It took him two months, but by the first snow, Richard could safely say that he and Kahlan have become best friends. He spent all his time with her, sitting next to her in class during the day and studying together in the library at night. Sometimes they would go for walks, wondering aimlessly around campus, talking about nothing and everything. It seemed like they never ran out of things to say to each other and there were times they walked for hours, even after spending the entire day together. Despite all that, something was missing. Richard though Kahlan was a wonderful friend, but he wanted, no, needed more. He wanted to hold her hand freely, walk around campus with his arm around her waist and be able to call her his girl. He spent days thinking about her smile and the way her eyes sparkled. He constantly wondered how it would be like to kiss her and hold her in his arms. He was, as his friend Benjamin told him, a complete goner. Richard tried his hardest not to make Kahlan uncomfortable, but each day that passed made it harder for him. He desperately wanted to tell her how he felt and ask her out, but whenever he would try to approach the subject, Kahlan would smile at him and tell him he was a great friend and she was lucky to have him. Every time Richard heard the word friend, a lamp got stuck in his throat. He couldn't figure out why, in spirits name, Kahlan seemed so dead set on rejecting any attempt he made to show her how he felt. At first, he though it was because she didn't feel the same, but a late nights talk with his sister calmed his worries. Jennsen assured him Kahlan felt the same, and encouraged him to make a move. Filled with new found confidence Richard invited Kahlan for a walk, planning on telling her how he felt. However when he approached the subject, Kahlan's face turned red and the look in her eyes begged him to stop. Startled and afraid to lose her friendship, Richard quickly changed the subject. After walking her home that night, Richard decided to drop the matter for the time being. It was clear that Kahlan wasn't ready, and he didn't want to spoil things by being impatient. He was certain she was the one for him, and he would wait for her as long as it takes.
XXX
Kahlan was slipping. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't help but fall in love with Richard, a little more each day. Every night, when she finally got back to her room, she would reprimand herself for allowing this to happen and promise herself that tomorrow she would keep her distance from him. But each morning, when she saw his smiling face waiting for her in front of the classroom, she would forget her promise and smile back. She hoped beyond anything that Richard shared her feelings, and yet she tried to fend off any attempt on his part to change the nature of their relationship. It didn't matter how much she loved him, she told herself. The only thing that was important was that he was a Rahl and she was a confessor and they had no future together. That night, when she felt Richard was about to say something, Kahlan got back to her room and cried herself to sleep. When she woke up the next morning her eyes were red but her mind was made up: she had to talk to Richard as soon as possible. It would be better for them both. Maybe this way she could at least salvage their friendship.
XXX
By some miraculous way, Richard was unaware of the fact that Kahlan was a confessor. At first, Kahlan was positive that he knew, but as time went on she realized he was completely clueless. The only possible explanation she could find was that Richard detested gossip. His friends knew that there was no point in involving him in such conversation, since he simply smiled and walked away. Even the chatty Jennsen couldn't get him to listen to her stories. Every time she tried to share a piece of gossip with him, she would get a brotherly "don't you have something better to do?" look and drop the subject quickly. Kahlan guessed that Richard simply didn't listen to rumors concerning her, and was terrified and grateful for it all at the same time. On the one hand, she knew Richard deserved hearing it from her. On the other, she was sure she didn't want to see the look in his eyes when she told him. Neither way, Kahlan knew that once she told him the truth their relationship would never be the same. However, she had always known she couldn't have his love. Confessors were bound by duty, much like the Rahl man. Since anyone could remember, confessors were the heights authority, the final rulers in matters of justice. Their lives belong to the midlands, not to themselves, and they were taught to keep their desires hidden behind a mask of cool judgment. Most of the confessors spent their lives traveling throughout the midlands and using their authority and gift to preserve peace and order in the furthest parts of the land. A minority stayed in Aydindril, helping the mother confessor and running the council. Many feared the confessors, knowing that with a single word they could overthrow a king and sentence a man to death. Myths and stories about a time when confessors possessed a special kind of magic that helped them rule didn't help the matter either, even though no such magic existed since the great mother confessor Kahlan Amnell. Confessors rarely married, preferring to have children with unknown fathers. They stated that any child who was born to a confessor was a confessor herself, and the father didn't matter. The ones that did marry did it for political reasons only, seeking a way to forge an alliance or strengthen the bond between a certain kingdom and the midlands. In spite of their best efforts, the Rahl family always avoided joining the midland alliance, and their leaders had to tend to their people's peace and welfare the all on their own. Each Rahl was supposed to marry and have a gifted son, one that would carry the bond and be the rightful heir of D'hara. The D'haran leaders were always male, and therefore a son was crucial. Even if by some miraculous way Kahlan could convince the mother confessor to allow her to marry Richard, she could never give him a son. Confessors had only girls. Without a son to his name, Richard would sever the Rahl bloodline. There was no way the lord Rahl would allow this to happen , and knowing Richard she knew there was no chance his noble nature would allow such betrayal to his people. Without a shadow of a doubt, Kahlan knew they had no possible future and therefore no present.
No matter how much it pained her, she knew it was pointless to start something that would end badly. Kahlan mastered up all her strength, and decided that tonight was the night. This night, she would break both of their hearts.
XXX
They were walking in silence for a while, and Richard could tell there was something bothering Kahlan. There were times when they walked peacefully without saying a word to each other, but this wasn't one of those times. Richard was just about to say something, when he felt Kahlan tugging his hand and realized were she led them to. It was a secluded spot in the grove that surrounded the campus. Richard showed the place to Kahlan a while ago, but they never got inside the small clearing before. Richard's heart leaped to his throat. There must be something important Kahlan wanted to say if she went to the trouble of making sure they were completely alone. For a moment Richard dared to hope that she wanted to confess her emotions, but he quickly rejected the idea. Kahlan was way to shy for that. This must be something else.
For a few moments they stood there in silence, but then Kahlan spoke. The words she uttered were so devastating Richard had to hold on to a tree to keep his balance. In few single words, Kahlan crashed his world. He only knew her for a short time, but already all his hopes and dreams revolved around her. Now all those hopes and dreams were shuttered. There was nothing else, no one else that could fill the void she created in his heart. Richard inched closer to her, standing so close they shared a breath. He now understood why she was acted the way she did, and he knew his pain was her pain as well. His heart broke for her, knowing how much pain it caused her to say those words. For a moment he hoped he'd never met her, never spoke to her, so they could be speared from this pain, but he knew deep down that it wouldn't have mattered. He loved her from the moment he saw her, and nothing could prevent that. He would rather spend a life time alone than be devoid of the opportunity to spend a single hour with her. Without thought, he bent down and kissed her. For that moment, time stopped. There was nobody but them, standing in the clearing, lips softly pressed together. Richard knew at that moment what perfect bliss meant. It was nothing but a pack, really, but he poured his heart to into this kiss, knowing that it will be their first and last. Than, Kahlan pulled away. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she looked at him one last time and than ran, leaving Richard to stand alone in the clearing, broken and numb. Again and again he heard kalhan's voice in his head repeating just those perfect and horrible words: "Richard, I love you so much, but I'm a confessor. This could never be"