Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games trilogy. All credit goes to the author Suzanne Collins. This story is meant only for enjoyment purposes. No profits are being made.
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My hands get this weird clammy feeling. What the hell? She blinks, and I fight to keep my cheeks from heating up. No, I am definitely not blushing.
You love her Finnick. My damn inner monologue tells me. I quickly realize she's still staring at me.I mentally shake my head and lean against her horse.
Nonchalant. At least I hope it comes off that way. "Hello Katniss," I drawl.
"Hello Finnick," she says, just as coolly. As if we're playing a game of who is most at ease.
"Sugar cube?" I ask. No, no, pay no attention to the way my hand is sweating profusely, thank you.
Your a pathetic idiot. The voice says. Your practically pining. Get a grip. I clench my jaw. The Odairs do not make lovesick fools of themselves. I try for a different approach.
"They're supposed to be for the horses, but they have their whole lives to eat sugar, whereas you and I..." I trail off. You and I. The the words seem to roll off my tongue easily, but beyond that... "Well if we see something sweet, we better grab it quick." I hope I wasn't too painfully obvious that I was not talking about the object in my hand, but rather my desire.
She stares at me for a couple seconds before replying. "No thanks," her gaze on the sugar. "I'd love to borrow your outfit sometime though." I can tell she's being sarcastic by the twinkle in her eye. Surprising for someone like her. She -on the other hand- is dressed in a black jumpsuit that hugs her body well. I remember her outfit for her interview last year, sparkly and innocent. But this outfit is a drastic change. Especially with the dark makeup. Although I'd never admit it, she still looks stunning. But I'm not going to be a bumbling idiot. I'll act like my normal sensual self, thank you very much.
"You're absolutely terrifying me in that getup. What happened to the pretty little girl dresses?" I lick my lips in the way that made most woman weak in the knees. I doesn't seem to draw her attention like usual. I almost smile.
"I outgrew them," she says indifferently. This time I do smile. For this whole time while she flickers in her fire outfit I have been trying to resist the urge to touch her, but it finally wins. I am about to touch her face when I become aware that we are in a room full of other tributes, and Peeta's probably here somewhere -not that I'm afraid of him- so I settle for her collar and take it between my fingers. She doesn't notice anything weird.
"It's too bad about this Quell thing." I say, thinking out loud. "You could of made out like a bandit in the Capitol. Jewels, money, anything you wanted." I test her, wondering.
"I don't like jewels," and she passes. "And I have more money then I need, what do you spend all yours on anyway Finnick?" She asks.
I hide a laugh, "Oh I haven't dealt with anything as common as money for years."
"Then how do they pay you for the pleasure of your company?" So she's heard of my not-so-hidden services. And she believed them. What does that say about what people think of me?
"With secrets."
I tilt my head so that I'm just barely brushing her lips with mine. And although are lips are just grazing each others, I feel electricity course through my body, like a milder version of that shock you get when you receive a blow from the fence around District 4. "What about you, Girl on Fire?" I use her nickname. Seems appropriate right now. "Do you have any secrets worth my time?" I expect a witty remark or a mysterious smirk, but that's not what I get. In fact, I get something even better.
A blush.
It's perhaps the cutest thing I've ever seen, even taking into consideration considering she's wearing a bunch of dark makeup. "No I'm an open book." She whispers to me. "Everybody seems to know my secrets before I know them myself."
I smile and state the obvious, "Unfortunately I think that's true." Something catches my attention and I flicker my eyes over the the side.
Peeta.
I feel my fists curl up but I quickly unclench them. He's a good guy. "Peeta is coming. Sorry you have to cancel your wedding. I know how devastating that must be for you." I could gag, but but instead eat another sugar cube. Damn, I really need a glass of water. And with that said, I saunter off.
The last thing I need is for Peeta to suspect something. I haven't even told Mags yet... although it's becoming increasingly difficult to hide it from her.
I turn back to see Peeta talking to Katniss. I hear the mention of my name but I shrug it off. They don't suspect anything... do they? Had I been too obvious, or not subtle enough? Subtle? You practically kissed the girl! I sigh. I just can't be myself when she's around. Although maybe that's the problem, I'm too myself when she's close. The Finnick from before, rather then the Finnick I am now. It's not like we can be anything, definitely out of the picture. But -like the stubborn man that I am,- I hold onto a sliver of hope.
Before I know it Mags is telling me it's time for Open Ceremonies. I help her into her chariot and then easily hop into mine. Since we're District 4 we roll out pretty soon. As we circle around I hold my breath for 12.
As usual, they blow everyone else away. I could almost roll my eyes at the pathetic excuses of costumes the other districts have tried to pull off. Including mine.
After the Training Center doors close, Mags' shoulders noticeably drop from relief, but I stay tense. And only after I help Mags out of her car do I glance around the procession of chariots. I see Haymitch walking towards Katniss and Blondie. This only mildly interests me until I see Seeder envelope Katniss in her arms. I give Mags a questioning look.
"Rue." She says quietly. Seeder and Mags are pretty close, considering how the rest of us get along. Probably because neither of them have fallen into the ways of drugs and such, like the morphlings. I've heard conversations between them and turns out Seeder had become very attached to the little District 11 girl. Reminded her of herself.
"Oh," is all I manage. I turn back to they're direction, and unashamedly watch the trio. They break they're embrace and Haymitch introduces her to Chaff.
I'm not prepared for what happens next.
Chaff throws his good arm around Katniss and gives her a big fat kiss. Right on the lips. Hot rage courses through my veins. Jealousy fogs my brain in some weird, unfamiliar way. My hands form into fists by my side, and I realize I'm subconsciously grinding my teeth together. I take a step forward with the intention of killing him, an animalistic instinct I haven't felt since my own Games, and it disgusts me.
Another half-step till someone grabs my wrist. It's not a strong grip so I wrench my arm from their hold. I've decided what I'm going to do when Mags steps in front of me.
"No." Is all she says. She practically drags me along with two other Capitol attendants to an elevator, and when Seeder and Chaff are directed to an elevator close to ours Mags has to literally hold me back. For such an old lady, I honestly didn't think she had the strength to restrain me. Before the doors close completely I see Joanna Mason step into the elevator that's holding Katniss and Peeta. Well, damn.
When we get to our floor, I hesitate. Surely by my show of stupid emotions, Mags knows about my feelings towards Katniss. I turn to see her already retreating form turn down the corner. I shrug and head down toward my old bedroom. To the room I haven't slept in since I was 14.
No chance am I sleeping in the mentors room again. All those kids' lives. My fault they aren't here. And the nightmares.
No chance.
By the time Silvana -District 4 escort- summons me for dinner, I've calmed down from the Chaff incident.
I'm not aware of much, except Mags piercing glare throughout the whole meal. When we go in to watch the recap of the Open Ceremonies I make sure to sit in an armchair far away from her, or anybody for that matter. Although that Zandy chick is making it practically impossible.
"So Finnick, did you see me cheering you on at O.C's?" She asks, sitting herself on the arm of the chair I'm seated in.
"Uh, no," I reply halfheartedly. "Sorry."
She scooches closer, "Well, I threw you a rose!" She exclaims, quite proud of herself for some odd reason.
I shrug noncommittally, "I got thrown a lot of roses, but uh, that's nice..." some small part of my mind registered I was being a bit rude, but the familiarity of rejecting an obsessed fan-girl was too tempting, especially after being turned into a total blubbering idiot a couple of hours ago. She looks put out for a minute, but quickly recovers and decides to sit herself down on my lap. In what she probably thinks is a seductive manner, but really just looks, ridiculous.
"What do you think you're doing?" I ask quite haughtily, a little annoyed by her insistence.
"Oh Finnick," she says with a soft voice, "Don't think I haven't noticed."
"Noticed what?" Surely she doesn't think I'm attracted to her.
"Your lingering gazes on me, really you were being quite obvious." She says smugly, and I'm filled with a bit of revulsion towards this cocky woman, which -unsurprisingly- my mind wants to tell her, so before I can stop it, words are leaving my mouth, with the intent of leaving a sting of rejection, and a broken heart.
"Zandy I'm going to give it to you straight here, there are no lingering gazes. At all. I don't find you attractive, therefore you don't stand a chance, never did, never will. Frankly, I don't know what you were thinking, I mean, making up something this preposterous? That's just sad. It was all in your too large of a head, considering you don't have a brain to fill it. So, no longer imply these things between us, and we won't ever have to have a conversation like this again. Although considering what the next days bring, I will likely never see you again. Keep these thoughts in mind next time before you go assuming someone actually likes you."
Throughout the whole speech, Zandy's eyes had been increasingly filled with tears and with the last words, quickly burst, and she ran from the room in a sobbing mess.
That little voice in my head had been quiet the whole time, and I was grateful, considering I didn't need a conscience telling me what I said was absolutely horrible. I already knew.
The next morning, I'm late to the Training Center, of course.
When Mags and I finally arrive, only half the tributes are here. Typical, this time I do rolls my eyes at the other tributes ignorance. I decide to go over to the edible plant station. I spend about a half and hour their, then another hour at the spear station.
After I'm done, I glance around to see Katniss struggling with a knot, one I had mastered when I was six, I might add. Nows your chance Finnick. I head over there and wrap my arms around her from the back, finishing the knot with ease.
She's still looking at me, and I scour my brain for something to do to impress her. I make an utter fool of myself, as usual with her. And it makes me damn frustrated.Because I'm freaking Finnick Odair! After Katniss leaves, I stomp over to Mags' side at the archery station. Failing miserably, I'm more then glad when lunch is announced.
When I enter the dining hall, my eyes hone in on Chaff, Brutus and some other tributes pulling the tables together. I head over to get some... everything. But when I look over to the gravy bowl Katniss and Peeta are there, so I stop and grab some oranges. Bits of their conversation reach my prying ears, "Well you can have the final say about our allies," Peeta remarks. "I'm leaning toward Chaff and Seeder,"
"I'm okay with Seeder, but not Chaff."
My heart does a completely illogical leap. "Come on and eat with him, I promise I won't let him kiss you again." I snort, you and me both Peeta.
After lunch I see Katniss learning some fishing tips. Right up my alley, but I mostly just introduce her to Mags. I leave but check on them constantly from a distance. I turn for like the sixth time to see Katniss ignoring the trainer and instead, copying Mags. I allow myself a quiet grin.
As I'm at the knife throwing station, I see a small commotion out of my peripheral. I turn and see Katniss at the archery station, making remarkable shots. I stop and just watch.
I'm eating quite contentedly, when Mags says the most wonderful thing.
"I want District 12 for allies."
I sit back in my seat and fold my hands behind my head. "Sounds good." I say it with a smile. That will work just great with me.
On the last day of training, much to my delight, I work with Katniss. She teaches me archery for an hour in exchange for an hour of trident lessons. "No don't pull the strings back to hard or, you'll break them." She snaps, adjusting my grip. I grin when she puts her hand around mine to loosen my clasp, waggling my eyebrow suggestively. She ignores me. "Okay now shoot!"
I release the string and the arrow go's flying, straight through the dummies heart. On impact it knocks the dummy at least 5 feet back and makes me look really good. Even though I'm not. I accept my lucky fluke and smile.
Katniss seems stunned at first, but then a slow smile creeps onto her lips and a shadow of a laugh plays out of her mouth. "Alright I think you've got this down, let's move onto my part of the lesson." I want to tell her that it was a mistake and I really do suck, but I've been itching to teach her how to use a trident.
"Okay."
"No, if you hold it like that your gonna poke your eye out." I say exasperated. I wrap my arms around her and help her support the weight of the trident. Who knew she could be this incompetent? But I like the fact that she's enjoying this as much as I am. And I actually find some peace of mind in our lesson.
The next day, M and I decide to skip coaching sessions, we have decided since the announcement of the Quarter Quell what we are going to present. So I spend the day pretty much catching up on sleep. But it turns out I slept for the whole day, because I'm roused by my prep team who have to prepare me for the interviews.
None of them say anything. That's three hours of dead silence.
After Julius dresses me, I lay back down. "How are you still sleeping?" Mags asks from the door-frame. I slowly sit up, not wanting to face the events to come. "Come on, time for for the interviews." I huff and blow the hair on my forehead. Great.
When I scan the waiting room, only one district is missing. 12. Then as if on cue, they enter the room.
Peeta is wearing what looks to be an old fashioned tuxedo. He looks rather handsome, and even Cashmere is stunned by how mature and attractive this 17 year old can appear. But the thing that crushes me is Katniss, beaming in white.
My gut clenches. The majority of us haven't even gotten married, and Katniss is standing here, in her wedding dress, reminding us, we will probably never get the chance to enjoy that moment.
But I know better.
Whit all eyes glaring daggers at her, I try to break the tension. "I can't believe Cinna put you in that thing." Unfortunately, it comes out harsher then intended.
"He didn't have any choice, President Snow made him." Katniss says defensively.
"Well you look ridiculous." Sneers Cashmere . I snort inwardly. Cashmere is dressed in what a Capitol woman would call vulgar. And that's saying a lot.
I see Jo-Jo straightening Katniss's necklace and I grimace, I always worry what she says to her.
When my name is called I recite a poem to my true love, as I glance up from my paper I see all the girls in the audience are practically fainting. I could laugh.
As I sit and watch the interviews, something keeps flashing me in the eye. The fourth time it happens, I look for the culprit. I feel my face transform from an irritated expression to a confused one. Haymitch is catching the glare of the light on his bracelet and pointing gleam at me. When he finally stops, he stares at me for a while and twists the bracelet. Then he nods toward the stage.
I can't move to help, because I'm mesmerized. Katniss is on fire. When she stops, I see what Haymitch wanted me to see.
Katniss has transformed into a mockingjay.
When Peeta comes up, they have a short exchange of teasing, but it's painfully obvious Peeta is distracted. When they talk about the wedding, I start to fade out but I'm snapped back into reality when Peeta's voice becomes dark and quiet.
"I'd think so too Caesar," he says bitterly. "If it wasn't for the baby." My jaw hits the floor. The room starts to spin, I feel dizzy, and my mind starts to fog over.
Katniss is pregnant.
After our united joining, there's plenty of confusion as we stumble to our elevators.
The minute we step off and into the light, Mags nods her goodbye and hobbles off to her room.
This isn't like the other years, where we would both see each other in the mentors room, and watch as our tributes either succeeded but suffered the consequences, or die. This isn't even like when Mags mentored me and helped me keep my life.
No, this is entirely different. This is a much different life-or-death situation. Where one might go on while the other one dies, or both die tragically.
But I already know who's going to die, and who will win. And nothing is going to change that.
As I walk to my room, silent tears run down my face. I lay on my bed, not bothering to wipe the moisture off my cheeks. In fact, I cry myself to sleep.
I know a guy like me is supposed to be strong and sturdy. A guy like me, who gets all the girls, but never the girl he actually wants. A guy like me who has seen so many murders, and been so close to death more then enough times. A big bad mentor that has saved children from certain death, but in actuality has lost so many.
I am not supposed to cry.
But I do.
Because tomorrow the Games begin.