Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its beautiful characters. This story is loosely based off of plot lines from the original Beverly Hills, 90210 TV series. I have taken many liberties with them. No infringement is intended to any media franchise. The remainder is my original work.
Chapter 6
"I'm Happy for You… Really"
The previous week had taken a definite turn for the better since the bonfire. After I got over my initial shock and disappointment that Edward was unavailable, our friendship had progressed with a natural ease. Conversation and banter flowed freely between us, and he had quickly wormed his way into my heart. I counted him amongst my closest friends along with Angela, Jasper, and Alice. Sure, I was still attracted to him, but I'd never intended to start dating in high school anyway. So I chose to accept that he was taken and embraced our budding friendship without regret. It almost made it easier for me, taking temptation away and acknowledging that he would only ever be a friend to me.
We had so much in common that it bordered on ridiculous. His passion for writing and his plans for the future rivaled my own. We had similar tastes in music and movies. I was pleased to find that he was really down to earth, nothing like most of the guys I had become acquainted with at West Beverly. And even though I knew he came from money, there was nothing in his character that indicated that he was defined by it. His parents even had the sense to pass along one of their used vehicles to him instead of the shiny new cars that had become the standard sixteenth birthday gift around here. He had taken to parking it in the back of the lot next to my beater truck. All of this had made it unbelievably effortless for me to open up to him in ways I hadn't with my other classmates.
Our midday chats in the newspaper office were becoming my favorite part of the day. Ever since the first time he tracked me down during lunch, he had shown up faithfully and spent the entire hour holed up with me. Time always flew by too quickly for my liking as we got lost in our own bubble. Every so often our eyes would lock and my grin would melt into a shy smile, and I would once again have to shove back the feelings that welled up inside me. He was always great at breaking the resulting tension with an easy joke or teasing comment.
He had also laid off the sweet French talk and charming compliments, to both my despair and delight. I appreciated his effort to make this friendship easier on me, but I hated that he had to keep himself in check just because I'd let my fantasies run away with me. After all, I'd flirted with Jasper countless times over the years and never thought anything of it. I had let my attraction cloud my thinking, but Edward had been so gracious in not allowing me to feel embarrassed about it. I supposed when you were as gorgeous and wonderful as he was, you got used to girls swooning over you. It had even seemed as if he was feeling a tad guilty when I'd apologized for overreacting at the bonfire to the news of him having a girlfriend.
It was with a heavy dose of his encouragement and Alice's insistence that I found myself at the Cullen home the following Saturday afternoon. After admitting to Edward that I was intimidated by Rosalie and her West Beverly 'It girl' status, he had suggested that I mention my concern to Alice. She was every bit as considerate as her brother had been about my ridiculous hang-ups and practically begged me to come over for some girl time to get better acquainted with Rosalie.
"Yay! I'm so glad you're here and we get to spend the day together," Alice exclaimed, bouncing up and down clapping as soon as she answered the door.
I was instantly put at ease by her characteristic exuberance. I followed her into the living room where she had already staked out a spot for us to take over for the afternoon. She had a number of DVDs piled up on the coffee table and quite the assortment of junk food.
I took a moment to look around, noticing that a number of things had changed since my visit the prior weekend. Artwork had been hung, and a number of framed photographs and knick-knacks were scattered about. There were new window treatments and furnishings, and the living room furniture had been rearranged. If I thought the house was gorgeous before, it was nothing compared to how striking it was fully decorated.
"Wow, the house looks great. Your mom works fast."
"Yeah, I think she has a sickness. Decorating is to her what fashion is to me. It's not like there was any rush to get it done, but I don't think she's slept hardly at all this past week," she replied with a sarcastic eye-roll while rummaging through her pile of loot on the table. "I'll be right back. I'm gonna go grab something chocolaty. Make yourself at home."
I giggled at her desire for even more sweets and turned to drop my purse down against the wall by the entry way. I wandered around the massive living room, taking in the various photographs scattered about. There were professional shots of the four them looking like the picture perfect family, interspersed with beautiful candids. I hadn't met their dad yet, but he was arguably the most handsome older gentleman I had ever seen. He was blond with piercing blue eyes and striking features. While both of his children had clearly taken on Esme's coloring, Edward had his exact facial structure.
I continued my perusal of wedding and baby pictures and random shots of Alice and Edward growing up. There was one of the two of them in a row boat on a lake wearing big orange life preservers, one of them sitting together on a dock with matching grins, and a whole bunch with another family. The other couple looked slightly older than the Cullens and they appeared to have two daughters. One was about the same age as Alice and Edward and the other was a couple years younger. They were both beautiful girls, but the oldest was absolutely stunning with long strawberry-blonde hair that fell in beautiful curls down her back, blue eyes that sent a shiver down my spine, and a spectacular slender figure.
I felt a pang of jealousy as I considered the possibility that this was Tanya—Edward's Tanya. There was nothing in the pictures that indicated anything more than friendship between them, but still it seemed likely that the redheaded beauty was his girlfriend. I remembered that he'd told me they had been friends since they were just little kids. This person definitely appeared to be permanently cemented into his life merely by the sheer amount of photographs that she was represented in.
I jumped away from the wall of pictures when I heard the telltale slapping of Alice's flip-flops coming towards me.
"Whatcha lookin' at?" she mumbled with a mouth full of brownie.
"Just checking out all the pretty pictures of you," I said sweetly, trying to hide my inner turmoil. She grinned at my answer and grabbed my hand pulling me over to the couch with her.
I knew I could ask her about the girl in the picture and get a straight answer, but part of me didn't want confirmation that she was indeed Edward's girlfriend. Even though I was mostly over the possibility of there ever being anything between us, I liked that she was just some abstract person without a face in my head. I didn't want to be able to picture her with him. Maybe I was being ridiculous and selfish, but I didn't care. I wanted my fantasies of him to remain pure.
"Rose just sent me a text. She'll be here any minute. You wanna pick the movie?" Alice asked.
At the mention of Rosalie, I stiffened remembering the intent of this social visit. I really wanted her to like me, and not out of some superficial need to be accepted, but because of Alice. I didn't want to be the source of any tension. I avoided shallow high school drama like the plague.
I shuffled through the movies strewn out on the coffee table—all chick flicks of course—and settled on Dirty Dancing, forgoing some more current options for a classic. I had considered Clueless for a moment, but thought better of it when I realized the parallels between Rosalie and Cher were too obvious to deny—both gorgeous blondes embracing the shallow life of high school in Beverly Hills. Yeah, that wasn't going to work. I chuckled to myself before hiding the movie at the bottom of the stash.
The incessant ringing of the doorbell pulled me from my thoughts and brought on another wave of nerves. Alice skipped over to answer the door, seemingly oblivious to my anxiety. As she opened the door, I heard the distinct low, sexy rasp of Rosalie's voice in direct contrast with the soft tinkling of Alice's.
"Woo! Girl time," Rosalie bellowed as she strutted into the living room. "Oh… hi." She stopped short when she spotted me on the couch. I understood immediately by her tone and actions that she wasn't aware that I was going to be here. I hoped it wasn't going to be an issue—for Alice's sake.
"This is my friend Bella. She's joining us for our girl bonding time," Alice said with ease.
"Right, Bella. Yeah, I've seen you around school," she replied with a cool yet casual acceptance of my presence. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "So, what are we doing?"
"Movies and makeovers and lots of girl talk," Alice proclaimed. "What movie did you pick Bella?"
"Dirty Dancing… if that's okay." My voice came out sounding timid and feeble. I took a deep breath trying to force myself to relax. I was making a much bigger deal out of this than it was, and Rosalie seemed just fine.
"Oh my God! I love Dirty Dancing. It's so sexy. Good pick," Rosalie enthused, snatching the movie out of my grasp. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner," she quoted in a cheesy, deep voice while Alice giggled like a little girl and then screeched "Oh, Johnny!" I playfully rolled my eyes at their antics, but settled back into the couch. I could do this; it was just spending time with the girls. Truthfully, I had only ever done anything like this with Angela, and she was much mellower than these two. But still, this could be fun.
Alice loaded up the DVD and the three of us sat on the couch, Alice in the middle with Rosalie and me on either side. I watched with an amused grin as Alice began rummaging through the candy pile yet again. I couldn't stifle my giggle as she came up victorious with a bag of M&M's and Cheetos.
"What are you laughing at?" she asked while teasingly bumping me with her shoulder.
"You! How can someone so small possibly eat so much junk?"
"I know, right? I'd have to diet for a month if I ate all that," Rosalie chimed in while leaning forward to grab a pack of Skittles for herself.
"Oh shut it, both of you. I'm PMSing," Alice grouched as she tossed a white box of candy at me. They hit me square in the chest.
"Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark..." I whined while rubbing my chest before I noticed what I was holding. "Oh, Junior Mints. I love these things." Alice rolled her eyes and smirked at my sudden distraction.
"So, Alice, where's that fine ass brother of yours?" Rosalie interrupted just as the movie had started. I gulped down my irrational jealousy and resisted the urge to chime in with an answer, having already listened to Edward prattle on at length yesterday during lunch about how excited he was to go surfing with Jasper and Emmett today.
"He left early this morning to go surfing with the guys," Alice answered, her eyes flitting to mine for the briefest moment before turning back to Rosalie.
"Ah, too bad. So, does he really have a girlfriend still in Minnesota?"
"Uh, yeah… for now anyway."
"For now? What does that mean? Are they on the rocks? I say he needs to dump her ass. That boy is too gorgeous to be taken."
I listened to them go back and forth, trying in vain to disguise my interest in any bits of information that Alice may shell out. I turned my attention back to the movie as Alice began describing Tanya and her perception of her brother's relationship with the mysterious girl. I didn't want or need to hear anything more about her, as I had already heard all of this straight from Edward. I tuned them out and got lost in the world of Kellerman's resort, Johnny Castle, and ballroom dancing.
"…don't you think Bella?" My head whipped around as I heard Rosalie call my name, but only the last few words of her question registered with me.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"I said Edward is too good to be taken by some chick that doesn't even live in the same state. Don't you think?"
"Um, I don't know. I mean, they've been together for a really long time. I guess I get it. I think it's sweet that he cares so much about her that he was willing to try and make it work long distance. I just hope she cares about his the same way, you know. He said she was really upset and said some pretty horrible things to him the last time they talked. I told him she was probably just missing him, but what if I was wrong." Without thinking my eyes flashed to the pictures hanging on the opposite wall. "I hope she doesn't hurt him. He's such a good guy… so sweet… and considerate… amazing really…" I didn't realize I was rambling on like a lovesick fool until Alice put her hand on my knee, gently bringing me back to reality. They were both staring at me wide-eyed after my speech.
"I didn't realize you and Edward were so close," Rosalie stated with an obvious emphasis on the word 'close.'
"Oh, we're not really. We're just friends, but he told me some things about her at the bonfire."
"Just friends, huh?"
"Um, yeah…" I didn't like where she was going with this.
"It doesn't really sound like you want to be just friends, Bella."
"I…" I couldn't deny it, as much as I wanted to, so I went with the simple truth. "It doesn't really matter what I want."
"Sure it does. If you like him, you should go for it. And by the way you were just prattling on about him, I think it's safe to say you like him."
"I did. Well, I guess I still do, but I'm trying not to… He has a girlfriend." I hated that I sounded so defeated.
"So what? Get him to ditch this girl and go out with you. What's the big deal? I'll help. It'll be fun," she stated matter-of-factly, so confident and assured in her statement that I envied her boldness. "You have a lot going for you. For one you're here instead of over a thousand miles away, and you guys are obviously already friends if he's spilling his guts about his girl problems to you. You just have to make yourself irresistible to him and then he'll be like putty in your hands." Of course I would never actually try to break Edward and Tanya up; it was wrong and not who I was, but she sure made it sound tempting.
"I can't do that. I just can't…" I trailed off, not knowing how to explain myself.
"Suit yourself, but if you change your mind, you come find me. Edward won't know what hit him." I smiled at her, appreciating her concern and drive to help me when earlier I wasn't even sure if she wanted to be associated with me. I popped another Junior Mint in my mouth, effectively ending our conversation, and turned my attention back to Patrick Swayze and the foxtrot.
We were all being silly singing along to "Love is Strange" and watching Johnny and Baby crawl around the dance floor when we heard a car pull up the long drive. Alice jumped up and peeked out the front window before bouncing back to her spot on the couch with a grin. She didn't say anything, but judging by her excitement we knew it meant all the guys were here, not just her brother.
Moments later the boys came barreling through the door, stopping short when they spotted us… and the somewhat shocked expressions on our faces. They were shirtless—all three of them—standing before us in only their board shorts, flip flops, and sunglasses. Slowly, each of their smiles morphed into cocky grins as they realized they were being checked out. And really, they had every reason to be cocky because those boys had it going on. They were every high school girl's fantasy come true with their sculpted muscles, smooth tanned skin, messy beach hair, and patches of white sand stuck to their glorious bodies. Not to mention the beautiful faces to back it up. I watched as Edward ran one hand through his crazy bronze hair while his other travelled down the length of his torso landing on his hip where his shorts were barely clinging to him. I blushed madly when he noticed me staring and tried to say 'hi' but I think it may have came across as just a squeak.
"Hot damn!" Rose blurted as she jumped up off the couch to snap a picture of the guys with her cell phone, interrupting the rather tense moment of blatant ogling that was taking place. We all burst into giggles at her bravado. Emmett jumped into action, clowning around and posing for her, and she seemed to thoroughly enjoy his display. Alice and Jasper were making eyes at each other, and Edward was standing off the side looking slightly nervous, rubbing the back of his neck. I smiled at him in a way that I hoped conveyed only friendship and not the insane attraction and pull I felt toward him. I made an effort to keep my eyes on his and not allow them to peruse his body again. When I couldn't take it any longer I pretended to watch the show Emmett was putting on and tried to ignore my body's reaction to the beautiful boy standing next to me.
The guys eventually disappeared into the kitchen to scrounge up some lunch, and Alice and Rose immediately launched into a flurry of excited banter about how cute the boys were and who was checking out whom. When I started to say something about Jasper eyeing her I was immediately shushed.
"Shh! He could hear you," Alice whisper-yelled at me. "Come on. Let's go upstairs for some girl talk." The three of us grabbed as much junk food as we could carry and darted up the stairs, giggling the whole way.
"Oh my god. That boy is trying to kill me! You could crack an egg on Emmett's abs," Rose exclaimed as soon as we were in the safety of Alice's bedroom.
"Did you see Jasper? How is it even possible to look that ripped and still be so thin? That man is perfection. Gah! And that surfer boy hair he's rockin'. I just…"
"Jeez, Bella. You forgot to mention that Edward was already vying for your attention. I think you already have this one in the bag. You don't even need our help." Rose giggled, but her words caught me off guard.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on, don't play coy. That boy couldn't take his eyes off you. Not to sound conceited or anything, but I can pretty much get the attention of any guy I want, but Edward has never looked at me like that. And believe me when I say I've tried." From anybody else, it would've sounded arrogant, and while it was still a bit odd and maybe even rude, coming from Rose it was merely the truth. She was beautiful—stunning really—and she knew it, just like the rest of us. After all, it was common knowledge as West Beverly that she had landed her first modeling contract when she was only fifteen.
I knew I could never compete with a girl like her, so her perception of the situation threw me. Did Edward seem interested in me? I doubted it, and as much as I wanted to believe her words I knew I couldn't risk getting my hopes up again. I repeated my new, trusty mantra 'he has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend' over and over in my head to keep myself grounded in reality.
Alice had remained oddly quiet while Rose grilled me, but I didn't question it. I knew it was probably awkward for her to listen to us fawn over her brother. I had already confessed my attraction to him, and I was sure Rose and I weren't the only girls she had to hear it from. I cared about Alice and valued our friendship. I didn't want her to get the impression that I was just after her brother, so I chose to ignore Rose's observations and change the subject.
"We're just friends, Rose, really. Now Jasper and Alice on the other hand…" I turned my attention from Rose to Alice. "Girl, you two have got it bad."
"No kidding. They were totally eye-fucking each back there," Rose chimed in.
"Oh, stuff it, Rose. Like you weren't eye-fucking Emmett?"
"Of course I was. That man is good enough to eat." We all laughed and continued on with the lighter banter. The girls were kind enough to drop the subject of Edward for me in favor of gushing over their own crushes. Rose regaled us with hilarious stories of Emmett's many failed attempts to win her over and make her his girlfriend. We laughed at her persistent claim that she wasn't interested in having a boyfriend, even though it was painfully obvious that she was completely smitten by him. I smiled at her stories because we were completely different people from different worlds, yet sort of the same. I'd never had any interest in having a boyfriend myself; of course, I also didn't have boys knocking down my door the way she did.
After we exhausted the topic of guys, we began discussing what we wanted to do next. Rose wanted to go hang out by the Cullen's pool and Alice was trying to convince us to do makeovers. I had a feeling both ideas had more to do with parading ourselves in front of the guys downstairs than anything else.
All plans were foiled when the doorbell rang and we heard Edward yell for Alice to get it. She ignored him for a moment, but when we heard the bell ring again she pushed herself up off the bed and trudged out of her bedroom cursing under her breath. Rose and I chuckled at her despondency and followed after her. I heard Alice ask Edward who it was while still making her way down the stairs.
After that, everything came crashing down around me in a blur. One minute we were happy, giggly, and goofing around, then the next Alice was in a tizzy and Edward was holding onto a beautiful, crying redhead. The same redhead from the photographs.
I froze in my spot as I witnessed the intimate exchange between Edward and his girlfriend first hand, a nightmare unfolding before my very eyes. I wished for the ground to swallow me up so that I could disappear and sulk in privacy. I saw her hands on his bare chest, his thumbs swiping away the traces of her tears, her lips pressed to his perfect jaw, his arms cradling her body. They were so familiar with each other, so close. As much as I'd convinced myself that I would be okay and get over my crush, the reality of seeing him with her was almost too much for me to bear.
I had to focus, gain control of my emotions before I lost it entirely and made a fool of myself. I backed up against the wall in a vain attempt to become invisible and concentrated on the grout lines of the tile floor. I couldn't look at anyone, too afraid that they would be able to see right through me. I listened as Alice questioned the girl's visit and Edward attempted to keep the peace. Then she spoke up, introducing herself to the group as Tanya… as Edward's girlfriend. And there it was, the confirmation that I never wanted. It was all I could do just to look up and acknowledge her presence.
Then Alice suggested that we all go to the living room and get acquainted, when all I wanted to do was escape. I knew it made me weak, but I couldn't handle seeing them together. It was too much. Suddenly I was angry at Edward for ever letting me think that he was single, because I knew these feelings never would have gotten out of control if I'd known from the beginning that he had a girlfriend. I embraced the anger that I'd managed to tamp down until now; it was easier than the hurt at this very moment.
Jasper eyed me curiously, so I took advantage and let him be my rock to help me get through this until I could find an excuse to bolt. I walked over to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He immediately wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side just like I knew he would.
He was my security, as he had been countless times before. I wondered if he even knew how significant he was to me, the brother I never had. He pulled me down onto the couch next to him and kept his arm around me. I could feel his eyes studying me for any signs of distress. I don't know how he knew of my feelings for Edward, but it was glaringly obvious that he did.
Edward's voice cracked as he formally introduced Tanya. I wasn't sure if it was because he was overcome with emotion at having her here or just uncomfortable to have an audience for their reunion. Alice took over the introductions and I did my best to smile politely and give Tanya a tiny wave. Jasper squeezed my shoulder in reassurance and I relaxed against him.
Edward kept the conversation casual, telling her about his experience surfing, and I noticed she had a tendency to dominate conversation rather than listen. I remained quiet having nothing to add until Alice mentioned Edward's position on the school paper. I smiled proudly as I thought about how far his raw talent could take him if he pursued a career in journalism, but my pride quickly turned to shock with Tanya's outburst that his involvement would make him look like a geek. My earlier anger began to soften into concern at the wounded look on his face.
How could his longtime girlfriend not recognize his talent? How could she not support him in his dreams? How could she care more about appearances than who he really was? More importantly, how could he be in a relationship with someone that treated his so poorly?
Things continued to devolve from there. The tension in the room was palpable after their confrontation, and Edward kept a noticeable distance between himself and Tanya, which admittedly lifted my spirits. But Tanya couldn't stop there. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she harbored some sort of jealousy or resentment when she turned her attack on Alice with a passive-aggressive dig about her relationship status, something that Jasper not so subtly hinted would change in the near future. Alice's answering smile let us know that she was okay.
Finally, everything came crashing in when Tanya and Rose went head to head. I couldn't hold in my giggle at Rose's comment about how she 'doesn't do boyfriends' and 'it's a personal choice every girl has to make.' She had no qualms about putting Tanya in her place, and I was grateful to be on her good side. She boldly rebutted her threats and made it known that she found Edward attractive as did most of the student body at West Beverly.
Tanya's retort made my stomach drop. "Baby, have you been dazzling all the poor girls already? You're too nice for your own good. They're all going to think you're flirting with them. You don't want to lead on some pathetic girl and end up with a crazy stalker."
Edward's eyes widened for a split second before they flitted to me. I felt like the floor had dropped underneath me. I was that pathetic girl. I was the one that stupidly thought this amazing guy was actually flirting with me. I couldn't handle it. I needed an escape, a moment to compose myself.
"Um, excuse me. I need to use the restroom," I stated politely, trying to keep my voice steady. I refused to make eye contact with anyone as I slid out of the room and headed towards the downstairs powder room off the main entry way. At the last minute, I walked back to the front door to grab my purse, wanting my compact in case I was unsuccessful at keeping the angry tears at bay.
"See what I mean!" I heard Tanya exclaim. I could hear Edward mumbling something to her. I remained quiet and hidden from their view as I stood by the door knowing in my gut that she was talking about me.
"That girl totally likes you. It's so obvious. How many more of these silly girls do you have following you around already? Don't they know you're way out their league?" Then she started laughing. She was actually laughing at my misery. "Alice and I used to keep a tally of his groupies. What did you call them? Oh yeah, the Edward Cullen Fan Club." This was great; I was just a joke to her.
"Tanya! Stop already. Just stop," Edward hollered, finally ending her tirade.
I had to get away from her and this precarious situation. I stepped from behind the dividing wall into the center of the archway separating the entryway and living room and quietly cleared my throat to make my presence known. Edward looked horrified when he saw me, but I kept a blank mask of indifference on my face. If I let him know that I had heard their entire conversation I wouldn't be able to control my emotions.
"I think I'm just going to take off," I said carefully. "I have some other stuff I need to take care of, so…" I trailed off.
"Are you sure you have to go?" Alice asked with concern. She walked over and pulled me into a tight hug. I swallowed back the emotion her kindness brought to the surface. I wouldn't let Tanya or Edward see my pain.
"Yeah, sorry. It's later than I realized." I lied.
I took a deep breath to steel myself and plastered a fake smile on my face before turning to the girl that just made me feel like the complete idiot. "Um, it was nice meeting you, Tanya. I hope you enjoy your visit. I'll see you guys later."
"Hold up, Bells. I'll walk you out," Jasper called after me. I paused in place waiting for him but didn't look back. I was focused solely on my much needed escape.
Jasper was quiet as he walked beside me, but his eyes communicated what his words couldn't. He knew. Somehow he knew I had feelings for Edward, no matter how hard I had tried to disguise them from the world—from myself.
"Are you okay?" he asked, toeing the ground with his flip flop, his unwavering gaze trained on me.
"Yes… No… God, I'm such an idiot. I knew he had a girlfriend and still…" I trailed off not knowing how to best voice my frustration. "And of course she has to be a goddamn super model. What the hell was I thinking?"
"You like him, it's not a crime. And you're definitely not an idiot. I think you're about as far from idiot as a person can be."
"Really? Because I think Tanya clearly pointed out just how far off base I am," I rambled, growing progressively louder as my anger increased. "Pathetic. That's what she said. And you know what? She's right. I knew, and still I feel shocked and upset and just… it hurts."
Jasper wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a familiar, brotherly hug. His embrace soothed my anger and filled me with his concern.
"I don't want to feel this way. I really don't. I swear, I don't want to like him, but I can't make it go away. Please, tell me how to make it stop," I pleaded with him as angry tears welled up in my eyes.
"Ah hell, don't cry, Bells. You know I can't handle the tears." He held me tighter as my emotions threatened to take over. "Now you listen to me. You are a beautiful, smart, witty, real girl. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Present company included. If Cullen can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you. And Tanya… well that girl is about as superficial as they come. If that's what he wants, then it's his loss, not yours."
I sniffled into his shirt as continued to hold me. "Thank you, Jasper."
"Anytime… I love you, Bells. If you want me to kick his ass, you just tell me."
I drove home in a fog, unsure of how I even made it there safely. My dad was just getting out of his work truck as I pulled up into the drive way.
"Hi, Bells. Have a good time with your friends today?" he asked as we walked up the front steps of our home together.
"Um, yeah. We had fun. Just hung out and did girl stuff." I tried to keep a smile on my face as I spoke to him, but it felt forced.
"That's good. That's real good." He said as we entered the house together. Dad immediately wandered into the kitchen, no doubt searching out some form of sustenance.
"Do you want me to make you something to eat, Dad?"
"Maybe. What are you in the mood for?"
"I'm actually not very hungry. I kind of have a headache, but I don't mind making you something." It wasn't a complete lie. My head was pounding, but more than anything I just felt ill with anger, hurt, sadness, and humiliation. Food did not sound good right now.
"Oh, well I can manage to scrounge myself up some dinner if you're not feeling well. Why don't you go lay down?"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course. I'm not completely incapable," he replied with a smirk. I nodded and turned to leave before he called after me.
"Hey, Bells, are you okay? I mean, I know you're not feeling good, but is there something bothering you? You seem kind of tense." My dad was more perceptive than I gave him credit for, but I really didn't feel like talking about being called out on my pathetic crush, if that was even the right word for it.
"I'm fine, Dad, it's just a headache… really." He looked leery for a moment but nodded his acceptance and told me to have a good night.
I trudged up to my bedroom and sat on my bed. Being alone with my thoughts made it too easy to over think everything. I decided that keeping myself distracted was the best plan of action for the time being. I picked up the book we were reading for English class and began to thumb through it, but I couldn't get into it. I tossed the book to the side and instead fired up my computer to check my email and work on some homework. My head was still pounding, but I refused to give in to the pain. Not yet at least, so I pushed forward with keeping myself occupied.
When my email popped up, I noticed I had friend requests on Facebook from both Alice and Edward. I knew I should ignore them for the time being, considering the disastrous events of the day, but like a masochistic fool I clicked on the link to his profile.
I found myself involuntarily smiling as I gazed at his picture. His hair was in a near constant state of perfect disarray; the bronze color competing with the verdant green of his eyes that appeared to be smiling back at me. The narrow bridge of his nose, his sculpted cheek bones, and strong jaw line all a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon's dream. And his lips—his beautiful pouty lips—my fingers caressed over my own as I imagined his pressed against mine. Would they be soft and pliable or firm and unyielding? I allowed myself to get lost in the daydream for a moment until my eyes slid further down the page to his relationship status. There it was in black and white.
In a relationship with Tanya Denali
I stared at her name, willing it to magically disappear, before I gave in and turned off my monitor. I sat staring at the blackened screen, unsure of how to process the emotional storm inside of me. There was anger at Edward that he hadn't told me sooner he was unavailable and had seemingly led me on. Anger at Tanya for being so damn insensitive and rude. There was deep hurt that the first time I ever had feelings for someone they weren't reciprocated. And finally, there was sadness. I was so very sad, because the truth was it wasn't anyone else's fault, not Edward's and certainly not Tanya's, no matter how much of a bitch she may have been. I had let myself fall for him, and I had let myself get swept away.
I pulled myself over to the bed and collapsed in a heap on top of it. Unable to control my emotions for a second longer, I allowed the tears to come. I sniffled into my pillow as I remembered her hands and lips on him. I stifled a sob as I recalled her harsh, inconsiderate words and the way she belittled him for pursuing writing like it was the kiss of death to his social status. And I cried even harder when I imagined what they might be doing that very moment. Had they made up? Was he holding her? Were they kissing? Had clothes been shed in their passionate haste to become reacquainted intimately? I let the tears stream down my face. They were cathartic, my only release from the pain.
I eventually fell into a fitful sleep where I dreamed of a perfect world where Edward wanted me too. He had a proud smile on his face as he wrapped me up in his embrace. He whispered sweet nothings in French into my ear and told me he had never loved another the way he loved me.
I woke up with an even worse headache, puffy eyes, and a stuffy nose. My crying fit may have been therapeutic the night before, but I was paying for it now. I crept across the hall and into the bathroom to take care of business and shower. I let the hot water cascade over me and melt away the lingering ache and tension. I got dressed in a pair of sweats and a comfy t-shirt having zero interest in interacting with the outside world.
I made my way downstairs in a desperate search of coffee and some Tylenol. Dad was already sitting at the table reading the Sunday paper when I entered the kitchen. He looked up with concerned eyes as I shuffled into the room and over to the fresh pot of coffee.
"Morning, kiddo. How're you feeling?"
"I'm fine," I sniffed out, but it was the first time I had spoken all day and my voice came out rough and nasally.
"You sound like you might be coming down with a cold."
"Yeah, maybe." I sniffed again for good measure. Not that I wanted to be deceptive, but it was easier to go along with being sick than talking about what was really bothering me. "What do you have planned today?"
"I was just going to do some routine lawn maintenance for some of my regular clients. Nothing major. I can stay home if you need me to."
"No, you should go. I'll be fine. I'm just going to study for a test in French class, and maybe get some rest."
"Okay, if you're sure." I nodded but didn't say anything further. Dad went about gathering up his stuff so he could head off to work. I spaced out twirling my spoon in my coffee and watching the creamer make little swirls. I was momentarily startled when warm, heavy hand landed on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.
"Bells, I know I'm no replacement for your mom… but you know you can talk to me about anything right?" His tender words made me realize that I wasn't fooling anyone. I looked up at him and saw so much love shining back at me in his eyes that mine immediately welled up again.
"I know, Dad," I replied, nodding my head. "It's just… I don't even understand what's going on."
"Ah, honey, what's wrong?" When I was unable to respond, he mistook my silence to mean I didn't want to speak to him about this. "Listen, I'm really sorry your mom isn't here for you. I'm sure it would be much easier for you to open up to a woman than your old man, but I promise to never judge. I'm so proud of you, Bells. Proud of the young woman you've become and all the things I know you'll accomplish in your life time. You've made raising a daughter so easy on me and you've been surprisingly non-whiny for a teenage girl. If there's something you need or if something's wrong, please let me help you." He wrapped his arms around me in a fatherly hug and I cried quietly into his shirt until I could regain my composure.
I pulled back and looked up at him. He appeared consumed with guilt and concern for me. "Dad… you know you have to stop apologizing for mom leaving. She left us both." I had never seen my dad cry, but at my words his eyes glistened with his own unshed tears and the sight nearly broke my heart. He took his seat across from me at the table and reached over to place his hand on top of mine.
"Did something happen yesterday, Bells? Did someone hurt you or say something to you?"
"No, nothing like that. Well, kind of…"
"Is this about a boy?" he asked, looking very nervous.
"Yes," I whispered.
"Okay… I knew this would happen sooner or later. Are you… I mean, did you… Are you and this boy physically involved?" I gasped suddenly understanding what he thought had happened.
"No! It's nothing like that. I'm not with anyone, and I've never been with anyone," I rushed out.
"Oh, thank god. Okay, then what's the problem?"
"The problem is I like this guy, Edward, but he already has a girlfriend so I've been trying not to like him, but I don't know how to stop. Then I met his girlfriend yesterday and she said I was pathetic and he was out of my league, and the thing is I know she's right. And now everyone knows I have a crush on this guy, and I just feel stupid for falling into this high school drama. I mean, I've managed to avoid it for this long, and then this guy comes along and screws it all up." When I looked up my dad was smirking at me. "What are you smiling about? I'm baring my soul here." He started cracking up at my smartass remark, and soon I joined him in his laughter.
"I'm sorry, Bells. I don't mean to laugh at you… it's just, that may be the first time you have ever sounded like a teenage girl. I kind of like it. I feel more like a dad right now."
"Oh, can it."
"In all seriousness, I'm sorry you're going through this, but relationships and all the pain that comes with them are part of growing up. They help shape you into a better person and make you stronger." His tone switched from serious to sarcastic as he continued on. "Also, I think this Edward character sounds like a dumbass. I don't think you should give him the time of day, but don't worry too much. I have a feeling he'll realize the error of his ways soon enough."
"Thanks, Dad. That was actually really great advice."
Dad fought with me about taking the day off so he wouldn't feel guilty about leaving his emo daughter home alone all day. In the end, I won and waved him off as he backed his work truck out of the drive way.
I was sitting on the couch sipping my Diet Sunkist and staring mindlessly at my notes from French class when my cell phone chimed with a text message from Alice.
Shopping Rodeo Dr today. Please come & save me from spending the day with HER. 3, A
Sorry. Have a lot to do today. Maybe another time. Have fun! -B
It wasn't a complete lie. I did have a test to study for, but mostly I just didn't want to face Tanya again—ever if I could help it.
Sorry about yesterday. I'll call you tonight. 3, A
I spent the day lazing around, doing minimal laundry and housework and attempting to study for my dreaded French test. I tried not to think about my friends together having fun or about Tanya and Edward enjoying each other. I called Angela and told her all about Tanya and how horribly the previous day had gone. She offered me cheerful words of encouragement and distracted me from my self-imposed day of pathetic wallowing.
My dad came home in the early evening and I made a tasty dinner of chicken tacos for us. He insisted that we watch old sitcom reruns together instead of the Dodgers game that was on. I figured he wanted to spend time with me because he was concerned about my emotional breakdown earlier. I happily indulged him, welcoming the distraction from my thoughts.
When I went up to my room later to make sure that I had everything ready for school in the morning, I noticed that I had four missed calls on my cell, all from Alice. I closed my door and reclined against the headboard of my bed before calling her back.
"Oh my god, Bella, where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you all night," she blurted after only one ring.
"Hi, sorry, I was spending some time with my dad. I left my phone up in my room, so I didn't hear it."
"It's okay. I just have so much to tell you. I don't even know where to start." She was talking so fast, I could hardly keep up. "I kissed Jasper! Well, it was only on the cheek, but still. And he said I was the only one for him and hugged me. Like, really hugged me! It was so amazing, Bella. And Edward totally broke up with Tanya. She's leaving in the morning. They are finally over, I mean, like, really over. They aren't even speaking. She told him that she slept with Riley after he left. I can't even believe that, the guy was a total douche. Oh, and Jasper and Edward got into a fight at the beach. That bitch totally tried to force herself on Jasper and Edward went all 'big brother' on him. Jasper has a black eye and Edward has split lip. And—"
"Whoa! Slow down… They broke up? And when did you work up the nerve to kiss Jasper?"
She started over at the beginning and recounted in detail the events from the day. My heart ached as she explained to me that Edward had in fact broken up with Tanya on Saturday night after everyone left. Here I was crying my eyes out over something that was never mine while he was suffering the loss of a lifelong relationship.
She went on to tell me that he had been trying to contact Tanya for the last week to break things off with her, but she hadn't returned his calls. Instead she had run away from home and caught him off guard with her visit. I felt like a jerk for being so focused on my own feelings and issues that I didn't notice his struggles.
I slept even worse that night, worried that I had somehow failed Edward the previous week when he really needed a friend to confide in. I made an effort to get to school early the next day so I wouldn't miss him before class. I waited with Ben and Angela for the Cullens to arrive. I briefly recounted what I knew of what had happened to them, but Jasper had already filled Ben in on most of the details.
When they arrived, Alice looked perturbed, but snapped out of it as soon as she spotted us. She greeted us with hugs and asked if we had seen Jasper yet. I informed her that he rarely made it to school on time let alone early.
Ben taunted Edward about this fight with Jasper, and Alice threatened him to be on his best behavior at school. Edward looked uncomfortable with their teasing. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair in what I had come to recognize as a nervous habit. I studied his face while he dealt with our friends' inquisition, answering their questions as vaguely as he could get away with. His jaw was lightly bruised and his bottom lip was swollen and split on the left side, and those were just his physical injuries. His eyes told of an uncertainty and pain that I had no way to understand. I wanted to reach out and touch him, just to reassure myself that he was okay. Instead, I settled on asking him.
"I'm fine. It's a just a fat lip. I'll live," he replied with a shy smirk.
"I'm glad, but I actually meant about Tanya. You two broke up?" I realized that he may not know how I was aware of this bit of information so I clarified, "Um, Alice told me on the phone last night."
"Yeah, we did, and she left this morning. Honestly, I'm just relieved it's over."
I nodded at his answer, and an uncomfortable silence surrounded us as I struggled with how to proceed. What do you say to the guy you can't stop thinking about, when you find out that he just lost his girlfriend and lifelong friend? Sorry seemed too trivial and not entirely true.
I was caught off guard when suddenly I was engulfed in the warmth of his arms. It took me a moment to realize that he was actually hugging me, and that I wasn't just daydreaming again. Slowly I relaxed into his embrace and wrapped my arms around his waist. I enjoyed the feeling of his arms surrounding me, strong and secure. I could hear his heart beating in his chest where he held my head against him, and felt his hot breath in my hair where his cheek rested on the top of my head. I breathed him in, trying to memorize his scent and everything about this perfect moment. After a long minute, he gave me a final tight squeeze and then released me.
When I stepped away from him all the previous turmoil and hurt in his eyes was replaced with a look of determination and hope. He gave me a sweet smile and then asked me a question that made my heart stutter.
"May I walk you to class, belle Bella?"
I couldn't answer, as much as I wanted to, afraid that my voice would come out sounding like the lovesick fool that I was. Instead, I nodded at him and turned towards the main building where my English class was. Edward fell in step with me, and just as I was about to reach out to open the door to enter, he stepped around me and held it open like the perfect gentleman. His hand landed on the small of my back as he ushered me in, but he didn't remove it after we were securely in the hallway of the school building. Our pace slowed as we approached my classroom, and he began to rub gentle circles on my lower back.
My mind reeled with the implications of his actions. Did he just need the reassurance of a friend after everything he had been through? Did this mean something more for us? Did I even want it to? He interrupted my thoughts when we came to a halt outside the classroom door.
"Well, I guess I'll see you at lunch. Same place?"
"Actually, I think I'll join everyone outside today." I replied, deciding it was safer to be among the masses than alone with him while I was still processing my feelings and he was recovering from a nasty break up.
"Sounds good."
Angela questioned me as soon as she got to class, but I brushed her off realizing that I going down a dangerous path of letting myself get swept away by Edward again. I didn't know where his head was, but I didn't want to play games and I didn't want to get hurt. By the time lunch rolled around, I was back to being frustrated by my confusion at the situation. I was quiet and closed off, choosing to work on school work during the break even though I did sit outside with everyone as promised. I could tell my distance was worrying my friends, but I couldn't be bothered to care. Even Jasper, who was wearing a ball cap and sunglasses to conceal his black eye, kept casting me wary looks.
Edward tried repeatedly to bring me into the conversation, but I shut him down at every chance. I kept my distance from him during Journalism, and I could tell by the hurt expression he wore that my attitude was having an effect on him. Ben even tried to say something to me about it, but I brushed him off as well.
The day had grown progressively worse and finally concluded with the dreaded French test. Of course Edward was finished before the bell rang and the teacher dismissed him to leave early. It was just as well. My mood was sullen already, and struggling to keep up my grade in this class only added to it. I reluctantly handed in my test after the teacher called out 'pencils down.' I trudged out of the room and made my way to my locker to grab the books I needed. Along the way, I debated calling in sick to work so I could just go home and go to bed. All the fight had left my body hours ago and the emotional rollercoaster of the past few days was taking a toll. I needed rest.
As I approached my locker I saw the beautiful boy that occupied my every thought leaning against it, waiting for me. I walked up to him slowly, once again feeling bad for the hot and cold act that I was treating him with all afternoon.
"Hi," I said quietly.
"Hey. So… how do you think you did you do on the test?" he asked carefully, as if he was afraid I might break if he said the wrong thing.
"I'm going to guess not so good. I hate French. Or French hates me. I can't decide." He smirked at my dry humor. "How did you do?"
"Um… pretty good, I think."
"Of course. You're practically the teacher's pet. Where did you learn to speak French anyway?"
"My mom. Her family is French Canadian."
"I see. Another piece of the puzzle falls into place."
"You find me puzzling?" He looked amused by this concept.
"A little bit, yeah. I don't know why, but everything new I learn about you surprises me."
"Huh. I don't mean to be puzzling. I'm an open book. You can ask me anything you want."
"Really?"
"Sure. Ask away."
"Could you tutor me in French?"
"That's not really a personal question."
"I know, but it's an important question."
"Okay, sure."
"Sure, you'll help tutor me? Or sure that's an important question?"
"Both."
"Really?"
"Of course. I would love to help you, Bella. It would be my honor."
"I don't want to be an inconvenience or anything."
"J'utiliserais n'importe quelle excuse pour passer plus de temps avec vous."
"Um… okay?" His raucous laughter could probably be heard throughout the entire campus.
"This is going to be fun," he said to no one in particular. I attempted to playfully punch him in the arm for making fun of me, but he caught my fist in his hand and smirked. After I swapped out the books that I needed from my locker we walked together out to our vehicles. Half way to the parking lot he slung his arm around my shoulders, and I let him. It felt good there.
xxx
French Translation:
"J'utiliserais n'importe quelle excuse pour passer plus de temps avec vous." - "I would use any excuse to spend more time with you."
A/N: Okay, I'll be the first to admit that BPOV was a little heartbreaking. But we ended on a happy note right? Don't worry, they'll get their acts together soon enough. We have a lot of fun times coming up, but I think Edward needs to work for it a little (or a lot) after that massive headache he caused.
Wow! TLF passed 100 reviews just this morning, and the number of story alerts after last chapter doubled. I am blown away by the welcoming response this story has received. It really is a blast to write, and I'm so happy you're all enjoying it as much as I am. Thank you for taking the time to read, comment, and review. I appreciate it more than you know.
This story was also recently reviewed and rec'd by ginginlee on TwiFic Promotions. She's been a faithful reader for some time now and I just love her to pieces. Check out their blog www(dot)twi-ficpromotions(dot)blogspot(dot)com for more recs of new or underappreciated fics.
Big smooshy hugs and epic thank you to my beta, Hibbleton78, and pre-reader, Holly1980, for turning this chapter around swiftly and lending me their invaluable advice and support.
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