Suicide Doors

Chapter Five

By: Jondy Macmillan

A/N: I really, really would have thought they'd get a JONAS section by now. Guys, go bug them with category suggestions. It's ridiculous that they're not making one. Just because the first names stayed the same (Hello, Hannah Montana?) and the band name is technically their real last name, doesn't mean the rest of the characters aren't entirely fictional. And even the Lucas boys are meant to be fictional. So ffn's argument that they're 'real life people' is unfounded and based on ignorance. (Sorry, I'm still reeling over the snarky reply they gave me when I made the category suggestion. I notice they didn't reply to my awesome logic that I presented in the face of their rude customer service though; bastards).

The morning following the disastrous party attempt, Joe slept in. It was rare that he got to do so, but they weren't on tour, there were no early morning interviews scheduled, and since Kevin had graduated he'd taken over a lot of the jobs that all three of them were once forced into, like dealing with their label every five seconds.

It had taken a lot to convince both their dad and Nick that Kevin was capable enough to represent JONAS alone every once in a while, but Joe had run a guerilla campaign for two months leading up to the graduation and three months following, and eventually both had caved. Actually, their dad had surrendered about two days in; it was Nick who'd been the real obstacle.

It helped that Kevin had a solid head for business, despite being abnormally silly when it came to everything else. Some would say that Joe had contradicted his own cries for freedom by coming to Kevin's aid. Joe would counter that having Kevin manage things left him with more free time and less worries that his steadily flowing source of income would ever fall through if he decided to play hooky once in a while. Kevin loved the band more than anybody.

Well, anybody other than Nick.

That's why he was kind of surprised to find Kevin doing absolutely nothing productive. His big brother's eyes were glued to some admittedly kickass CGI on the plasma screen, his fingers working over a controller, dressed in nothing but boxers and an open terrycloth robe.

Joe yawned. It was noon, yet it was still too early for this; watching his older sibling fall into a life of hermitic decay.

"God, Kev. Don't you ever want to do anything else?" Joe rolled his eyes and gestured towards the TV, "Go out. Be productive. Live in sin."

"I don't need to live in sin when I can live vicariously through your exploits," Kevin put down the controller and stared at him, accusing, "You went to a bar last night."

Joe shrugged his shoulders, like, so? Even if maybe inside he was shrieking 'how-did-he-know?'

"It was plastered all over the internet this morning. I won't be surprised if it makes the tabloids. You're not even eighteen yet, Joe."

"And your point is?"

"My point is it wouldn't kill you to take some responsibility. Be a role model for our fans. Grow up a little."

"And what? Play video games all day?" Joe's response was scathing. He might have felt guilty about making Kevin look like his little brother'd just run over his aardvark, but to be honest, his head was pounding out a baseline and he was still feeling sort of bitter about the whole coming home to a dark, barren house thing.

Come to think of it, where was Nick? He voiced the question to Kevin who glared at him and said in an offended voice, "I have no idea. Maybe he's trying to contain the PR disaster that is-you."

"Loosen up, Kev."

"You know what? I'm going to go to the park. Macy mentioned something about her neighborhood roller hockey game. Maybe she'll appreciate my wisdom."

"I appreciate your wisdom. I so listened that time you told me koalas were the cutest marsupials."

"You did not! You told Teen Weekly magazine that baby kangaroos are the most adorable thing ever," Kevin countered, scandalized.

"Oh. Right," Joe frowned, "Guess I don't appreciate your wisdom. You're right, you should go see Macy."

Kevin stalked off, but really, Joe didn't feel bad. He was doing the kid a favor. No way would he have mustered up the courage to go to Macy's hockey game all by his lonesome.

In fact, it was such a job well done that Joe treated himself to an extra portion of Crunchy Cats for breakfast.

Wherever Nick had gone, he stayed there until well past dinner. Their parents had gone out for a romantic night on the town, which Joe could only presume met they hadn't spotted the pictures Kevin was in a tizzy about. Kevin, too hadn't come back from the park. Joe hoped things were going well with Macy. If Kevin was going to be all boring all the time, having a wacky girlfriend could only improve on his mood.

Funny how Kevin dating Macy didn't bother Joe nearly as much as Nick and Penny. Not that the idea of them dating bothered him. He'd suggested it. So it wouldn't bug him.

No.

Not at all.

Anyway, the 'rents were gone, Kevin was out, and Frankie was at a friend's. No sign of the not-so-little, more obnoxious little brother, but Joe was steadfastly not worrying about him. Instead, he decided to carry on a Lucas home alone family tradition; raid the fridge and cabinets for the most unhealthy foods he could find with the easiest microwave instructions and then plop down in front of his laptop to look at pictures of…well, himself.

There were on a gossip site, but hadn't spread. Mainly because the pictures were so blurry that it was extremely hard to tell if Joe Lucas was really the guy in them.

The confusing bit was that they weren't the pictures Tall Girl had taken; at least not the ones they'd done while in line for the karaoke sign up. No, these pictures were of the beer pong game. Joe's face looked fuzzy and corpse-like in the blue lights of the table. And Handsy Guy was like, all over him. Joe had been drunk, but he didn't remember posing for anything like this, with Handsy's body pressed up alongside his, arm draped over his shoulder and mouth too close to his ear.

Then he realized that he hadn't posed; someone must have taken the picture while they were cheering for a shot Joe had just landed. That explained Joe's ecstatic expression, at least. There were more, of course. Some with him and Tall Girl talking, some of him singing, and the only clear picture on the whole site- him outside, phone clutched to his ear. Worrying over Nick.

It was the headlines that were the most ridiculous. Joe Lucas; Bisexual Bad Boy? Seriously? Who'd thought that shit up?

Joe shook his head and clicked out of the frame. He wondered who'd taken the pictures and if they'd made any money off them. It was obvious that they wouldn't go to tabloids unless someone tracked down Tall Girl and her friend to confirm that he had been there. She was the only one in the bar who had recognized him, after all. That one clear picture of him on the phone didn't prove anything; the background was taxis and smoky silhouettes, nothing more.

Still, he could see why Kevin was shaken. Those pictures of Handsy and him were potential career ruiners when put in the wrong light, the kind of light any reporter worth his salt would shine on them.

Oh God, Joe thought. He really hoped Nick hadn't seen. Geez, this party boy stuff was harder than he'd initially thought. He'd have to be more careful next time. Wear a fake mustache, or something.

Nick chose right then to walk in, giving off a glow like some kind of human firefly.

"Joe," he slid a chair out from the kitchen table and slumped down beside him, breathing, "Hey."

"You're in a good mood," Joe remarked, frowning. Nick had that dumb daydreamer aura he always got when he was falling too fast. He hadn't noticed how totally obnoxious that was the last time it had happened.

"Yeah," Nick sighed this girly, stupid sigh that made Joe want to smack him upside the head. Seriously, women just sucked the masculinity right out of his little brother.

Normally, this would have been the part where Joe asked Nick how his date had gone and what he'd been doing all day.

He couldn't bring himself to do it. Joe closed his laptop and scooped it up in one arm, his bowl of congealing velveeta macaroni and cheese in the other, "I'm going upstairs."

Nick followed him.

Of course.

"Don't you want to hear about Penny?"

No.

Joe would have rather gone deaf than listened to a word about Penny.

"Sure."

"She's amazing."

"Right," Joe said, like that was to be expected.

"Everything I thought she would be," Nick gushed, some kind of sick romantic comedy hero brought to life.

"Uh hunh."

"Our date was fantastic. I mean, it was just a dinner and a movie thing; you know that one with all the cars and the explosions? She actually liked it, man! She is so down to earth."

"Okay," Joe nodded disinterestedly, his stomach turning. Maybe the velveeta was a bad idea. The second they reached the top of the stairs he tipped the whole bowl into Kevin's plastic garbage can.

"Then we went back to her house and listened to music. Penny has amazing taste."

"Yeah," he agreed, like he gave a flying hoot what kind of music Penny listened to.

"Right," Nick's voice was slightly strangled for a moment, "Then we fucked. On her father's office desk."

"Sounds fun," Joe said, catching himself only seconds after the words left his mouth, "Wait, what?"

Nick's lips twisted into a scowl, "You're not listening to me!"

"I am," Joe insisted, "Did you really have sex?"

"No! Moron," Nick added affectionately, "I'm not that easy."

Joe wanted to reply 'Penny is', but he managed to keep his mouth shut.

Nick was following him around their firehouse loft, tracking his every movement. When Joe went over to his bed, Nick shadowed him. So Joe decided to walk over to Nick's bed instead. See how he liked having his privacy invaded.

Hmm, he didn't seem to mind.

"You're mad," Nick stated, blinking, like he couldn't figure out why.

Joe chose not to respond.

It was an act of rebellion, really. He was showing his baby brother who was boss.

"Joe. Joe, look at me," Nick's fingers grazed his chin as he turned Joe's face towards him.

Okay, maybe baby brother was boss.

"Why are you mad?"

"I don't know."

"Joe."

"I said I don't know! Do I look like Kevin? I'm not all in touch with my feelings and stuff."

Now Nick was analyzing him, trying to figure him out. Joe didn't want to be 'figured out'. He made a rude gesture and flopped down on Nick's bed.

Nick clambered in after him.

"Did something happen?"

He thought about the pictures and bit his lip. He could tell Nick, and then his little brother would forget all about Penny, out of concern for the band. But then wouldn't he just be sabotaging himself? If Nick left Penny behind, all of Joe's newfound freedom would vanish. He'd have Nick Lucas, guard dog back on his heels.

Yeah, that was so not going to happen.

"Nah. Everything's good," Joe stretched, his shirt riding up and revealing inches of toned, flat stomach. For a second he thought Nick maybe might have been staring, but it was so ridiculous that he dismissed the idea immediately.

Nick's eyes flickered up towards the ceiling, towards his classic rock posters and the old water spots that paint barely covered, "You know, Penny's got a friend who thinks you're cute."

Joe smirked, "There's entire stadiums full of girls who think I'm cute."

"True. But this girl's not half-bad herself. Penny wanted to know if you wanted to do a double date thing."

Penny was apparently a presumptuous skank. Joe scowled.

"That's what I thought. I told her that you n' Stella are still trying to work out how you feel about each other."

He rolled his eyes. The Joe and Stella crush debacle had worked itself out last year, "Stella and I don't have any issues."

Nick's eyebrow arched, an enviable talent. He was facing Joe, lying on his side with this tiny little grin, smelling like soap and cologne and something spicy and Nick. Something in Joe's stomach clenched.

"Oh really?"

Not really, he thought. Because even if Stella knew exactly how she felt or didn't feel about him, Joe had no idea how he felt.

"Where were you today, anyway?"

Nick's lips twisted into a smile, soft and gentle, "With Penny."

Of course.

Yeah, Joe had absolutely no idea how he felt.

About anything.

A/N: Oh em gee guys, thank you for all the reviews so far! They're so inspiring! Please continue to keep 'em coming.