Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, not Teen Titans, not Beast Boy or Raven. All I own is my imagination, and a spork that looks like Batman (jealous much?) :P
Don't do it Raven, don't do it. He's not worth it. He didn't care about you. Don't talk to him again. Don't, never again. He hurt you remember? He used you, he only pretended to like you. Don't ever go back to him, don't think that you need to talk to him. You have them, your friends to talk to, not him. Never ever him. Be strong Raven, be strong.
It kept repeating over and over in her head. It's been a few months since the Malchoir incident, and the other Titans had almost wiped it clean from their memories, except for the one who was directly affected by it, Raven. She still felt the same pain she had when it had happened, but never spoke to it to the others. He had hurt her far more than she let on, she tried to let it go, show how in control she was. How much she didn't care. She wanted them to believe her, and it worked. They never asked about it, never asked her if she was OK. A simple question like that would have been better than just ignoring what had happened, it would have given her closure. But they didn't, and now months after it she still felt that pain in her chest, the weakness in her knees, and the rush of emotions she tried to suppress. She needed closure to stop the pain.
But she just couldn't open him up. She didn't want to hear his voice and fall for the same trick once again, not ever again. This was tearing her up inside. At first it was just sleepless nights, with the occasional nightmare, but now she couldn't go to sleep without crying first, without pounding her hands and feet into her bed. It was so out of character for her to be like this, to be so emotional and let them control over her. She stifled her screams inside her throat, but she was just so torn up because of this. Than her night would end with her for blaming herself for this. Blaming herself for actually falling in love with someone, and then letting it blind her and hurt the people who she cares most. It amazed her how they could not hear her, even if the rooms are soundproof, she thought the noise she made was loud enough to pass through it. She thought that they knew what was happening in there and just ignoring her, but always wavered that thought because she knew it was false, but it always stayed there in her head, telling her it was true.
She found herself pacing by the trunk where she kept his book. Always second guessing herself, whether she should open it. And always deciding it would be best not to. But she wanted this to be over, she wanted things to be back to how they used to be, before him. Before the pain. Before her restless nights, but she always told herself that what they had wasn't real. It was just a ruse for him to gain his freedom. But those words were starting to lose her meaning to her, they were becoming weak against her emotions. And she was becoming more and more submissive over them, letting them control her and her actions. Her hands were on the chest, pressing down against it, as if it was overflowing with stuff and she was trying to push it down to close.
She started to chant her little mantra again, but this time aloud. " Don't do it Raven, don't do it. He's not worth it. He didn't care about you. Don't talk to him again. Never, ever again. He hurt you remember? He used you, he only pretended to like you. Don't ever go back to him, don't think that you need to talk to him. You have them, your friends to talk to, not him. Never ever him. Be strong Raven, be strong." She didn't listen to herself, she still wanted to talk to him.
" Why did you have to talk to me, I was perfectly fine without you. I was in control," she asked him, but she knew he couldn't hear her. The thoughts in her head answered back at her. They were telling her that she wasn't fine, she was alone, she didn't have any deep connections with any of the others. Even the thoughts in her head were starting to become subject to her emotions. She pounded her hands on it," Answer me," she yelled, she felt anger taking over her, and she couldn't let this happen. She took in several deep breaths before she finally calmed down. " I'm pathetic, I'm screaming at a dragon in a book that's inside of a chest," she sighed. Finally giving into her emotions she opened it up, the book was covered in dust, she just stared at it waiting for it to open, like it used to. But she didn't have a chance to open it before she realized what she had just done, and quickly closed it before he started to talk to her again, before she fell underneath his spell again.
She sat on the chest, hugging her knees, she hated feeling like this. But really is there anyone who does? Than she heard someone take a step in her room, it was Beast Boy. " Get out," she demanded, and quickly jumped up off from the chest.
" Wait, just give me a chance to say something," he begged. But she didn't want to hear any of it, she kicked him out, " Fine I'll tell you from out here. Raven, I know you're still hurting by him, and you know that saying that time can erase the pain? It's total bull, time can never erase the pain, it only makes it easier." She stood at the other end of the door, thinking about the last time this happened between them, how he tried to make her feel better, and the warmness of that hug she gave him. " Well, I'm done, that's all I wanted to say. I'll leave you alone now." She wanted to yell at him to wait, and give him that hug again, but she knew that pain would never relent. So she let him walk off, and she was alone again.
She wanted to open that chest this time, and get the closure she deserved but she didn't trust herself. She didn't trust herself to be a lone with him, if she had someone there with her watching her so she wouldn't be fooled again maybe but she couldn't risk it.
Beast Boy is right she thought, sometimes she forgot how deep he could be. If he was the one to watch over her while she tried to get her closure, than she would do it. But she knew she could never ask him,it would be too weird of her to, too creepy. She only had his words to feel comfortable to, time can never erase the pain, it only make sit easier.
A/N:
Woah! Woah! Woah! Sorry for not updating for the past two days, but I was sick both days, and yet I had to go to school. I wrote this because Anon said that they weren't a BbRae shipper, and they were more into Raven./ Malchoir or that goth kid. I've never read any fanfics that had that shipping, so I'm not sure how other authors wrote that pairing. This is I guess a slight Raven /Malchoir and Bbrae story. How'd you guys like it? Also I'm thinking of changing my goal to writing only 365 chapters in a year, because the 1000 seems a little too intimidating. Also THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! THEY REALLY MADE ME HAPPY WHEN I READ THEM! GIVES COOKIES*
OK, so I really am grateful for you gus reviewing, so hopefully tomorrow I'll post three new chapters in a day for a thank you to you guys :D
Review?