A month had passed and it was July 20th. It was a special yet sad day for me every year for the past 2 years. I woke up and dressed all in black, fairly dressed up. I curled my hair and put on makeup. I went down to breakfast. "Morning." I said somberly. "You're awfully dressed up, going somewhere?" Narcissa asked. "Yes actually I need to visit home." I answered. "Whatever for?" my father questioned. "Business I need to take care of." They nodded and after breakfast I flooed to the Wizarding Church of Paris. Little beknownst to me, someone followed me. I walked out to the graveyard, finding the headstone I had seen many a time. "Hey there Johnny, I know I'm a bit late but I had to travel a bit further this year." I said to the grave. I probably looked like a nutter but I didn't really care. "I had to move to live with my dad and some of his friends. I still made sure to come though. Even though it's been three years I still can't believe you're gone. It seems like just yesterday we were eating dinner with my mom, fighting over who got the last dinner roll. This past month has been tough on me. At first I couldn't stand my father or his friends. I felt trapped and hopeless, only wanting to go home. Then I realized what I really missed the most was not the surroundings of Paris but you. I realized trying to go home would be no use because you wouldn't be there to welcome me back. Anyway enough with this depressing crap. I brought my guitar today because I know that you love it when I play. I wrote you a song this past month or at least I finally finished it this past month. Ha Ha. Anyway well here it goes.
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh
Na na na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you
"That was it. I really hoped you liked it. I know you would tell me I'm being too depressed and that I should be happy that you lived a good life and that your no longer here feeling all of the emotional pain everyone put you through. I know that you wouldn't want to see me like this or at least that's what all the psychologists said. One thing I always wondered, though was, was I one of those people that pushed you off the edge. Was I one of the reasons you took your own life. Di…Did I-I rea-really make life th-that unbearable for you? Why did you leave me, Johnny? WHY?" I was crying and so upset I started yelling. "Jayna?" I heard someone ask and felt a hand on my shoulder. Bellatrix Lestrange stood behind me, looking concerned. "What do you want?" I spat. "I followed you out of curiosity and I wanted to make sure you were okay." "Just peachy." I said with sarcasm evident in my voice. "Look, I know that you don't like me and that I'm not exactly the person you want to see but I really do want to help." That was a changing point. I proceeded to spill my guts out to the first person I hated when I moved to Wizarding London. After an hour Bellatrix helped me calm down and I realized it felt good to talk to her. "Do you want to head back?" She asked. "Actually I have another stop to make but you can go back. I'll be back before supper." She nodded and I set off. I arrived about twenty minutes later at 324 Westbrook Lane. I knocked on the door. The tearstained face of Johnny's mother, Ramona Fabian came into view. "Hello Jayna dear. I thought you moved." "I did but I came to visit Johnny and to see how you were doing." I said. "Oh I'm doing well. Would you like some tea I just made some.?" I nodded. I took the glass from her and we started talking. About 2 hours later I was about to leave when Ramona stopped me. "Dear I almost forgot."She handed me and old folded piece of parchment. "I found this after Johnny passed. It was intended for you I just forgot to give it to you. I guess I purposely withheld it from you hoping that if I didn't give it to you Johnny would somehow miraculously walk through the door and say it was all a nightmare." She said as the tears started again. I hugged her and put the note in my purse. We bid adieu and I flooed home from there. "There you are Jayna… Have you been crying?" Narcissa asked. I nodded and ran up to my room and locked the door. I also locked the door adjoining my room to Draco's. I took a deep breath and slowly unfolded the note. It read:
Dear Blue-Jay,
I'm really sorry about all of this.
I just couldn't take the pain anymore.
People making fun of me because my dad left.
Having to hear my mother cry herself to sleep
because the only man she ever truly loved
left her and their infant son.
To see the pain on her face when she looks at me.
Knowing that I look so much like him.
I couldn't deal with it anymore.
I have something to fess up.
I read your diary.
To answer your question
yes I love you too. I never thought
you would like me too. I thought that you
only thought of me as a best friend and nothing
more. I'm sorry I never told you. Maybe we'll see each other
again someday. Meet up in heaven. I'll miss you Blue Jay but I can't
live this lie anymore. Pretending I'm happy when I'm not.
I'm sorry.
Yours forever,
Johnny
I felt the tears start again. I curled up and cried my eyes out. I ignored everyone pounding at my door. I also ignored Bellatrix telling them to leave me alone. I just cried. I finally unlocked my door and opened it to find a plate of food and a note.
Jayna,
Thought you may be hungry.
If you feel like it you can come down.
We are all sitting in the living room.
I think you should sing that song you sang
today. It was nice.
~Bellatrix
I grabbed the plate and ate in my room. I pocketed the note and went downstairs to confront everyone in the living room. "Hi." was all I could muster. They all looked at me and muttered hellos. "I probably owe you guys and explanation for my behavior today." I said and received stares. "Three years ago today my best friend took his own life." I earned gasps from everyone except my dad and Draco. "We were very close and for about a year before that I had had a crush on him. He had a hard life his dad left when he was little and he constantly got made fun of at school. He was depressed, I knew that but I never knew he was suicidal until his mother called me and told me he had passed. After that I got depressed because I got the same thing at school that's what made me and Johnny great friends. I figured if he could survive it so could I. My mom sent me to 10 different psychologists to try and get me back to normal but I wouldn't talk to any of them. I turned to my music then for comfort. It helped me live. I'm still not over his death and I'm not sure I will ever be. I wrote a song about him and Bellatrix thinks I should sing it." "I think we would all love to hear it." someone said. I was shocked to find that Lucius Malfoy belonged to the voice. I grabbed my guitar and sat down and played it. (Look above for the lyrics but if you want here's a link to the song: .com/watch?v=k8zoN7w2nVw&feature=related) I finished and everyone clapped. I felt glad I had gotten this all off my chest. I thanked everyone and returned to my room. I took a shower and thought about the note. I took it out of my purse again and put it in the desk drawer in my room. I wasn't going to ever get rid of it. It was the last memento I had left of Johnny.
LINK: .com/jayna_cemetery_set/set?id=22756115
Author's Note:
Here is the fifth chapter. Bellatrix was really out of character but everyone paints her to be such a mean hag I felt she could be nice. The song belongs to Avril Lavigne and not me. Yes this chapter is a bit depressing but I felt it had to be. It started out to be completely different but I listened to the song and got the idea so there you go. I would really love a banner and some ratings and messages. I just live for them I'm starting to think that no one reads my stories. It makes me sad. Any kind of criticism is appreciated. I will accept flames but I am a bit of a pyromaniac and I might burn the house down and then you will never get another chapter so how does that help you it doesn't. Yes I am aware that I take forever to publish chapters and I apologize. I know I'm rambling but one last thing. Does anyone know what happened to Quizilla? The other day I couldn't get on and it was extremely hard to deal with. I know MTV bought it but are they making any major changes? What's going on? I'm confused and I can't function when I'm confused. Sorry for taking up your time but oh well actually I'm not really sorry but I'm a polite child. BYE!