least she thought that may be the case. What if he hated her now for stating such a thing? It was possible, right? What if he only valued her as a friend and nothing more? What she just said could have just put a damper on all of that! Why couldn't Devon and she have a normal relationship like other people? But no ... normal was not for them [although one much ask then, what really was normal anyway?.

Sarreaha did not like the silence that had followed her words. With each second, she doubted things more and more and the bubble of hope grew smaller and smaller, waiting to pop. She felt like she was on a teeter-totter, going up and down but never finding that equalibrium where everything was right. Instead, one moment she was up in the air where things were looking better and then she was back on the ground, sinking lower and lower. Could she not just find a solid footing? Was this going to be the definiation of her life from now on? Going up and down within a matter of minutes?

With these thoughts in her mind, Sarreaha could not bring herself to look up at Devon, to try and read his features. What did it really matter? Most times she wasn't sure what was going behind those eyes. They were misleading. She did not want to see something and then find out she was wrong. It was too painful to think about.

What?

The word tore at her. She didn't know what to make of it. There was nothing really for her to grasp onto to find its meaning. Was he merely stunned, surprise? Pleased? Angered? Disgusted? Yes, her mind was supplying the impossible but in moments such as these the impossible seemed the possible. How could it not be?

What could she say in response to it? She barely knew what passed her lips most of the time ... how could she had said what she had? How could it have slipped out? She was rueing the words that moment ... she knew not what to say. Her mind was turning back to the jumble mess it had been. She was not even certain that he had moved closer. She had missed it but his feet seemed closer; yes, she was still staring at the floor.

Sarreaha felt almost helpless ... she wanted to run rather than face these uncertainities. Instead she shrugged her shoulders in response. What else could she do? Words were failing her once more ... uncertainity had replaced the hope ... why couldn't she just make things right? Why had her world have to change and fall around her? Why did it have to feel that way? And why did there have to be so many whys?

She was unaware as tears sprang to her eyes, though they did not fall, instead she focused on her hands as she clasped them together outside her pocket. Her fingers fidgetted with each other as they revealed her nervousness.

Devon:

Perhaps she hadn't heard him, or perhaps he hadn't said what he'd said. As each moment passed by, Devon found himself thinking more and more of what he'd said. That single question, one single word, had seemed to put a damper on the situation. It had turned from slightly awkward, to unbearable. The easiest way would be to run away, but every time Devon found himself thinking that, he couldn't help but to think back to their other encounter. Sure, she'd left, but he hadn't followed. It was also because of him that she'd left in the first place.

Past and present... right now he didn't need his so called gift to see them clearly, they were pretty fresh in his memory already.

The waiting was torture and Devon couldn't tear his eyes away from Sarreaha as she was constantly looking down. He noted that and wondered if she was even half as insecure as himself. He wasn't blind, he could see that she was feeling down. What could he do to help, could he help at all? Did he dare?

Devon's heart fell a million times and million times again as he watched Sarreaha shrug her shoulders in reply. He felt his hands shake, so he quickly put them in the pockets of his trousers. His own gazed fell to the floor. What did that shrug mean? What had her words all in all meant? Devon was so confused. He didn't understand at all.

...quite the opposite really...

Her words rang over and over again in his mind as he stood there. Did he read too much in it... or too little? Devon shook his head inwardly, wanting his mind to wake up? What did he have to lose now? He should just take a chance!! They were barely on speaking terms, all they got was few words and something most people wouldn't even define as a conversation. What did he have to lose now that he'd lost it?

Devon looked up and took another, no, two more steps towards Sarreaha. His steps were small, but then again, the distance between them weren't that far to begin with. Taking out his hands from his pocket, Devon took a small breath. His head was pondering for what he was about to do, he needed to focus.

With a trembling hand, Devon slowly took one of Sarreaha's hands in his own, and with his other one, he took her other hand. With all his might, he blocked away everything Sarreaha had, her skin was enough to make him see things he didn't want to. Devon didn't want to see Sarreaha's past, present and future by his curse, he wanted her to be able to tell him if she wanted to. Therefore, he used all his might to block her out, resulting a throbbing pain in his head. But he ignored it as much as he could, he weren't sure if it showed in his eyes the pain he felt, but at least he managed to keep his voice as usual as he spoke:

"Sarreaha, please look at me..." His pleading voice was slightly pained, but most of all, he hoped the pain in his heart would stop.

Sarreaha:

Sarreaha was sure that her shrug had been inadequent to answer his question, but she didn't know what else to do. Her mouth certainly wasn't working and even if it had been her brain refused to give her anything. How could she had replied to it, feeling as she had? Confused as to his his question had been favorable or not? Whatever she would say in response could make things either worse or better. It was a sombering thought. There were so many paths to choose and each led to a different conclusion, sure the conclusion may be in essence the same but the paths taken, the routes they were force to take would be different, whether only a little or drastically different.

As she stared at the floor, she noticed as it blurred from the water lingering over the top of her bottom eyelids. Despite the blurr she noticed the two small steps that Devon had taken torwards her. For the briefest of moments her mind had turned off in the time she noticed his first hand move taking one of her own before the other followed the same path. His touch felt like fire coursing into her fingers and up her arms. How could someone's touch cause such a sensation?

There was a small pause between his taking her hands and his voice,
Sarreaha, please look at me... Sarreaha blinked, the tears being pushed from their perch to slide down her cheeks, leaving a watery trail. Her mind turned on again with his words, but instead of questioning and plaguing her mind, her mind only pointed the tone under his voice.

The pleading, the slight pain that were there to read. And yet, Sarreaha feared to do what he asked. She was scared to find out what she would see, to visibly show that she had shed tears ... and yet she lifted her head, her eyes trailing slowly behind to look at his face. The girl was not sure what she saw there. Her mind took in pain and yet she didn't know what it from ... Devon had never shared his secret of his visions with her ... how could she know that merely touching her hands caused a sea of visions to pop into his mind for him to suppress and ignore. One had to love Devon for that. He had the power to see exactly what was wrong with her and yet he chose not to ... to allow her to share it of her own accord. How many people with such a gift would do that?

Yet, now looking at him, Sarreaha was still lost for words. Did he expect her to say something? Were there even words lingering in her mind wanting to be spoken. Yes. But right now was hardly the time to go pouring out every little secret she held at the moment. So she remained silent.

She didn't know what else to do.

Devon:

As she lifted her head and looked at him, Devon felt pained inside as he saw her tears. Had he really done that to her? He wanted to look away, but yet, he didn't. He just felt like he had to stay strong and not break it. Somehow, a new part of him had taken control, for who would've thought the old Devon would've taken a hold of Sarreaha's hand?

Devon stared at Sarreaha's captivating hazel eyes, feeling a ruble of his feelings rush to his head. He wanted to run away in pain, feeling his head pound more and more, it felt like it would explode. Yes, his heart was also pounding, and for a second Devon weren't sure what hurt most. Standing so close to Sarreaha, Devon wondered slightly if she could hear his heartbeat, because inside of him it was like a hundred bass drums playing a united beat.

Slowly, Devon found himself being unfrozen without even realizing he'd been frozen. It had all taken just a second though, and as soon as Devon had seen Sarreaha's tears, he knew just how vulnerable she was.

With a soft hand movement, Devon dried away one of her tear trail with his thumb. The touch caused it to burn in his flesh, just like his other hand. He wasn't sure of this was because of his feelings inside... or because he was cursed. Either way, it still hurt. Yet, the pain he felt in his hands wasn't half the pain he would feel if he let go.

Devon let out a small tired sigh, he was tired of it all. The secrets of his life, the pain, the dreams... most of all, he was tired of pushing Sarreaha away.

The hand he'd used to dry away her watery trail slided down her arm, finding her hand again. The entire time, Devon hadn't taken his eyes off from her, he wouldn't, he couldn't. He was under her spell... There was so much Devon wanted to say, and he was now more determined than ever to say it, but he just didn't know where to start. But then, some of his words floated up...

"I'm so sorry Sarreaha. I'm sorry if I ever pushed you away," Devon said, still with his olive eyes gazing heavily upon her. "I'm sorry, that I wasn't there when you needed me... if you needed me," Devon corrected himself. "It's just... so painful to see you so hurt," Devon said, letting go of anther small unsteady sigh. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was expecting, was he expecting one at all?

Sarreaha:

She wanted to drop her gaze from his; she wanted to return it the safety of the floor and yet she couldn't. Somehow there was such intensity in his eyes that Sarreaha found herself unable to break the contact. It felt as if the only way the contact could be broken was if Devon himself would look away and yet he didn't. The Slytherin steadfastly held her gaze.

She felt frozen. She felt like the deer standing in the middle of a Muggle road, just poised there staring into a set of a muggle car's headlights fast approaching. Entranced by the white lights, unable to move whether from fear or from curiosity. And yet these headlights were a pair of olive eyes.

Even when one of Devon's hands let go of hers, her eyes had stayed put. Even when with a touch like a feather he brushed away one of the trails left by her tears, she had kept eye contact with him. Even her mind felt frozen, unable to think one coherent thought for the moment. She felt his hand trailed down her arm before taking up her hand once more.

Then Devon sighed and her mind came back to life. Somehow she both felt and seen his tiredness in his sigh. Sarreaha was still at a loss of what to do. Somehow, despite everything, she was still lost ... confused as to what was going between them at the moment. She knew something was happening and yet her mind could draw no conclusion. But time continued on and there was little of it for Sarreaha to think through it all before Devon had suddenly started speaking.

I'm so sorry Sarreaha. I'm sorry if I ever pushed you away. I'm sorry, that I wasn't there when you needed me... if you needed me. It's just... so painful to see you so hurt.

For the silence of their interaction with each, it had been a speech and she was not untouched by it. It seemed as if his words had broken the hold that had been placed on her. She closed her eyes for a few moments as her heart beated faster. The Hufflepuff was trying to gather her thoughts, trying to bring some words up and yet nothing was coming. It was there, she knew it was but it wasn't coming. It was refusing to come.

In her mind it felt as if time was dragging, but only a few seconds had passed before the end of his comment and her response. Even still she was trapped, still unable to speak. Instead of speaking, Sarreaha had moved forward and leaned her head against his chest/shoulder, her hands sliding from his hold to rest against his chest between their two forms.

Despite the lock on her lips, two words slid and their tone were soft and slightly muffled. "I'm sorry." Where the words had come from, Sarreaha didn't know but she felt they were true. She was bringing the world down around Devon, pulling him into her own melancholy. She knew he had his own to deal with and now he was seeing hers ... expressing the want, in so little words, to share it with her or rather help her through it ... the pain that he hadn't been there for her.

Devon:

This time, it was Devon's turn to have his mind frozen solid. The reaction he got from Sarreaha was not a reaction he'd planned, but then again, he hadn't really planned or expected anything, he wasn't even sure whether or not he'd get a proper reaction at all. He'd more or less prepared himself fro rejection.

When she let go of his hands, Devon had for that split second thought she was going to leave him, but then, the most unthinkable thing happened. Or perhaps it had been a dream. A dream? Devon weren't sure if this was something he'd seen from being near Sarreaha or if this... if this was actually one of his own dreams. He'd forgotten what it was like to have a dream of his own cause all he ever saw was the dreams of other. But perhaps... perhaps he'd dare to say that this might be a genuine dream of his own.

After her hands had left his, his mind had been frozen. He knew not what to say now, or what to do, yet his arms seemed to act on their own as he snaked them around her small body and rested on her back, holding her. Devon allowed himself to close his eyes for the tiniest of seconds, just to try and steady himself.

I'm sorry. Devon opened his eyes. She was sorry, she had nothing to be sorry about, yet, he couldn't find his manners of speech to tell her that. Instead, he tried to reason with himself that perhaps she wanted to be sorry. Perhaps this was one of those moment where he was not supposed to argue against it.

Holding everything out was starting to get heavier and a small shiver went through Devon's body. His heart was pondering hard and fast, and with Sarreaha's head against his chest/shoulder, he knew she had to heart it. Somehow, this worried him a little, she was the one with the troubles now, he didn't want to burden her with his troubles. Perhaps he could confide with her later. Yes, Devon definitely thought he could trust her now.

Closing his eyes again he didn't realize what a hold his powers had over him. In reality, they had been changing him. Not only by pushing away the one person he truly cared for, but his eyes, they were tired, and a small yellow ring had been formed around the green of his eyes. Of course, he didn't realize it as it only happened when he was exposed to such an intense force like this: blocking out everything.

For a second or two, Devon felt normal, just a little bit. Here he was, standing with the only person who'd ever truly noticed him, the girl he truly did care for, and the pain in his head had been gone. Spite the small second before the pain hit him with full force again, Devon was happy. He'd felt what it was like to be normal... or at least close to normal.

Realizing he still hadn't said something, Devon realized his manners of speech was back. "Then I guess we're both sorry," Devon said softly, allowing a small real smile to play on the corners of his mouth. It was the first real smile he'd smiled in months.

Sarreaha:

Sarreaha had been unsure of what she had been doing when she had moved forward. She was still harboring a piece of rejection in her mind; she had feared that he may have pushed her away instead of accepting. Sarreaha feared that he would walk away. Silly as it, she feared it. She could not help feeling that way, first with her family and then the last time they had met. It was a feeling that didn't want to be ereased.

How was it that the things that damage one were always the things to linger in their mind? One cannot forget the pain that had been inflicted in those moments. Instead they dwelled on them; they fear it will happen again. Why were the darker emotions and feelings the ones that stuck with a person, unable to forget, while the lighter ones seemed to wash away with the moment. True a person could remember them but they did not stick like the darker ones, they did not usually haunt.

Relief had flooded her being when he had not pushed her away and security followed after when she felt his arms move around her, holding her in his embrace. For a moment her breathing had ceased but it soon picked up again when she closed her eyes as she just dwelled in the feeling of his embrace.

Underneath her head, Sarreaha could not hear Devon's heart beat. It was her forehead she rested against his shoulder not her ear. If she heard anyone's heart beat it was her own hammering away at her ears. Sarreaha could not say she hated the silence that had followed her actions, on the contrary she loved it. Her mind had been in such turmoil and now it was settling down. She was content to stand there against him without words. It was surreal. Sure she had leaned against him before ... the greenhouses came to her mind, but he had never embraced her back from her knowledge. It was a novel feeling.

For that moment, her troubles had seemed fleeting, forgotten in her mind. Even when Devon spoke the moment hadn't felt to have changed. Then I guess we're both sorry. Sarreaha could not help the small choke-laugh that had rose in her throat. She didn't know why she found the statement funny, but she had. A small smile had come with her small laugh and yet Devon could not see it; Sarreaha wasn't even aware she had done it.

Had they just made peace with each other? And if so, what were they now? Still friends? Something more? Dare one even say a couple? Her mind was aware they were back to the footing they had been at but she didn't think it was the same footing. How could it be the same when she had told him that she liked him more that a friend? Did he feel the same way? Sarreaha could not be sure. He had been surprised by her statement, but he had not said anything similar. It made her wary to do anything.

Instead of thinking about them, her mind turned back over the past few months, years of her life and she couldn't help but thinking: was she silly? Was she silly to take things so personally to feel the outcast in such a new situation, one she wasn't familar with? And that question escaped her lips to break another moment of silence. Just like Devon, her ability of speech had returned.

"Am I silly?" Her voice had not raised above the tone she had been speaking. She knew that Devon could not possibly know what she meant when she asked. She had not told him anything new with her. Either way, she wanted to be told that she wasn't. That she was right to feel as if she was losing something. It was horrible to think that she was tearing herself up over something that wasn't even worth it. That she was hurting herself for nothing.

Devon:

Devon closed his eyes again, letting the moment take over. The burning sensation in his skin kept increasing, even though her forehead was not directly on his chest right now, it was as if it had been. What difference did his shirt make right now? The burning sensation of every touch they had still lingered on him. He would be surprised if it had begun to smell like burnt flesh.

And spite all this, Devon refused to let go. He'd never felt so great... and bad before. Mixed feelings was something he was used with tough, so, for now, Devon didn't mind. But still, Devon was sure Sarreaha could hear... or at least feel his heart beating under his shirt. Somehow, that worried his a little. His heart beat a lot faster when she was around, and besides, something told Devon that his heart didn't always have a steady beat. But still... all those were small minor things in the big picture.

He smiled slightly when she laughed, he'd missed her laughs, and he smiles. He didn't want to pull away to see if she smiled, but something told him that she did... perhaps. Devon felt his hands tremble slightly, and it came to his attention that he was not going to last for much longer. He felt terribly tired.

Am I silly?

The question came as a surprise on him, and Devon found himself not quite knowing what to answer. What did he want to answer, and what did she expect him to answer? those were two completely different answers. Fear that she might reject him or get hurt if he said something wrong still haunted his mind.

Finally, he settled his unsteady mind into a reply. "We are all a little silly once in a while, and we have every right to. After all, we're only human," Devon said quietly, his tone as steady as always, even though what eh felt was close to a breakdown.

Sarreaha:

Even stuck in her own troubles, Sarreaha had felt the tremble in Devon's hands against her back. She had blinked slightly at it, wondering on it. Besides that short tremble, Sarreaha had not noticed anything else in his manner that might hint something was wrong. However, Sarreaha was never ignore the small things.

Her mind turned from it as he answered her question. We are all a little silly once in a while, and we have every right to. After all, we're only human. His answer gave her pause. She didn't want to believe it but it made sense although it was not particular the thing she wanted to hear. She wanted to know if she was silly at that moment not people in general.

However, she had to concede that considering he didn't know anything about her at that moment in her mind, it was a decent answer. She sighed gently before she leaned away from his shoulder and kissed him lightly on the lip, "Thank you, Devon," she stated after with a weak smile. She was still depressed but some things were looking a little better.

And yet, she was not unaffected by what she had just done. Yes, she had kissed him before but it had been on the cheek and not the lips. She felt her heart beat raising again, it's pounding loud in her ears, and even a color came to her cheeks in her slight embarassment in what she had just done. And yet, her eyes stayed focused on Devon's face, to watch his reaction. She forced herself to keep her eyes on his. She needed to know; she feared to know, but the need was stronger than her fear.

Her emotions had been such a confused mess with everything going on in her family that she needed to know how Devon reacted, how he felt towards her. She needed that knowledge. Sure, at that moment she may have been selfish in her need to know but her only excuse could be her feeling of unwantedness and her ignornance of the fact on how her presence, her contact with Devon affected him so.

Devon:

As he stood there with her, he wasn't quite sure what he'd expected her reply to be, perhaps he hadn't expected one at all. And that was why when she slightly pulled away and kissed him that he felt his mind exploding.

Thank you, Devon.

It was like a switch had been turned on inside his mind, and it just exploded. His green eyes, now with a clear yellow ring around them, looked at hers as she broke away. He couldn't speak, he couldn't move, he couldn't do anything. His flesh felt like it was being held under a hot fire, and his lips felt like a hundred fireworks erupting from them. His heart was beating so loudly in his chest that it practically hurt.

The explosion in his mind wasn't just an expression of words, because everything he held inside was turned up-side-down. A thousand images flashed over his eyes and a hundred thousand emotions sprang to life inside of him.

Devon let go of Sarreaha. He couldn't stand the hold any longer, it was like he just gave up. He knew his hands were slightly trembling, cause he felt it in his body. How could one simple thing, one simple gesture like that, feel so incredibly good and bad at the same time? Because it had felt good, for a fraction of a second. He knew they'd kissed before, or... she'd kissed him before. But never on the lips. This was different.

With a trembling, yet steady hand, Devon took a hold of Sarreaha's upper arm and with his last strengths he bowed his head slowly down and kissed her lightly on the lips in return. The burning sensation doubled up even more, and he let got of her; he was even sure that this time, his burning lips had been contagious. He remembered how some people seemed to get a slightly electric shock if they came near him. Perhaps Sarreaha hadn't been affected like that because he'd held it all inside, but right now, he'd let go of everything. "I'm sorry Sarreaha," Devon whispered, hardly even ware of his own words.

Devon took one small step behind him, so that he could get some distance, some air... not that it would help very much. The cool and calm expression Devon had held was gone, it was clear he was breaking down or in some sort of pain. Yet he tried not to, he couldn't put Sarreaha through that right now, she didn't deserve this burden.

Sarreaha:

Her eyes had been staring at his and she noticed the difference. The yellow ring. Had it always been there? Sarreaha's mind was telling her no however, her mind was not thinking about it much longer when he had suddenly released her. She had noted the tremble in his form, the varying emotions and expressions that had flittered over his face. If anything scared her it was that.

Her mind was a mess of thoughts. Why had he stepped aside? Had she been wrong to kiss him? Was he alright? And many more plagued her mind and yet when he gripped her arm they flew from her mind when his lips met hers in a light kiss. When he broke away he spoke, I'm sorry Sarreaha.

Once more she was confused. She saw the vary emotions and expressions and his step backwards. It scared her. How could it not. Devon was always cool and calm. He rarely showed any emotions. Something was wrong. Had she been so stuck in her own world that she never noticed that something was wrong with Devon. She had known he liked to be alone but was there something more to it? A reason for his isolation from the world?

"Devon," she started softly. "Devon, what's wrong?" The fear had crept into her voice. She feared that he was pushing her away from him, that things weren't alright, despite the fact he had kissed her in return. She feared that something was wrong with Devon ... frankly, she just feared losing him.

Sarreaha didn't know what to do. Should she push him to go to the Hospital Wing? Should she just let it chart its own course? Would Devon even allow her to take him to the Hospital Wing? If Devon's problems did anything for her it was that it made her forget her meloncholy in her concern for him. Perhaps it wasn't the best thing, since Sarreaha always felt more concern for other people rather than herself.

Devon:

More than anything in the world he wanted to be able to push away his thoughts and feelings and this intense burn that was burning in his flesh. Was this how the rest of his life would be like? That he wouldn't be able to touch anybody without a pain rising in his body? Wasn't he able to be stronger than that? He should be!

Devon. Devon, what's wrong?

How could he be so selfish? He heard the fear in her voice and he just couldn't help wonder, why was he so selfish? This wasn't about him, this was about Sarreaha, he wanted it all to be about Sarreaha, as weird as it sounded. But she was the one with pain, not him, he wasn't suffering any more than usual, he had it coming. being so stupid keeping it all inside; karma came back and cursed you for that.

Why was it that every time Devon wanted to know anything at all about Sarreaha that his stupid pain came along... why didn't he suppress it? Why couldn't he overlook it when Sarreaha was there? Was it because of something deeper inside him. What made people tremble and fly... this one feeling, this one emotion that happened to most people.

Devon looked away from Sarreaha, not aware of it himself. He needed to breath, to try and collect himself again. Stay cool... Perhaps the reason for why he trembled so around Sarreaha was because there weren't just everyone else emotions that stirred inside him, not everyone else's memories he saw: he saw and felt his own feelings and memories too. His dreams. He had dreams around Sarreaha. Dreams that were his own. He realized that now and it felt like a wave of cold water was released over his head.

"Sarreaha, I love you," Devon whispered, his eyes had placed themselves on the ground. Feelings erupted inside of him as the statement left his lips. He was dizzy and he knew he wasn't standing completely still. Even so, he knew he wasn't going to fall.

"I don't know how else to put it," Devon continued, even though his body was shaking, his voice was steady. "There's nothing wrong with me... Sarreaha, it's you that I'm worried about," Devon said, still keeping his distance. "I've only got a headache," Devon added softly.

He couldn't bring himself to trouble Sarreaha with his secret just yet. He just couldn't... no matter the cost. If he fainted of pain or exhaustion, he just couldn't worry her like that. He needed to be strong, he had to. Perhaps his love for her would help him through this...

Sarreaha:

The turmoil had returned in her mind. However, instead of focusing on her own problems her mind was focused on Devon's. How could it not be? This was the here and now. She was not feeling ill, mentally depressed, yes, but nothing physically wrong with her and she certainly wasn't dying. And yet Devon... how could she believe that nothing was wrong with him?

It seemed that the boy could barely stand. It was obvious to Sarreaha that he was in pain. All in all, he was not acting normal. He was acting as if something was wrong despite how he tried to push things away, to make it seem as it were nothing. Her mind could not help but focus on him, worry about him. She cared to much not to. Her teeth kneaded her bottom lip as she tried to figure something out. And yet nothing came and nothing certainly came after Devon had spoken.

Sarreaha, I love you.

She felt as if a truck had hit her. The breath knocked from her chest. How could three little words have such an affect on someone? She could not even say. Sarreaha was not just mentally affected by those little words ... I love you ... but physically. Her breath became short and she found herself backing up so that the wall had become her support. She probably would have sunk to her knees if the wall had not been there.

I love you. Three simple words and yet so much was packed into them. For each person they meant a different thing. Everyone needed to find the meaning of those words for themselves. Those three words were just fill with so much that it was difficult to feel nothing upon their utterance. How someone could be unaffected when they are spoken by someone they care about dearly, was beyond Sarreaha. And yet, Sarreaha could not echo them back, for at this moment in time they would indeed be an echo. Her mind told her to say them back but she couldn't. She could not know that if she spoke them now if they would hold the correct meaning and weight. She was not sure she was ready to say those words. So much had been happening to her lately. The meaning they held is very dear, one should say them when they are sure they truly meant them, when their meaning can take their full form and take flight. Sarreaha was not sure she could handle their utterance yet.

So much had been happening in her life these past two years. Her father's love life, his remarriage, her mother and siblings, her lack of connection with her family, life, Devon. It was all becoming a swirl in her mind. She was no longer sure where real life had ended and where fantasy had started. Surely this was all a fantasy world. Hogwarts, the people around her, Devon ... surely it was only just a story that she had written down in her journal.

And yet it was not. This was her story, her life story that she was living. She could not stop and think and go back and edit the parts that made no sense or turned out wrong. She could not revise her life like that. It was a striking thought. This life was the only one a person had. They could only go one way. But is that way the right way?

Sarreaha no longer knew. It felt as if fantasy had intervened. That any moment she would wake up to a cold world, the world she had known when she was but a first year. And yet the cold reality did not seep in. Time continued forward and Devon continued to speak.

I don't know how else to put it. There's nothing wrong with me... Sarreaha, it's you that I'm worried about. I've only got a headache. Her eyes focused on him. They softened. She saw what he was doing. She appreciated it and yet she disliked him for it. She did not want him to push his own troubles away because she had her own to deal with. She was not so fragile to think only of herself. Yes, human beings were a selfish lot that preferred to think only of themselves, but they were able to be compassionate. To place themselves last in respect to others. This was what Devon was doing. And yet, in the here and now ... his problems seemed the more pressing ... the fact that he was not able to continue on normally, that he was so affected by whatever it was, both physically and mentally.

And yet, Sarreaha didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say. And of their own accord, tears sprang to her eyes, but refused to fall as his name passed her lips in a small whisper, "Devon." And yet everything she felt seemed to flow out in that one word, that name. It was weighted with everything in her. There was so much put into its two syllables that reading into it seemed almost impossible. She wanted to move forward, to touched him and yet her body refused, perhaps still from the shocked she had received by those three words but perhaps because she realized if she did it would become worse for Devon.

Sarreaha could not say how she knew that touching him would be the worst action at that moment. Perhaps it was from the fact he had slowly been moving away from her, first releasing her from his embrace, then a step back, and later another one ... and even the turning his head from her. But then, maybe it was intuitive. There were so many possibilities and yet no answer was forth coming. Her story was unfolding, hers and Devon's both, their timelines twisting together to seal this moment. Neither knew where it would lead them. Neither could predict what would happen. They only knew that in this moment, that right now, there was only one chance to do anything before it was lost in time. A moment lost forever. After all, time waited for no one.

Devon:

Now that he thought back on it, Devon wasn't completely sure if confessing his love for Sarreaha had been the best thing to do now, although, he'd felt the need to do so. He had to get it out of his system, because he knew now more than ever that he truly meant it. But then, when he loved her so, he didn't want to be a burden for her, and in his mind he guess telling her about his problems would be a burden he did not want to place upon her. And yet again, where to begin? If he were to tell her, where would be start? Where would he begin to tell? What would he say?

Time was slowly going by. In spite of himself, Devon still couldn't help but to feel that he was acting selfish. No matter what he did, whether it was telling her or not, it all turned out wrong and selfish. It hit him now that not telling her would be a bad thing too, because he knew she didn't believe him for what he'd said. By not telling her, she might think he didn't want her in his life, which was completely misunderstood. No, he wanted her in his life, it was just so hard.

And then again, if he told her, she might be burdened and weakened by it. Perhaps she'd think it was ridiculous that he'd held it all inside, but what was there to do.

No, wait, Devon couldn't allow himself to think so low of Sarreaha... he didn't think to low of her. Agh! Again, no matter what he said, thought or did, it just all came out wrong!

Devon.

It was only a word, it was only a name, but it awaken something inside of him, something inhuman. His eyes had turned completely yellow-ish green now, but as he kept his eyes down now, Sarreaha wouldn't see until he looked up. Devon of course, was completely unaware of his own physical changes.

"Sarreaha," Devon said softly, still not looking up. But now, his usual steady voice had a small crack in it. He was just so exhausted.

"I want to tell you so bad, but I don't know where to start... where to begin. I'm not..." Devon sighed looking up. "I'm not strong enough," he said, uneasy. He backed up until he felt his fingers touch the walls. It was like an electric shock went through him and he closed his eyes in pain.

"I don't know what to say," he murmured under his breath, waiting for time to take a hold of him and shake him awake. Or perhaps the devil would appear and tell him it was his time to go, either away, this was the closest thing to death Devon had ever felt.

Sarreaha:

Sarreaha was unsure what to do or say. Everything seemed to be currently a mess. Things had seemed to gotten better and now they were at a stand still, in a certain way. It was strange how confessing feelings, making up seemed to make everything worse. True, they were at a better understanding now but right now things seemed worse. Devon was in pain; Sarreaha didn't know why; she was still depressed; Devon still had his own problems. And that was only touching the surface. Who knew what remained underneath still!

Her mind tore from her confusion when Devon spoke. Sarreaha. Her lips parted for a moment as she looked at the boy, is head still bowed away from her. However, she remained silent. What else could she do? Sarreaha was not one to demand something from Devon. She could only wait until he spoke again.

I want to tell you so bad, but I don't know where to start... where to begin. I'm not... I'm not strong enough. She watched as he took a few steps back, hitting the wall. At the moment, they were both pressed against the wall. Her mind worked on processing the words he had spoken. I don't know what to say.

What could she say? The beginning was always the best place to start, wasn't it? And yet, he had started that he didn't know where to begin… did that mean that the beginning was perhaps hazy? Sarreaha could not possibly say. She could not see into Devon's mind, nor his past, so frankly, what did she know of these things? Nothing. Devon had never been forth coming with information, perhaps again this was why he was finally opening up to her. But why now?

"You don't have to be strong," she said quietly. "The beginning is always a good place to start," she then stated in the same soft tones. She had decided to go with her original thought pattern. Sarreaha really didn't know what else to say. She supposed she could say that he doesn't have to tell her now, which was true, as she stated as much in soft tones. He had made the first step in telling her, which had been saying he wanted to share this information, something that was apparently so much apart of him, with her.

However, one couldn't help but wonder that if they did wait until Devon was feeling better then would he still feel the need to share the information with her? Did she have so little faith in Devon? No. She did not. But her mind could not help but jump to the worst of all conclusions at most times. It was one of the reasons why normally Sarreaha tried to stay on the optimistic side.

Feeling as if she said anything now it would just be a variant of what she just stated. She bit her bottom lip as she waited until Devon said or did something.

Devon:

At her soft words, Devon couldn't help but to let out a small laugh with a ironical smile on his features, although it was hardly noticeable as he was still looking down. So she did not compleatly understand him, did she? No, how could she? He had never shared any kind of vital information with her, about his life and thoughts. So he did not blame her for understanding, he was blaming himself for being who he was.

Why couldn't he be a little bit more strong, a little bit more like everyone else? Why couldn't he just give out trust like everyone else, no, it wasn't the way he was. He was quiet and mysterious, a loner. He could always remain as this. It was a miracle that Sarreaha would even bother to stay around with him, he was sure he would only cloud her him even more, and drain her from whatever spirit she had.

"That's just it," Devon said in reply to her words. "I don't know where the beginning is,"

There was something oddly wrong with the way he said it, as if he was defeated or... as if he was closing again. He had his moment, and it seemed that his moment was finally coming to a halt. He couldn't bear opening up anymore, or he'd break. He was already shaken up, how could he press himself any further?

Devon opened his eyes, one thing was sure though, he would tell her eventually. He looked up at her and gave her a soft, pained smile.

"I'm sorry if I don't make any sense," he said apologetic. "I can't tell you tonight. I'm so... tired," he confessed. He was, exhausted. "But I do promise to tell you another time. It's not something I say just to say, but I mean it," he said looking at her, hoping she believed him or would take his word for it.

Devon looked down again. He closed his eyes, feeling his blood pump through his veins. He could hear his heart beat and his mind burning. Why did his mind were him off physically? It didn't make any sense... but what did make sense these days?

Sarreaha:

Waiting. It was something that people spend a large majority of their time doing. Waiting. Waiting for something to happen, an answer to a question. Life or death. Always waiting. When were they never waiting? True, once one receive their answer they stopped waiting, but that was only one. People are always waiting for many things at once, whether they realize it at once. When did one become aware of the fact they were waiting? When it was in the fore front of their mind? When they finally received their answer? When everything appeared hopeless. When life didn't seem worth living any more?

What was the point of waiting?

"That's just it," Devon said in reply to her words. "I don't know where the beginning is."

The wait was still there. Even after he had spoken. They were still waiting. Sarreaha felt she had little to say. Her mind was clouding again. Things were still in their lows. Yes, one part of her life was looking up, and yet that was still only one part. She was still waiting on the other areas. Looking for an answer, for something to do. Would she find it? Could she change it? What was the point? To make one feel better until the next large problem tumbled onto one's shoulder.

It truly was a never ending game of waiting. Everything is always waiting for something.

Sarreaha turned her gaze to Devon to catch the pained smile that had crossed his lips. She felt concern for the boy, but she felt she could do little to help him. Was there a reason she even tried? Everything she tried to do lately just seemed to make things worse, rather than help.

Her mind shot up at his words. He stated he wasn't just stating it to put an end to it. How did she know that? The girl could not see the future and now it was another thing to wait for. However, Sarreaha accepted it. What else could she do? She didn't have the strength to fight it, nor did it appear that Devon had the strength to give. They were at a stand still. Another game of wait and see. Another time would need to come. This moment had come and gone. It was gone.

It was as simple as that. It was no longer possible to share anything; the moment had passed. Would the next moment pass as well? Would they catch the next one or the one after? Would these moments continue to pass them by. Sarreaha hoped not. Not for her own sake, but for Devon. He needed something. She could sense that. However, she could not say what or even if she could give it.

"Oh, okay," she stated softly. The words were weak. She didn't know what else to do or say. So much had just passed between them and yet so much had not changed. It was all still their. The questions, the waiting, the uncertainity. What had they accomplished in this meeting?

Devon:

Devon closed his eyes, as if he had been defeated, and he had, he felt so incredible vulnerable and weak. Pathetic. The cold and seemingly untouched demeanor that Devon seemed to wear, was tired down, and his mind was one big blur. Was this fair of him, to just let her wait. Of course not, once again he was reminded how cruel every intention he did was. But he had no strength left.

Her reply was weak and seemingly defeated as well. It made him wonder whether or not she believed him. What had changed now, cause something had. There was so much unsaid. People walked a lifetime not saying what needed to be said to each other, because of there was something Devon had learnt from all his disturbing images, was that life was too short. And he was somehow sure, that his life would not be as long as most either... He needed to seize the day...

...Just not today. It was too much to do.

"I'll... I'll see you around," Devon replied weakly, feeling his words fail to deliver the hidden message underneath them. His words seemed fragile, perhaps even cold and rather powerless, meaningless, as if they were yet another stack of unimportant words that were too small to matter.

He was too small to matter.

Turning away from Sarreaha, Devon begun to walk away, feeling that with each step, he made his world just a little bit more difficult, and his life just a little bit shorter.

Sarreaha:

Not really know what else to do, Sarreaha just watched as he walked away. She had made no reply to his words. Whatever she would say didn't really seem to matte at that point. This meeting was over, it was closed. Was it really just a business matter? Or was that just what it felt like? Yes, they had accomplished something, but what exactly was it? Where were they? Where were they before all this? Sarreaha had asked Devon once. She had received no answer then.

Was life just one large circle? A circle that they kept going around and around and around and never getting anywhere despite the progress they appeared to have made? Something had happened in this meeting but Sarreaha felt no nearer to Devon than she had before everything that had happened.

She was still lost.

She knew that that. Her life was just a large mess; could she ever untangle it? Just looking at it she knew that some parts would be easier to untangle than others. Looking at the back of the boy, Sarreaha felt that his part would be the most difficult to untangle of all.

Not really aware of what she was doing, Sarreaha turned and headed towards her common room.