Disclaimer: Once upon a time, FMA did not belong to me.
A/N: Another beside talk with Al and Ed, things they could talk about when they're in bed pop into my head all the time. Just cuz they show that scene so often, it seems to be where most of the important conversations play out. :)
"...if you hurt others, you cannot sleep. Revenge spawns more revenge."
-Chief of Ishbal-
VI
"I'm a hypocrite."
Al looked over at his brother from the other side of the room. The book he had been reading gently closing after he marked his page. He set it down beside him and heaved a labored sigh before turning to Edward.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, and although he was concerned over Ed's sudden declaration – despite the fact that these out-of-nowhere conversations were becoming more and more common – he was also happy for the company. Maybe, though, that's why Ed had been doing this so often as of late. Lord knows the boy needs his sleep.
"Revenge, Al. I'm talking about revenge."
It was probably dumb of him to hope so readily that this might actually be a lighthearted conversation.
"What do you mean brother?" He was honestly confused. He couldn't remember the last time revenge had been a topic of conversation between them. Talking about it only made Edward unnecessarily distressed. Besides, he already knew where his brother stood on the whole concept.
"I liked to you about revenge. I don't think it's right, sure, but I'd be ridiculous if I didn't admit that I wasn't avenging you." He rolled onto his back, his arms crossing behind his head in a very familiar position. Al considered attempting to mask his obvious confusion, but the expression on Ed's face worried him.
"I don't understand." Who could Ed even be after to avenge him? He honestly couldn't really think of anyone who had really done him wrong, and the ones he could think of they were already fighting. Edward made no acknowledgment of his puzzlement after this, but his flesh hand wandered pointedly up toward his face, hiding his eyes and pressing against his sinuses. His throat worked uselessly, as if he were trying to swallow past something, and his hesitation was enormous.
"Ed, what's wrong?" Al sat up suddenly in concern. What was he talking about?
Edward made a low, guttural noise in the back of his throat, pressing the butt of his palm harder against his eyes, "I'm gonna get revenge on the bastard that killed you, and I won't stop until he's handed every last bit of what he took from you back." He spit out the words as if they were the most vile and grotesque things he had ever had the displeasure of knowing, growling and tensing as his hands coiled into fists.
Alphonse simply looked at him for a moment, trying to discern through the dark of the room what exactly he was talking about.
(Because surely he wasn't talking about himself.)
Unless he was.
It made sense in one sudden flash of realization...
– as most things did –
...and Al saw Edward outside of himself. This phantom Ed would walk to his counterpart's bedside, look down upon the poor, pitiful human that lay there, overcome by guilt, and he would laugh. "What the hell – " He would begin with this, his face would then turn suddenly very serious and very frightening, then he would say, " – what the hell do you have to be upset about?" His face would twist in unveiled disgust and he would look over at Al, gold eyes blazing, "Sorry you have such a terrible older brother." And Al would say...
..."Stop it." Al said, shaking his head vigorously in attempt of banishing the vision of his brother, a walking semblance of regret and clear self-disgust. He felt his own guilt gnawing angrily at the corners of his soul, pulling on his bearings, "Stop. Right now. We're not doing this again."
Edward turned to him suddenly, face clear of all obstacles now, searching desperately for the sight of his brother's soul. There was a look of protest in his eyes, but after a moment he simply regarded Alphonse in silence. Al bore into his brother's golden gaze, trying to understand. Why and how and when and all sorts of other things. Why can't you forgive yourself? He wondered. What's stopping you?
"Okay," Ed resigned, sounding more tired than he had in days, "okay, I'll stop." There was a pause...
...and then...
"Sorry, Al."
"Yeah, Ed, I know."