A/N: Chapter 3! Chapter 3! Chapter 3! Did anyone get that? I didn't either! I'm so incredibly sorry for making you all wait for 2 freaking weeks while I tried to get everything back on track. Trust me, that was frigging Hell, plus I had a midterm English essay to do so that kind of sucked…a lot. I warn you now, High School is running my life and I have no free Saturdays for the entire month. That means NO SLEEPING IN! Seriously, I have to get my butt out of bed tomorrow at 6:30! 6:30! On a Saturday! Shiitake mushrooms! But enough of that, let's just get on with it, shall we?
The entire Armada had finally congregated on Conventia, the convention hall planet. Irkens, short and shorter, were buying cheap, useless junk at the gift shops as well as snacks. Instead of nachos, the crowd was being treated to potato chips and donuts. All the lights on the planet flickered on and off for a few seconds to signal for the audience to head towards the core of the planet, the amphitheater. Irkens began to head towards their destination, passing other soldiers being teleported to the surface via teleportation ring surrounding the planet. Every Invader had been called upon for Invader Tenn's rescue.
This time around, the Tallests didn't waste time with a giant introduction, although Irkens still cheered for them. They were floating in front of the large holo-screen except instead of a map of the universe, only showed Irk, Vort, Meekrob, and the asteroid field between Meekrob and Irk. The crowd looked on in awe as they saw their home planet. Irk was a light blue planet with two blood red rings around it.
The steady flood of Invaders began to die down as almost all of them had crowded inside the building. Skoodge came in with the last few Invaders. He noticed that the amphitheater contained the surviving Invaders from Operation Impending Doom I. Although Zim had attacked his home planet, he didn't blow up all the Invaders. Some of them had gone off to their planets earlier, eager to start their missions. The ones that had stayed behind were blown to bits by Zim's stupidity.
"Hello there," said a distant-sounding voice (imagine a Luna Lovegood-type air about it), "you must be Invader Skoodge." Skoodge jumped at the voice and turned to face it. What he found was a strange female Irken with yellow eyes and what looked like a top hat some famous human wore back on Earth. Her antennae hung down due to the hat, and a creepy grin adorned her features. Her SIR, which looked almost as spooky as her, stood by her side. It had magenta eyes (one had a crack running across it), a dent in its head, and a piece of metal welded across its mouth for who knows what. Skoodge eyed the Invader with confusion and a slight bit of fear.
"Um, who are you? I don't remember seeing you here for the Great Assigning of Operation Impending Doom II." Skoodge remarked.
"Oh, me?" she said, grin never leaving her face, "I'm Rek. I was on my assigned planet before the failure of the first invasion. I have heard a lot about you. So you were launched out of a canon? That must have hurt, but here you are now. That's good, very good. I could only imagine if we lost another Invader. It would break my heart. Isn't that right Gag?" She turned to her SIR, smiling all the while.
"Mmmmf! Mmmm-hmmmm!" Gag responded, shaking its head vigorously while trying to speak through the metal across its mouth. Skoodge's SIR, Fluffy, just looked at Skoodge for a second before hiding behind its Master.
"Um…yeah, I guess it's good that I lived. Uh, listen, I have to…uh, to…" Skoodge stuttered, but was stopped by Rek.
"Oh, are you scared of something? That's not good for you, being scared and all. Is there something I can do?" she asked, voice sounding mystical and creepy at the same time.
"Oh no, everything's fine! I just have to, uh, do something over there." Rek continued to stare and smile at him. "You know, way over there."
"Oh, I see." Rek replied, squinting at the supposed place.
"So, I'm going to go now. Bye!" Skoodge said uneasily while slowly backing away from the weird Irken. As soon as he was out of her range, Skoodge and his SIR sprinted away as fast as possible. "That was a close one, she freaked me out." He remarked to the equally as disturbed SIR.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you THE ALMIGHTY TALLEST!" the announcer shouted. All the Invaders closed their eyes and wiggled their antennae in salute to their leaders. Soon, the Tallest rose to the stage from below on a lift. Irkens cheered as they tried to make the crowd settle down.
"Yes, yes, thank you." Red said, waving to the crowd slightly annoyed by the noise. It was good to be loved, but when you're loved by someone who doesn't know when to SHUT UP was kind of annoying. A shudder ran through his body as he remembered Zim. Hopefully, that little pain in the-
"Hey, shouldn't we be talking about rescuing Invader Tenn right about now?" Purple whispered to his co-leader.
"Um…yes, we should." Quickly turning to face the crowd, Red cleared his throat and shouted, "Invaders! May I have your attention, please?" Thirty pairs of ocular implants were immediately eyeing the stage. "As you all know, Invader Tenn has been kidnapped by a resistance." Muttering swept through the crowd, fear flashing in some of the Invaders' eyes.
"If it helps at all you wimps, their name is the Resisty." Purple announced. Laughter then filled the convention hall as Invaders ridiculed the ridiculous name. The Tallest smirked. "Yes, it is a stupid name, but we still have to get what's-her-face back."
"Invader Tenn." Red corrected his co-leader. Purple glared at him for a second before Red spoke again, "Now, we have separated all of you into five groups. Group Alpha, you will be led by Invader Larb…"
Just miles away from Conventia, a small Voot Cruiser was bee-lining right towards it. Inside sat a sleeping GIR and a very annoyed Zim. "At this rate, we won't arrive in time for…whatever they're planning!" Zim shouted out in frustration. The outburst woke GIR from his little Doom Song induced nap. Rubbing his right eye, he quickly took a squeaky-toy moose out of his head and squeaked it right next to Zim's antennae. Zim's eye twitched as GIR just giggled beside him.
"You know GIR, since we're here, I should probably have that behavioral chip looked at. It seems," Zim started, spinning his hand around in the air, trying to find the right words for the topic, "not good."
"Oooooh, Master! Whatzat? It looks like a bowling ball!" GIR shrieked.
"That is Conventia GIR. All the other Invaders should be there by now and…WE'RE LATE! MOVE YOU DOOKIE-INFESTED RODENTS! ZIM HAS NO TIME FOR WAITING!" With that, in a similar manner to The Nightmare Begins, Zim's Voot sped ahead, narrowly avoiding being crushed by two other Armada ships.
Back on Conventia, Red was still going through the list of Invaders. Who knew it took so long to read off the names of thirty Invaders? All eyes were still on him, some only shifting to be closer to their new teammates.
"…and Invader Zee will be the leader of Group Epsilon. Now, the last group, Group Dug, will be led by Invader Spleen, containing Inva-" Red was cut off by a swift nudge to the shoulder by Purple. "What was that for? I'm almost done."
"Di-did you hear that?" Purple asked in disbelief.
"Hear wha-" Red stopped mid-sentence as a high-pitched screech was heard. It almost sounded like…
"No, that's impossible." Red whispered to Purple, trying to reassure both of them of the thoughts running through their PAKs. No, he wouldn't dare to disobey the Tallests' commands…would he?
The sound was heard again, this time a bit clearer and louder. The sound of rushed footsteps could be heard, accompanied by the clanking of metal feet. Whispers spread throughout the crowd, wondering where the source of the noises could be coming from. The sounds grew louder, and Invader Zee couldn't hold her apprehension any longer.
"Oh, for Irk's sake!" she shouted over the murmur, "Show yourself already! We all know who you are, you miserable defective!" Zee crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. It was because of him that she didn't get her SIR any sooner than she had. That delay had caused her some problems, like a freak asteroid accident. If she had left a few minutes sooner, that little "adventure" wouldn't have happened. Seconds later, the small Irken everyone had been expecting to show up uninvited burst through the doorway and ran straight through the rest of the Invaders. Skoodge slapped his forehead and closed his eyes. Zim was SO dead now…
"Move, move, MOVE!" Zim screamed as he pushed his way to the Tallest. GIR happily trailed along behind him, believing his Master was playing a game. "SKOODGE,WE'LLTALKABOUTHISLATER!" he shouted as he ran past the Invader.
"He and I are so dead right now." Skoodge whispered. His SIR just nodded its head while trying to comfort its Master by patting him on the back. As you can imagine, it wasn't working.
Invaders were pushed and shoved aside as Zim frantically made his way towards his leaders. He, as usual, was oblivious to the hateful stares he was receiving from the Invaders, SIRs, and his own leaders. Nevertheless, everyone stayed exactly where they were anxiously awaiting what their Tallest would do. After what felt like the longest bout of awkward silence ever, Zim reached his leaders and attempted to jump up onto the stage. In a similar manner to his entrance at the Great Assigning, Zim settled to climbing up over the side to reach his leaders.
"Please excuse my tardiness my Tallest. Someone," Zim took a second to glare at a still shocked-beyond-belief Skoodge, then returned his attention to his leaders, "failed to inform ZIM of the rescue of Invader Tenn. Who is no better than ME! Cuz, I AM ZIM! Ya know?" The Tallest, both physically and metaphorically speaking, looked down upon the overly-eager, incredibly incompetent Invader-no, Food Service Drone that stood before them.
"Um…hello Zim." Said Irken was completely unaware of the disapproving tone in Red's voice, "Nice of you to…join us."
"Shouldn't you still be in exile on Ea-oof!" Purple was swiftly whacked on the shoulder by Red, then continued, "I mean, in your 'strategic position' back on Earth?"
"I figured with such a great, yet SO VERY stupid threat to THE Irken Empire, I would be much more useful here assisting my fellow Invader in the rescuing of what's-her-face."
"Invader Tenn?" Purple said annoyed.
"Yeah, her." Zim replied, not really caring, "So, I came here with GIR and-"
"You brought your SIR?" Red asked, expecting the worst.
"Yes! He is the best SIR out there after all. Like ZIM!"
"Last time he was here, he ate all of our nachos!" Purple exclaimed, horrified that, now GIR was here, he'd eat everything in sight. Including the donuts! And nobody, NOBODY, took Purple's donuts.
"And I assure you, GIR won't do anything like that ever-GIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" GIR, who was on the stage with Zim and the Tallest, was terrorizing a poor Table-Headed Service Drone by eating all the contents on the tray, then proceeding to suck on the tray that was still attached to the drone's head. The terrified, tiny Irken was hanging in the air parallel to the ground; the only thing keeping him from falling was the tray.
"GIR! Stop that right now!" Zim yelled, stomping up to the defective SIR. GIR regarded his Master for a moment, popped the tray out of his mouth, but still keeping a firm hold on the Service Drone.
"Awe, but Master, he reminds me of popcorn and sunshine!" As quickly as he pulled the tray out of his mouth to speak, he popped just as quickly back into his mouth.
"That's very nice GIR, but the TALLEST are STANDING right next to US! Now, drop the Service Drone GIR. You're making us look bad in front of the Tallest. MY TALLEST!" GIR continued sucking on the tray. Zim's sensitive antennae detected snickers from the crowd behind him. Suddenly, an INGENIOUS idea came into his AMAZING head.
"GIR, if you don't release that Table-Headed Service Drone right now, I won't get you any more tacos." Zim paused before adding, "Or let you watch that HORRIBLE MONKEY." That sure got GIR's attention. He spit out the tray, sending the drone crashing into the opposite wall, and began screeching like a mad monkey.
"AAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I NEED THEM TACOS! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" GIR cried. Every Irken in the room desperately tried to block out the awful sound while SIRs around the room began to suffer from hypersonic damage, shorting out instantly.
"GIR! BE QUIET! THAT TERRIBLE NOISE-TUBE OF YOURS IS GIVING US MIGRAINES AS BIG AS THE MASSIVE!" Zim shouted. GIR continued to wail. Realizing scolding the SIR would be pointless, Zim willed a leg to come out of his PAK. It held a rubber piggy labeled "GIR Emergency Piggy: In Case GIR Does Something Stupid". Zim grabbed the piggy from his PAK and chucked it towards GIR. Noticing the piggy hit his head; GIR picked it up and giggled madly. Finally free of the torture, Invaders removed their claws from their antennae and SIRs came out of their stupor. All eyes glared at Zim.
"Zim, please leave and go back to Earth." Red said, struggling to keep his voice calm.
"But-"
"Zim, just go back to Earth." Purple repeated for Red. Zim was torn, he needed to help the other pathetic excuses for Invaders rescue Tenna or whatever her name was, but he could not disobey a direct order from the Tallest. Loyalty to the Tallest, programmed deep within his PAK, controlled his decision.
"Very well my Tallest," Zim said with a small salute, "I will remain on the Earth outpost until further notice."
"Good. Now leave." Purple said, patience wearing thin.
"Yes my Tallest! GIR! Come here!" GIR, for once, listened to his Master and walked by his side as they exited Conventia.
"Finally, I thought we'd never get him to leave." Red remarked.
"Me neither. Now let's get this thing over with so we can go back to blowing stuff up."
"Agreed."
"So, how far away are we now?"
"For Irk's sake human, you asked the SAME EXACT QUESTION five minutes ago! FIVE MINUTES!" Tak's ship snapped.
"Sorry, I-" Dib's reply was cut-off.
"Yes, yes, I KNOW! Now, stop asking questions!" Dib sat back in the pilot's chair. Maybe leaving Earth without a form of entertainment, or snacks, wasn't the best plan he had made in his life. The silence lingered as Dib blinked at random intervals watching the vast sea of stars pass by the windshield. At first, the sight had been incredible and breathtaking. Now, he wouldn't blame any alien who hated space travel. After the first ten minutes, things just got repetitive and boring, like day time TV. Finally, Tak's ship couldn't take it any longer.
"I don't know what's worse; this silence, you talking, or your giant head."
"My head's not big! How many times do I have to tell everyone?"
"Human, cease your mindless shouting!"
"Oh, and why should I?"
"One: I control this ship. Two: If you don't, I can jettison you out of the airlock. And finally: Enemy vessel approaching."
"Wait, what?"
"You heard me human!" Dib's eyes frantically darted around the vast canvas of space. Still, he could see nothing.
"What are you talking about? I don't see anything."
"It's above us human." Sure enough, a loud groan was heard and Dib felt the ship rising and saw the shadows falling across the control panel.
"Can't you get us out of here?"
"Too late, they have us in a tractor beam." Tak's ship said, quite bored with the human. At least if they destroyed her, she would be free of the annoying big-headed meat-sack. Although, it was quite amusing to see him panic as they were pulled into the large ship above them.
"I'm bored Lard Nar! Play a game with me, like PIRATE MONKEYS!" the cone-shaped alien screamed.
"No, Shloonktapooxis! I will NOT, I repeat NOT, play a game with you!" Lard Nar shouted in response. He shuddered as he remembered what happened the last time he "played" a game with the floating cone. So many plastic frogs and so little time.
"Lard Nar! We got it! We got it!" Spleenk shouted, waving his four arms widely.
"What now, Spleenk?" Lard Nar asked, shaking his head.
"We got an Irken ship!" he shouted gleefully.
"Cool!" Shloonktapooxis exclaimed, "Can I blow it up? Or eat it?"
"No, not yet at least. We need information, information only kept aboard an Irken ship. We need…THEIR SNACK LIST!" Lard Nar shouted, standing up on his chair with a fist in the air. Ixane gave him a strange look and he quickly sat back down. "Um, I mean gather a record of any previous locations. They could lead us to the elusive Massive."
"Sir," Ixane said softly, stepping (or floating, it was impossible to tell with her cloak) forward, "I must ask, why not attack Irk? We have a hostage; why not use it to our advantage?"
"Well, we need snacks to feed the Resisty before we attack. And the Tallest are aboard the Massive so if we eliminate the Irken leaders, Irk will be easier to conquer and destroy."
"Doesn't destroying their home planet make us just as bad as them?"
"No Ixane, remember what they did to our people. Enslaved us, used our planets for shopping malls and parking lots. We will take back what is rightfully ours!" This time, crew members cheered. Now they remembered why they had joined the Resistance, even the Meekrob aboard seemed slightly impressed. Slightly. They still had a stupid name.
A/N: Ok, the OC used in this chapter was Invader Rek, courtesy of the author I Sit On Tables. To the people who have responded to the voice-over challenge, I will gladly draw a picture of your Invader and SIR and post them on DeviantART. Just PM me if you want me to. Next chapter, things should pick up a bit more. The Battle of Meekrob is on the horizon now, so get a good night sleep and prepare yourselves for battle. For those of you who think I'm rushing this story, it's supposed to be fast-paced. I'm trying to get the nature of the show as best as I can, but I'm not Jhonen Vasquez, Eric Trueheart, Robert Hummel, Steve Ressel, Frank Coniff, or any other Zim writer/contributor I didn't mention. I am not trained or experienced in the Zim style, so I'm doing my best. DON'T KILL ME!
Also, there was another reference mixed in here so whoever knows what it is get cake! Table-Headed Service Drone Bob made a cameo appearance. I'll try my best to update at least once over the week-end, although I may post another story.
FUN FACT: Jhonen Vasquez is quite aware of the reality of *dun dun DUN!* InvaderCON, March 25-26 (or is it the 26-27?), 2011. Although he will not be attending, he is looking forward to seeing pictures of a bunch of obsessed Zim fans in costumes. If you want to make him (somewhat) happy, make your own Bloaty costume that can rival the Poop Dog one. He has a picture of it on his blog. Since I can't post links, search The Official Website of Parasite Induced Dementia on Google or any other search engine you prefer to use.
Please disregard this last part, for I don't know if this will work or not:
Is this working?