A/N: So I feel like this story is my favorite because it is so close to my heart. I hope you all enjoy it.
Chapter 3
Ghost of You-My Chemical Romance
Day 24
Logan was driving in his car, listening to a song he never thought would really remind him of Kendall. But when he thought about the video to it, it was no surprise that it really did make him think of the tall blond. He sighed as he pulled into his driveway.
It had been an unusually long day at work. It was his first day back and he hadn't even wanted to go but his vacation was up and if he didn't go in he would risk being fired. Being a nurse wasn't his dream, but for now it would have to suffice.
As soon as Logan walked into his house he made his way back to his office. He started jotting down the lyrics to the song he had heard in the car.
I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her
But she could try
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...
Ever...
Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
If I fall
If I fall (down)
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I? Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...
Logan sighed after he reread the lyrics. Maybe this song didn't pertain to Kendall, but when he heard it he thought of him and wanted to write him, so he would. He started scribbling anxiously on the pad of paper.
Kendall,
Before I get to the song, let me tell you about my day. I went back to work today, it was hell. I swear when I help every patient I swear I see you. There was a young guy who came in today he had to be no more than fifteen and he reminded me so much of you.
He broke his arm, and it made me laugh because of how he did it. He did it by trying to jump a fence and as much as I tried not to, I couldn't help but laugh.
Logan couldn't help but reflect on the incident that had happened over nine years ago. All four of the guys were fifteen, it was the summer before Gustavo had found them and taken them to Los Angeles.
"Guys, we can't just jump a fence and go jump on someone's trampoline." Logan tried to reason with his three friends.
"Why not, their kids are gone. It's not like they are using it." Carlos said while still looking over the fence.
"Because it's called trespassing and we could get arrested. And besides you and Kendall don't need anymore trouble." Logan said insistently.
"Wait are you referring to our mooning incident, because Duluth East totally had it coming." Carlos said defensively. Logan shook his head at them.
"Look, they won't be home until after five, it's only three. We have two hours, we can just jump the fence and then be out by four." Kendall reasoned.
"Yeah, besides the springs on that trampoline are just screaming "jump on me!" to us." James said with an excited look on his face.
"Okay, an hour and then we leave." Kendall said, the other two nodded and jumped the fence. Once they were on the other side they looked at Logan waiting for him to join.
Logan sighed. "I gotta get new friends." He said while jumping over.
The boys jumped on a trampoline and did back flip after back flip. "Hey you kids! I'm gonna call the police." The old man who owned the home had returned earlier than expected. He was shaking his fist at the four boys who were bouncing around.
They all looked at each other and then ran towards the fence. Logan and James went over first. But when Carlos was jumping off he threw Kendall off balance. He landed wrong on his arm and broke it. Mrs. Knight hadn't even punished him. She said that a broken arm was punishment enough.
I couldn't help but laugh at all the schemes Kendall had made up in his head. I turned back to the paper in front of me.
As many times as I said I needed to, I'm glad that I never got new friends. I'm thankful I stuck with you three. But enough about my day.
I feel like I'm stuck waiting on you forever. The only way to be reunited is through death, and I don't have any plans to kill myself. My father had always told me that suicide is for cowards, people who couldn't face what was bothering him. And as much as I love you, I am far from a coward.
I can't forget you, Kendall. I drink myself stupid almost every night trying to wash away you're memories They are driving me crazy, we had so many good memories and I know I should be happy about that, but I can't be. I can't be because I know that there will be no more good memories to come and that is killing me.
I can't forget about you, no matter how hard I try. I can't move on. If I do start to forget, even if its only for a few minutes, then I feel bad. I feel like it would mean that I never loved you if I move on. You're never coming home to me. Never. And I can't wrap my head around that..
Logan stopped writing and put down his pen, the truth of his words finally hitting him. He would never see his love again. He would never hold him, or kiss him again. Logan stood up and walked to the kitchen. He looked at the counter, a smile creeped onto his face.
He thought back to two weeks before Kendall had left for his second tour. Hayley had been running around the counter, playing tag with her imaginary friend. Hayley had been two at that point. She ran up to Kendall. "Daddy, Emma Jeanne won't play with me anymore." She said sadly in Kendall's chest.
Logan caught the smirk on Kendall's face while his little girl held onto him. Hayley had Kendall's green eyes and natural dirty blond hair. But her face was structured like Jo's. "Aww, I bet daddy can get Logan to play tag with you." Kendall smirked at Logan with a grin on his face.
Logan ran up to Hayley. "Tag, you're it!" Hayley chased him around giggling and after a few minutes Logan picked her up, laid her on the ground and started tickling her.
She laughed and squirmed under his touch. "No!" She laughed. "Stop it!" Logan continued tickling her and Kendall came up to help him. After about three minutes, they all three sat up gasping for breath.
Hayley walked up to Logan and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you for playing tag with me daddy numba two!" Logan gave Kendall a surprised look, but all Kendall did was smile. Logan could feel the tears welling in his eyes.
"You're welcome, sweetheart." Logan said softly while patting her head.
Logan pulled himself onto the counter. He hadn't seen Hayley since the funeral service. It had been almost three weeks. But then again, Jo had mentioned that Hayley wouldn't let the blond out of her sight. Logan walked back to his desk.
Hayley will never know he dad. She will never know how great of a guy you were. I just thought about when she called me daddy number two for the first time. I wonder if she will still feel the same way. I haven't seen her in almost three weeks, I will have to call Jo tomorrow so I can change that.
Kendall, every time I close my eyes, if even for a second, I see your smiling face. I even swear that I have seen you around the house, but when I go to touch you or even wrap my arms around you, you're gone. Are you trying to help? If so it isn't helping, its only making it worse. But then again, maybe it's all in my head and I am just going crazy.
I wish so desperately I could talk to you again. I would give my manhood to have one last conversation with you. And a guy saying that, shows how desperate he really is. I want to feel your arms around me again. I cry over you so much.
I talked to James today on my way home. He told me that having served one tour in Iraq, he understood completely why you went back there. He said that the fulfillment you get from being there isn't comparable to anything else. I guess that means our love, too. I guess I understand why you went, but it still hurts…a lot.
I didn't mean enough to you to stay here. And for that I am still angry at you. But at least I understand now, maybe one day that anger will change but for now it's still there. I miss you more than anything in this world.
Until next time I remain yours,
Logie Bear
Logan sighed. He closed the notebook. He felt bad that in over three weeks he had only written him three times. But then he realized that the notes were his way of expressing his emotions when he had too many built up.
He walked up to his bedroom, knowing already that it was going to be another night of silently crying himself to sleep. He couldn't help but wonder if things would ever get easier.
End Chapter
A/N: I'm trying not to make it all depressing, like with the story with when the jumped the fence. I remember doing that with my friends and I thought it might give a little bit of a fun point for the story. I hope you are all enjoying this.
Read and Review please!