Thank you to Hibbleton78 for lending her amazing beta skills and spamming me with pics of Ian Somerhalder. She's wonderful in ways I can't even being to tell you. A very special thank you goes out to my pre-reader, Holly1980. She really helped me work through this chapter. I'm not sure how much longer you would have had to wait for it, if it wasn't for her. Hugs, kisses, and sweet dreams of 'ecstatic trails' to you both! *mwah*
Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its beautiful characters. This story is loosely based off of plot lines from the original Beverly Hills, 90210 TV series. I have taken many liberties with them. The remainder is my original work.
Previously on The Little Fish:
"Don't go!" he blurted out as he grabbed onto my wrist. "Please, don't be embarrassed. I like you, Bella, and I want to be your friend. I'm sorry if I misled you, but that's my fault, not yours." That word, friend, felt like a stab to my heart, but his words were so gentle and sincere that I couldn't let him feel guilty about my delusions. He had been nothing but kind and sweet to me. If he wanted to be my friend, I would take what I could get.
Chapter 4
"A Fine Mess"
I felt like a complete asshole. The last thing I'd wanted to do was hurt Bella. I had never met anyone like her. In one short week she had captivated me in ways I had never experienced before, making me question everything I thought I was so sure of. It was too easy to forget about anything of consequence when I was with her. I was mesmerized by her smile, her laugh, her beauty, her every mannerism. She was witty, funny, and could dish a joke as well as take one. On top of all of that she was brilliant and driven. Every interaction between us was so natural and effortless.
I hadn't intended to lead her on but I knew that was exactly what I had done as I stood out here in the moonlight, hearing the heartbreak in her voice when she confronted me. When she said those words—'You have a girlfriend'—her tone was laden with accusation that I was playing with her heart, yet her eyes pleaded with me to say it was all a misunderstanding and that what she felt was real. I hated that by making what had seemed like the right decision at the time in trying to salvage my existing relationship, I had inadvertently cheapened everything that had happened between us this past week, because to me there was nothing cheap about it.
I never should have flirted with her or let it escalate the way I had, but the romance of the moment and my desire to see her shy smile when I paid her a compliment got away from me. I tried to offer her the only condolence that I could by accepting responsibility for my mistakes and letting her know that I felt drawn to her too and wanted to be her friend, if she would grant me that. I couldn't lose her now that I had found her, but I knew nothing I could say would mean anything until I figured out what I was going to do about Tanya.
This week had been a blur of confusion, a strange juxtaposition of complete happiness with moments of loneliness. I missed my friends from back home and Beverly Hills felt like a foreign country to me, yet I was truly enjoying the company of my new friends, some more than others. Bella had been the highlight of my week. I took every available opportunity to converse with her, and in those moments it was easy to forget about all of the people I had left behind, Tanya in particular. Bella took away the sting of the sudden move and subsequent upheaval of my life. I now realized how selfish my actions were; I wasn't fair to either of them. Bella had no reason to suspect or question whether I had a girlfriend because I had failed to mention it to her.
"Friends," she murmured as she turned away from me and faced the water, resignation evident in her softened tone, hinting at her underlying hurt.
My hand was still wrapped around her wrist and I really didn't want to let go. No, what I wanted to do was encase her in my arms and tell her she didn't need to be sad or uncomfortable, that we would find our way together. Instead, I gave her wrist a gentle squeeze and let go. My palm brushed against hers and the soft sensation was almost enough to bring me to my knees. Fighting the powerful urge to thread my fingers with hers, I let out a sigh and tried to give her a reassuring smile. I had to fix this mess—fast.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Look, Edward, I'm sorry if I read into things. Can we just forget this whole thing happened? Start over, maybe?"
"If that's what you want?" I agreed, though there was no way I could forget a single moment I'd spent with her.
She nodded, still focused on the crashing shore stretched out in front of us.
"Tell me about her. I mean, she must be special if you chose to stay with her even when you had to move across the country."
"Are you sure? We don't have to talk about her, Bella."
"We're friends now, right? Friends talk about their relationships." She sounded resolved, and though I was still skeptical about this topic of conversation, she was giving me a chance to be her friend and I would deny her nothing.
"Okay, well, her name is Tanya, and we've been friends pretty much my entire life. We grew up in the same neighborhood with the same group of friends. We went to school together since kindergarten, and when we were younger we were forced to play together a lot because our parents were close friends. Over time she became one of my best friends. Then as we got older and started becoming interested in the opposite sex…I don't know…it just sort of worked out. We could always count on each other for a date to a school dance or the movies, and somewhere along the line it developed into something more."
Bella remained silent so I decided to continue on, not knowing if I would ever have another opportunity to clear the air.
"Now that I have some distance and perspective, I guess our relationship was out of convenience more than anything. We were really good friends, but emotionally maybe it was never anything more than that." I paused as the reality of my own words settled over me. This changed everything. "Alice thinks I should have broken up with her as soon as we knew we were moving, and maybe she was right, but when I told Tanya we had to leave she was already so hurt. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought she deserved better than that from me."
"You're very compassionate. It's admirable, really," she replied after a few moments of silence.
"The thing is, I thought I was doing the right thing…at the time anyway, but then she called me earlier today and she was just so damn upset." I could hear my own voice rising as I remembered the frustrating phone conversation.
"And that's why you've been acting so…off?"
"What?"
"Well, you've hardly spoken to me at all today, and earlier you apologized for being rude. Was all of that because you got into a fight with her?"
"Uh, yeah, mostly. I told her about the bonfire and how excited I was to hang out with everyone. She got pissed and started accusing me of a bunch of nonsense. I think she feels hurt and left out that my life is moving on without her, but I don't really know what to do about it."
"It must be difficult being separated. I'm sure she just really misses you."
I felt so torn in that moment that I couldn't muster a response. I had been a jerk to Bella all day because I couldn't deal with my own conflicting emotions and guilt, and here she was trying to console me about a situation that she shouldn't even have to hear about. I felt bad for Tanya and intensely guilty that I was functioning so well without her by my side, but I was also annoyed and frustrated that she was angry at me for trying to make the best of circumstances beyond my control. It was even more maddening listening to Bella try to justify Tanya's harsh words. I wasn't sure how deep her feelings for me were, but I knew if the situation was reversed I wouldn't be able to handle hearing her complain about a boyfriend. I needed to change the subject fast, so I blurted the first question that came to mind after that train of thought.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" The words were out of my mouth before I had finished thinking them.
"What? No!" she cried out, offended. Of course she didn't have a boyfriend. Bella wouldn't spend a week sending flirtatious smiles my way and then call me out on having a girlfriend if she was taken herself. I should have known better, and now I had just royally pissed her off.
"I should get going," she clipped, pulling out her cell phone to check the time. "Are you ready or should I ask Angela for a ride?" She didn't even wait for my reply before stalking off towards the party. When I caught up with her she was huddled in a circle with my sister and Angela.
"There's our girl. We saw you walk off with Edward. What did you talk about?" I heard Angela ask her as I got closer. Bella looked down, shaking her head while kicking at the sand and mumbled a response that I couldn't hear. Alice looked up and glared when she spotted me. I knew I was going to get an earful from her later, and I deserved it.
The girls continued to whisper together for a few minutes before Angela turned and addressed me. "Ben and I are ready to go, so we'll drop Bella off at her truck. This is your party, you should stay."
I didn't know what to say. I wanted a chance to apologize to Bella, but there were only so many times I could say 'I'm sorry' in one night and still have it mean something. I understood that she probably didn't want to be stuck in the car with me and needed time to cool off, so I nodded my understanding.
Bella hugged Alice goodbye and then turned to Angela dutifully ignoring me. The two girls linked arms as they wandered off to find Ben. As soon as they were out of ear shot, Alice stepped in front of me.
"You have a lot of explaining to do," she leveled with a cold stare before turning on her heel and traipsing back to Jasper's side, leaving me alone to mull over my mistakes.
I wanted a do-over of the entire day starting with my phone conversation with Tanya. We had sent text messages back and forth throughout the week, as well as a few emails, but the last time we had spoken on the phone was Monday night. My week had been absorbed in a new school, new friends, and Bella. I felt tremendous guilt every time I received a text from Tanya and realized that I hadn't been thinking of her too, not the way I used to. I shouldn't need to be reminded of her presence.
I'd attempted to call her on Thursday night to help ease my own remorse but got her voicemail. I knew she was struggling with her emotions regarding our current predicament, and I wasn't acting like the boyfriend that she needed right now to work through this. It had been over two weeks since I had last seen her in person. Every day it felt a little more real, a little more permanent. We may not have broken up, but we were separated—physically at least.
When Tanya had called me this morning, I'd tried to keep a positive spin on everything by playing down my own struggles, hoping it would bring her some level of comfort. Instead, I had managed to fire her up. First she accused me of turning into a Beverly Hills playboy, and then she begged me to help her fly out so she could experience the Hollywood party life with me. The idea was ludicrous and beyond our means as a couple of teens. There was no way either of our parents would go for it. She took my well intended responsibility as rejection, claiming I didn't want her to interfere with my new California girls and partying. At the time, her accusations wounded and irritated me. I would never cheat on her, and she had to know that for as long as we had known and trusted each other. The more irate she grew, hurling more blame at me, the closer I got to ending it right then and there. In retrospect, after the way the day had played out and seeing how much I'd inadvertently hurt Bella, I almost didn't care how big of an asshole it would have made me to officially call off the relationship in the heat of the moment.
There was also the minor issue of Rosalie Hale. It had become more and more obvious to me throughout the week that Emmett had a thing for her. He hadn't come outright and said it, but in all his flirting with anyone wearing a skirt, he'd never spoken of another the way he did Rosalie. She was beautiful in a very classic and obvious Hollywood sort of way. For whatever reason, she had taken an instant liking to me. It's not that I wasn't attracted to her—you would have to be a fool not to be—but she didn't captivate me on every level the way Bella did. Throughout the week I had tried to gently rebuff her advances, for multiple reasons, not the least of which was my new friendship with Emmett.
When Rosalie showed up at the bonfire, she made her way over to Emmett and me with a number of followers in tow, including Lauren and Jessica. They had all been drinking and quite loose with their affections and blatant attempts flirting. In an effort to shrug off the girls once and for all, I'd told them that I had a girlfriend and didn't want to give them the wrong impression. As if on cue, Tanya had sent me a text message reminding me of her looming presence and less than pleased attitude about my plans for the evening. It had worked in my favor to reinforce my existing relationship in front of the other girls. Rosalie ditched her spot on my arm in favor of Emmett, and the other girls scattered in search of another warm body to keep them company for the evening.
Now I sat alone, and for once I preferred it that way. I glanced up from the fire and saw that Alice looked content listening to Jasper who was still strumming on his guitar. I had to admit he was quite good. I didn't know him very well yet, but we had plans to go surfing together along with Emmett next weekend. I had heard numerous rumors about Jasper's player status at West Beverly, and I had legitimate concerns about my sister's interest in him, but I would give him a chance for Alice.
Next to them I noticed Jessica and Lauren had both managed to wrangle themselves a guy to lock lips with, if only for the night. They were a couple of guys that Emmett had introduced me to from the water polo team, Tyler and Mike. On the other side of the fire, Emmett was sitting on a beach towel in the sand with Rosalie reclined against his chest between his legs. They both appeared happy and heavily inebriated. Everywhere I looked I saw couples in some form or another. Some were kissing and sharing whispered secrets, while others were getting down and dirty on the beach. I stared back in the fire knowing exactly what I needed to do, because there was only one person that I could imagine wanting to kiss, whisper sweet nothings to, or get down and dirty with.
As the party wound down, I busied myself picking up the deserted red plastic cups and beer bottles that littered the sand. I had made a half-hearted attempt to mingle for the last hour or so, but now I was just ready to go home. Alice must have noticed my need to escape because she appeared at my side with Jasper whose arm was slung casually around her shoulders. I tried not to glare at him, but the back-off look that Alice was giving me indicated my failure.
"Ready to go?" I asked, pleading to Alice with my eyes to say yes.
"Yep. Do you mind if we give Jasper a ride home first? He had a few drinks…"
Jasper interjected, "You don't have to, dude. It's cool. I can get a ride with someone else if you want."
"No, it's fine, man. I don't mind at all."
The three of us headed towards my car, an older silver Volvo that my dad handed down to me when I got my driver's license. Technically, Alice and I would be sharing it someday, but until she got her license—which she seemed in no rush to do—it was all mine. It wasn't much to look at, but I was seventeen and it was a set of wheels, so who was I to complain?
Alice climbed in the backseat, leaving Jasper the front so that he could direct me to his house.
"Nice gramps-mobile, dude," Jasper mocked as he dropped himself into the passenger seat.
"Yeah, yeah. Just get in, unless your drunk ass would rather walk home," I teased back. He turned and smirked at Alice in the back.
"You have a good time tonight, pretty girl?"
"Yeah, the best," she enthused, grinning from ear to ear.
"So, Jasper, since you made fun of my ride, what kind of car do you drive?" I asked interrupting their flirting before they got too carried away.
"Oh, Jazz has a sweet Porsche Cayenne. You would love it," Alice replied for him.
"Nice."
"Yeah, it's a 2010, murdered out—all flat black, riding on 24 inch black Giovanna wheels, tinted windows—it's sick," Jasper bragged with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.
"Damn. Guess you've earned your rights to rag on my hoopty," I laughed.
"You ready to catch some waves next week?"
"Yep, can't wait. I've never been surfing. Do I need to rent a board or something?"
"Nah, I have an extra you can borrow. You don't want to be caught riding one of those rental banana boards, trust me."
"Thanks, man."
"I wanna go surfing," Alice whined from the backseat with a playful pout.
"Next time, sugar. I promise," Jasper soothed. "Make a right up here on Santa Monica Boulevard." He finished directing me to his home, which was only about five minutes away from Emmett's place. It was a modern beach house, with clean geometric lines and a ton of windows. After saying our goodbyes, Alice moved up to the front seat on the car and we headed home. The ride was quiet, and an unspoken tension filled the air.
Upon arriving at home, we were greeted by our parents who had waited up to hear all of the details of our evening. Fortunately for me, Alice carried the conversation with ease and I only spoke up when I was addressed directly. My mom eyed me with a knowing look, no doubt certain that something significant had transpired. If only she knew the mess I had gotten myself into, but I didn't deserve her pity or understanding right now. I had hurt both Tanya and Bella today, neither of them deserving of the pain I had caused.
I retreated to my bedroom at the first possible opportunity. I took a hot shower in an attempt to clear my head. As I scrubbed my body, my thoughts drifted back to Bella, specifically to the bright blue bikini top that was peeking out of her shirt all night, contrasting perfectly with her creamy, ample cleavage. Her thin, golden legs looked like they went on for days under her tiny shorts. Her hair was curled away from her face and pinned back, making her look like a pinup, embodying my every fantasy. She was incredibly beautiful and seemed oblivious to the fact, only making her even more attractive to me. When she had walked out of Alice's bathroom dressed for the party, I almost lost my shit. I wanted to reach out and touch her just to know that she was real and not a figment of my overactive imagination. I wanted to know if her skin was a soft as it looked, if her lips tasted of cherries, if her hair smelled of flowers. My hand mindlessly wrapped around my rock-hard cock as I began to slowly pump, picturing Bella sitting in the sand under the soft moonlight. I managed three solid thrusts before I snapped back to reality and realized what I was doing. I groaned as I slammed my hand against the slate tile wall and turned the water to cold to shock my erection back into submission. I didn't deserve the release; Bella didn't deserve to be used for my own sick pleasure; and Tanya didn't deserve to be disrespected as I fantasized of another in such an intimate way.
I finished my shower and dressed quickly in a comfortable pair of basketball shorts and an old, worn t-shirt. Needing a distraction, I grabbed my iPod and started to recline back on my bed, before tossing it to the side and trudging down the hall to the study instead. I stood next to the shiny baby grand piano and stared intently at the black and white keys as if they held the answers to my problems. After a moment, I took a seat on the bench and let my fingers glide over the ivories, playing a few soft scales. I didn't bother to look up when I heard the door behind me open, knowing she would come as soon as I started to play.
"Are you okay, my son?" my mom asked as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and took a seat next to me. I nodded as I started to play her favorite composition. She laid her head on my shoulder and listened quietly while the music soothed both of our souls. When I finished playing, she remained silent for a few minutes absorbing our sweet mother/son moment before rising to head to bed.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
"Of course, Mom. I'm not really sure what to say yet. I'm just confused."
"Trust your heart, Son. You'll make the right decision. You always do. I love you."
"Love you too, Ma."
I had a hard time falling asleep that night, as I mentally berated myself over the events of the day and past week. I eventually fell into a fitful sleep only to be woken the next morning by my bed shaking and my sister obnoxiously yelling 'earthquake.'
"Go away, Alice," I hollered in the strongest voice I could muster while still half asleep.
"Come on, sleepyhead. It's after eleven o'clock. I have plans today and we need to talk. I can't wait for you any longer. I'm dying here."
I groaned and rolled over pulling the pillow over my head. Alice pried it from my fingers and began to beat me with it.
"I'm up, I'm up!" I yelled as I rolled off the bed and scrambled into the bathroom.
"Jeez, how much coffee have they let you have this morning?" I teased as I walked back into my room. Alice had made my bed while I was gone and was now reclined comfortably against the head board.
"Talk to me," she requested simply, patting the space on the bed beside her. "Help me understand what's going on, because I have to say right now I really want to kick your ass. So talk to me." I climbed onto the bed next to her as I tried to compose my words.
"I don't know what to say. I screwed up." She raised her eyebrows in a look that clearly said 'duh' but remained quiet so I continued. "I'm, uh… I'm second guessing my decision to stay with Tanya. We got into a fight yesterday. It was bad. She expects me to fix everything even if it's out of my control. She accused me of cheating on her, and I just got so mad, but… then I've been having all these feelings…"
"For Bella?" she finished for me.
"Yeah, for Bella. I have feelings for Bella." I repeated the words for my own benefit, enjoying the way they sounded. I couldn't help the smile that overtook my face at finally being about to say it out loud.
"But you never told her about Tanya? You never thought to mention her in all of your French sweet talking, Casanova?"
"Honestly? No. I wasn't intentionally trying to hide anything from her, but when I'm with her it's like the rest of the world ceases to exist. God, that sounds so cheesy, but it's the truth."
"Aww!" Alice gushed.
"Oh, stop making fun and help me figure out how to fix this."
"Well, if it's Bella that you want, you have to earn her trust back. I talked to her on the phone this morning. She sounds confused but, bless her heart, she still really wants to be your friend. Did you know she thought you were asking her out when you invited her to the bonfire? Then you turned around and treated her like shit as soon as she saw you yesterday. What was with you anyway? One minute you looked like you were ready to hump her leg and the next you were glaring at her like she was the devil. Bella has every right to be pissed at you, but instead she's taking all of the blame on herself. She rambled off some bull about how she read too much into the situation and let her own attraction skew her perspective. Then she overheard from Jessica and Lauren of all people that you already had a girlfriend. She thought you were with Rosalie for crying out loud."
"Rosalie?" I couldn't believe it, any of it. She thought I was asking her out on a date? Did that mean she wanted to go out with me? And why was she was still placing the blame on herself after the way I acted? Wasn't it obvious that I was the one that screwed up? Above all that, I heard one thing crystal clear: 'she still really wants to be your friend.'
"Yeah, she saw Rosalie hanging on you at the bonfire after you ditched her and she filled in the blanks for herself. So are you going to fix this or do I have to kick your ass for her? Because she's clearly too sweet and wonderful to do it herself."
"She is pretty wonderful."
"Okay, come off it, lover boy," she teased. "So what's the plan? Nothing you say to Bella is going to make a bit of a difference until you get your act together. First things first, what are you going to do about Tanya?"
"Ugh, I need to call her. I thought I was doing the right thing trying to keep her happy, but my priorities have suddenly shifted. Damn it! She's going to be so upset, but I don't see any other way." I ran my hands over my face and hopped up from the bed, unable to sit still with the frustration and adrenaline coursing through my veins again.
"Edward, I know you don't want to hear my opinion on Tanya, and I know you two have been friends forever, but the fact of the matter is you were never really meant to be together."
"I know."
"Wait. What did you just say? Did you just agree with me?" she asked looking entirely too pleased that I had just admitted that Tanya was not the girl for me.
"Yes. You're right. God, you're always right. Why is it that you're always right, exactly?" She just giggled as I tried to make light of the situation.
"Thanks for putting up with me and my stubborn ways. Guess it's time that Tanya and I had a very important discussion so that we can each move on with our lives."
"I know this is hard for you, but everything is going to work out exactly as it's supposed to. You'll see. You and Bella are going to be an amazing couple."
"Only if she still wants me after this mess."
"She will. She might make you work for it, but serves you right. Better be ready to grovel. Now my work here is done. I have to go get ready. Rosalie is meeting me here in an hour to go shopping!"
"Rosalie?"
"Yeah, we got to talking at the party last night. She's actually pretty cool. Did you know she's a model? Sometimes she even gets to keep outfits from her photo shoots. I'm so jealous! Anyway, she's picking me up and showing me some of her favorite boutiques that carry indie designers. I called Bella and Angela to invite them along, but Bella said she had studying to do and Angela was watching her little brothers."
"Well, have fun I guess."
After Alice left, I decided to get on with the inevitable and give Tanya a call. I picked up my phone and stared at it for what could have been minutes or hours before I started to dial the familiar number. I tapped out the first four digits before I lost my nerve and hung up. I repeated the ritual twice more before I finally finished dialing and heard the phone ringing on the other end. I almost caved and hung up again before I heard her voice come on the line.
"Hi, you've reached Tanya. Leave me some love and I'll call you back," her voicemail sang in a light and carefree tone. I once again considered hanging up before I took a deep, steadying breath and decided to just suck it up and leave a message.
"Hi Tan, It's me. I… I'm really sorry about yesterday. I know that my move has been hard on you, and I hate that you're hurting over this. You may not believe it, but I do. Listen, we really need to talk. I know that sounds ominous." I contemplated for a moment if I should say 'miss you' or 'love you' like I would have in any other message, but it seemed wrong somehow, so I selected my closing words carefully. "Please, just call me back as soon as you can. It's important. We need to work this out. Bye."
I took a deep breath as I hung up the phone, feeling confident that this was the right decision. Then I waited, and waited. Sunday came and went and Tanya never returned my call. I'd even sent her a text late in the afternoon asking her to please call me, and that remained unanswered as well.
Monday morning found me in American History with Emmett and Rosalie. She was yammering on about how much fun she had shopping with my sister the day before and their future plans to hit up all the major malls in L.A. At least that was what I got from it. I was more interested in watching Emmett's reactions to her. While I didn't think he actually cared about their spending exploits, he was watching her like she was telling him life's greatest secrets. I noticed throughout the rest of the morning that whenever she was around his focus was directed solely on her. I started to suspect the Emmett had a bit more than just a simple crush on Rosalie.
By the time lunch rolled around, I was vibrating with anticipation of seeing Bella. I hadn't seen her since the bonfire, and I still wanted to apologize for upsetting her when I tactlessly asked if she had a boyfriend. In my eagerness to speak to her, I was the first to arrive at our chosen table in the courtyard. My head popped up and my pulse spiked every time another person plopped down at the table joining the group. First it was Emmett, then Angela and Ben, then Alice and Rosalie towing Jasper behind them, and finally Mike and Tyler. Twenty minutes into the lunch hour it became obvious that Bella was not going to show. Even knowing that she would have to face me next period for Journalism, my heart sunk a little wondering if I was the cause of her absence.
My mood had shifted from anticipation of seeing her to anxiety by the time the bell rang. When Ben asked if I was ready to head to class, I made up an excuse about needing to go to my locker first to prolong the inevitable. I loitered outside the Journalism room until after the final bell had rung and I could no longer delay going in. I walked in with my eyes cast down at my feet as I made my way back to my desk. I resisted the urge to look for her, but I could feel her presence in the room. I started to pull out my notebook and the assigned article that was due from my backpack when a cute, jean clad tush perched on the edge of my desk.
"Hi," she breathed. When I looked up at her beautiful face she didn't appear angry at all. In fact, she looked almost guilty with her signature shy smile in place.
"Hey."
"I just wanted to say sorry for the way I acted the other night. I overreacted, and I don't want things to be awkward with us having to work together on the paper."
"It's okay. I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to upset you. Blame it on foot-in-mouth disease, I guess."
She giggled and nodded her acceptance.
"So, do you have your article finished?"
"I do." I handed her both the printed copy and a flash drive with my file.
"Perfect. I can't wait to read it," she replied with a smile. I didn't tell her that while trying to write about my experience as a transfer student, all I really wanted to write about was her. Even though the words were itching at the back of my throat to escape, I was resolved to handle things with Tanya properly before I revealed the true depths of my feelings to Bella. Instead, I just returned her lovely smile and kept my thoughts to myself.
Bolstered by the fact that Bella didn't appear to hate me, I tried to call Tanya again that night only to be greeted by her voicemail once more. Frustrated that she was ignoring me, my message was more direct and less amicable than the day before.
"Tanya, I know you're upset, but you need to call me back. It's important. We need to talk. Bye."
I slept soundly that night, encouraged that Bella and I would be okay. We were friends, and perhaps someday soon I could call her something more.
The next morning, Alice and I greeted her together before school. She seemed pleased to see me and that was enough to start my day off on the right foot. My hopefulness dissipated when lunch rolled around and Bella was once again a no show. I started to question if I had read too much into our progress before I resolved to just go find her and put myself out of my misery. I excused myself to The Blaze office under the guise that I needed to make a change to the article I had submitted. It was a weak excuse, but no one at the table questioned me.
As I approached the office door, I caught a glimpse of Bella through the small window, sitting with her bare feet propped up on the desk, her pony tail bopping up and down as she sang along to whatever music she had playing on her iPod. She was eating what looked like a yogurt and singing into her spoon after each bite. I bit back a grin as I knocked on the door.
"Knock knock. Mind if I come in?" I asked as I nudged the door open with a smirk on my face that clearly said 'busted.'
"Edward, hi. I wasn't expecting anyone," she said with wide-eyes as she pulled her feet off the desk, yanked out her ear buds, and scrambled to clean up her lunch mess. "Did you need something?"
"No, I just wanted to say hi."
"Oh, hi," she replied with a smile.
"You already said that," I teased.
"Hmm. I guess I did."
"I was actually wondering what was so important that you couldn't join us for lunch. We need someone to keep Jasper in line, you know. Did you need help with something?"
"Nope, no help needed. I'm fine. I guess I'm just comfortable in here."
"Oh, well I can go if you'd rather be alone…"
"No. Don't go."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm a hundred percent sure. Stay and talk to me."
I grinned at her eagerness.
"What would you like to talk about?" I asked as I took the seat across from her desk.
"Hmm… Well, I read your article last night and I have to say I couldn't put it down. It was great—really great. We'll go over it during class, but I am curious about your writing. Do you plan on making a career of it?"
"Yeah, probably. I want to be a sports writer—well, that's the plan anyway, but plans can change. I would also like to write a book someday. I doubt I'll write the next great American novel or anything, but hopefully someday in the future I'll be able to say I'm a published author. That's probably just a pipe dream though."
"You can do it. Your writing is amazing, and I'm not just blowing smoke as your friend. I mean it as your editor."
I flushed at her compliment. Her opinion mattered immensely to me for reasons I didn't even understand. "Thanks. How about you? Do you want to make a career of it?"
"Definitely. I want to go to the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism to get my undergraduate degree in Journalism," she rattled off, making it clear that she had thought this through—thoroughly. "And if all goes well, I hope to get my Master's there as well. Then I just hope to land a job where I can make a difference, you know?"
"You're brilliant, Bella. You'll make a difference no matter where you work," I said with complete honesty.
"Um, thanks." She smiled and blushed, just like she always did when someone paid her a compliment. I had to keep control of my faculties so that I wasn't tempted to reach out and stroke her pinked cheek again. That hadn't ended well last time.
"So, do you want to tell me why you're really hiding in this office instead of outside with your friends?" I asked. She studied me for a moment before looking down at her lap embarrassed.
"You'll think it's stupid."
"I doubt that. Try me," I said, leaning forward so my forearms were resting on the desk bringing our faces much closer together.
"Um…well, I just don't think I really fit in with everyone. I mean… Argh! This is lame, never mind."
"Just tell me, Bella. Whatever it is that has you so troubled is a big deal if it's bothering you." I paused for a moment before I voiced my underlying fear. "Is it because of me?"
"What? No. You're great. I mean, we're great. I mean, friends—we're friends. It's not you. It's Alice…"
"Alice? You don't like my sister?" That was the last thing I'd expected her to say. Alice adored Bella, and it sure seemed like the feeling was mutual.
"No, that's not what I meant. This is coming out all wrong. I love Alice. It's just that she's become friends with Rosalie now, and that's fine, but I don't think that she likes me."
"You don't think that Rose likes you? Why's that?"
"I don't know. We're just different. She's always pretended that I don't exist, and I've always stayed out of her way. For the most part that's worked out fine, but now I feel awkward around them."
Until that moment, I hadn't keyed into just how insecure Bella was. We'd never discussed the incident after French class on my first day, and I had chalked it up to bad blood between Bella, Lauren, and Jessica. I was beginning to see that there may be more to it.
"Maybe she just needs a chance to get to know you. She seems pretty cool to me, a bit of a flirt, but cool. And I know my sister, she would never let one of her friends treat you badly or not include you."
"I know. Rose and I are just from different worlds. This was all so much easier when everyone pretended I was invisible."
"You have to stop saying that," I snapped and then softened my tone when I saw the shocked look on her face. "Yes, you're different from the other girls here, but only in the good ways." She giggled at my butchered words.
"I think there may have been a compliment in there somewhere," she smiled as the tension in the room dissipated.
"Yeah, that didn't really come out right…" I laughed along with her. As long as it made her smile, I didn't mind looking like an idiot.
"It's okay. Thanks for talking to me, Edward. This was nice."
"Yeah, it really was. So are you going to join us for lunch tomorrow?"
"Maybe. Or you could join me in here again?"
"Hmm, maybe," I smirked.
The next day I didn't even bother going to the courtyard at lunch; instead, I made my way directly to The Blaze office where I knew Bella would be because Alice had told me she had a free period after their Drama class. Sure enough, I found her staring intently at her computer screen while typing away at a furious speed.
"Don't you ever take a break?" I teased with a wink as I plopped down in the same chair as the day before.
"Shut it, you. I take my job very seriously."
"I can see that." We spent the rest of lunch, bantering back and forth, discussing anything and everything we could think of.
The rest of the week passed in the same manner; every afternoon I would show up at the office for lunch. We laughed, ate, shared stories, and learned more about one another. It was always the bright spot in my day. Every evening I would go home and call Tanya, and each unanswered call resulted in an even more frustrated message. By Friday night, I was seriously contemplating breaking up with her via voicemail or email. I knew it was wrong, but it wasn't like she had left me with a whole lot of options. I resolved myself to giving her the weekend to respond before I took drastic actions.
Saturday morning came way too early with my alarm blaring at five o'clock. Jasper said the best waves were first thing in the morning so we made plans for him to pick me up bright and early. I pulled on a pair of board shorts and the first clean t-shirt that I could find, knowing we would be changing into wetsuits anyway.
"Surf's up. Ready to catch some waves, dude?" Jasper greeted with a fist bump as soon as I opened the front door for him.
"If I can keep my eyes open, hell yes."
"Trust me, the best swells around here are early in the morning. It's totally worth the sleep loss." We walked out to his car where he already had his two boards strapped to the roof rack.
"We'll go pick up Emmett and then head to the beach."
"Sounds like a plan." When we arrived at Emmett's house he was already sitting on his front step with this board stretched across his lap. As soon as he spotted us, he jumped into action like a kid on Christmas morning.
"Ready to eat it, Eddie?" he taunted as we secured his board to the roof rack.
"Shut it," I laughed. "Yeah, yeah. I'm sure I'll probably spend more time spitting out seawater than surfing today."
"Don't worry about it, bro. Everyone wipes out. You just paddle back out and do it again." We drove to the beach that Jasper thought was the best to learn at. It wouldn't be as crowded, and the swells were evenly spaced. I think he was also trying to keep me out of the way of more experienced surfers, but if he was he mercifully kept it to himself.
"Let's hit the surf," Emmett exclaimed as soon as were parked.
"Here. You're gonna need this man," Jasper said as he handed me a wetsuit. What happened next I couldn't have been prepared for. Emmett and Jasper both started stripping in broad daylight behind Jasper's car. When I didn't drop trouser along with them they both raised an eyebrow at me.
"Dude, you can't be shy. There's no place to change, and you're gonna want to put that wetsuit on," Jasper said matter-of-factly. Emmett was already down to his skivvies by this point and I quickly turned my head to avoid getting an eyeful. He chuckled as he wrapped a towel around his waist before yanking his boxers off from underneath. Jasper wrapped his own towel around his waist before pulling off his board shorts. He then turned and smirked as he whisper-shouted 'commando' at me with an amused wink. That was entirely too much information. I pulled my own t-shirt over my head and tossed it into the back of the car. I grabbed my towel and held it tight to try and cover as much of myself as possible before I stripped off both my board shorts and boxer briefs. Of course, they hadn't told me what a pain in the ass it was going to be to get said ass into my wetsuit. I fisted my towel tightly in one hand in an attempt to keep it closed as I yanked the wetsuit up with my other hand. I winced when I pulled it up a little too high. Once I had myself adjusted and fully concealed from the waist down, I began the same battle with the arm holes.
After we unloaded the boards, we walked down to the beach, and Jasper directed us to a flat sandy spot that he thought would be good for the first part of my surf lessons. The beach was deserted except for a few seagulls, and the only sound was the crashing tide. The water was gorgeous, reflecting the orange glow of the morning sun rising behind us.
"You see that area where the waves are breaking? That's called the bone yard. We have to paddle out past that to get to the swells. The trick is to catch the wave as far out as you can before it breaks so you can ride on the face and get inside of the curl."
"Catch the wave as far out as possible. Got it," I repeated, trying to memorize his directions.
"Okay, now lay on your stomach on the board." I did as instructed and laid down on the board the way I imagined I would in the water.
"Good. Now to catch a wave you have to paddle like your life depends on it so you stay in front of it. Once you can feel it pushing you, you need to grasp the sides of your board to steady it and then hop up." He showed me where to grasp the board and how to position my feet for optimum control.
"Alright, I think you're ready to give it a go. Let's wax up and hit the waves," Jasper proclaimed after a few dry runs.
"Wax up?" I questioned, feeling like a fool for not understanding any of their surf lingo.
"Sex Wax, you put it on the deck of the board for traction," he explained as he started waxing his surf board in long strokes. Just as he was finishing up, a girl jogging along the beach glanced over and gave him a finger wave.
"Sex Wax always gets the beach bunnies worked up, bro," Emmett chuckled at his own joke.
"I think that's just surfers in general, dude," Jasper amended and I laughed along with both of them, knowing that guys like Emmett and Jasper had no trouble attracting female attention, surfers or not.
When we were done waxing, we secured our ankle straps and waded out into the breaking shore. I laid my board down on the water when I noticed the guys drop theirs and waited for further direction.
"We paddle from here," Jasper stated. And paddle we did. They failed to mention that I would be getting a full upper body workout at this ungodly hour of the morning.
"As the waves get bigger the further out we go, you may want to start diving under them with nose of your board angled into them. Otherwise each wave is just going to shove you backwards."
The cold water was just what I needed to wake up and get my adrenaline pumping. We finally made it out past the breaking waves to where the water was calmer. We each climbed up and straddled our boards as we took a moment to catch our breath. It was so peaceful out on the open water. The sun had risen and was now casting a pale yellow reflection onto the water. The consistent rise and fall of the tide soothed my soul, calming the inner turmoil. Even if I never caught a wave today, that moment made it worth it.
I was snapped from my revelry when I heard someone crow out a loud 'woohoo.' Emmett took off on a wave, jumping up onto his board almost instantly. He had his arms raised up above his head in fists, and he sounded like he was on top of the world. Watching him ride out the wave bolstered my confidence. It didn't look too difficult. Jasper asked if I was ready to give it a try and I nodded with enthusiasm as I got into position on my board. When the next swell approached us from behind, he yelled for me to start paddling. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him take off as well. I paddled until I felt the burn in my shoulders and upper back. Suddenly I felt the board propel forward underneath me. I glanced to the side and noticed Jasper had jumped up to a standing position. I grabbed the sides of my board tightly as he had instructed and thrust myself up into a standing position, only my feet never made contact with the board. Instead, I felt myself being toppled head over feet by the crashing wave while my leg was yanked in another direction by the leash linking me to the board. I had a moment of panic when I couldn't tell which way was up. I fought against the strength of the tide and gasped in a strangled breath as I finally breached the surface. I grabbed onto my board like it was my lifeline. I heard someone yelling and turned to find Jasper a few yards away swimming towards me.
"You okay, man? That looked like a gnarly spill," he hollered. I nodded still gasping for air and gave a reassuring thumbs-up until I was able to speak.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Definitely got a mouthful of seawater though," I answered still coughing and sputtering.
"It happens. Don't be alarmed if your throat is raw for the rest of the day. You didn't get a sand facial, did you?"
"Uh…a what?"
He chuckled at me naïveté and then continued to explain. "Did you hit the bottom at all when the waves pulled you under?"
"Nah, I don't think so."
"Lucky. A sand rash can burn for days."
"Sand facial and bone yard? Who the hell came up with these terms?" I laughed.
I took a short break to regain my nerve while I watched the guys shred a few more waves. Jasper was impressive, pulling off spins and riding out tubes. He made it all look so effortless. When I felt recuperated from my wipe out and had regained some of my confidence, I decided to give it another go. I let the first two swells of the next set roll by before I started paddling, determined to catch the next one. I felt the familiar push of the wave and grasped the board firmly before I pulled my hips up and thrust my legs under me. When I felt secure in my squatted position, I straightened my back until I was standing at full height. And suddenly, it was like I was flying. I couldn't see or feel the wave behind me. I was in front of it and several feet above the ocean floor, and all I could feel was the wind whipping past me as I was propelled forward. I had never experienced a sensation so surreal. As the wave began to die down, I hopped off of the board just as it started to wobble. In front of me, I heard the guys hooting and hollering out praise for my first ride. I waved back with a shit-eating grin splitting my face.
We spent the next few hours surfing and chatting as we bobbed in the tide between sets. There was an overwhelming sense of camaraderie between us and the other surfers that showed up throughout the morning. We talked about surfing and Jasper's desire to compete professionally after graduation. We talked about growing up and the different sports we all played. When the conversation naturally turned to girls, I listened intently, still wary of the budding interest between Jasper and my sister.
"Did you ever see that blonde chick again? What was her name…Jane." Emmett asked.
"Nah, we just hooked up the one time," Jasper replied.
"I've heard you're kind of the ladies man around campus," I interjected. I tried not to sound accusatory, but I could tell by the somewhat alarmed look on his face that I had.
"Look, man, I get the whole big brother routine, but I really like your sister. She's different from the superficial bimbos around here, and she's cute as hell."
"How about you, Eddie?" Emmett interrupted trying to keep the peace. "You said you have a girlfriend back in Minnesota. How's the long distance working for ya? Rosie palm becoming your new girl?" he laughed at my predicament.
"Actually, it's not working so well. I've decided to break things off with Tanya. It's for the best."
"Wouldn't have anything to do with a cute, little, brunette editor, would it?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow in question. Was I that obvious?
"Bella?" Jasper gasped.
"Ah, come on, man. How did you not pick up on that? He salivates all over her every time he sees her. Not to mention his mysterious disappearances at lunch time." Emmett looked back at me with a knowing smirk. "You hookin' up in that newspaper office, bro?"
"It's not like that," I defended. "I do like her, but there's nothing going on. I need to talk to Tanya before I put any moves on Bella."
Jasper leveled me with a serious glare. "Just be careful with her, man. You're protective of Alice? Well, I'm just as protective of Bella. Don't do anything that is going to make me have to kick your ass."
"Touché."
"Huh, Alice and Bella were talking about your French, smooth talkin' ways the other day."
"Bella was talking about me?"
"Oh god, you do have it bad, bro," Emmett teased.
"You're one to talk. What's up with you and Rosalie, and don't tell me you're just flirting. I've seen the way you are with her."
"It's complicated, man. Rosie doesn't date. I mean she goes out with plenty of guys, but she doesn't want a boyfriend. I can't let myself fall for her. It's pointless."
"Well, I think you should ask her out, man. Maybe she's just waiting for the right guy."
He looked contemplative for a moment before he let the conversation drop. We surfed one final set before we all decided it was time for some grub. We debated going out to eat but settled on just heading back to my house to make sandwiches and hang out.
When we arrived, I noticed a beat up, orange Chevy pickup and a cherry red Mercedes parked out on the street. Emmett immediately had a knowing grin on his face. Jasper, however, was eyeing me a bit suspiciously. I arched an eyebrow at him in question. He just shook his head laughed under his breath before explaining.
"That's Bella's truck," Jasper started.
"And that's Rosie's Mercedes!" Emmett finished without even attempting to hide his enthusiasm.
"Oh. They must be here to see Alice," I rationalized trying to contain my own excitement at getting to see Bella on a Saturday.
We walked into the house, still covered in sand and tousled from our morning in the water. When we had changed out of our wetsuits, Emmett insisted that it was tradition to walk around in only our baggies for the rest of the day, which basically meant he wanted to show off his masculine physique by remaining shirtless. I figured he was probably full of shit and had every intention of putting on my shirt, but Jasper mumbled for me to just go with it. I chuckled at Emmett's antics, but went with it to appease him.
We found the three girls reclined on the sofa watching some chick flick. When they noticed our presence, they each had a separate reaction. Alice made an odd little 'o' with her mouth before it turned into a seductive grin as she eyed Jasper like he was her last meal. Bella went wide-eyed and blushed before she squeaked out a quiet 'hi.' Rosalie blurted 'hot damn!' while she blatantly ogled each of us before holding out her cell phone and snapping a picture, causing the girls to giggle. That spurred Emmett on, who had taken to posing for Rosalie in an impromptu photo shoot. I rubbed the back of my neck nervously as I tried to catch Bella's eye, but it seemed like she was trying to avoid looking at me. I knew it was wrong, but the seventeen-year-old teenager in me really wanted to know if she liked what she saw.
Jasper and I eventually wrangled Emmett into the kitchen so that we could eat, and we harassed each other about the girls' reactions while we made lunch. When we went back out to the living room with our sandwiches the girls were gone, probably relocating to Alice's room for whatever it is that girls do when they hide away together. I turned on the TV and found a game to watch. The three of us fell back into our easy banter as we talked sports and watched the game.
A while later I heard a car pull up the drive and then the doorbell rang. I thought maybe Alice was expecting someone else, so I yelled, "Alice, door!" When the bell rang again, I got up to answer it myself. I opened it to the very last person that I expected to see on the other side. Her shiny strawberry-blonde hair was piled up on her head and she had an unsure smile on her porcelain face. When she lifted her sunglasses, her bright blue eyes glistened with tears.
"Tanya? W-What are you doing here?"
A/N: dun dun dun!
Oh no she di'int! Oh yes I did. Next chapter is already under way and picks up right where this one left off. So let's recap, shall we? Edward berated himself for hurting Bella and felt a tad guilty for forgetting about Tanya. He's made his decision to let Tanya go, and I for one think it's a damn good one. Bella forgave Edward for his ridiculous boyfriend question and has resigned herself to the friend zone. There were cute lunch time chats in the newspaper office and who could forget about the hot surfin' and shirtless boys. And then… well you know the ending.
Let me know what you thought, even if it's just to tell me I'm evil. ; )
As always, reviews get teased!