Chapter 5

-o-

Dinner Disaster

Once Jigglypuff had been sent off to the kitchen the next target was Samus. Her orange suit made it easy enough to spot her in the corner of the living room at one of the round tables. Upon getting closer Zelda noticed that the bounty hunter was currently engaged in a deep conversation with Link, and both were very aggressive about their discussion, one could tell even from afar.

"Link, just do it."

"I've already told you I can't."

"You've got two good concrete options. Man up and tell her or find a way to get rid of that snob M-"

"Excuse me," Zelda interrupted them and Link turned around to face her with an unconvincing smile.

"Hi, Zelda. Uhm, you didn't happen to hear what we just said, did you?"

"I barely heard anything. I was just wondering if Samus would like to help us in the kitchen?"

Link chuckled and Samus who had starting shaking her head vigorously interrupted herself to reach over and slap him lightly across the back of his head.

"I'm not that bad."

"You are!"

"I'm not as bad as you are."

Zelda locked her hands together behind her back. Somehow it felt strange seeing the two get along like this. Had she and Link not know each other since they were children? And yet Link was always more courteous and restrained with her. Well, perhaps she could not accuse him of not being himself and open with his thoughts when with her but this was a face she could not remember to have seen.

"You seem to know each other rather well," Zelda said, surprised by how forlorn her voice sounded.

"We do?" Link said reluctantly, the laughter fading, and glanced over at Samus. "We met during the first contest. We're close, I guess, but there's nothing else going on between us!" He finished a bit too quickly. Opposite of the table Samus slapped her forehead.

"We get along, end of story," she said and shot Link a look from behind her visor.

"I see, well, are you coming, Samus?"

"Sorry, I thought it was clear I'm not."

"Yeah," Link cut in and coughed to hold back another chuckle. He gave Samus an apologetic smile. "Princess, it's not only for the manly suit here that Samus is always mistaken for a guy."

Samus palm glided onto the table surface and she slowly pushed herself up with unexpected grace.

"Let's cook," she said and did not wait for a reply before she headed for the kitchen, like a soldier on his way to the battlefield. The two Hylians looked at each other, and Zelda made a motion to leave.

"I'll see you at dinner then."

"Zelda," Link stopped her. "You do get that there is nothing between me and Samus, right?"

Her eyes wandered back and forth between the kitchen doorway and him and then she smiled. "I know."

Nearby a lone boy was staring at the black TV screen. Brown spiky hair was sticking out from underneath the hood of his blue parka that, except for the color, was identical to young Nana's.

"Oy, what are you watching?" Ness asked when he and Young Link jumped up next to him on the couch. They shifted their eyes from the boy, who didn't seem to notice them, to the screen.

"Why aren't you watching anything?" Link asked.

Ness tried to wave his hand in front of the boy's face but there was no response.

"Hey!" Ness shouted at him. The boy finally moved but not as they had expected. He sank down and buried his head against the pillow by the armrest.

"Nana," they boy spoke, with a whole lot of feeling, into the pillow.

"Who's Nana?" Link said, looking from the boy to Ness. At the word Nana the boy immediately perked up and stared at them.

"Nana?" he said again and looked to and fro between them with wide eyes. Ness had already decided that the boy was too weird to bother about and was already on his way. He nudged Link with his elbow but the Hylian was too engrossed in the boy's peculiar behavior to notice.

"Who's Nana?" Link asked again and met the boy's wide-eyed stare.

"She's my friend," the boy said and swallowed. "I'm Popo".

"Done crying?" Ness asked, shifting the weight on his feet impatiently.

"Nana is in the kitchen," Popo said, apparently cheered up by having found someone to share this amazing topic with. He let his gaze wander across the floor to the kitchen opening as if it was an overwhelming distance, which it really was not. Both Link and Ness leaned to get a better view but neither could see what he so passionately stared after that it threatened to call forth fresh tears.

"Can you stop crying?" Ness said and crossed his arms in a typical annoyed fashion, leaving out the fact that he hated whenever someone cried. Since he could not think of anything that could make the odd boy cheer up, he settled for a bit of lecturing. "Real men don't cry."

Popo stared at Ness as if he had seen the light. "What do real men do?" he asked and his eyes turned, if possible, even bigger.

"Well…" Ness began, uncrossing his arms and his eyes shifting about the room awkwardly. "You know that there are mostly men here, right? And they are all strong and such and that's… pretty cool, and stuff?"

Both Popo and young Link listened attentively which made Ness even more uncomfortable.

"Yeah, there are plenty of men here. They don't cry and we're supposed to fight them. We can't just act like little kids," Young Link said in a sudden burst of inspiration and drew his Kokiri sword at the ceiling.

"You're lucky," Popo said. "You have your adult self here so you know you'll grow up to become a real man."

Young Link did not quite agree about the magnificence of his older self but never mind. It was flattering that this boy knew that much about him. At that same moment the older Link got up from his chair and left the table in the corner. The eyes of the three young boys were glued to him making his exit across the room and up the stairs. Every step and every natural swing of the arm their alert little eyes registered while they held their breath. That anyone could give off such a vibe simply by walking! Actually, any other person would not look twice because the hero was simply walking like any normal person would. And then he was gone.

"Wooow," Popo said, sounding completely astonished. Young Link, oddly enough, felt proud.

"I want to be just like you, Link, when I grow up," Ness said dazedly. He turned to face the other boys. "Let's promise that we'll try hard to become real men like Link here."

"What's Samus doing here?" Peach asked when she saw Samus, standing astride with hands on her hips, in the doorway with Zelda behind her. "I thought we decided us girls would do this together. Well, and him," she added and gestured at Mr. Game & Watch who was on his way over to her with a package of eggs. Next to her Nana was standing with wide curious eyes.

"Nana just told me she usually helps with cooking at home. I think this will be great," Peach said and patted Nana on the head. "She is so cute. I'd like for me and Mario to have a daughter like her. Doesn't she look like she could be our daughter? She's so tiny and cuddly with brown hair, like Mario, and she's got the same interests as me."

The princess wrapped her arms around the blushing little girl and pressed her cheek to hers.

"Hello, Nana I don't think we've had the pleasure to meet yet," Zelda said once Peach let go and the little girl smiled broadly at her. Meanwhile Peach was throwing concerned looks in Samus's direction.

"Dear, how about you help out tomorrow?" she said. Samus merely crossed her arms and stayed where she was, like a mountain.

"Peach, Samus really wants to help. I was the one who offered her," Zelda began.

"Her?" Pea cut her off as Samus walked into the kitchen and every confident step implied her full right to be in the room and that she was going nowhere.

"Yes," Zelda said.

"That's wonderful," Peach squealed and ran up to, and all but into, Samus who did not only look taken aback by this sudden change of opinion but not quite so prone to stay any longer. "Oh, why didn't you just say that you were female? I never would have guessed!"

"Thanks," Samus said dryly.

"It would be so much fun seeing you all dressed up. You must come shopping with us someday," Peach said with sparkly eyes and drew even closer. Samus defensively crossed her arms over her chest with the feeling that her armor maybe was not shielding her to the extent she had thought up until now.

"Since you're cooking with us I guess you can't be a complete tomboy," Peach giggled. "Why don't you cut the vegetables over there, Samus, and, Zelda, you can prepare the meat."

"What are we cooking?" Nana said

"Jiggly," Jigglypuff's voice rose from the floor.

"I thought we'd just make everything we can think of. We're cooking for a lot of people," Peach said and clasped her hands in front of her, rising onto the balls of her feet.

"Jiggly," could be heard from the floor, again.

Samus soon found the downside of trying to cut vegetables with a cannon attached to your right arm. She tried it slowly but the cucumber only slipped away. She raised her arm and cut with more force but the next second two halves that had before been a cutting board flew in opposite directions. Not did it go any better with boiling or frying and soon she jealously watched Peach running around the kitchen, taking care of every little thing in less than two seconds. The princess was in her element. Well, Samus was not the kind to give up, and when even Nana and Jigglypuff were running out with delicious dishes to put on the table she had pepped herself into giving it a second try. She had what it took. She knew this was not really difficult. Inexperience could only become a true obstacle when it made one think it was.

Soon enough the table was almost completely hidden under the many bowls, plates, ramekins and platters. Everything made by Peach was easy to single out. It was not only impeccably cooked but cut into little shapes and figures, or decorated with that little extra something like a little sprinkle of parsley or sauce. Zelda's dishes held their own, although not standing out as much. Jigglypuff's were different but had that little extra spice and Nana's were all according to the book. Samus had been a turn of her hand from pouring everything she had made down into the trash bin but the next second Peach's had snatched it all away and was already over at the dinner table.

Something about this did just not add up to Samus, standing frozen with a hand reaching out to call the princess back. Peach had masterfully kept Mr. Game & Watch occupied so that he was not responsible for any food. He felt accomplished either way due to the little missions Peach set up for him. So why would the princess go out of her way to put her food (that in all honesty was not much better) on the table. It was to make her suffer, wasn't it? A conspiracy to make a fool out of her.

"Dinner's ready," Peach called and breathed out. "We really should get ourselves a bell or something so that we won't have to shout."

One would think that there would be a piece of cake for a group of people to sit down and have a nice dinner, especially when everyone has their own seat. Peach had just sat down, moving her skirt with utmost delicacy to make herself comfortable, when the entrance was jammed with starved Smashers pushing and elbowing each other to get to the table first. Through the cloud of dust Link emerged like a zombie and slumped down on his chair.

"I'm having a bad day," he said when he caught a glimpse of Zelda's concerned face.

Marth glanced at the back of Zelda's head and then at the people still fighting like a pack of hungry wolves all around them. It would be a bliss to hog a few things onto his plate and retreat back to eat in peace and quiet, but he realized that would be too impolite, even as a resident of the house. When a woman went out of her way to cook for you it was due to eat too.

"Well, there's no use in sitting here with grumbling stomachs," Peach said and clapped her hands. Like magic the cloud of dust from the fighting dissolved and people sat with their heads bent down.

"You said it," Bowser broke the respectful silence and dug his knife into the biggest porkchop. As if on cue everyone else jumped at the food, with a few exceptions. Zelda looked over at Link who was staring miserably at his empty plate. He usually had such a good appetite. She could remember them sitting under an apple tree. He would not stop playing with the fruit. Then, all of a sudden, he would take a big bite and grin at her.

"Won't you eat?" she asked.

"I'm not very hungry."

Marth looked away from the Hylians. It might be for the better if that brute let the food be. The table manners of the rest were enough. His eyes landed on Roy who waved at him with a chicken leg and that was enough to make him look away immediately. Meanwhile Zelda had convinced Link to at least try something.

"I guess that looks kind of tasty," Link said and tried to sound enthusiastic for Zelda's sake. He reached for a bowl of chipolata sausage with their bottom halves slit to form small octopuses.

"Not that one," Peach cried and snatched the bowl. "I made those."

Link pulled back his arm indignantly. "Like I'd want any. I was reaching for this," he said and quickly grabbed another bowl.

"I made that," Zelda said and Link instantly turned away from Peach.

"It smells great. Now this is how real food is supposed to look like. I'm feeling hungrier already."

His intention had been to praise her but when he saw her light up, her eyes becoming just a bit squinty when she could not hold back a wide flattered smile, he was pulled into a warm glow. The golden road to success lay open for him. It was as if half the content of the bowl fell onto his plate on its own.

"I'll eat plenty."

"Don't force yourself. You haven't even tasted it. It might be really bad."

"Delicious, best food ever," he praised after one bite. "What else did you make?"

"That one. For example," Zelda said and pointed at a plate with chicken stuffed with blue cheese. Link was centimeters from grabbing it when another hand niftily moved it just out of reach and took at better hold to claim it. Marth took his time to place a piece of chicken neatly on his plate before he put it back on the table, on the opposite side, out of Link's reach.

Zelda lifted a finger, about to ask the prince to pass the chicken, but Link was quicker.

"He did that on purpose!"

"Don't be silly," Zelda said. Link glared past her at Marth, hoping to convey that, "you did, and both you and I know it," but the prince was busy carefully cutting his chicken and putting the perfect 2x2 centimeter piece into his mouth. Soon a vein would pop. Link could feel it.

"I made these too."

"You did?" Link looked back at Zelda and accepted the plate she offered him. There was no reason to let the prince get to him. He was ready to let bygones be bygones and put down the plate with Zelda's triangular toast only to have Marth practically snatch it out of his hands. He felt an eye twitch but turned away and smilingly asked Zelda what else she made. Even if someone else ate only her cooking the one who ate the most would love it the most and make her the happiest, and that would be him. That diet-thin prince would have no chance eating more than him.

"I really hope you're not forcing yourself," Zelda said, eyes glued to the food piling up on Link's plate.

"Not at all. I can't get enough of your cooking," Link said and grabbed another bowl Zelda was pointing at. They were starting to find a rhythm. She pointed again while her eyes glided over to the prince on the other side of her. Perhaps it would be wrong to strike up a conversation out of the blue but maybe she should at least ask if he liked her cooking since that was the only thing he had eaten.

Peach leaned forward with a big smile and called Zelda's attention to her. "Do you like it Marth?" she asked sweetly and glanced at Link who stopped eating to hear the reply. Marth peered at them for a second before he took another bite of his food and went back to eating.

"Damn, weren't Mr. Game & Watch kept away from the kitchen?" Captain Falcon muttered while poking something black and crispy that might have started out as bacon. Samus turned to look at him quicker than a snake on the attack. The racer noticed her and showed her a piece of her own bacon on his fork that he pointed to with a laugh. "I think he actually did worse this time. Can you believe it?"

Captain Falcon think he saw something orange coming for his face and the next thing he knew he was looking at the ceiling through dancing stars and felt a burning pain in his nose.

"You really got to work on that attitude of yours," he said, crawling back up on his chair and drawing in some air through his nose. "I've been trying to get along with you and I'll let this one slide, but I'm getting fed up and, trust me, you don't want me punching back."

Samus felt a small prick of curiosity. She felt like saying that he was free to punch her back. He might be the one in for a surprise, even though there had to be some serious power in those arms. She did not say anything but she seemed to acknowledge him a bit more through the rest of the dinner.

At the other side of the table, near the end where Mario was sitting, Fox was whispering something to Falco.

"That's brilliant, Fox. You're a genius!" Falco cried out and pulled away.

"I know, I know. Now, shut up. People are staring."

"Miss Toadstool," Falco shouted to Peach at the other end and raised his wing.

"Yes?" She called back.

"We want to cook tomorrow."

"That's wonderful," Peach said like it really was the most wonderful thing she had heard all day and Fox and Falco grinned at each other and high-fived each other before they left the table. Mission complete.

"Then that problem is taken care of," Peach mumbled to herself. "What would we have done if no one had volunteered to cook tomorrow?"

"Talk about being in charge," Roy said as he served himself some cookies with cream and cherries from a flower-patterned saucer.

"Excuse me?" Peach turned to the red-head who was fully occupied by his food. It was a surprisingly big serving considering most people had already left the table. The only ones left were the Mario brothers, both finishing the last of the pasta, Bowser, who tried to scramble together enough of the meat left to satisfy him, the little pink round creature Kirby, who just finished his fourteenth plate, Link, who with great appetite ate Zelda's cooking with a still very flattered Zelda at his side, Marth who mannerly took one bite at a time, chewing properly, and still kept up with Link's speed and lastly Roy eating his dessert.

The young lord had his mouth full of cookies and held up a hand at Peach while hurrying to swallow as not to keep her waiting for his reply. She was brought back to the day of arrival. She remembered him well. Marth had graciously kissed her hand and taken a step back to stare into space, striking Peach as a person waiting for something – what she did not know. Roy had snapped her back to reality, exaggeratedly copying Marth's kiss with a smile that was contagious.

"I made those," she said before she could stop herself and pointed at the cookie he was about to put in his mouth.

"These? I cannot get enough of them. You must give me the recipe. We never get things like this at home," he said and chewed on the cookie when a sheepish look came over him. "Pardon if I'm eating too many of them."

She laughed. "I'm happy. Eat up."

Link rose triumphantly and let the napkin drop down on the table. He had taken the last Swedish meatball, which was also the last of what Zelda had made, and had proclaimed himself the winner, even if he could only do that inside his own head. Marth followed suit and pushed in his chair with a face that appeared too neutral.

When Peach noticed Zelda leaving the table she hurried to follow. "We must talk again," she said to Roy before disappearing.

"Zelda," Peach said while she squeezed herself in-between Link and Zelda. Then she turned to Link. "Shoo," she said and tried to whisk Link away like an annoying fly. "This is only for girls' ears."

When Link had stormed away, Peach pulled Zelda over to an empty table and sat down.

"Now…" She leaned forward. "What do you think of Marth? You didn't answer me before."

"Marth?"

"Marth." Samus pulled out a chair and sat down. "What about that spoilt snob?"

Both princesses looked at her and averted their eyes in an instant. Peach took the initiative to act like that little interlude had not happened. She propped her chin in both her palms and faced Zelda.

"I noticed, I noticed. He ate your food, Zelda, and no one else's."

"So?" Samus cut into the conversation once again.

"And he's a prince." Peach winked.

"What do you mean?" Zelda said. Samus slapped her helmet over her forehead and Peach gaped at her.

"Aren't you going to take this further?" Peach said, blinking at Zelda.

"Well, to be honest, I have been thinking about wanting to talk to him. But it is difficult..." Zelda trailed off.

"I agree with you Zelda," Samus said. "No one will want to approach him and it is easy to see why. He avoids looking people in the eyes. He will increase distance between himself and other people on purpose. He will flat out ignore people. Those are master suppression techniques. I can't say I have been paying a whole lot of attention to him but I can bet he uses several more. He's no good. He has this air that he believes he is too good for us. His silences are not the good kind."

The princesses let her words sink in. At least Samus thought so until Peach pouted at her.

"I've never heard you speak that much at once," Peach said and frowned. "I can't say I agree. I think you've got him all wrong. Marth's quiet and misunderstood. He seems cold but Zelda makes him melt." She giggled and Samus groaned.

"The best thing to do would be to ignore him the way he ignores us. Zelda's got Link anyway."

Peach slammed her fist down on the table. "No. Can't you see? They're like day and night, and I got a bad feeling about them becoming a couple. Zelda wouldn't be happy in a relationship like that. It would be hard for them to stay together because he's not a prince."

Samus sure felt like slamming a fist down on the table right back at her but kept her clenched fist at her side. "Oh? You're saying he's not good enough for her? Unlike that prince, Link can take on the role as the man in a relationship. He'd take care of her and do you really think that you having a bad feeling about this is a good enough reason?"

"A woman's intuition. I may not be the most talented…"

"Agreed."

"…But I've been right about many, many couples. If there are two things in my life I'm confident of it's my cooking and my understanding of love."

"That doesn't change the fact that Link is the one who knows Zelda. He's dependable. He'd know what she needs. He'd use every ounce of his strength to get her what she needs."

"Strength is all that matters to you, isn't it? What about a man's intellect? Zelda needs someone who is a bit deeper than a plate. Besides I'm sure that Marth can take care of her well."

"Ha! He'll probably pay someone else to do his job and you have completely misunderstood Link. Don't you dare call him stupid."

Both glowered at each other and Peach gritted her teeth. "Marth and Zelda belong together. I can feel the chemistry between them."

"Really? Because I haven't seen them talk to each other once."

"Who needs words? It's obvious they're made for each other. It's much more romantic with the lonely prince and princess finding comfort in each other."

"But this is real life and not a fairy tale. And why does he have to be a prince? Aren't you in a relationship with Mario? I don't see a crown on his head."

Peach took a deep breath and with an equally deep sigh she was out of steam. "I didn't mean it that way. If she finds out that the right one is a prince there would be nothing stopping them but if she falls for someone like Link they might be torn apart because she's a princess. For me it's different. I'm allowed to be with Mario, he's the most admired person in my kingdom, but I don't think it would turn out okay for Zelda."

Zelda cleared her throat. "I'm not really considering entering a relationship right now. Link is a friend and Marth is a stranger to me."

"You must be kidding," Peach said, swirling around to face Zelda. "People must be nagging on you everyday to find a man and here you got prince charming walking into your life and you're not interested?"

"I hope prince charming means Link," Samus hissed at Peach.

"Like he could ever have anything to do with the words prince or charming," Peach said, flipping some hair back over her shoulder. "No, I'm talking about Marth."

"Go with Link, Zelda."

"Choose Marth!"

Meanwhile prince charming himself, Marth, was reading a book while Roy tried to pick up the crumbs from the cookie he had been nibbling on. "That will do, now your carpet is clean again," Roy said and proudly wiped some sweat off his brow. The carpet was still covered in crumbs but he hoped that this was a day when Marth was too depressed to care, because he would surely notice. He was too picky not to. Roy peeked to see if the prince was appraising his work but noticed that the prince's eyes were not moving along with the text.

"Now what's troubling you?" Roy said, sounding very bored.

"I'm not interested in getting to know anyone here," Marth spoke, more to himself it seemed, still staring intently at the page.

"But you're making such progress," Roy said with more than little sarcasm and licked a crumb off the tip of his finger when a thought struck him. "Hmm… There's a swimming pool in the neighborhood."

"What neighborhood?" Marth said with equal sarcasm, and it was true, the mansion was located in a huge field.

"Nearby, is that good enough?" When Roy did not get an answer he moved on. "Maybe I can get the gang to go there tomorrow, and then you can socialize to your heart's content."

Marth looked up from the book with a murderous stare that made the whole room darken.

"It'll be fun," Roy said, used to Marth's cold stares since long. "You'll feel a lot better when you play with everyone in the water. Ah, I can see you splashing and swimming around already if I close my eyes." Roy closed his eyes with the face of someone thinking of something extremely wonderful.

Marth glared at him and went back to staring at the letters in front of him without really seeing them. He was not the least interested in Princess Zelda he quietly told himself.

A/N

Zelda can have as many Triforces of Wisdom as she likes. She will still not be able to see what is so obvious to everyone else: that Link is in love with her. I like running jokes like that. Everyone needs a little bit of stupidity or cluelessness. Zelda is no exception and, truthfully, I also like giving Link a hard time. I think it brings forward his best sides and I have always admired people that will not let anything bring them down. I love people who are committed – to what they do, their promises, the people around them etc.

It still feels as though I am walking without getting anywhere but I do not care all that much. This was just what I needed now that I am stuck with my other story. It is fun to write when one can be less serious and stop pressuring oneself. It is so great that everybody is so nice too! I am falling in love with your reviews. Feel free to come with suggestions, because I would love to hear what you want to read and I could use some ideas (since I cannot let the Smashers go on vacation or anything else I have planned until they have got to know each other better).