Thank you for the responses; it was surprising and really boosted my confidence. Thank you!

"Harry this isn't a bloody interrogation! I just wanted to see if you were alright!"

He glared. "I'm always alright."

And there it was; the lie that formed the truth.

Beginning from the moment the first death hit, he had forced himself to believe nothing could ever shift him. The army had taught him to put on a cold face to everything. The only thing that ever came close to dissolving that was Ruth. Because the truth was, he was never alright. And the lie was pretending the opposite. He had lived this lie for so long the line distinguishing the other was blurred beyond any recognition.

She said nothing when she realised how logical and cynical the explanation was. That was who Harry Pearce stood as, and he wasn't going to change.

Slowly, silently, she stood and walked to the door.

"Ruth?"

There she waited but did not turn around - white knuckles on its handle.

"Where are you going?" he asked with a softer voice and stood from his desk.

"Home."

The 'whoosh' sounded and she stepped out, broken. Again he was reduced to silence with nothing but a headache and her voice quashing his own. Now where?

"Ruth - wait!"

She didn't. She marched to her desk and picked up her coat and bag to leave. On reaching the pods he placed himself directly in front of her and using his greater frame, forced her to halt. Eyes fierce, she pushed one hand to his shoulder and tried to move him but he remained anchored and clutched her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, ok?" he pleaded, stooping to meet her eye line, closer. "I'm sorry."

"Do you even know what you're apologising for?"

"For being callous again." He frowned, gritted teeth. "My friend is dead, the woman I love despises me a-"

"Stop referring to me as an external character. Just say 'you'."

He paused, momentarily bewildered.

"You hate me."

"Actually, Harry, I don't." She stepped back and his hands fell away along with the aggravation and control he didn't deserve. "I object to your attitude towards your emotions, and I dislike your presumptions, but I don't hate you. I've never hated you and I never will. I didn't say yes to you because I was... absolutely terrified of what it would mean for us and our job. The fact that you gave Albany to the Chinese actually frightens me more; the things you'll do for love even though you were almost certain I wouldn't leap into your arms afterwards. You say you're always alright but I know for a fact that you're not! Am I really the only person that can make everything ok?"

He swallowed the lump stitched in his throat. "...yes."

"Then you need to look at what happened to Lucas. He risked everything for Maya. The entire Albany affair was based around his desire to make everything okay for them. If you do the same – if you marry me – aren't you terrified about what could happen afterwards? Marrying me won't make everything easier."

"Yes it will. It will Ruth... please." He stepped one foot forward, "Please."

Her breath caught in her throat like skin on a thorn. Nothing moved, not even their eyes before she realised he was not desperate - not entirely - just confused, wounded and alone. Thus his insistence was more a sign of his years spent trying to overcome the relentless hardship MI5 created, not simply a result of exasperation. Maybe it did sound desperate, maybe part of him needed it to be so in order for her to yield to his plea. Whatever was passing through his mind in that moment, it was obliterated when she pressed her lips against his.

She tried to search for a reason in kissing him. She failed, and felt embarrassed, because she was acting against everything she had just stated. He knew it as well as she did and yet, suddenly everything appeared clearer.

When they parted she was hot, breathless almost and wanted to keep her eyes dipped as to avoid his stunned and exhilarated expression. Furiously she fought but he cupped her cheek in one hand, saying nothing. A moment later her hand was on his chest.

"Harry..." the words escaped in a whisper, "Harry, I didn't... I erm, I don't know what I..."

But the sentence fell because it had no ending. He smiled, though she refused his eyes.

"Ruth, when the enquiry starts there's every chance I'm going to loose my job, which ultimately means losing you. I understand this isn't the best of times to me making drastic decisions or declarations but if you don't come with me now there's s chance I'll never see you again. They'll enforce our separation if you work for the service and I don't. What you said was right; I'm frightened by what marriage has the potential for because of our profession. Adam and Fiona. But at the same time, don't you think it's worth the risk? Why do we have to even see it as a risk? I love you and I'm adamant you love me too. Isn't that enough?"

He was almost out of breath. She didn't even speak, just swallowed, and nodded.

Awkward place to cut off. There'll be more soon.