A/N: I got some positive feedback on this story. But I know its sad, but it is still good to me. I hope it is for you too.
Disclaimer: I own neither the Songs I use or BTR sadly =(
Chapter 2
Just a Dream-Carrie Underwood
Day 06
Logan had just gotten home from the service they had for Kendall. He put down the belongings in his hand and went straight to his office. He sat down at his desk. All he had wanted to do during the service was write a letter to Kendall and now that he was home. He was going to write him.
Logan flipped to the next open page in the notebook. He sighed from the song he had heard on the radio on his way to the funeral. It just had to be a song about losing your significant other in a war. He picked up a blue pen and started scribbling down the lyrics.
It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh,
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, now I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah
Logan took a deep breath as he finished writing out the lyrics. He stopped and thought for a few seconds. He closed his eyes and saw Kendall's smiling face. Logan smiled sadly to himself. It hurt that he was never going to see it again. He continued scribbling down on his piece of paper.
Kendall,
I keep wanting to think that this is just some terrible dream. James and Carlos came by yesterday and I couldn't help but cry to them. James took emergency leave to come back here for your funeral. We are all hurting, and I know it might be selfish to say, but I think I am hurting the most. You were what helped me go on. Knowing that we would be reunited is what kept me going on. Now what am I suppose to do?
Today was your service, Kendall. James, Carlos, Katie and I sat up front. There were locals there protesting the war and they had signs that said "God hates Fags" It broke my hurt to see that at your funeral and it took everything out of me to not go up and give them a piece of my mind. We were always taught that God hates no one, he loves all his children. He doesn't hate anyone.
I would like to think that's true. I would like to believe there is a God but I'm finding it hard. I was planning a life with you. I was planning to be with you forever. I thought back to that day we first started dating. Even then we knew we wanted to spend our lives together.
Seven months ago Kendall and Logan were sitting in a recliner. Logan on Kendall's lap, with Kendall kissing on Logan's neck. "Kendall, we haven't even been dating for ten minutes and you're already trying to sex me up?" Logan asked in a pathetic sounding voice.
Kendall chuckled to himself. "Logie, we've been into each other for over three years. We might as well have been dating the entire time." Logan smiled to himself. He was glad that he was finally official with the person he cared about most. "When I come back from Iraq, I want to marry you. I want to have a family with you. Because, you are all that matters to me Logan."
Logan wrapped his arms around Kendall at this point. "I want those same things. You are all I will ever need in my life. I love you, Kendall. I always have. We just need to make it through the next nine months and then we can be together forever." Logan said sweetly. He planted a gentle kiss on Kendall's cheek.
"After my tour, I promise we will start our lives. We will be together forever." Kendall said sweetly.
Logan sat at his desk now, looking at the notebook. The memory almost haunting him.
I thought that we were a forever kind of couple. I thought that we would grow old together and see our grandchildren grow up. Now all I will have is memories and what might have been. Everyone keeps telling me that I have to move on. They tell me you would want me to. But I don't believe that, you were so jealous, there is no way you would want to see someone else with your Logie, right?
Logan sighed. He wanted to believe that Kendall would have wanted him to cling to his memory, not forget it. He looked back down at the notebook.
Today was your funeral. There were so many people there to pay their respects to Deluth's fallen hero. I didn't even know a quarter of the people that were there. But it made me proud knowing that my boyfriend died a hero. You gave your life to help me and everyone else who was there. I just wish you didn't have to give your life for such a stupid cause as Operation Iraqi Freedom. They don't want us there, if they did you wouldn't be gone right now.
Sorry, I'm getting of topic, your funeral was beautiful. I guess it was like any other military funeral, but I can't be sure because I had never been to one before yours. You're old Gunny spoke about how fearless you were, that you were a natural born leader. But then again anyone who knew you for two seconds could have told you that.
Logan thought back to when they were wrapping up the ceremony. He sighed as he thought back to the funeral service.
Everyone had just finished saying a prayer. Logan heard the congregation start playing a slow song that made him want to beat his head against the coffin to drown out the sorrow the song was causing him.
"Ready, fire!" He heard. The seven soldier all in harmony aimed their guns at an angle and shot. "Ready, fire." Another shot was fired. "Ready, fire!"
Logan felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest. This was the last tribute Kendall would ever have and that made him extremely sad. Two soldier were now starting to fold the flag that would be presented to Katie for her brothers death.
They were starting to tuck the flap in when Logan saw Katie bolt from her seat and through the crowd. He then saw James stand up to go after her. The soldier looked at the person who had been sitting next to Katie and it was none other than Logan.
The soldier knelt down in front of Logan. He handed the flag out to him. Logan couldn't contain himself anymore, he had tears flowing down his face. "On behalf of the President of the United States, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one's service to Country and Corps."
Logan reached out his arms and grabbed the flag that his love had died for. He allowed the choking sobs to escape his mouth and felt a hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him. Logan clutched the flag close to his chest trying to pull himself together.
The part about handing her the flag and holding on to all she had left of him and what could have been…it captured exactly how I am feeling. Katie booked it, she couldn't handle getting the flag. She doesn't want it. I was there they presented your flag to me. I couldn't help but think about why I was holding it and it killed me Kendall. A life without you isn't a life at all.
I love you so much. This can't be real. It can't be, you're going to come home in two months and I will find out this was all a prank. A mean, and nasty prank. Kendall, please let it be a prank.
I love you so much.
Always,
Logie Bear
Logan sat down his pen and made his way out of his office. When he got out he saw the folded up flag on the table next to the door. He sighed, he picked it up and carried the flag with him to the room. He laid in bed and held onto it for dear life while he just cried.
End Chapter
A/N: I know that this is really depressing, but I know from personal experience it took me months to even smile a real smile again. This story will probably be a long one. It will show Logan slowly healing from his lost. It will be through songs though of course. I would love some feedback
Read and Review Please!