Thanks for reading my story so far! Please continue, and I'm actually getting the hang of this humor thing.

"Who…who are you?" gasped the poor maiden. I hastened over to her side and tenderly took her hand (as Elizabeth fumed in the background).

"My dear girl," I cried miserably, "I found you in the forest and out of the goodness of my heart, brought you back unscathed. And thanks to Captain Jack Sparrow, you are safe, m'lady."

Now, if you will believe it, the girl paid no attention to any of my reassurances, but rather stared deep into my fascinating eyes. Knowing that staring into them too long may cause dizziness, I turned away, sparing her the humiliation of fainting.

"And Jack?" Elizabeth craned her neck toward Jack and looked as if she was going to push him overboard. "What do you mean you've been looking for her?"

Jack Sparrow 's gaze flickered back to the girl, and in a deep voice, he questioned, "Who are you?"

"Snow White," she breathed, her bosom heaving with the exertion.

"It is, is it?" he murmured, approaching her with an infinite delicacy. "You must answer my one question. It will determine whether you ARE THE ONE."

"Ask me," she gasped, flinging her black tresses all over my face. I sneezed. "Ask, and I shall answer," her voice quavered, and I feared for her strength.

"Do you cook or clean?" he asked.

I froze. This was exactly what he did to the last lass we had chanced upon two years ago. She went by the name Cinderella or something of another, but she was forced to slavery and hard labor for months before she escaped our ship in a potato barrel. From what I last heard, she had moved into a castle far, far away from the sea, ruined anyone named Jack (one kid named Jack was forced to sell his cow for some 'magic seeds,' advertisement, I ask you…), and became a living legend. I didn't want to save this Snow White merely to have her at the mercy of the infamous Jack Sparrow, notorious woman-driver.

"Yes!" she said. "That was actually the reason why I ran away."

"Ran away? From where?" asked Barbossa finally, still trying to shove her rings on his own gnarled fingers.

"These seven little dwarves. They've been forcing me to cook and clean for them ever since I had the misfortune to sleep in their bed. They were terribly angry after I slept in them."

"My dear," I spoke up, for she was beginning to look upset. "No man should be angry for having you as a bedside partner." She smiled gratefully in my direction, and I could feel myself counting up the brownie points I earned.

"Well, you've entered the crew of a pirate," said Jack.

"Truly?" she gasped. "Oh, how dreadful. Just like my best friend Wendy warned long ago."

"And you will cook and clean for the rest of your days, which won't be many more if you burn the pot roast," ordered Jack.

"Or buy crimson apples," added Barbossa.

"Take her to the brig," he said ceremoniously, ignoring the look of desperation in her eyes. I could barely take the cruelty, but Jack was my captain. What was a man with good bringing-up to do? Follow orders or save the women at Jack's mercy?

Barbossa grabbed her by the wrists, but not before checking for any additional bracelets. He nodded to her, "If you have money back where you're from, I'll let you go cheap," he muttered in her ear.

She shook her head, near tears. I choked back my own sobs as I watched the damsel dragged helplessly like Mr. Cotton's pirate with a ad wing down below deck.

"Will, you aren't crying, are you?" shot Elizabeth with frightening ferocity.

"Crying?" I sobbed. "Whatever gave you the idea? Just because the lady I tried to save has been forced into captivity because of me doesn't mean I have anything to cry about." Another tear fell out of my eye, and I wiped the snot with my violet sleeve. It would not do to have sticky nostril spillage dripping from my clean-cut nose.

"Exactly," said Jack happily.

Her eyes (which took up half her face, impossible as it sounds) haunted me, even when I closed my own perfectly-formed eyes in great distress. It mattered no longer to me what Jack and Barbossa will do.

I had made up my mind. I was going to break Snow White out, and if I failed in the attempt, my only regret would be that I have but one sword to fight the two pirates with.

Yes, very, very OOC, but their OOC-ness has been spun off their original characters. I do hope you like it, and please review me! If not, I'll have to do a Will Turner. But anyway, please give me input (any kind is nice), and the more motivated I'll get to updating! Yes!