He started to set up the camera in a small corner in his room. It was the perfect space for a vlog, perfect lighting, nice background, meaning no mess, and just a place for him to talk. It really wasn't a vlog, no one was going to see it, it was just a little video diary, he didn't do these often, only when he really felt like he had enough time for it. His camera was nothing special, it was one of those small hand held cameras, it was nothing special, just a small camera, and it wasn't new either. It didn't have high-def, or really any good sound quality, but it worked for him because it was simple. Sure the picture came out a little grainy and his voice sounded either really scratchy and husky or really high pitched like he was going through the rough stages of puberty.
"Dear Random-Person-Who-See-This-Entry,
Sometimes you just can't help it y'know? Letting it loose. Being free. What does that even mean anymore, free? What? No seriously what does that mean, people have been flinging it around so much I feel like it's lost all of its meaning. I mean free used to mean liberation, and something to actually look forward too, but what is there to look forward to now? Fighting the quote, unquote bad guys has made everything feel so worthless. We fight them and they fight back, so we fight harder and they fight harder. We get smarter and more numerous, they do the same. You just can't win this fight. So why even bother?" He took a sigh, and covered the camera with his hands, it sounded like he was depressed, and this was his suicide letter. But really he was just angry with everything that's happened so far. There's so many changes, his old video shop disappeared, and Terra well she was just another puzzle, another battle he has to fight. He finally uncovered his hands from the camera, and tried to give it a smile, something to show he wasn't defeated.
" And this is coming from me, the jokester of the group. I've been fighting since I could remember. I've been through and seen so much crap, that any normal person just can't handle it. I've experienced my fair share of death, and tragedy. I've had to face adversity alone and I came out stronger, but so did the bad guys. I felt love, I felt heart break, death, happiness, sadness, worthlessness, anger, and yet I'm still here. I'm still kicking. But sometimes, sometimes I wish that I wasn't. There's so much to bear when being a hero, there's always paranoia, and worrying you gotta deal with, and its hard. I'm still a kid, I'm only twelve, and yet I've seen things most people would run away from. Being a hero is just so hard.
There's just way too much to deal with, too much stress, to many bad guys, and just not enough hope. I know that's what I am for you guys, but who's my hope? Where is my hope to be more exact. Its annoying, just not being able to know which one of your friends will make it, and the ones who won't. I remember being pushed to my hardest with the Doom Patrol, they were there when I first became a dinosaur, but I just wasn't good enough for them. I always messed up. I was always just a kid to them. Them? What am I talking about, I mean Mento. I love the guy and he's pretty much my dad, but never being good enough for him, well that drives me crazy. Being with the Titans, well you still gotta push yourself, but there's a sense of … equality, yeah that's a good word for it, equality. Well there's equality here, we're all on the same playing field, some a little better than the others, but only by a little. We learn from each other and well that makes it great, fun. I've seen the world end, I've prevented the world end, and I even prevented to my world from ending, but it's still hard to have fun.
Everyone has a way to deal with this, Raven has meditation, Robin buries himself in work and has Star, Cy he tinkers and invents things, and well Star? She's just never sad, she stays upbeat, and when she's not she has Robin there. And well me? I have jokes, I have video games, I have idiocracy. But sometimes that's just never enough. So I just laugh. I laugh at anything that could even be called comedic. So that's how I deal with all the crap I had to go through, laughter."
A/N: Not my best work, but I wanted to leave you something before I'm gone for like a week because I'll be busy. Which is weird because of the entire time I was gone I had no life, and now I do. I promise on Saturday you guys will get a totally non half assed chapter.