Disclaimer: I do not, as much as I wish I did, own OTH or any of the songs in this story. All I own is the plot of the story, and I barely own that.

AN: Alright, so I've been trying to find a clever way for these much needed conversations to happen…but I fail. Haha. Please let me know what you think; I've been feeling very uninspired these days, so any ideas or hopes you have for the story would be very much appreciated!

And please review, even if it's just to ask for an update (or to tell me I suck). Your words are what keep me going. Thanks guys!

*********************************************************************

Chapter 22 A: Insomnia

She sat before the mirror with a soft frown on her face, staring at her quickly darkening hair. She twirled a strand around her fingers, her frown deepening when the hair untangled itself immediately, straightening as it fell before her eyes. She examined herself in the reflection, noting the rapidly growing baby bump. She ran her left hand over her right arm, frowning at its thickness, at the way her own body felt almost foreign to her after twenty-three years of inhabiting it.

"Peyton, what are you doing?"

Her head shot up, and her eyes met Lucas' through the glass, and she found herself wandering into the depths of his eyes, as if trying to memorize every detail of the stormy blues. She gave him a half smile before glancing back at her reflection, staring into her own eyes, admiring the shiny, translucent green color in respect to his bright blue ones.

Her eyes shot back to study Lucas's face, and she found herself frowning at the stubble along his chin and cheeks, missing the smoothness she remembered from high school. Her eyes lowered to examine his body, finding him as flawless and beautiful as she remembered, but when she looked at him now, her entire body no longer lit up with anticipation and lust. Now when she gazed at him, she saw the flaws she once used to pretend didn't exist. The way he slouched when he walked, the way his eyes squinted when he was thinking, and the way his eyes lit up every time she mentioned her best friend, those were all indicators that something was wrong, and she now found herself standing between two roads: denial and acceptance.

She could deny that her fiancé was in love with someone else. She could deny that she'd truly fallen for the rebound guy and say that Julian didn't mean a thing to her after all these months. She could deny the guilt she felt every time she gazed upon Jake and saw distrust in his eyes, a feeling for which she was responsible. She could even deny the words her doctor had spoken to her at her last appointment, the words that would change everything between herself and Lucas, maybe even ruin them. Of course she knew that with denial, her happiness would be nothing but a common fallacy, but acceptance could lead to the end of all her dreams, dreams that lay right at her fingertips.

Or, she thought silently to herself, I can finally accept things as they are and either fix them or move on from them. Accept that my relationship with Lucas is drawing to a close after years of yearning: his new novel and my doctor's news about the baby pretty much insuring an end to this love story.

"Peyton?"

She jumped slightly and turned around to face him, "Sorry, Luke. I just got a little caught in my thoughts."

"Care to explain?" he asked softly, lifting Julian's beige jacket off of their bed, his eyes glaring at the piece of cloth like it was diseased.

Peyton raised her eyebrow challengingly and stood, walking over to the closet. She reached inside and pulled a shoebox out, "Do you?"

Lucas' face fell almost instantly, recognizing the box as the one Brooke had given him in their senior year of high school; the assortment of multicolored envelopes stared at him almost sardonically, and his eyes scanned over the box as if he were trying to find some imperfection in its cardboard exterior. There were eighty-two letters in that box; all mocking him with the fact that the girl who wrote them was no longer his, that the girl he loved was giving her heart away to someone else, and that the girl to whom he'd given his heart wasn't the girl he wanted to spend his forever with. 'True love always' be damned, he thought.

"Peyton…"

"Don't." She shook her head quickly and held out her hand to him, holding back his words and vapid explanations, "It's fine, Luke. I've known that they were in here for a while now…I was just too scared to point it out before. Too scared to admit the truth."

Lucas frowned, his eyes straining as the blue lightened slightly, "What truth?"

"The only truth there is…that you love Brooke. That you love my best friend."

She expected him to deny it or maybe shake his head as the defiance of his feelings ate at his consciousness, and, when he didn't, she found herself feeling disappointed, hoping that there was at least a small part of him that loved her enough to refute what she was saying. She let out a shaky breath as the seconds ticked away, silence burning the room with its resilience.

"…I found them a few weeks ago," she glanced down, mindful of her next words, "after Julian told me about the kiss…"

"What kiss?"

"Don't patronize me, Lucas. He saw you kiss her. My best friend!" Her eyes softened with tears, "And I know we already talked about this, but I can't get the image of that kiss out of my head! She's my best friend, and you…You said I was the one, your soul mate. What changed?"

"Everything. Everything changed. Hell, we changed."

She took a step toward him, her eyes inquisitive and scared. She tilted her head as more tears entered her eyes, her lips falling open silently for a moment before she spoke the dreaded question, "Then, why'd you call me that day at the airport? I mean, things were so messed up between us, and I felt so lost. Every hope I'd ever had of being with you seemed to shatter before my very eyes. And then you called and asked me to marry you, and suddenly things made sense again…at least for me. I need to know why, Luke. If things are so different, if we're so different, then why did you pick me in that moment?"

He released a sigh, letting himself fall back onto the bed so that he didn't have to look directly at her when he spoke his next sentence, "Because…you loved me back."

He sat up slowly when she didn't respond for several minutes, his eyes imploring and apologetic, "I know it was wrong for me to kiss Brooke, and I'm so sorry, Peyton, that I did something so hurtful to you. I never meant to hurt anyone, especially not you. I know that you would never have done something like that to me…"

A laugh bubbled behind her lips, silencing his next words, the sound bitter and heartbroken. He looked at her in confusion, shaking his head slightly. His eyes went wide as another laugh escaped her pink lips along with a confession, "I kissed Jake."

XxXxXxXxXxX

"I know."

The dimpled brunette took a step back, running her fingers through her hair as she stared confused into her boyfriend's probing gaze. She sat noiselessly at the kitchen counter, twirling her fingers like a child waiting for her punishment. She glanced up into Julian's face, seeing more acceptance than anger or hurt in his chocolate eyes. She slid her hand along the counter, reaching for his, but he quickly pulled away before their skin could touch, his eyes filled with guilt of their own.

"Julian…I'm sorry it happened, I am. I just wanted to be honest with you. I didn't kiss him back though, I swear."

He shrugged, looking directly into her eyes, his face a mask of indifference, "Yes you did, and it's okay. You and Lucas have a lot of history; I can understand that." He glanced down, his mind wandering to a certain green-eyed blond, thinking of the many times their lips had nearly met this last month as their friendship began expanding into something stronger. But, he thought to himself, at least we stopped ourselves before anything happened. He looked back up at her, his eyes soft with understanding, though if one looked deeper, they would see the deep-rooted hurt lurking behind the murky brown, "I don't blame you, Brooke. I get it."

She shook her head, the soft waves of her hair bouncing lightly on her shoulders, and her eyes darkened with anger that even she was unaware that she felt, "No, clearly you don't get it, Julian! Lucas was just…getting cold feet about the wedding – you are who I want to be with, not Lucas. He and I had our chance in high school, and it didn't work; and do you know why?" He raised his eyebrow and threw his hands in the air as a sort of surrender, and she continued, her voice soft and placid, "We didn't work because we weren't meant to. Lucas and I are not meant to be together; it's that simple." There was a certain sadness in her words, a certain finality that made her insides twist and turn, but she carried on, knowing that without these words, without giving up all hope for a future with anyone but Julian, she would surely lose everything for which she'd fought, "We're just friends, nothing more. Why is it so hard for you to see that?"

Julian glanced away from her and pulled something from his pocket. Brooke's eyes went wide with shock when he pushed the crumpled letter across the counter, letter eighty-six from her 'sad box of Lucas,' "Tell me again that I'm the one for you. Tell me that you kept the letters simply because you forgot about them. Tell me that you spending all your time with Jake means nothing. Tell me. Tell me lies, Brooke, because I fear if you tell me the truth…we're gonna end. So please, please tell me that Lucas isn't the person you want to spend your forever with or Jake. Tell me, and I'm yours."

She swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat as her mind shifted not to the kiss with Lucas on the River Court, but rather to that moment with Jake the night she found out about the baby, the night all her dreams shattered around her. She blinked back tears and slid the letter away from her, taking Julian's hands in hers. She traced each of his fingers with hers, admiring the beauty of his touch, remembering the site of his tears after the botched proposal. She lifted his hand to her lips, barely kissing his fingertips, her gaze sad, haunting even, "I have to tell you something…and I'm scared of your reaction."

He sighed, stroking her cheek with the same fingertips she had just been kissing. And in his mind, this was a farewell, "Tell me."

XxXxXxXxXxX

"It was a little over a month ago…right after he left Brooke's place and started staying with his parents again," her eyes traced his face as she spoke, watching the different emotions play across his features. She looked down at his hands which were clenched tightly on the table as if he were trying to hold in his deep anger, and she felt as if her heart would shatter at the look of distaste he sent her way. She continued anyway, knowing that if she didn't get this out in the open now that she had the chance, the truth in the thoughts she was about to reveal would shatter her completely, "He had all these pictures from high school scattered across his kitchen table, and it was like every decision I've ever made about love came crashing down around me. It was like I could suddenly remember every kiss he and I had ever shared, and for a moment I lost myself in it – in those memories of such an innocent love. And I guess I just gave in to that self-doubt…but you know how much I love you, Lucas. You have to know that."

Lucas glanced away from her, staring at the wall as a bitter laugh spilled from his lips, "You mean to tell me that I've been carrying around all this guilt over what happened between Brooke and me…and you kissed Jake because of a couple pictures? That's just great, Peyt."

He began pacing back and forth, running his fingers through his hair as his mind flew in a million directions, and he suddenly realized that he too initiated a kiss because of pictures – pictures that reminded him of the beauty and direction hidden in Brooke's love. He opened his mouth several times to speak, to explain the pain she was causing him and to explain the pain he'd already caused her, but the words continued to elude him as his blue eyes met her green ones in a vicious stare of hurt and anger.

"Luke…you don't get to be mad at me for this! Not when you did the exact same thing…and with my best friend no less!" she slammed her hand down on the table, fury burning through both their gazes as they continued their endless stare.

Finally Lucas dropped his gaze, his eyes once again focusing in on Julian's jacket which he'd laid on the edge of the bed. He swallowed his anger and pride, his eyes never leaving the piece of clothing as he spoke, "But it was just a mistake right?" He glanced back up at her almost accusingly, "I mean, you kissed him once and left? And you regretted it?"

Peyton looked down at the floor, remembering that Jake had been the one to push her away, pointing out the obvious reasons that their lips shouldn't meet, and remembering also that she'd told her former love that she didn't care, that it didn't matter to her in that moment that she and Lucas were engaged. Lucas could feel the hesitance in her every action, and he sighed loudly, speaking his next words in a harsh tone, "But no, that isn't how it happened, is it, Peyt? I'm guessing you didn't feel even one ounce of guilt for hurting me, for hurting our baby!"

Peyton's hand moved before her mind even truly made out the words and connected with the side of Lucas's face, leaving a red mark over his tan skin. He looked at her in shock, and she shook her head, not looking the least bit remorseful for her actions.

"Don't you dare!" She yelled, her whole body shaking in anger, "Don't you dare say that my actions hurt my baby!"

"Our baby!" he corrected, fingers waving through his short tendrils, "Your actions hurt our baby."

They stared at each other for a long moment before Peyton let out a long breath, "I'm five months pregnant."

Luke took a step back, squinting in confusion, eyebrows drawing together, "What? No, you're thirteen weeks…"

She shook her head slowly, panic in her beautiful orbs, "I'm not."

"But…we've only been together for four months, Peyton…" His baby blues opened wide, and he took another quick step back, his voice rising in anger and confusion, panic on his tongue, "Who? Who?!"

Her green eyes melted into tears as she looked away from him, her eyes resting on the jacket he'd laid on their bed. Slowly he followed her gaze, his jaw clenching in realization. Peyton closed her eyes tightly, waiting for the explosion she was sure was coming. Tears fell down her creamy cheeks as she opened her eyes, seeing the heartbreak in his gaze.

"That's not my baby?" He looked up at her, calm, almost too calm, "It's Julian's…when?"

She let out a loud breath of air, "You said 'I do' to Lindsey, and I just didn't want to hurt anymore, ya know? So when I heard that Julian was producing a movie nearby, I went to see him. I didn't think there was a chance for us anymore, Luke!"

Lucas laughed bitterly, shaking his head as his eyes glued themselves to her stomach, "You let me believe that this was our child."

"It is, Luke! This baby is as much yours as it is mine…she'll be your daughter whether you share blood or not; you know that." Her fingers ran through her tangled mess of hair, "I didn't do this to hurt you, you need to believe that. I thought she was yours until I got the ultrasound; I never even considered the possibility of her being Julian's..never."

Luke bit his lip and looked away, "Where do we go from here?"

To be continued in Part B!