Okay here comes the forth chapter. I hope everyone so far has enjoyed my previous chapters and that you'll enjoy this one as well. Unfortunately this is a shorter chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of this.

Chapter Four

It was getting dark, slower now that it was summer time. With the window of my room open it was gradually cooling. A slight breeze came in and rustled the hair at the nape of my neck that had escaped the bun. The sweat there cooled and sent goose bumps down my back.

The knock on the bedroom door startled me. I bumped into the lantern that I had resting on the floor next to the bed. Fortunately it didn't fall down and make a mess for me to clean up. I raised it off the floor and set it onto my stand.

I couldn't get the words out of my mouth to answer the knock. Fear held them in. It could be him. What if he recognized my voice? What if he had seen my face? If he knew I was here.

"Mika, dinner will be ready shortly. You okay in there?"

Oh, it was Imata. I sunk down into my bed, my knees weak with relief. I covered my eyes with my hands. They trembled against my face. My nerves were shot through and through.

"Actually, I'm not feeling so well," I said, thankful for the shakiness in my voice, "I think the heat might be getting to me."

"Oh, I can bring up some tea," She said.

I felt guilty for the concern in her voice, "Thank you, but I think I'm just going to lay down for a bit."

"Okay." Her voice came muffled in from the door. "Um, I stopped by earlier for your clothes but I couldn't find you in your room. So I didn't know which clothes were dirtied or not."

"I went out for a walk. I'm sorry I troubled you. I'll just do my wash tomorrow. It's too late to do it today."

Liar.

"I'll see if Ruro can keep some of the dinner warm for you in case you get hungry."

"Thank you."

I listened as her feet moved away from the door and down the steps. When I was sure she was gone I moved back to my bags and continued to shove cloth after cloth into it.

My hands were shaking so much. It was so hard. Every single time it was hard. Wanting to stay, and just be, yet having this overpowering need. And the hate that came with the need always filling me up, displacing everything else. Making me forget this aching hole in myself.

Then just leaving, making my despair all the more apparent, more overwhelming then the need.

I stopped what I was doing and just stood there motionless, inhaling in deep breaths. Move on, forget. You know your mission, this will pass. Just like the others did. You feel nothing. You feel nothing.

Nothing at all.