Chapter 13
What the Ministry thought about Derwent's malicious report on Lynx-the-wereknarl was made quite clear at breakfast next morning when the boy received a Howler. Derwent picked up the red envelope with shaking hands.
"Better open it, the explosion if you don't isn't worth it" said an older Slytherin "I know; I had enough from my father over my results in the first year."
Derwent opened it.
"YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE BOY!" came Percy Weasley's voice, magnified many times louder than a standard shout, echoing and reverberating around the hall "THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU HAVE WASTED MINISTRY TIME AND RESOURCES ON YOUR PETTY LITTLE SCHEMES TO DISCOMFORT YOUR SCHOOLFELLOWS! ANY REASONABLE CHILD WITH CONCERNS WOULD APPROACH A MEMBER OF STAFF BUT YOU KNEW NO MEMBER OF STAFF WOULD BELIEVE YOUR FOUL MALICIOUS CALUMNIES AND – AND – FILL IN SOME THINGS PROFESSOR SNAPE WOULD SAY! NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO BULLY ONE OF YOUR CLASSMATES BY MAKING UP LIES ABOUT THEM AND WRITING TO THE MINISTRY YOU WILL BE CHARGED IN FULL THE COST OF SENDING AN INSPECTOR AND HIS WAGES FOR THE DAY, SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOSH, THANKS MINISTER, I ALWAYS WANTED TO SEND A HOWLER" and with that the letter burst into flames and burned to a crisp.
Laughter rocked the hall and Derwent was dull red, in fury as much as embarrassment, knowing that although his intentions had been malicious, he was innocent of lying at least as he had seen it!
Severus rose.
"I believe, Mr Derwent, that Mr Weasley would like me to add that the extent of your maleficent and nefarious endeavour is exceeded only by the gross impertinence and contumely of your blatant and insolent contempt of the staff under whose care you live, who should be the first to know if you have any true concerns beyond your heinous and meddlesome ultracrepidarianism."
And he sat down again.
"Ultra – howmany?" said Lynx.
"One thing about Professor Snape is that he doesn't half improve one's dictionary work" said Hawke. "It'll be something about interference and busybodying from the sense, only more sesquipedalian."
"Don't you start" said Lynx.
"Criticising that over which one has no knowledge" said Romulus cheerfully "Dad had a thesaurus out last night looking for an appropriate word in case he had the opportunity to use it and that's what he found. He chortled gleefully" he added.
It was Krait who next had the opportunity to exercise her vocabulary.
Mourne and Parnassus discovered that little Emily Bates was scared of bats, and they thought it funny to cast the bat-bogey hex on her. Sephara caught them at it, and punched them both hard, gathering the sobbing little girl to her and marching her off to Madam Malfoy who was good at counter jinxes and cuddles in equal measure.
Madam Malfoy was also good at helping to build on Sephara's hard work of trying to overcome a phobia, by not only pointing out that hexed bats scarcely counted as the real thing even as acromantulas were very much more horrid than ordinary spiders; and then by explaining echo-location to the child, which Sephara had not known about, and showing that they could not get in her hair; and teaching Emily a spell she invented on the spur of the minute that would make Emily sound big and dangerous so bats would avoid her.
"You sound like a big fierce tiger wanting to eat them" said Krait. "Now run along to where you're supposed to be, I'll give you a note to explain I was counter-jinxing you. And Sephara, tell Miss Mourne and Miss Parnassus that I want to see them."
Madam Malfoy was also good at constructive character destruction.
After she had told the two Slytherin fourth years that she might have expected such petty and childish cruelty from a small child of four, not a big girl of fourteen, and that they had the instincts of boggarts without the magical ability to make them worthy of notice, being too unimaginative, stupid and lazy to even be considered for deatheaters she informed them that since they could not be trusted with wands she would take their wands into her own custody and see that the staff of their various classes knew to permit them with a school wand for the duration of the lesson and for that period only until she considered them trustworthy to have wands again.
"Furthermore" said Krait "As you obviously have too much time on your hands – some at least of which should have been devoted to the studies you so egregiously neglect – you will report to me in every spare moment for me to supervise your homework and when you have finished to find you useful tasks to do that will not overly stretch your meagre talents until it is your bedtime."
Mourne and Parnassus were horrified!
Krait was angry; they had gone too far this time and she made sure that they knew it. Playing on the phobias of a small child was in Krait's opinion the worst form of bullying that could take place.
On Dione Parnassus' suggestion the girls appealed to Professor Snape who listened stonily as they started off by trying to explain that having their wands taken and their leisure time too was not fair, and rapidly stumbled to a halt as he extracted from them the reasons for their punishment. He proceeded to tell them what HE thought.
"Well I must say I am tempted to ask Madam Malfoy to make sure that one of the useful tasks you undertake is the gutting of horned toads or skinning flobberworms. Your actions were loathsome; and to complain of a reasonable punishment to me is truly insolent. I will however give you the benefit of the doubt that you have as yet failed to recognise the enormity of what you have done and refrain from giving you further punishment; but if you do not seem to come to an understanding of your iniquities I shall place each of you in turn, wandless, in a room with a boggart so you may understand more nearly Miss Bates' feelings over her unusual but still very real aversion. Now get out!"
They got, sobbing.
The useful work Krait had the two girls doing consisted of helping her with sewing repairs for the school. As their sewing skills were negligible, Krait directed them in basting where outsize stitches did not really matter, that she might then finish off by hand. She explained to them what they were doing and why, how a sheet that was worn in the middle might have its useful life extended by being 'sides-to-middled', being cut in half and re-sewn with the good edges as the centre and the thin bit now at the edge, which needed hemming even as the edge needed a flat sewn french seam.
"Why not do it with magic?" asked Elisa Mourne.
"Because the spells aren't actually good enough" said Krait. "If I did it with magic, the stitches would be large and the seam would pull, and rub in the night. Done by hand it is virtually unnoticeable. I put in the long seam with the machine – which still sews better than spells – and hem by hand. Hand hemming is almost invisible – see?" she picked out a tiny baby dress she was sewing, exquisitely embroidered.
"Did you do that by hand too?" asked Mourne.
"Yes Elisa, I did; I find it relaxing. The beauty of magic is that it allows you to do most of the menial chores by wand, like washing up; and the basting too that you are doing for me for that matter, but allows one to be free to pursue those activities which require a little artistry like cooking or sewing. I have always enjoyed making clothes, and I am grateful to Aunt Narcissa for teaching me to embroider as well, since that was left out of my childhood curriculum. To create, whether a spell, a delightful and tasty dish, a painting, or a beautiful piece of embroidery is one of the things that sets aside thinking beings from either brute beasts or dark creatures; the former cannot comprehend creation, the latter are tied by their nature to be unable to perform it and so in their dissatisfaction can only destroy. Those people who can only break or spoil what others do are sad in the extreme because they are missing the greater part of their souls that make us people; and as they cannot make, they can only find a kind of perverse satisfaction in destruction. Did you want to learn to embroider?"
"Yes please, Madam Malfoy, when we've finished our punishment."
"I'll gladly set aside your performance of menial tasks to teach you a hobby that will help absorb you and give you a wider world view" said Krait. "Miss Parnassus, do you want to learn too?"
Parnassus hunched a shoulder.
"Why should I?" she said "It's all the same to me"
"Suit yourself" said Krait. "Ask if at any time you change your mind." And there, she thought to herself, is a very unhappy child; but I can't force her to open up.
Elisa was delighted; though she almost cried with frustration at first as she frequently pricked her fingers and got her thread in a knot. Krait patiently untangled her and told her that when she had herself been five and learning to sew she had been told that pain taught best how not to make mistakes.
"When you were so young? That's monstrous!" gasped Elisa.
"The place I was brought up was fairly monstrous" said Krait "It leached magic; I didn't get discovered as a witch and brought to Hogwarts until I was sixteen; and I had a lot of catching up to do. Like Sephara, who had a mental block and was written off by her own family as a squib poor child. She knows how to sew, she had to do it since she was treated as a servant. When your own family disrespect you it has to be hard; at least I could legitimately hate the people in charge in the orphanage who had charge over me and my little cousins Jade and Lydia."
"Professor Snape's children?"
"Yes, he adopted them. Once Uncle Lucius found out we were Malfoys too he has been very good; Lucius is a stickler for family. He insisted I take Sephara as a ward when he found out how his sister was treating her."
Parnassus had shifted and gone stubborn when Krait was talking about family; maybe there was something there. She might almost be a Malfoy with her pale delicate beauty, pale blonde hair and big violet eyes; no wonder poor Elisa with her stocky Bulstrode blood was fascinated by her. If Elisa would only learn to be herself and stand aside from Dione Parnassus, Krait thought there might be a chance to teach both of them how to be happy and fulfilled human beings.
Krait went on,
"I had tried to care for the little girls in the orphanage so they adapted readily to calling me mummy when I married Professor Snape."
"You're married to Professor Snape? Why don't you use your married name? It would stop people thinking your children were illegitimate!" said Elisa.
Krait laughed.
"Two Professors Snape in one school? How would anyone know which was which? When talking about us anyway; the gender difference is rather obvious when looking at us, but when describing the sarcastic marks over failed potions? There's nothing to pick between us! Besides, I rather enjoy keeping people guessing, though how anyone would suppose Professor Dumbledore would keep on his staff the sort of scarlet woman who has three illegitimate babies I don't know!"
"Three? IS Salazar yours then?" asked Elisa.
"Salazar is my half brother as the half-elf Rose is my half sister" said Krait "My father wasn't a very nice man. But why do you think I'm sewing baby clothes?"
"Oh, you're pregnant? Is your father dead then?"
"Yes I am; and yes he is. Harry Potter did me the favour of sticking Gryffindor's sword in him" said Krait calmly. "Do you really think I should name my little brother Salazar if he were not truly Slytherin's heir?"
"V-V-Voldemort?"
"None other; but I ask you please to call him by his proper name which was Tom Marvolo Riddle. So much less pretentious, wouldn't you say? Inadequates often try to make themselves seem big with titles, or by putting down those weaker than themselves, it's almost like a disease. Certainly his inadequacies seemed contagious amongst others with no creativity, large discontentments and probably small willys. Damn, I'm not supposed to be coarse to students… I apologise."
Elisa giggled.
"I don't mind. But surely he was most awfully dangerous?"
"In a way….he had learned dark magics that scared the ministry into even more pusillanimous incontinent incompetence than usual….and I use the term incontinent advisedly as mention of him seemed to send them running for the loo… he had followers who were terrified of him; none of them LOVED him, or even respected him. What a failure in a leader! One does not expect to be loved, but a leader who is not respected is by corollary despicable. He was so terrified of death he sought terrible ways to try to buy immortality; instead of accepting the inevitable and just getting over it and getting a life. He'd have been happier; and probably greater if he had concentrated on living life to the full instead of pursuing the unattainable and by doing so destroying bit by bit his own soul. If you take DADA to NEWT level you will learn something of what he did; but Professor Dumbledore considers, with some justification, that younger children should be protected from the horrors of what that was. Those of us who made ourselves Harry's bodyguard gave up our innocence and childhood so that others need not. It was a fair trade; we have the satisfaction of a job well done."
"Is that those who bear the scar?" blurted out Elisa
"In the main…it bounced to the babies as well, but they will not need to learn fear too early" said Krait.
"But…some of them are our age!"
"Yes; little horrors they turned up and insisted on making the oath" said Krait. "Protecting Harry was my job; and if some other overenthusiastic children died to keep him alive and kept other children alive in future by so doing, I was ready to accept that. It seems terrible in retrospect but nobody forced them and they had the risks explained. Harry had to be got in one piece in front of Voldemort at the correct Arithmantic moment. You don't think that broadcast of Draco's was by accident do you? We wanted him where we planned to have him and when. Draco's defiance was by way of a 'dilly dilly, dilly dilly come and be killed' business."
"I guess we never knew that so much was going on" said Elisa.
"And that was how we meant it to be" said Krait. "You have asked questions however; and you're old enough not to be given the runaround with the answers. Some things I will not tell you; either because they are inappropriate to your age or because they are none of your damn business. Well, it's your bedtime now; sleep well. I shall see you both tomorrow. Good night Miss Mourne, Good night Miss Parnassus."
Elisa bade Krait a cheery 'good night'; Dione grunted something unintelligible.
Even if she would not open up listening might help some.
There was a fairly public quarrel a few days later between Parnassus and Mourne in the Slytherin common room, Parnassus calling her former crony an arse-lick and telling her that if she valued their friendship she'd give up this embroidery nonsense and endure all they had to together.
"But it's fun" said Elisa "And now I'm starting to get the hang of it I can really see myself being able to make beautiful things."
"She's manipulating you!" screamed Parnassus "MAKING you want to be on her side against me!"
"Of all the paranoid hogwash, that beats all!" said Elisa "She offered to teach you too, remember, it was you who threw a sulk when you could have accepted the chance to learn something instead of doing boring old basting!"
"Well you shall choose then – Madam Malfoy and her precious sewing or me!" shrieked Parnassus.
"Frankly when you're this irrational I'd not want to choose you" said Elisa "Don't be an idiot, it's not a question of choosing, we can still be friends if I like sewing or not, it's the most ridiculous thing to throw a sulk about."
"Oh ridiculous am I? Idiot am I? It's a matter of principle; if you don't give up embroidery you're no friend of mine!"
"Now who's trying to be manipulative? Grow up Dione do!" said Elisa.
"You're no friend of mine!" snarled Parnassus and stalked off.
There was a distinct chill in the air when they reported for their punishment. Krait did not comment upon it but set them to their tasks. She showed them both a sheet that needed mending.
"You won't learn any younger how to deal with this, Elisa, even if you continue with embroidery so you may as well listen. Here is one with a hole in" she said "It is easiest to mend it with the mending charm; but not always desirable. The mending charm acts like a patch, and when a patch of new cloth is put on old fabric, the old fabric tears away round the edge. Muggle scientists could tell you why with their brand of arithmancy; but it is sufficient, unless you are really interested, to know that it occurs. By catching the edges together with thread, and by putting on a patch of old fabric, the mending charm can then be cast without deleterious effects to the fabric around its area of effect, since it moulds all the fabric together as one piece. If you are interested in the theory and arithmancy behind it you may refer to November last's edition of 'Transfigurations Today' where a small article of mine on the subject was accepted."
"I think I shall; but I don't expect to understand much of it" said Elisa.
"Well, make notes on what you don't understand and I shall endeavour to explain to you" said Krait. "You should consider joining the MSHG; we debate such issues there."
"Isn't it just about, well, muggles?" asked Elisa. Krait laughed.
"It was a good cover against the children of deatheaters" she said "They'd been conditioned so well to despise anything to do with muggles they avoided it like they could catch mudblood. We trained those prepared to fight Voldemort, even if they didn't want to go as far as a Bloodoath, and when he was gone, well it was so much fun we never bothered to disband it. It's a forum to air grievances unofficially, to ask advice of the professors who belong, a way of keeping fit to be able to sustain spells for longer, to discuss ideas for new spells or defences, to practice skills that need more work and to put the world to rights by bitching about the ministry."
"I'll think about it ma'am" said Elisa. "May I ask – I'm not whining" she added hastily "When you think we may be trusted with our wands back and - and to CHOOSE to come to you for instruction?"
"Why, I should say that when you have apologised to Emily Bates and meant it, then you would be showing yourselves to be mature young ladies not naughty children" said Krait.
"Thank you ma'am: I – I guess what we did was rather like being boggarts" said Elisa "I'll apologise to her first thing in the morning. But may I still come to embroider please?"
"Bless you child, you may go now and see her if you wish; and of course you may continue to sew with me" said Krait.
"Really? Thank you!" said Elisa "Dione, will you come and apologise too?"
Dione stared ahead of her as though she had not even heard; and Elisa went a dull red.
"Sometimes to be a true friend you have to enact tough love" said Krait, softly "As a parent or Professor has to punish for transgressions, both to make a fair environment for all, and to teach that some things are not acceptable. Cut along, kiddie; you may come back for half an hour's sewing if you wish and we'll start on chain stitch."
Little Emily Bates was scared when told Elisa Mourne wanted to see her; and emerged from the Hufflepuff common room holding Sephara's hand. Elisa took a deep breath.
"Emily, I was a beast to you" she said "And I'm sorry. And I guess if you want to fill my bed with spiders you'd have every right."
Emily's face lit up.
"You mean it?" she said "About being sorry I mean; I wouldn't put spiders in your bed, I like spiders and they shouldn't be in beds, they might get squashed."
Elisa managed a shaky laugh.
"I do mean it" she said. "And perhaps I can rescue you from bats if you'll rescue me from spiders."
"All right" said Emily and stood on tiptoes to kiss Elisa on the cheek "We're friends now then."
Sephara touched Elisa on the arm.
"That was well done" she said.
Elisa felt warm inside.
Three people approved of her and it felt so good; better than the approval of her former friend who had only wanted her for support.
Elisa thought that Madam Malfoy was wonderful!
She was also delighted to be given her wand back on her return.
"You can't know I apologised, Madam Malfoy" she said.
"I trust you not to lie to me" said Krait. "You have gained too much of a sense of self worth to demean yourself with lies."
Elisa flushed.
It was true.
The marauders were not exactly displeased to have two of the irritants of their year out of the way sewing; nor to have as hot a quarrel as flared up between the former friends develop between Porteous and Derwent.
Porteous was still sore at the right royal ticking off he had received from Dumbledore over ragging Abigail and Emmeline Greengrasse and felt – not entirely unjustly – that Derwent had drawn unnecessary notice onto both of them with his officious little letters to the ministry. As Porteous had never believed Derwent's assertion that Myrtle really was Myrtle he found Derwent's actions particularly irritating and told him so in no uncertain terms and nagged, as Hawke described it, like a Billingsgate fish wife. The Marauders found all the disharmony between their favourite enemies highly entertaining; and could not refrain from stirring with the odd well considered barbed comment that opened up new avenues of discontent on the part of the various combatants.
As Hawke said when Willow scolded,
"Hey, it's all good clean fun; and it's not like we engineered the squabbling in the first case….because you can't count the ragging of Derwent he didn't HAVE to act on it."
Willow gave up.
It was a storm in a cauldron that would degenerate eventually into what she described to Sirius as the normal turgid sludge of discontent that only too many Slytherin kept in their heads as well as in their cauldrons.
Willow had better things to do with her time, like help Sirius sort out what he owned, where it was and prepare to go with him to see it in the holidays.
The other marauders also had better things to do with their time, like getting their passages cleaned up, and making and selling beauty products to older girls to fund stocking the secret rooms with plenty of supplies.
Thus occupied they came so little to the notice of the authorities that Madam McGonagall sent them all to Madam Pomfrey for a thorough checking to make sure they were not sickening for anything. The four were a trifle hurt, that they should need checking on when they were NOT being bad, but Romulus pointed out that doubtless Madam McGonagall meant well because they WERE usually a little more ubiquitous. Abraxus walked out of the sick bay when Madam Pomfrey enquired after his 'poor hand' and asked if they were feeling unwell because Professor Snape was experimenting on them; and the others followed suit.
They decided to allay McGonagall's worries by switching the sugar and salt still within their containers at supper time, causing widespread revulsion but no real harm.
Both Dumbledore and McGonagall were so impressed by the smoothness of the switching charms used, that beyond insisting that the switches were reversed they did no more than scold the miscreants.
It has to be said that McGonagall was mightily relieved that there appeared to be nothing really wrong with the marauders for she had secret fears that the restoration of Myrtle had so drained them that they were unable to get into mischief. Fortunately she mentioned this fear to Severus; who laughed and asked if she had actually seen much of the Marauders in their spare time.
"No; and that's worrying too, that they're not at the middle of noise and trrrouble" she said.
"I think you'd find – if you ever started the sort of prying a wise house master or Mistress avoids – that they've found a new set of secret passages that they're working out how to exploit" said Severus. "I try not to overhear what my children are discussing with younger siblings but sometimes I have to work very hard to be deaf when Jade shouts 'are you taking me to the secret room today Rom?'"
McGonagall heaved a sigh of relief.
She trusted the Marauders to be naughty in a good way; and was glad they were still managing to.
The Marauders were objects of admiration to many of their fellows; and rarely irritated those who despised tricks since few of their exploits seriously disrupted anyone, the sugar-salt trick being one of the few. Four young Hufflepuff lads, Charlie Trout, Jamie White, Adam Black and Tony Duthridge were so fired with a spirit of emulation that they folded paper birds supposed to fly around singing during Care of Magical Beasts classes; they were to whistle 'Colonel Bogey'
It was a pity that, folding inaccurately, Jamie had said 'damn' and that one of the others was singing the wartime words.
There was some disruption of the class; but Hagrid pointed his pink umbrella at the skein of paper birds and banished them smoothly to the Forbidden Forest still swearing intermittently and protesting the singularity of Hitler's testicular appendages.
Abraxus had not been neglecting Myrtle – well not very much – during this time; Myrtle wanted to catch up and was taking extra coaching along with Sephara both to cover the odd blank spots in their education and to give them practise at wand work. It was not surprising that Myrtle had developed quickly a skill of manipulating water with spells and the Marauders swore her to secrecy as a honorary marauder to use her specialist spells to sort out the dripping pump in the goblin sanctuary and make sure the flow from the well to which it connected was free and clear.
Myrtle had them pumping hard while she concentrated on tracing back the flow, said 'AHA' and jumped back as she cleared a load of sludge by dint of forcing it through the pipes.
Abraxus, on the pump handle, was not so lucky.
"That'll do it" said Myrtle.
"I rather think that's done it" said Abraxus in dismay "I stink!"
Myrtle giggled.
"Well use a cleaning spell then" she said "I'm going to banish all this muck, someone else better keep pumping to make sure it's all pumped through."
"So long as you don't serve me as you served my twin" said Hawke taking over.
"Oh I think it's clear now" said Myrtle "It may be a poor colour for a while though until the debris is all gone."
On the whole they were glad of Myrtle's help; nobody understood plumbing like Myrtle.
And it had not taken her long to figure out how to place a reverse-flush jinx on a toilet just as Derwent was about to use it.
Myrtle could be a little vindictive like that at times.
And before they knew it, the holidays were upon them, and Myrtle was actually going home like any other little girl! Abraxus was to go with her to stay.
He was glad he did.
Arthur Carmichael was in bed when they got to Myrtle's home.
"They told me a year ago I had only months" he said "Learning that my girlie could be saved gave me the will to live on a little longer; but I can't fight on any more, my sweet Myrtle. Abraxus will look after you; and you, my boy, don't talk of potions. I am starting to get forgetful and I know what that means; even you wizards have never found a cure for senility. I'd rather die of a worn out body than live without knowing you. I asked that nice Professor Snape for a potion that will allow me to choose the time of my passing before the pain gets too great and I need to be drugged all the time; and he assures me it is indetectable to muggle science. I want to die with my family; my wife, my daughter and my – I hope – future son in law, with dignity and loved, knowing that one day we shall all be together again."
Myrtle burst into tears.
"And I only just found you again!" she said.
"But we have had the chance to be together because this young man DID do what he did" said her father "And that is a miracle to me. I'll wait; I don't expect that it seems long on the other side. And I shall see my parents that you never knew. I am more grateful, Abraxus my lad, than I know how to say for the time you have given us to be with our little girl."
"If you'd only SAID daddy I wouldn't have gone back to school right away" Myrtle was reproachful.
"My dear one! Do you think it would not hurt me to see you moping and watching me fade away? We shall have these last two weeks together and then I will go. Rejoice that we have had time together, do not sorrow for my leaving!"
Myrtle could not but cry for him of course; and Abraxus could do nothing but hold her tight and stroke her hair. He strongly suspected that the old man had some latent talents and had expended much energy in his ritually taken blood. But it would be wrong to take away Arthur's dignity by asking him to hold on until he had to be drugged into insensibility; even if his mind held too. Old age was inevitable, sooner for muggles perhaps than for the magically active, but still inevitable.
It was a time of sadness; and yet of joy to, in a shared family life none of the Carmichaels had ever anticipated without the vision of a young boy's steadfast and devoted love.