A/N: I am so sorry I haven't updated lately. I went home for a week and left my notebook with the chapters I had planned out at my house so I didn't have it. So here is the next chapter. Enjoy.

Chapter 7

Thinking of You-Katy Perry

Day 80

Logan sighed as he closed the door to his house. He couldn't help but sigh as he thought back to his date and the night before. He needed to write Kendall more than ever so he made his way to his office and sat down in front of the notebook he had come to know so well. He started scribbling down the one song that had been running through his head all night.

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best

You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

My dearest Kendall,

I had my date last night with Troy and to be honest it was impossible not to compare him to you. I felt like I was betraying you the whole night, and maybe I was but I had to go because of Carlos. Don't get me wrong, Troy was a nice guy but he just wasn't you. The entire time I was with him I couldn't help but think of you.

I wanted you to be the one next to me the entire night, not him. I would have given anything and everything for it to have been you there and not him. The date was nice we went to out to dinner and then he came back here…Kendall, I hope you aren't mad at me for letting him come back.

Logan couldn't help but sigh. It was true, he did feel like he was betraying Kendall. He couldn't help but think back to his date the night before though.

Troy had picked Logan up and taken him to a new restaurant that was built in St. Paul. It was italian, Kendall's favorite.

"So Carlos said that you are a nurse and want to become a doctor someday." Troy said with a smile trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, I plan on going back to school here soon to actually become a doctor. It's just some things have happened and it was put on the back burner for a while. And you, you're a starting defensive man for the Wild. How is that?" Logan asked trying to sound as interested as he could.

Troy smiled. "It's great. I love it. I've always loved hockey and playing on my favorite team is incredible."

Logan thought back to how Kendall's dream had been to play for the Wild and couldn't help but wish he had pursued that dream instead of going into the military. Logan shook his head and tried to concentrate on Troy and not Kendall.

It was eleven o'clock and Troy was walking Logan up the walk way. When they got to the door, Troy pulled Logan into a passionate kiss, and Logan allowed him to. He loved feeling the warmth and couldn't help but pretend that it was Kendall. Logan thought for a second before he asked his next question.

"Would you like to come in?" He was nervous and unsure when he asked but Troy said yes.

That night Troy and Logan slept in bed together, while Troy held Logan and occasionally kissed him.

I don't want you to be mad at me because I don't think I could take it if you were. It would drive me crazy to know I did something you didn't like. But you have to know that the one and only reason I did it was to feel like I had you back. I closed my eyes all night and didn't even look at him. He had shaggy hair like you and I played with it, pretending it was your hair.

Kendall, I can't help but feel like that makes me a horrible person. Does it? I really think it does but I miss you so much that people should understand right? I know that its selfish but I've been through a lot and it is really hard to be here without you.

And besides, now that I think about it. You aren't allowed to be mad at me for my date. Because I was mad at you for giving me that damn note an hour before I went on my date. I only did what you said you wanted me to do.

Carlos and James had stopped by together an hour before Logan's big date. As soon as they walked in they could see their friend was nervous and unsure of if he should even go. They ushered him to come sit in the living room and he did as they asked.

"Guys, I'm leaving in an hour. What are you doing here?" Logan asked in a hopeful tone. He was hoping that they would talk him out of it.

"Well, you see we didn't know when to give you this." Carlos said.

"But we decided it would be best before you went out on this date. So here we are." They handed him a note that he knew was from Kendall. Logan could tell just by the envelope.

Logan shook his head at them. "One of you read it please." He said softly. He was anxious to know what Kendall had said to him.

He watched as James opened the letter and unfolded it. He took a deep breath before he started reading. "My dearest Logie Bear. I gave James this letter before I went, just in case. If something is to happen to me I don't want you to be alone the rest of your life. I want you to be happy and have a great fulfilled life. I want you to move on if something happens to me. There really is someone else out there for you Logie. And I won't be angry at you, I would be selfish to ask you to be alone for the rest of your life.

"The only way I will be angry is if you love him more than me. But we had something so special, that I can't see anyone comparing to the great Kendall Knight." They all chuckled at that one. "But I'm serious Logan, don't be miserable. Find someone who makes you happy and cling on to them for dear life! I love you forever and I'll be watching over you to make sure that you are safe. Kendall."

Logan didn't know what to say to them. He didn't feel sad for the first time after reading the note he felt something else. But even he couldn't describe what it is. "What is this P.S. I Love You?" He asked in a desperate tone.

Carlos and James laughed at him. "Well I don't have anymore notes, do you Carlitos?"

"No. I don't have any. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He just wanted to help." Carlos said in a reassuring voice.

Logan knew that was true but still didn't like it.

You told me there is someone else out there for me. Maybe you are right but it's not true when all I can do is think of you and the relationship we shared. How am I suppose to move on when I honestly believe that you were the person I was meant to be with. Its so hard to just move on when I want to be with you and no one else.

When Troy took me out it was a nice date, but I couldn't stop thinking of you. But one thing in particular. I couldn't help but think about our last date we had.

Logan and Kendall were sitting at a bar grill named Eddie Joe's and were watching the Minnesota Wild play against the Maple Leafs. Carlos was playing right wing and they were excited to see that he was about to earn a hat trick.

"Come on Carlitos!" Kendall said quietly.

They watched as Carlos scored his third goal of the night and start fist pumping the air. "Yes!" Logan yelled out loud and raised his fist. Kendall brought him into a hug and kissed him passionately. "Kendall, everyone is staring at us!"

Kendall stopped holding him and looked around and sure enough everyone was staring wide eyed and open mouthed at the couple. Kendall let out a chuckle. "They're just jealous that they can't be the one kissing you." Kendall said smugly with a grin.

Logan couldn't help but laugh at his boyfriend. "You're crazy, you know that!"

Kendall just nodded. "I wish I had pursued hockey now. I could have been the one scoring the hat trick and leading the Wild to victory!" Kendall said dreamily.

Logan smiled. He knew that Kendall had always wanted to be a professional hockey player but when he met a Marine at a bar while they were still in BTR, he changed his mind. "Well, you just gave it up for a better dream." Logan said sweetly.

"Yeah. Staff Sgt. Parker really touched my heart when he talked about Iraq and how he felt like he really was an american hero and now in a week, I will get to experience that." Kendall said with a smile.

Logan gave a weak smile, not thrilled with the fact that Kendall would be gone soon. "You already are a hero." Logan said and then gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

They turned their attention back to the game. Logan felt Kendall lean into him. "So, do you still have your hockey jersey from high school Logie?" Kendall asked in a curious voice.

Logan smiled. "Of course I do."

Kendall's eyes lit up. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and said. "Maybe you could wear it for me sometime."

Logan blushed and hit Kendall on the arm. "Kendall you are such a pervert! I will do no such thing!" Logan tried to tell him it wasn't going to happen but deep down inside he knew that Kendall would get his way, he always did. And of course, he did.

You were such a pervert babe. I couldn't believe that I let you have your way that time. But then again I could never tell you no. You got whatever you wanted, when you wanted. But it was one of the many reasons I loved you so much. It's one of the reasons I still love you so much. Kendall, I don't know what to do without you.

But I do know one thing for sure now. I'm no where near ready to move on and something tells me that I won't be ready for a long time. I hope you understand. But I'm going to go for a walk.

I still love you more than life itself.

Logie Bear.

Logan sighed and as he promised he went for a walk. And knew after the night before he really wasn't ready to move on.

End Chapter.

A/N: The next song will be a cheery song and will have a lot of happy stuff in it instead of so much depressing stuff. I promise. Sorry for the long wait for an update I will be updating more. Promise.

Read and Review Please.