Kahlan spent the next week in her room, crying. Whenever someone came to check on her, she stated that she wasn't feeling well and with her red eyes and pale skin, no one argued. Only Cara knew the true reason for her "illness" and she promised to keep her secret. Jennsen came by a few times, and her confessor friend brought her some food. Everybody was being nice and considerate, seeing that she was clearly not well. Kahlan was grateful for their concern but preferred to be left alone with her thoughts. How could she explain to anyone that she just lost something she was never supposed to have? She knew her lose wasn't hers alone, but the only person that she wanted to see, didn't come. She was sure he hated her, and didn't blame him for not wanting to see her, but nonetheless the fact that he no longer wanted to be her friend crashed her spirit even more, removing the last glimmer of hope she had. She knew she couldn't carry on this way forever and eventually she would have to see him, but for the time being she simply didn't have the strength. Every night she would promise Cara to try and get out of bed the next morning, but when morning came she couldn't. Seeing the look on her face, Cara couldn't force herself to be mad at her. It was clear that Kahlan was in pain, and until she was ready there was no point making her do anything.

XXX

Jennsen assumed that Richards's mood was caused by Kahlan's illness, but she couldn't really understand why he didn't visit her. In light of their relationship, she though he would be by her bedside from sunrise to sun down, but instead he only mopped around looking upset and distracted and she wasn't sure she could tolerate his behavior much longer. When she saw him leave class that afternoon, she decided to seize the opportunity. Richard was done for the day, and was heading to the dorms to study. Usually, he stayed and studied in the library with Kahlan, but today she was sick and he seemed like he wanted to be alone.

"Richard!" hearing his name, he turned and was faced by his sister "Hi, big brother. I was wondering if you have some time to spear for me. I think we really need to talk."

Richard sighed "Jenn, I'm sorry, but I have to study. Can we do this later?"

Jennsen knew that there wasn't going to be a later. Richard would go to his room and stay there for the rest of the day, and tomorrow he will be busy with school. This had to happen now.

"Richard, I don't think it can. Common, lets find somewhere we could talk."

Tugging at his hand, Jennsen pulled him along with her, leading him to the yard and dragging him to a near by bench were she sat down, crossing her legs.

Richard followed suite, and the minute she was sure she had his full attention, Jennsen started talking. "Richard, what's the matter with you? you've been acting funny, and you wont visit Kahlan even though you know she's sick… this isn't like you. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Richard averted his eyes. He knew everybody noticed his behavior, but his pain was private and he was not yet ready to share this with anybody, not even Jennsen. Although he hated lying, Richard decided to avoid the truth on this one. It wasn't Jennsen's business, really.

"Jenn, I'm sorry you're upset, but I just had a weird couple days and I promise I'll try and behave myself from now on." He said calmly, hoping that his tone and the promise he just made her would cause her to leave him alone.

Jennsen's brow furrowed. She knew her brother and saw right through him. He wasn't going to trick her so easily, and besides, she though she might have good guess on what's been bothering him.

"Listen, I think I know why this is happening" she stated, making Richard lift an eyebrow "it's all because of Kahlan, isn't it? You care about her and she's sick. I bet it makes you think about your mom, and the way she died. But Richard, you have to understand that no matter how bad your memories are from that time, you can't make everybody, and especially Kahlan, suffer because of it. You have to go see her; it will make the both of you feel better."

Richard almost laughed. Jennsen was always a bit clueless, but honestly he couldn't understand how she got to this conclusion. Maybe it was her romantic nature or complete lack of understanding in politics, but even though he was positive that she knew Kahlan was a confessor, it didn't stop her from thinking they could be together. At first, Richard resented her for that, wishing she would have told him sooner so he could know all the facts. Than, he realized he resented her for something else: the ability to believe that anything was possible if you wanted it enough. But he and Kahlan weren't a possibility, no matter how much he wanted it. At the memory, Richard felt a pang of pain. He decided to end this silly discussion. He had enough of this, and he wanted to be left alone.

"Forget it, Jenn. Don't try and figure me out. I promise I will be on my best behavior and that should be enough for you."

But Jennsen was not going to allow him to brush her off, big brother or not.

"Richard Rahl, you listen to me. I will not allow you to push away people you care about just because they force you to confront things you don't want to confront. Pain is a part of life, and I think father taught you better than this. He always said that we need to carry our burden quietly, without complaining. I know how much it hurts for you to see people you love suffer, but you're going to have to suffer in silence if you don't want to lose her."

Richard blinked. Despite the fact that Jennsen was talking about a whole different thing, she was right on the money. It did pain him to see Kahlan, and he avoided her company thinking he could spear himself and her of that pain. However, his sister was right. Pain was a part of life, and he couldn't avoid it forever. He thought he could restore their friendship later, when both of them worked through the raw emotion, but now he understood his mistake. If he didn't go to her now, he would lose her forever and that idea alone made him ache all over. He was a Rahl, and knew how to carry his burdens quietly. Adding yet another one to the list was nothing in comparison to never speaking to Kahlan again. He will suffer silently the pain caused by his unfulfilled love, hoping that the comfort of her presence will be enough for him.

He caught Janssen head in his hands, bent down and kissed her forehead. Without another word, he got up and started towards the direction of the girl's dormitory.

Jennsen stayed on the bench, smiling to herself. She wasn't exactly sure what was it that changed his mind, but Richard seemed more alive than he'd been all week. Without a doubt he was lucky to have her as a sister.

XXX

The loud banging on the door woke her from her sleep. Kahlan jumped, startled at the sudden intrusion and confused in regards to who it might be. Tying the sash of her robe tightly, she stepped to the door and opened it.

Much to her surprise, Richard was standing at the doorway, looking messy and hansom as always. The sight of him caught her breath, and before she could regain her senses Richard stepped in and closed the door, bolting it shut.

"Sorry, Kahlan I didn't mean to scare you and I don't want to barge in, but boys aren't exactly allowed in the girls dorm…" his words trailed off and he smiled weakly, remembering the first time they talked. Kahlan also seemed to think of that day, since her eyes brightened, yet she answered him sternly.

"No, they aren't. This makes me wonder what you're doing here, again."

Richard expression sobered. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do, but first, he had to apologize.

"Kahlan, I'm so sorry. I should have come earlier. I thought it would be better if I didn't see you for a while, but I was wrong. I can't bear the thought of losing your friendship. Please forgive me."

Kahlan was surprised. She'd hoped he would come, but even in her wildest dreams she didn't expect an apology. Richard was truly a rare person and she was probably the luckiest person in the world to have his friendship after what happened.

"Richard, you don't have to apologize to me. I hurt you, and I deserve your anger. I thought you'd never speak to me again. I'm so happy that you came."

Richard inched closer to her and for a moment she feared he would kiss her again, just like that wonderful kiss he gave her the other night, but he merely stood there, bringing his hand to her face and pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"You're wrong Kahlan. I do need to apologize. You never led me on and I let my feelings for you cloud that fact. You were always a good friend and I betrayed your trust when you decided to tell me who you are. I hope you could find it in your heart to forgive me and be my friend again"

Kahlan lowered her eyes, unable to look at his beautiful grey orbs any longer. She hoped for this, but how could she be his friend now that they both knew how the other felt, and why they could never act on it? She wanted desperately to tell him that she was willing to be more than a friend to him, but years of training stopped her. Instead she nodded her approval. Richard's gentle fingers lifted her chin and looked in her eyes. "You've been crying" he said quietly. "I'm so sorry I made you cry, beautiful Kahlan." He pressed his forehead to hers, and their noses touched. He felt her tremble and saw the tears gather in her eyes. "I know, Kahlan" he whispered to her softly. It was the only acknowledgment of their feelings he could bear.

They stood there for a few moments before Richard pulled away. Taking a fake happy tone he forced a smile to his face.

"You've been here too long Kahlan. Its time to rejoin the world. Come with me to the mid-winter ball. It would be a great opportunity to have some fun and we could leave whenever you like." Kahlan lifted and eyebrow, wondering if had gone mad before he hastily added "as friends, obviously."

"Obviously," she repeated his words. This is how things are going to go from now on, she though. Forever just friends. Richard saw the reluctances in her eyes and decided to press the matter. It bothered him to think she would stay in her room while everybody went out and had fun, and besides he really didn't want to go with anyone but her, even as friends only.

Seeing that he wouldn't let go of the matter, Kahlan took a deep breath and nodded her approval once more. This was something she desperately didn't want to do, but it would be good practice for her to be in his company. To the ball it is, she decided.