Suicide Doors

Chapter Nine

By: Jondy Macmillan

Celebrity parties were tricky.

On the one hand, they were exclusive enough that nine times out of ten you'd only get photographed going in the door.

On the other, they were populated by the same crowd.

Every. Single. Time.

Joe had met some of the people at this gig more times than his first period English teacher, and he liked some of them considerably less.

There were clustered groups of child stars and their entourages from that one company that practically ruled the world. The one with the animated rat, or rabbit, or some kind of rodent. Joe knew some of them from the few times JONAS coordinated with that conglomerate; got featured on their radio show and shit.

Being young didn't make these people any nicer though. Actors, musicians, models, directors; whoever. They were all people, but had a larger capacity than most to be catty, rude, and downright douchey.

He didn't blame them. It came with the territory of being confident, self assured, and positive that you were the hottest shit this world had ever seen.

Sure, there were nice guys and girls in the entertainment industry.

Plenty.

It was just, Joe hadn't seen a single one of 'em at this particular party.

Even so, as Joe looked around at all the well-known faces, he was excited. He was frickin' bouncing off the balls of his feet excited. This was where it was at, man. This party was poppin'.

He saw one or two faces that left him star struck and a whole lot that had once made his heart race. Now the shine had worn off most of them.

Not for Penny though. She was dolled up in some dress she'd gotten vintage clothes shopping; which really, what was that? Vintage clothes shopping? Was that what you did when you could only afford Wal Mart but were too lazy to drive there and opted for your grandma's closet instead?

Nick thought it was great that Penny had decided to be so authentic and cutting edge. Penny had obviously slipped him something, because her dress was pretty much the most hideous thing Joe had ever seen, and it might have been cutting edge…on Jane Austen.

"Ohmigod, that guy was in that movie about the-" Joe zoned Penny out as she went on and on about some actor that was currently famous for playing a zombie or a vampire, or some supernatural creature with impeccable hair. The guy was an asshole. Joe knew it and Nick knew it, but that didn't stop the younger Lucas from taking Penny over to make introductions.

While she squealed unintelligible words at the poor, rather annoyed looking actor, Nick grimaced over his girlfriend's head at Joe. Joe refused to acknowledge his little brother's pain; it was his fault for having such terrible taste in women.

At least he'd come to the party.

Joe had figured Nick would back out at the last second, but apparently he was more concerned about Joe's happiness and extracurricular habits than he'd thought. Maybe Nick was just making sure that Joe wasn't really a bisexual bad boy, or whatever the headline had been, but it meant something that Nick had come.

It meant more than Joe wanted it to mean.

Anyway, it wasn't like Joe could get in any trouble at this party. Not with Nick here.

Which meant he could finally let down his guard.

Relax.

Party like a rockstar.

Joe was going to order some whiskey at the bar the host had set up. It would probably cost twenty bucks.

Another celebrity character trait that Joe found really fucking annoying; half of them were thrifty as hell. Like, couldn't the host spring for an open bar? The guy was loaded; it wouldn't have put him out or anything.

At least the set up was nice. Joe was impressed by the expensive liquors lining glass shelves, each bottle spot lit like it was the number one VIP of the night. He walked straight toward it, fully intent on getting hosed when he realized his little brother wasn't following him. When he glanced back, Nick was staring at him like- like, Joe didn't know. There was heat in his baby brother's eyes that Joe didn't recognize, that was foreign in this place where things were strange and new and yet completely familiar.

Then Nick turned to Penny, tugging her arm away from that grade a douchebag of a movie star she'd been chatting up. When he looked back, he was just Nick again, something like little brother admiration and familial disappointment mixed in his expression.

Joe mouthed, 'Do you want a drink?', gesturing towards the bar. Nick shook his head 'no', and when Penny saw him do so, she did the same.

She was such a follower.

Joe walked towards the bar and ordered that whiskey. He liked the burn down his throat to the pit of his belly, and he needed the reinforcement when he saw Nick and Penny disappear into the crowd of budding celebrities. He drank it down quick.

Once he turned back to the wide eyed bartender to order another, his eyes caught on a girl at the end of the bar. She shone like a star in a room full of stars though the only thing unique about her was the jangle of her bracelets interspersed with a sultry laugh she gave out for free. There was something about the flush of her cheeks and the playful curve of her lips; a pout verging on a smile meant to seduce anyone and everyone in the vicinity.

This girl was a temptress in training, a junior siren bent on luring sailors and gods and ordinary men from their drinks and into her arms.

Joe knew it.

He would have known it without ever seeing her, just hearing her name on a breath.

She was Nick's ex, after all. They'd dated for a while once, in a fairytale world that existed in a time long, long ago.

Maybe that was the real appeal, more than her lips and her eyes and her seduction.

This girl, this prosti-tot had been close to Nick, the way Joe could never hope to. Not that he wanted to. Except, yeah. Suddenly he wanted to taste her mouth and check if Nick still lingered beneath her cherry chapstick all these years later.

Resolutely he approached, an easy 'hi' rolling off his tongue. She grinned, offered him a drink. The stool next to her was empty, and he could see the dip of her back and the wings of her shoulder blades peeking from beneath her slinky metallic dress as he slid on the seat. She crossed her legs, making them look miles long, all the way down to her gunmetal shoes. Shoes made for stomping all over hearts.

Joe liked her molasses drawl and the cute tilt of her mouth when she urged him to do shots with her. He liked the way her lashes were long and black; against nature, judging by her thick, light hair. Somewhere off in the throng was his little brother, curled up in a dark corner with his bright spark of a laugh, carding his piano player fingers through his cheap tart of a girlfriend's hair.

It made Joe's stomach turn over and over until he felt like the only way to stop the merry-go-round of not-fun was to asphyxiate himself.

The pretty celebutante next to him put her hand on his forearm, her skin lukewarm like reheated leftovers, and murmured, "Are you okay?"

"I'm good," Joe said, "No- I'm great."

Nick and Penny found them about half an hour later. The couple was sweaty from dancing to soulless electronica and kissing 'til they were so dizzy they could have been drunk.

When Nick spotted Joe and his ex, it was like a shade dropped down over his eyes, darkening his irises to black.

"Well, hi y'all!" the famous pop princess who once had wanted nothing more than to hold Nick's hand cheered. She looked Penny up and down with the predatory expression of a girl who'd been scorned, dismissing her frumpy dress and flat hair within seconds.

"What do you think you're doing?" Nick's voice was carefully controlled, and Joe wasn't sure if the question was directed towards him or the ex.

"We're havin' fun, Nicky," the girl purred, saving Joe from answering, "Somethin' you should really learn how to do."

She cast another belligerent look towards Penny.

Joe snorted at that. He was pretty sure that Nick was building up to a shit fit, but hell, the girl had a point.

"Joe," Nick said sharply.

"Nick," Joe mimicked his voice perfectly.

For a long moment, Nick stared at him. The heat was back, the fire, the everything that Joe couldn't quite understand but made his skin tingle all the way to his toes. Then Nick turned on his heel and dragged Penny behind him.

He left Joe behind.

Fine.

Whatever.

Okay.

Joe turned back to the ex and delivered his most winning smile, "How about another shot?"

An hour later Joe was so bombed that an alligator would have looked attractive. Nick hadn't come to find him this time, and it hurt. It hurt bad.

Why didn't Nick care enough to wrench him away from the loathed ex? Was Penny that interesting?

Interesting and pretty and female, and not related to him at all.

Shit.

The pop princess turned her pretty smile and her pretty claws on Joe, pulling the collar of his shirt and pressing up against him. He thought about fighting it. Her perfume was overwhelming and her fingers were sticky with spilled liquor.

Then he thought about the taste, the one thing he wanted to taste more than any alcoholic beverage. It seemed like such a good idea, if only to get closer to Nick for one second.

He closed the distance.

After they dropped Penny off, they drove home in silence. She'd filled the gaps up until then with bubbly chatter, with I saw so-and-so and I talked to that-dude-from-that-show. Like anyone in the car cared. Nick was tense; his hands clutched the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.

Joe wondered, off hand, if Nick had seen his make out session. His mouth tasted sticky, sickly sweet, like the girl's messy lips and the drinks that sat heavy in his stomach. But Nick didn't say a word, and Joe wasn't going to bring it up.

They got home alright. Kevin was curled up on the couch with Frankie, a movie flickering blue-white-blue on the plasma screen. Both were fast asleep.

Joe followed Nick upstairs, his footsteps echoing his frantic heartbeat, his need for something to fill the void of non-talking.

From the set of Nick's shoulders and the rigid line of his back, Joe could tell his little brother wasn't happy. Nick didn't voice it until they reached the top step, when he spun and ground out, "What the hell was that tonight? Why were you with her?"

Joe's world spun a little; he'd drank too much. Maybe that would make it easier to deal with Nick, but probably not.

"I…I dunno," he replied, meek as could be.

"Damnit, Joe! I-you- goddamnit!"

Joe groaned, raking his hands through his hair with so much force he might have pulled out a strand or two, "Jesus, Nick. Stop, like, I don't know- smoldering at me and just say what you need to say."

"I'm trying to save us all," Nick growled, "I'm trying to save you from self-destructing. But you make it so damned hard!"

"I don't need saving," Joe snarled back, trying to keep from lunging at his brother, from throwing a fist and starting a fight.

Because he wasn't nine years old anymore; mommy wasn't going to kiss their bruises and teach them to love each other in a gentler way.

Because he wished he still was nine, and it was all that easy.

Because the idea of hurting Nick made him physically sick, when brothers were supposed to bicker and fistfight in ways lovers never did.

"I think you do," Nick replied quietly, the calm before the storm.

He left; he was always leaving Joe, even if it was just for downstairs.

Joe clenched his fist and hit the wall. All that angry, frenetic energy needed to go somewhere.

If only he'd remembered firehouses were built out of brick.

"Fuck!" he screamed, clutching his knuckles.

A bright smear of blood stained his skin, splashed crimson against tan. He stared at its design on his fingers like he was trying to decide if it really ruled his destiny.

Blood, what was that? Why did it get to determine things like brothers and lovers and everything in between?

"Fuck," he whispered, and his voice was so soft it was like it didn't exist at all.

A/N: The next chapter will have no drinking. It will have Macy. And Stella. And Kevin and Nick. So, yay. And no, the girl was not Miley Cyrus. She just…sounded like Miley Cyrus. But Nick Lucas didn't date Miley Cyrus. I just imagine he dated some girl who is JONAS-world's Hannah Montana. So there. Thank you guys for all the reviews to date. You continually inspire me to update and not give up on this project!