A/N: My best friend and soulmate was killed in Iraq. I write letters to him a lot, and that is where this story came from. I hope you guys like it. It will be a series of songs and then how Logan is feeling and then some flashbacks. The songs will be posted. And I did sorta get this idea from a similar story, but I hope you all enjoy it
Summary: After BTR broke up Kendall decided to enlist as an infantry marine. But what happens when he isn't coming home? Who did he leave behind? Song lyrics and then the emotion and thoughts behind it.
Disclaimer: I own none of the songs or BTR!
Memories of a Fallen Soldier
Chapter 1
Haunted-Taylor Swift
Day 01
Logan sat down at his desk sighing. It amazed him that Taylor Swift seemed to be able to catch his every emotion with one song. He had just received the call from Staff Sergeant. Kendall wasn't coming home from his second tour, his life ended in Baghdad, Iraq when a suicide bomber had detonated the bomb attached to him. The love of his life died at the age of twenty three.
Logan took a deep breath and grabbed a notebook. He quickly scribbled down the lyrics to the song he had just heard on the first page of the notebook.
You and I walk a fragile line I have known it all this time But I never thought I'd live to see it break It's getting dark and its all too quiet And I can't trust anything now And its comin' over you like its all a big mistake Holding my breathe, won't lose you again Something's made your eyes go cold
Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong, your all I wanted Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted Stood there and watched you walk away From everything we had But I still mean every word I say to you He will try to take away my pain And he just might make me smile But the whole time I'm wishin he was you instead Oh, oh, holding my breath, won't see you again Something keeps me holding on to nothing Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong, your all I wanted Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted I know, I know, I just know You're not gone, you can't be gone No Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong Won't finish what you started Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone can't go back I'm haunted Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You and I walk a fragile line I have known it all this time Never ever thought I'd see it break Never thought I'd see it
He paused and read the lyrics before he continued to write. He felt the tears streaming down his face already. Logan couldn't wrap his head around the fact that the man he loved more than life itself was gone.
Kendall,
Why? That seems to be the only question on my mind tonight. We put it off for three whole years. We walked a fragile line. I didn't want to lose you Kendall. I almost lost you the first time. You were shot and almost died in your first tour. I cried, I begged and pleaded for you to stay. You had a choice this time. I poured my heart and soul out to you. I told you that I loved you and wanted to share my life with you. Why wasn't that enough?
I told you that without you I would be nothing. You didn't care. WHY? I told you before you left to stay and marry me. I would love the daughter you and Jo had as my own. We could have had our own family. But you chose to leave me. You yelled at me, kissed me and said goodbye then ran out of my car.
Logan stopped writing. He couldn't help but think back to that day four months ago.
Mrs. Knight had just recently passed away due to a long battle of breast cancer. Kendall's Gunnery Sergeant had offered him the chance to stay to care for Katie.
"Kendall…please." Logan had tears pouring from his eyes. "Please don't go. You don't have to go. You almost died last time. I don't think I could handle that. And what about Katie and Hayley? Katie will have lost all her family and Hayley will grow up without a father. Please, I love you so much, please don't go."
Kendall had gotten Jo pregnant before he realized he was gay. Kendall sighed. He had his face in his hands and when he looked up he looked miserable. "Logan, I have to go. It's my duty, its what I'm trained to do." He didn't mean to sound so annoyed but he couldn't help it.
"I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I am nothing without you. I couldn't handle losing you. I don't know what I would do. I don't think I could go on. Kendall, if you stay we can get married like we have been planning. Now that Don't Ask Don't Tell has been passed and your command already knows we can get married. I will love Hayley as my own and we can help Jo raise her. We could have our own little family. Please, Kendall, just stay with me. Please." Logan pleaded. His voice was desperate and he had tears pouring down his.
"LOGAN! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS IS MY JOB, I CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY FROM MY JOB BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO FOR SIX MONTHS!" His face was red and he was out of breath. "I'm sorry Logan, but I'm going. I love you." Kendall grabbed the back of Logan's head and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips and then one on his forehead. "Goodbye, Logie."
Kendall jumped out of the car before Logan could even process what was going on. As soon as Kendall was gone Logan broke down in tears not caring about the odd looks he was getting.
Logan sat staring at the notebook in front of him. He had to finish this note to Kendall.
You left me crying in my car. You walked away from me. I meant what I told you, did you? I won't see you again. Something keeps me hanging on to nothing now. We never really had our shot, you left three months after we started dating. You took our chance away from me. Kendall, you were always my Knight in shining armor. You protected me. Why did you chose to hurt me? Why did you chose to break me down completely?
For the first time, I'm angry at you. I feel like you abandoned me. We never really resolved our fight either. We ignored it, neither of us wanting to swallow our pride.
Logan stopped writing again. He was looking over his desk at a box of letters he had that Kendall he written him. He pulled out the last one Kendall had written him.
"Kendall, you wrote this to me a week ago. I got it yesterday." Logan felt like Kendall could really hear him. He picked up the letter and read. "Dear Logie, I know that you are frustrated that I am here in Iraq when I should be with you. But I assure you that I still want to marry you and start a life with you. I love you so much and nothing is ever going to change that…" Logan stopped and felt more tears coming down his face.
"I want everything you want. A family, a house and marriage. But me being here is letting us save up for a down payment on a house. I'm doing this for us. And in two months we will be reunited and nothing will ever tear us apart. I love you. Kendall."
Logan allowed the sobs to overtake him while he continued to write.
You told me that you still wanted the same things I did. Marriage, a house, and a family. You lied, you said you would be back in two months. But you're not going to be.
Kendall, I know you saw the hurt and pain in my eyes and face that day. How could you just walk away? That is what hurts me the most. You were suppose to love me more than anything else in this world. I would have done anything for you, why couldn't you have stayed here for me?
I would do and give anything to talk to you one last time, it does not seem like you can be gone. Regardless of how angry I am at you right now, I still do love you with every fiber of my being.
I will always love you Kendall Joseph Knight. Forever.
Forever thine, ever mine.
Logie Bear. 3
Logan put down his pen and then closed the notebook. He knew at that point this would be one of many notes to his beloved. He stood up and walked up to bed, not bothering to wipe the tears from his eyes.
End Chapter
A/N: So I personally really like the style I used to write this. I think it makes the story flow well and make sense. Let me know what you guys think.
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