Suicide Doors

Chapter Four

By: Jondy Macmillan

Okay, going to the city had seemed like a better idea when he hadn't been sitting in three hours worth of traffic at the Lincoln Tunnel, but hey, it would be worth it in the end. He was positive. Joe had picked out the perfect ensemble from the Stellavator, hoping it was appropriate enough that he didn't look like part of the bridge-and-tunnel crowd; even though that was precisely what he was.

When he finally found a space off Bleeker, Joe spent about twenty minutes embarrassing himself trying to parallel park. He had the Jersey plates, and all the natives watched and laughed. At least, that's what Joe thought, frustrated as hell, trying to squeeze between two cars that might as well have been condemned from the start. He hit the bumper on one, denting the license plate. Joe considered leaving a note, but thought better of it. He hadn't actually made any scratches, after all.

The bar he'd carefully researched- like a huge dork- was pirate themed. Well, at least the name was pirate themed. Inside the only things remotely nautical were the fish nets hanging on the front of the bar. And maybe, if you squinted, the way the light up beer pong tables glowed eerily blue, making the whole place look like a fish tank. They were pretty cool though; those tables. They made Joe wish he had someone to play pong with. There were slots for each plastic cup provided by the bar with blue lights, and a twenty five cent dispenser of balls. The tables were long and slim and nothing like the wooden ones Joe had seen in college movies or the plastic crap his high school buddies occasionally used. No, these things were high tech.

Joe felt his excitement kick up a notch.

The bar was cool too. Line after line of bottles filled with things that looked like maple syrup and electric blue and red highlighter fluid, and maybe some clearish stuff glowed enticingly at him. There were names on the labels he recognized, like Grey Goose, Southern Comfort, and Jack Daniels. There were names he didn't, like Alize, Hypnotq, and Absinthe. It was like a museum, for liquor.

And awesome.

Joe didn't have to slip his fake ID to the bartender; the bouncer had already scrutinized it every which way. She was bouncy and blonde, and barely made the time to glance up at him. He ordered a whiskey, because it sounded cool.

Black label, Jim Beam, because getting the best was even cooler.

He could barely distinguish voices from the crowd; the place was that loud. There were college students from NYU whooping over their beer pong games, chatting excitedly about things that had nothing to do with Joe's world, and downing shots like pros.

He wanted to try that too.

Joe ordered three shots of tequila, and was kind of shocked when they rang up to twenty one dollars. It wasn't like he didn't have the money, but he wondered how anyone else afforded it. Seven dollars for fucking shots?

The price stopped mattering after he downed them.

One, two, three and a sickly sweet burn.

It was settling deep in his belly when he heard the voice, "Oh my god! You're in JONAS!"

Joe whirled around on his barstool, shocked. Standing behind him was a girl, dressed in tight jeans and a shirt that might as well have been a bikini for all the strategically placed material it had. She was tall, overly made up, and at least six years out of their normal age range.

JONAS played for teenagers, not girls in their early twenties.

The girl seemed to notice his confusion, because she said, "This is so embarrassing; I'm twenty three, and way too old to be listening to your shit. But shit, man, don't tell anybody- I love you! Like, L. O. V. E."

"Uh. Thanks, I guess," Joe replied, trying to find his professional persona and coming up lacking. Those three shots were affecting him way quicker than he'd thought they would.

"You know they have a stage and mic over there, right? And it's karaoke night!" she smiled hopefully, tossing her hair and trying to look seductive, with her pink frosting lips, "You should sing something!"

"Oh. Well…" Joe trailed off. He didn't know what else to say. If he sang at this college bar, would anyone else recognize him, like this girl? Would they take pictures?

Pictures Nick would see?

"Normally, I wouldn't do this," she shrugged her shoulders and inserted a shrill, happy giggle, "I'm really shy."

Just as Joe was wondering what lowered her inhibitions, she leaned in close. Real close. And oh.

"I'm drunk," she confided, her breath stinking like a brewery.

"What are you doing?" A new voice broke in, and Joe saw another girl. He winced, wondering if this one knew who he was too.

She was short, with huge breasts, and she was glaring at her considerably taller friend.

"Dude! I found Joe."

When her friend looked at her blankly, she added in a hiss, "Of JONAS!"

The short girl crossed her arms and drawled, "I've told you this before, but you are a seriously disturbed individual."

"I am not!" Joe's new, overly enthusiastic fan protested.

"He's like, way younger than you," the smaller girl glanced at him up and down, "He's a baby."

Joe frowned. They were acting like he wasn't even there.

"I know that," the tall girl blushed, and turned to him, "Ignore her."

Joe was planning on doing that anyway. To both of them.

Then the girl tacked on, "Sing. Please?"

"I guess," Joe shifted uncomfortably. He did kind of feel like singing, but it would be weird without his brothers. The girl giggled and hooted in celebration, and rushed him towards the karaoke machine, flouncing beside him. While they were waiting in line- funny how Joe hadn't noticed all the people singing off key before, although some of them were pretty good- she asked if she could take a picture with him. Joe nodded, feeling better by the minute. Alcohol was warming his insides, making him feel less and less like this was a bad idea.

He supposed that was why they called it liquid courage.

The girl pressed up against his side and pulled out her phone. It took like, five tries, and the end result was still slightly dark, but she seemed satisfied. However, she didn't detach herself from his arm, and he could feel the way her body pressed into him.

It brought his misgivings back full force. This girl, she wanted to kiss him. He could tell. And she was pretty enough, and there, even if she wasn't exactly his type, but…he wasn't interested.

Why wasn't he interested? Wasn't making out with random girls what rockstars did?

While he was considering it, the tall girl pulled him over to a beer pong table that had just freed up, "Dude, I can't believe I'm going to play beer pong with one third of JONAS."

Joe was kind of annoyed at the girl. He did in fact have a name that wasn't one third of anything.

She called her friend over, leaving him without a partner. He raked a hand through his hair and was about to excuse himself altogether when a guy came over. He was on the smaller side; had a skinny frame and long fingers, like a piano player.

They made him think of Nick.

In a soft voice the guy inquired if he could play, and before Joe could say a word the tall girl inserted herself into the situation, agreeing. She got two pitchers of beer, pouring considerably more into the cups than Joe would have thought advisable. Then she and Joe did an eye to eye shoot.

He scored, of course. He was pretty coordinated.

It was kind of required for all those stunts he did on stage.

His partner was eyeing him like he was some sort of French pastry, but Joe didn't think anything of it until halfway through the game when the small guy put his hand on Joe's back.

The touchy-feely stuff normally would have sent all his sensors screaming. Joe was feeling pretty good though, so all he thought was that it was a little weird. It seemed to give the small guy the idea that he could touch Joe even more.

Joe decided it was better to focus on the situation at hand than be bothered telling him to stop. The two girls were decent at the game, and both teams were tied. There were about four cups left; shining blue and sloshing with amber liquid.

It was Joe's turn to throw. The tall girl and her friend were trying everything to defend, shaking their hips back and forth and revealing more cleavage than was entirely tasteful. The pale flashes of their flesh shone like the underbelly of a fish. It was sickening, but he couldn't figure out why.

He wondered how Nick's date was going.

He also missed the shot.

It was serendipitous as hell that the second Joe's rather handsy friend and teammate scored the winning dunk ten minutes later, Joe was called up for karaoke. He was getting increasingly frustrated with the game, and the roaming fingers, but didn't want to sound like a pussy. Karaoke saved him the trouble.

He hadn't known what to sing, but he knew he didn't want to sing a JONAS song. That would have been dishonoring his brothers. His brothers who definitely wouldn't like it if they knew he was here.

Then again, maybe they didn't care. Kevin was probably playing video games still.

And Nick…well, Nick was on his date. His dumb date, with stupid Penny. Joe wasn't feeling too generous towards her right now. Seriously, why did she have to have such shiny hair, and pretty eyes?

Joe's hair was shiny.

Wait, what was he doing? Why wasn't he enjoying this? He was in a real bar, in the middle of the city. Nick being on a date was good, because that meant he couldn't be here with the Big Man and his patented presidential disapproving looks.

This was a good thing.

Joe was about to sing. To a bar. Drunk, with bloodshot eyes. Like a real rockstar. There was a girl who was getting prettier by the minute staring at him adoringly, like he was a fucking king.

He was a fucking king!

"Whoa, there, Danger," Joe whispered to himself as he tripped up the steps of the makeshift stage. He wasn't sure if he was saying his own nickname or telling himself to beware.

Everything in the bar was shifting, swirling, tilting. The colors were softer, blurred.

When he sang, his voice was amazing.

Better than he'd ever sounded.

Everyone was looking at him, awed by how raw, how totally hypnotic he was. People were dancing. The tall girl looked like she might cry. The short girl, okay, maybe she wasn't paying attention. Handsy Guy looked like he wanted to devour Joe there on stage, and that was scary, but not as scary as it might have been a few minutes ago.

In fact, he almost looked more attractive than Tall Girl.

Joe didn't question it, his eyes flickering over the lines on the karaoke screen.

Towards the end of the song he thought maybe he didn't sound as good as he'd first thought. Logically, Joe told himself his voice sounded even worse than usual. It was scratchy from all the alcohol he'd downed and he hadn't gotten a chance to warm up his voice.

Plus the stage was too small to do any tricks on, even though Joe tried.

But people still clapped when he finished. Tall Girl still threw her arms around his neck and told him that he was 'in-fucking-credible'.

Then she ditched him for a smoke, but still.

Joe managed to avoid Handsy Guy and his increasing advances in favor of getting another drink. The blonde bartender seemed considerably more interested in what he wanted now that she'd seen him sing. And that he'd given her outrageous tips, but that was another story entirely.

He was midway through asking for another black label when he felt his pocket vibrate.

It took him a few seconds to gather his thoughts and figure out that his pants were not actually made with built in vibration. When the realization really set in, he fished his phone out and glanced at the display.

It was Nick.

Joe's heart stopped cold. He had no idea what time it was, but if he had to wager a guess, it was probably well past one in the morning.

He'd told his parents he was going to a party in the city. It had taken a little wheedling, but he'd been vague, alluding to some band-related thing, and he'd promised to behave.

Really, except for the behaving part, he hadn't really lied; singing karaoke was kind of band-related.

It involved vocal chords and everything.

Nick wouldn't buy that excuse though, no way. He knew about every single party JONAS had been invited too, and he would know for sure there wasn't one tonight.

Joe raced outside the bar, barely sparing a glance at the bouncer. He found Tall Girl and her short friend there, cigarettes dangling between their lips and clutching something that resembled falafel in their hands.

Tall Girl looked like she was about to squeal something, but Joe held a finger to his lips and surprisingly, her mouth snapped shut and she nodded.

When Joe picked up, his voice was too husky as he said, "Um, hi."

"Joe? What's that noise?" Nick asked. A group of girls were passing by, screaming something loud and unintelligible.

"Er-nothing. Why? What's up?"

"I was just wondering where you were. Wanted to tell you about my date," Nick sounded like he was glowing. It made Joe's stomach turn.

"Oh. Yeah, I'm-" Joe floundered for a second, fighting the instinct to tell Nick exactly where he was, "I'm at Stella's. We're just finished up a project…"

Nick hummed, "Alright then. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, I guess."

Then he hung up.

He fucking hung up.

Joe stared at his phone, dumbfounded.

What had just happened?

Nick never hung up. Nick always nagged him with his where-are-you's and his what-are-you-doing's. No way would he just let the suspicious screams of 'party naked' coming from that rather loud group of girls go unquestioned. No frickin' way.

Something sick rose in Joe's mouth.

Maybe something was wrong. That had to be it.

Maybe Nick had hung up because he had to.

Maybe he'd been kidnapped by Somalian pirates when he and Penny had gone to the shore for their date.

Maybe he was being held captive, and Joe was supposed to sense Nick's peril with his brother-instincts.

No, that was something Kevin would say, not him. Joe was far drunker than he'd first thought.

But there was still reason for concern. Joe shook his head, trying to think clearly. Maybe Nick's date hadn't gone well, and Nick was trying to mask his pain over the phone so Joe didn't run home from Stella's. He knew how seriously Joe and Stella took their friendship.

Yeah. That made sense.

Joe ran past Tall Girl and Short Girl without even a goodbye. He jumped in his car, fumbled with his keys, and did what could possibly be construed as the worst role model-ish thing ever.

He drove all the way back to Jersey, buzzed out of his brain.

It seemed like an excellent idea at the time.

Joe must have been blessed by the driving deities, because he didn't get pulled over.

A DUI would have done wonders for that public image of his.

Not.

By the time he got home, he was frantic. Ten thousand scenarios had run through his head about Nick's heartache. He'd come up with hundreds of ways to comfort his brother.

So when there were no lights on waiting for him, Joe was a little confused. He'd expected Nick to be in the kitchen, intent on pouring his heart out to Big Brother the second Joe stepped foot inside.

Joe reasoned that he must have been waiting up in their room. He could picture Nick in his mind's eye, sitting on his bed with his little reading lamp, a book cradled half-heartedly in his lap, partly scribbled hateful song lyrics about the girl-who'd-failed-to-nourish-their-blossoming-romance strewn about.

Except when he got upstairs, it was dark.

He made his way over to Nick's bed, his pulse thrumming inside his veins so hard he could physically feel it.

Joe peered down at his baby brother, who was decidedly fast asleep.

This wasn't right.

This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

Joe's stomach turned.

He barely made it to the bathroom before he started puking.

A/N: Ahem…I should have included more about the falafel place. Mamoun's…I love mamoun's. Gah. Next time. Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter, and I hope you guys will review this one too! Pretty please with something yummy on top?