Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all of its beautiful characters. This story is loosely based off of plot lines from the original Beverly Hills, 90210 TV series. I have taken many liberties with them. No infringement is intended to any media franchise. The remainder is my original work.
Chapter 10
"The Party Fish"
My hips dipped and swayed to the hypnotizing dance beat pulsating from the Cullens' state of the art sound system. I would usually feel awkward about dancing in front of such a large crowd of people, but the small amount of alcohol currently pumping through my system from the single glass of champagne that Alice had all but forced upon me while we were getting ready seemed to quell my worries. I was managing to hold my own and move to the beat with some manner or grace and ease. The carefree smiles on my girlfriends' faces further encouraged my building desire to just cut loose and enjoy myself.
Angela, Alice, Rose, and I shimmied in a tight circle, looking like rock stars and feeling like divas. Lauren and Jessica were dancing right next to us, entirely too obvious in their superficial attempts to garner Rose's approval and acceptance. I was taken aback for a moment as I considered that I was actually part of the 'in crowd' now, how cliché. Not that Rose or Alice's friendship had in any way altered Lauren and Jessica's feelings about me. They made that fact abundantly clear on numerous occasions.
Alice's tiny body slid up along my back as she attempted to help me perfect the booty drop. I could feel the short, frayed denim skirt I was wearing slowly riding up my thighs and paused every few minutes to covertly tug it down. What I was wearing was certainly mild in comparison to some of the other girls' attire, but I still felt more exposed than I was really comfortable with. I wore my only mini skirt paired with a silky tank top in a gorgeous Prussian blue that Angela lent to me. On my feet were the sexiest shoes I had ever worn: a pair of matte silver kitten heel sandals that had the balls of my feet screaming at me, also courtesy of Angela.
She was a lifesaver, inviting me over earlier today to help me plan out what to wear and ensure that I had a suitable ensemble ready for when we headed over to the Cullens' in the afternoon to primp with Alice and Rose. She spared me the embarrassment of having to ask, and I adored her even more for looking out for me without allowing me to feel humiliated over something as inconsequential as clothing and accessories.
At first I had been leery at the prospect of a house party, even if it was at the Cullens'. The entire scene was fairly new to me. I had never been one to habitually party it up every weekend the way most kids my age did. Aside from being virtually invisible to most of my classmates in the past to even garner many invites, there always seemed to be something more important to consume my attention: tests that I needed to study for, articles that needed writing, editing and deadlines I held myself accountable for, work at the library and around the house. I had a lot of responsibilities and goals and very few reasons to celebrate.
But now… now I had a real reason to party, because I was going to tell the handsome boy that had been making eyes at me all evening that I was done thinking and wasting precious time. I was ready to be his in every sense of the word. I wanted to go on dates with him, call him my boyfriend, and kiss his beautiful mouth.
It was a ridiculous thought from the very start that I could ever resist the allure that was Edward Cullen. He had charmed me on that first day in French class with a simple smile, and then subsequently broke my tender adolescent heart—albeit unknowingly. He awakened such intense emotions in me, the likes of which I had never experienced before. He made me feel vulnerable, evoking a strong need and desire for him that honestly scared me. I had tried to push him away in a futile attempt to guard my own heart, yet through it all he had remained steadfast in his resolve that we belonged together.
He had captivated me with his brilliance and sweet personality. He had wooed me with his fluent French, romantic gestures, and chivalrous tendencies. Finally, he won me over, finding the one weakness that I could not disregard—his poetic writing.
A couple of weeks ago he began to write me the most remarkable letters. He always started them off teasing and light, but they each swiftly progressed to a more tender and personal tone. What began as some juvenile note passing had grown into something much more significant—something I knew I would always treasure.
He penned me beautiful letters interspersed with swoon inducing French phrases that I'd spent countless hours looking up word for word to decipher. The old fashioned means of communication felt shockingly intimate, as if he was baring another piece of his heart to me in each one. I learned so much about him through his correspondence. I wanted to do the same for him but forced myself to hold back just a little, feeling deceitful for not opening up completely and divulging all of my truths to him.
Now I had decided it was time to let go and move forward, allowing our relationship to transform into whatever it was destined to be. Before that could happen he deserved to know the whole truth of who I was and how I came to be at West Beverly. He needed all the facts before we took the next step and risked shattering our hearts with white lies and half truths.
Faith—that's what Angela had reiterated every time I'd brought it up, and I had a propensity to bring it up a lot. I had to have faith in him, in his feelings for me, in the strength of our friendship, and in myself. Honestly, I knew in my heart that I could trust him, but that didn't negate the nerves I was feeling at actually broaching the subject with him.
While my body continued on with its mindless movement, I once again found myself rehearsing the words in my head, trying to determine the best way to phrase it. 'I think we should talk,' sounded too ominous.
Yet, launching into a formal spiel such as, 'Edward, I've decided that I want to be your girlfriend, but first there's something you need to know. It may or may not change the way you feel about me. So please, let me down easy if it does,' didn't seem right either.
No, I knew what I wanted—the quiet romantic moment, like so many that had already passed us by. I'd kicked myself every single time that we had found ourselves alone and that startling, ever present energy would crackle between us and I'd simply let the moment pass us by. There were times Edward would gaze in my eyes with so much raw emotion I thought I might drown in it. Even when we were with other people we would gravitate towards each other, closing whatever distance just to feel close and connected. The way he would look at me made feel desirable and made me hope that just maybe he was thinking about kissing me. My heart would scream for him to just do it already and take the decision out of my hands.
Yes, it should be just like that. One of those perfect hushed moments when I could whisper to him that I was ready. The rest would fall into place, the kiss, the impending talk. We would work it out together. I had no real doubts, just nerves—lots and lots of nerves.
The song changed, bringing me back from my thoughts. My dreamy smile faltered as the music transformed from the pounding beats of another dance hit into the familiar strumming of Snow Patrol's "You're All I Have." It wasn't a slow song by any means, but I still unconsciously started making my way to the edge of the makeshift dance floor as everyone around me began to pair off.
I watched with envy as Jasper approached the group of girls I had been dancing with. He pulled Alice close and spun her around to face him. He began to rock their hips together in time with the steady beat of the song, grinning into her neck. She closed her eyes in delight as his lips worked their way up and down the column of her throat. I felt like a voyeur as I watched their intimate display, desiring another's hands and lips on me in such way.
My eyes eagerly searched the crowd for him, but there was no sign of his shining green eyes or gorgeous bronze hair. He had been pulled away by a group of guys over an hour ago and hadn't returned since. Word got out after Edward's baseball practice the day before that there was going to be a party at the Cullens' on Saturday. The hordes of people showing up just to drink the booze and trash the house was clearly grating on Edward's nerves early in the evening. After he grunted something about skinning Alice, Emmett and some other guys from the team had dragged him away to cool off and I suspected to help him unwind with a little liquid relaxation.
The combination of missing him and being sandwiched between couples practically fornicating in the Cullens' living room left me feeling very out of place and overcome with the need to escape. I averted my eyes as I weaved my way through the crowd of gleeful couples, some so clearly devoted to each other like Ben and Angela and Alice and Jasper, and others just drunk and looking for nothing more than a good time like Mike and Jessica. As I made my hasty retreat my heart continued to cry out for a certain boy to come find me, hold me close, and dance with me.
As soon as I could make out the arched entry to the kitchen through the writhing bodies, I darted between the last two couples and made a beeline towards my sanctuary from the sudden onslaught of need and want. I quickly rounded the corner and collided right into a strong, warm body—the stunning body of the one person that managed to consume my every thought.
"Whoa!" he exclaimed as he steadied me with a hand on my arm. "Hey there, I was just gonna come find you," he said, grinning like he'd just won the lottery.
My mouth gaped in awe at his declaration and sexy smile before I caught myself and attempted to play it cool. It was as if he could hear my heart calling for him and then suddenly appeared before me, I thought. I was instantly at peace in his presence.
He was holding a red plastic cup in his left hand and reached out with his right to wrap his arm around me and turned me back towards the dance floor that I had just managed to escape. He pulled me along next to him as he picked out a prime spot, his brilliant smile never wavering. His free arm dropped from my shoulders to wind securely around my middle tugging me closer. I went—willingly.
"My, don't you look happy," I teased, trying to calm my flying heart as I stretched my arms up to rest my hands on his shoulders. He began to sway us with practiced skill to the quickened rhythm of the song. I had never danced with a boy before, with the exception of my dad at his cousin's wedding. My body was instantly aflame with just his proximity, his warmth permeating the thin silk of my tank top.
"Oh, I am," he replied with an even bigger grin, taking the opportunity to swig his beer.
"Are you drunk?" I asked, taking in his slightly glossy eyes and stupid happy smiles, something I had witnessed with Jasper on numerous occasions.
"Only on you, mon petit chou."
I couldn't contain my laughter at that, burying my face in his soft cotton shirt in an attempt to squelch my giggles. That proved to be a bigger mistake, because I was instantly assaulted by the heavenly scent of his cologne. I wanted to rub up against him like a kitten so that I could smell him on myself all night long.
Instead, I tried to keep things light and pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes and tease him once more, "Jeez, cheesy much?"
"Yup, I guess you just bring it out in me," he replied, tapping me on the tip of my nose. "But, I'm not drunk. I've only had two… honestly," he said, suddenly very sober.
"It's okay if you are. I'm not your mom or your... I know everyone thinks I'm a prude, but..."
"I don't think you're a prude, Bella. I don't think that at all. I think you are a million wonderful things, but not a prude." He paused and looked me directly in eyes, his face taking on an air of determination as he cryptically finished, "I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking very clearly right now."
He reached behind him to set his cup down on a side table, freeing his hands to find purchase on my waist. His fingers softly stroked the silk of my shirt as they worked their way lower until they were resting on my hips. He tugged me even closer, erasing the minute distance that remained between us. Our entire bodies pressed together so tightly that I worried he might feel my heart thundering in my chest.
My arms wound fully around his neck hugging him to me, my fingers playing with the soft hair at the nape of his neck as I rested my cheek against the smooth cotton of his shirt. He began to move us in a small circle as our hips rocked together in time. His hands started a slow massage of my hips and lower back, remaining just north of my ass at all times, as he pressed his lips against my hair.
The rest of the room fell away as his husky voice began to sing lowly in my ear, sending tingles down my spine.
"You're cinematic, razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones"
Pressed together like this as we swayed was the closest we had ever been. The moment was intensely sweet and intimate.
"Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto"
I realized that this was my opening, the obvious moment I had been waiting for to spill my heart and tell him I wanted more. He wanted a chance, and I wanted to give it to him.
"It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have
It's so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have"
I didn't realize how lost I was in my thoughts until he pulled back to glance at my face while continuing to gently sway us to the music.
"What has you so distracted?" he asked, his brow furrowed in concern, probably fearing that I was retreating from him.
I peered up at him through my lashes as I opened my mouth to say the words I had been toying with all night, but nothing would come out. They were stuck in my throat, blocking my airway with sudden panic, threatening to choke me with overwhelming nerves. Edward brought his hand up to softly caress my cheek, so caring and tender. I instantly relaxed into his touch, angling my face into his hand, brushing my lips against his palm.
His eyes flashed from my mouth up to my eyes, locking me in his ardent gaze. His hand on my lower back pulled me infinitely closer, as if that were even possible without melting into each other. His hand slid from my cheek around to the nape of neck. The quick beat of the music was all but forgotten as our bodies stilled. His eyes bounced between mine as he tilted his head—agonizingly slow—until the tip of his nose gently rubbed along the side of my own. His eyes slid closed followed immediately by own. Time stood still as his breath caressed my lips in sweet puffs. I waited in anticipation as we clung to each other exchanging shallow breaths…
A shrill squeal caused us both to jump, the sharp heel of my shoe landing right on Edward's foot as he steadied me. He bit back a curse that threatened to spill from his lips—lips that were almost on mine only milliseconds ago. He shrugged off the pain with a grimace as soon as I began to utter a humiliated apology, my cheeks colored with shame and frustration. We both turned to see what had caused Rose to shriek at such a ridiculous decibel, ruining our first almost kiss.
My plight was momentarily soothed at the sight of Emmett embracing Rose and spinning her around the room, both of their faces alight with joy. He plopped her back down on her feet and proceeded to kiss her like there was no tomorrow. Catcalls and whistles sounded from Emmett's overzealous buddies as his hand slid down and palmed her ass. Rose halfheartedly swatted at his hand with hers but kept right on kissing him with everything she had. They broke apart wearing matching grins and Emmett lowered his forehead to hers and began to whisper softly to her.
I peered up at Edward who was watching their display with a wistful expression. He must have felt my eyes on him because he glanced down at me with a tender smile and pulled me into his side, securing his arms around me. He gazed at me in adoration but there was something else there, a hint of anxiety underlying his soft expression. I slid my arm around his waist in reassurance, not wanting him to worry for a single moment that our almost kiss was in any way undesired.
"I need to borrow her for just a minute, Edward. Then she's all yours. I promise," Rose interrupted as she suddenly appeared before me, tugging on my arm to follow after her. She led me over to Alice and Angela and started in with the ear splitting squealing all over again.
"You're killing me here! What happened?" Alice demanded, bouncing with excitement and anticipation.
"He told me he loves me!" Epic squealing ensued immediately, the likes of which would put junior high girls to shame. Our obnoxious outburst caused a few of the guys who were hounding Emmett for details to groan in annoyance.
"We were dancing, and the moment was just perfect..." Yes, I thought. I was well aware of the perfect moment. I almost had one of my own. "I couldn't stop thinking about how all of you kept telling me to just talk to him and tell him how I feel, so I did. I started rambling about how I fell for him our freshman year, and that I wished I would have handled things differently so I could've had a chance for something real with him. I don't even know what all I said. God, I probably sounded like such an idiot. I just went on and on, and then… he kissed me. It was so gentle and sweet. And then he said it. He looked me square in the eye and said he loved me, that he has always loved me."
A harmonic chorus of 'awws' rang out in celebration, followed closely by a few more squeals and a lot of celebratory hugs.
"Can I have my Rosie back yet?" Emmett asked with a smirk as he wound his arms around her waist from behind. "I want to dance with my girl."
Warm, familiar arms tentatively wrapped around me at the same time. My body leaned back into his on its own accord, and he tightened his embrace in response. Angela's knowing eyes caught mine, and she shot me a proud and approving smile. For a second I debated stealing her away to gush about my almost kiss, but the moment felt oddly private, and I really didn't want to leave my place in Edward's arms.
The group of us followed after Emmett and Rose, reclaiming our place on the dance floor. We danced and twirled to the playful tune of The Plain White Tees "Rhythm of Love." All of us girls were in the middle grinning at each other, while our guys held us from behind. It was the most fun I had in a long time.
As the song ended, I spun around to face Edward, wrapping my arms around his neck once again. I was immediately awarded with his killer smile and took a moment to steel myself. He looked happy—ridiculously happy—and I would be lying if I didn't admit that it felt really good to know that I was at least part of the reason why. My fingers fiddled with his hair as I summoned the courage to spill my heart to him.
"So, I've been thinking…" I started with a sly smile.
"Hmm, that's always dangerous," he teased back playfully, but his eyes were alight with hope.
"Edward, I'm ready—" I didn't get a chance to finish my thought, because Alice all but launched herself between us.
"Come on! We're going to play truth or dare," she exclaimed tugging on both of us.
"Dammit, Alice. We're talking here," Edward complained a little too harshly causing Alice to wince. She looked at me for help, but I was also taken aback by his outburst.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt, but… do you guys want to play?"
"Just give us a minute, please." She nodded and stepped away, still appearing uncertain about Edward's sudden change in mood.
"Sorry about that, what were you saying?" he asked, but the moment had passed.
"It's nothing. We can talk later when there aren't so many people around."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it can wait. Let's just enjoy the party." He looked a little disappointed, but nodded and followed me over to where our friends were gathering to play the absurd party game.
Alice had lowered the volume on the music, and the crowds of people were finally starting to thin out. Only about a dozen of those remaining were actually willing to participate in the game. I hoped the rest would leave out of boredom for Edward and Alice's sake. We convened in a circle in the living room. Edward offered up the only empty chair to me and reclined on the arm next to me.
"Okay, here are the rules," Alice started, "Everyone will get one pass for a dare and one pass for a truth. After you have used your passes, all bets are off. After you are called on for a truth or dare it's your turn. You can't call on the person that just called on you. That's pretty much it. I'll start unless someone else wants to."
When no one spoke up, she began tapping her chin in mock concentration. "Who will be my first victim? Oh, I know! Jasper, truth or dare?"
"Ah, come on... Dare, pretty girl. It's always dare." Her evil grin widened at his cocky reply.
"Okay, I dare you to suck every toe on my right foot for ten seconds each." The horrified look on Jasper's face sent the entire room into a roar of laughter.
"Seriously? But, you've been dancing all night…" he groaned, pleading at her with his baby blues to let him off the hook. When that didn't work, he unleashed the full effect of the Whitlock charm on her in an attempt to distract her.
"You can pass... but it will only get worse," she warned. I was alarmed by this devious side of her and silently prayed that she never called on me.
When it was obvious that Jasper wasn't going to gain any sympathy with her, he slid off of the sofa and kneeled down in front of her. He picked up her foot and removed her violet peep-toe heel, which of course was perfectly matched to her violet backless shirt. His nose wrinkled in jest as placed a chaste kiss on the top of her foot, causing her to giggle.
He started with her little toe, sucking it into his mouth while she counted to ten for him between chuckles. Everyone was hooting and hollering by the time he made it to her big toe. In true Jasper fashion, he decided to make a big show of it, seductively twirling his tongue around her toe before sucking it all the way into his mouth. I shuttered at the sight and turned to hide my face in Edward's side. His body shook with laughter, but he held my head against him until it was over.
When Jasper's time was up he launched himself at Alice and tried to kiss her on the mouth in revenge, causing her to squeal about 'foot germs' and laugh hysterically as she attempted to free herself from his grasp.
"I'm gonna to get you back for that, pretty girl," he taunted as he took a seat next to her.
"Well you can't now because you have to pick someone else," she said matter-of-factly. Jasper took that as a challenge and thought for a long, hard minute before his face lit up with victory.
"Edward, truth or dare?" Edward stiffened next to me, realizing that he was about to fall party to Jasper's plan for retaliation against his twin.
"Dare," he said cautiously.
"Excellent. I dare you to trade shirts with Alice," Jasper declared with triumph.
"Oh come on! That's way worse for me than Alice."
"No it's not, man. I know how much she loves this shirt. I'm sure she would hate to have it stretched out."
"Oh my god! You have to pass, Edward. Please, please, please," Alice began to whine. Edward shook his head and stood up.
"Not gonna happen. Come on, sis, time to trade." I was already chuckling as I tried to picture Edward's muscular body wearing Alice's tiny top. She had on a bright purple backless shirt that was held together by a few strategically placed frilly ribbons. It was possibly the most feminine piece of clothing ever created, and only a girl of Alice's exact body type could pull it off… let alone a guy.
Alice glared at Edward as she stalked off towards the downstairs bathroom. We watched her step inside and slam the door as Edward stood awkwardly outside unsure of what to do. A moment later the door inched open and Alice's bare arm thrust the shirt out at him.
"Strip already, Edward! I'm naked in here," her voice commanded from beyond the door, causing me to slap my hand over my mouth to contain my laughter.
"Ew! You're not wearing a bra?" he asked, mortified.
Edward glanced back at his audience, his ears tinged pink, and then turned his back to us as he whipped his light blue polo shirt up over his head. I had seen Edward shirtless once before, on the fretful day that was forever tainted in my memory by Tanya's appearance. Even with the prior experience, I still let out an involuntary gasp at the sight of his strong back. My eyes locked onto the deep dimples in his lower back, and the way his dark jeans hung just below the waistline of his underwear.
I found myself pondering whether he wore boxer briefs or regular briefs. I could tell it was either one or the other by the small amount that was peeking out at me just above the swell of his perfect ass.
I didn't realize I was still staring until Edward turned around to face us leaving me gazing directly at his… Oh, my. I immediately looked away, hoping and praying that I hadn't been caught ogling.
I only allowed myself to look up again when the bathroom door opened. Alice appeared with Edward's shirt tied in a cute knot at her midsection and the short sleeves hanging down to her elbows. She actually looked quite adorable in her brother's clothes.
Edward was still studying the scrap of material that Alice had tossed at him like it was a long lost treasure map. She snatched it out of his hands and helped him put it on, guiding his muscular arms through the barely there sleeve holes and loosely tying the back together for him. He popped into the bathroom to check himself out in the mirror and immediately began laughing.
He returned to the group, standing before us proudly in what looked like a rectangular piece of fabric stuck to his chest. He put his hands on his hips and did an obnoxious spin, modeling his new attire for us causing the room to once again break into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.
"What do you think?" he asked, coming to stand right in front of me, exuding confidence.
"I think purple is your color. You should definitely wear it more often." I teased, trying not to notice the beginnings of his happy trail peeking out at me from between the bottom edge of the too small shirt and the top of his jeans. Edward could even make cross dressing look damn fine.
He plopped back down on the arm of my chair and rubbed his hands together like a villain, excitedly exclaiming, "Now it's my turn."
"Emmett, truth or dare?" It was clear at this point that they guys—and apparently Alice—were out for blood.
"Dare, bitches!"
"I dare you to let Rose wax your leg with duct tape."
"Bring it," Emmett agreed without a second thought. Edward darted out of the room laughing and returned moments later with a roll of plain old household duct tape. I had a bad feeling about this stunt.
Emmett stretched his leg out in front of him, rolling his jeans up so that his tanned lower leg was exposed. Rose tore off a six inch piece of the silver tape that Edward handed to her and eyed Emmett skeptically. He pointed to the front of his shin and smiled, causing her to roll her eyes as she smoothed the tape over his leg hairs.
"Are you ready?" she asked, cringing as she started to tug up a corner to get a strong grip on the tape.
"This is gonna hurt like hell, isn't it?"
"Probably…"
He blew out a long breath and then nodded.
"Okay, I'm going to count to three… One." The room grew silent. "Two." Everyone around me visibly cringed with sympathy. "Three." A horrible ripping sounded flooded my ears making my stomach turn, followed by the most creative string of curses I had ever heard.
"AHH! Goddam fuck nugget stealing assclown skank whore bitch craptastic son of a shit eating bastard! Mother fucker that shit hurt."
I couldn't hear myself think over the roar of laughter that ensued. Emmett had a perfect six inch long rectangle of puffy red skin on the front of his leg. It looked incredibly painful. Apparently duct tape is not a suitable substitute for waxing.
As the game continued Mike ended up with a marker illustration of a giant dick on the side of his face. Ben serenaded Angela with a horrible rendition of a Justin Bieber song, which I recorded to use against him the next time he brought my one experience with a femme kiss. Alice had mooned us all, much to Edward and Jasper's dismay. Tyler had stuck his hand in the toilet for a whopping thirty seconds. Rose had to drink a beer from one of her new Badgley Mischka shoes, which resulted in Emmett owing her a shopping trip for a replacement pair. Jessica gave Mike a very raunchy drunken lap dance that will haunt me forever. Angela made an obscene prank call to a random number. Edward ate paste, which he didn't seem to mind at all. And I was dared to sit on Tyler's lap for two whole rounds since he was the person I knew least in the room. I didn't complain though, because Edward decided that was cause enough for me to do the same with him.
Which was how I ended up right here, perched lightly atop Edward's lap trying to support my own weight, worried that I may cause his legs to go numb. Fortunately, Alice had released the full effect of her feminine wiles on Jasper and convinced him to allow her and Edward to switch their shirts back. I had a feeling sitting on his lap while he wore women's clothing would have an entirely different effect. I much preferred relaxing into the soft cotton and all consuming scent of him.
By this point, the game had shifted from silly dares to a round of more serious and consequential truths. It was Angela's turn, and being by far one of the nicest people in the room, no one looked too apprehensive about being called on next.
"Edward, truth or dare?"
"I'm quite comfortable where I am, so I'm gonna say truth," he said, his chin resting on my shoulder.
"Okay. If you could go back in time to any day of your life, what day would it be and why?" It was a good question, quite insightful, and I was immediately curious to hear his reply.
"Huh. That's a tough one, but I think I would go back to the day we left Minnesota." He paused, and I turned to take in his expression. I had never asked if he regretted that he was forced to move away from his home half way through his high school career. He could hate California for all I knew.
He looked me right in the eye as he continued, "I wish I would have ended things with Tanya before I left, so that I could have had a clean start here and been available to certain opportunities when they presented themselves. That's what I would change."
The room was eerily quiet at his reply. I found myself smiling shyly at him, happy at his sweet answer but saddened that he had any regrets. Part of me had actually admired that he'd tried so hard to make it work with his longtime girlfriend, even if I did think he was entirely too good for her.
"It's your turn," I whispered after a long moment, breaking the silent spell that we had fallen under.
He cleared his throat and turned back to the rest of the group. "Rose, truth or dare?"
"Truth," she answered with a yawn, the effects of the alcohol and dancing becoming apparent in everyone.
"Are you really in love with this big buffoon?" he asked lightheartedly, pointing at Emmett.
She replied with an enthusiastic 'yes' and sealed her answer with a highly indecent kiss on Emmett's mouth. Edward turned his face into the side of my neck as he snickered.
"I'm happy for them," I sighed.
He nodded into my neck and whispered back, "Me too."
He didn't remove himself from my neck as the game continued on around us, and I got lost in the feeling of his soft lips pressing lightly against my skin. He wasn't kissing me outright, just holding me against him in the most delicious way. I could feel ever inhale and exhale of breath, every subtle swallow, and the soft vibrations of his occasional laugh. The sensations he was creating had me floating so high that I jumped with a start when he suddenly poked me in the side to get my attention.
I glanced at him in question, and he nodded in Lauren's direction. Of course she of all people would interrupt my personal heaven.
"Earth to Bella. Truth or dare?" she snarked.
"Truth," I answered, already feeling dread at what she might ask me.
"How many bases have you crossed?" she asked cryptically, with a wicked smirk.
"Bases?"
"Yeah, you know like first base is kissing, second is over the clothes groping, third is under…"
"Or oral sex," Jessica contributed.
"And home is well… a homerun," Lauren finished.
"Okay, I get it…" I clipped. I should have seen it coming, but I had fallen right into her trap. I stiffened in Edward's arms and felt him go rigid behind me in response. It wasn't that I had anything to hide, but this should have been a private conversation between the two of us, not like this.
"Well?"
"First base. I've never been past first base," I answered, my voice shaky and too quiet.
Edward rubbed his hands up and down my arms in an action I was sure was meant to relax me, but my mind was racing wondering what he thought. I had never given him any reason to think that I had any experience. Still, I worried that it might be off putting to him to hear it confirmed out loud, and in front of his guy friends no less.
"Ha! Virgin. I knew it," Lauren sneered. Her attitude infuriated me, and I silently wished that Alice hadn't established the rule that you couldn't call on the person that just called on you. I wanted to find something equally embarrassing to call her out on like what her natural hair color was, or how she showed up after last summer break with obviously fake tits.
I reigned in my anger and directed my attention to finding someone else to call on.
"Jasper?"
"Yes, Bells?" His voice was playful, but his eyes watched me carefully as he reverted back to his protective brother role.
"Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Lame!" Emmett taunted, helping to dissipate some of the previous tension in the room.
"Let's see… Oh, I've got one. If you had to be deaf or blind, which one would you choose?"
"Deaf, because I still wanna be able to see this pretty face. You know what I mean?" he teased, squeezing Alice's smiling cheeks and loudly smacking a kiss on her on the lips. I rolled my eyes at his cheese, and the game continued on.
Once the spotlight was off of me, Edward took the opportunity to ask if I was okay. I told him that I was fine but sat quietly, the easy mood of the night lessened by my tendency to over think everything.
I listened mutely as the questions thrown out became racier and laden with sexual connotations. What is the most taboo thing you have ever done? How often do you masturbate? Have you ever seen a porno? Where is the craziest place you've ever done it?
Rose casually answered the balcony of Emmett's dad's beach house for the last question, and then glanced around trying to decide who she was going to call on.
She smiled brilliantly as her eyes landed on Edward and me, or more specifically the way he was affectionately massaging my neck and shoulders in an effort to help me relax. I should have known nothing good could come of the look in her eye, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
"Ah, Edward, truth or dare?" she asked, her voice a little too sweet for my liking.
"Dare," he replied confidently, his fingers tenderly sliding up and down the back of my neck causing my head to roll from side to side with each movement.
"Great! I dare you to kiss Bella," she replied with a victorious grin, winking at me like she had just done me a huge favor. I supposed she had, but I wasn't exactly thrilled with the thought of our first kiss being shared with a bunch of other people let alone as the result of a dare. I wanted to go back in time and revisit our moment on the dance floor. Still, I would be kissing Edward and I realized it was likely going to happen sooner or later regardless, hopefully tonight considering the way the evening had gone. I smiled at the thought. Edward's response however threw my world off kilter.
"I'm uh… I think… I'm just gonna pass," he said nervously, his hands stilling on me but not pulling away. I tried not to feel rejected by the words, hoping that he was just trying to protect me from moving too fast, especially now that he had confirmation that I had zilch experience. He was considerate like that, and I knew he wouldn't want an asinine game to put any pressure on me to do something that I might not be ready for. Little did he know that I was more than ready.
"Oh, come on. It's just a dare," she encouraged.
I turned in his lap to face him and attempt to reassure him. It was just a kiss, and a silly dare to waste a pass on considering the caliber of disgusting things that these people were able to come up with tonight. He nervously ran his hands through his hair as his concerned stare penetrated me. I placed a hand on his on the side of his face in a move that I hoped would comfort him.
"Hey, it's okay. It's just a dare. I don't mind… really," I murmured quietly so that only he could hear me. His eyes remained steady on mine as he warred with something internally. He finally sighed and dropped his head back onto the chair and stared up at the ceiling.
"Okay," he agreed, but when he turned to me the expression on his face was distant, any trace of the desire I had seen reflected back at me earlier completely erased.
I began to question myself. Had I read the signs wrong? Maybe he wasn't going to kiss me earlier. Maybe he didn't want to kiss me at all. Panic set in, hard and fast.
His eyes diligently avoided mine as Rose asked us to stand up so that everyone could see. I began debating if this was the right thing to do, unsure if I should just back out and give him an easy escape. Before I could make a decision and bow out gracefully, he finally looked down at me. His eyes looked pained and so very sad, as if just the idea of kissing me was pure torture to him.
He leaned down to me and gently cupped my face in his palm, whispering against my lips that he was sorry a split second before he pressed forward and kissed me. I blinked back tears at his words, unsure of how to take them. He placed three slow kisses on my lips before he pulled my bottom lip between his.
I didn't know how to react. Should I kiss him back when he was so clearly tormented by being dared to kiss me? Would it make it worse for him if I did? Did I care?
Then it suddenly hit me like a bolt of lightning that Edward Cullen was kissing me right now, and I was just standing there like a fool wasting what was possibly my only opportunity to experience this with him.
Wayward tears leaked from the corner of my eyes as I squeezed them shut and pressed forward, moving my mouth in sync with his. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and clung to him in a pathetic attempt to regain some of the intimacy that I had experienced with him earlier in the evening. Finally, his arms wound around my middle and pulled me closer. Then I was home.
Kissing Edward was as easy as breathing. Our lips danced and tongues twirled in perfect harmony as our kiss quickly became more heated. I gave him everything I had, pouring my heart out to him in that kiss. With my eyes closed, basking in the sensation of being with him like this, it was easy to pretend that he was enjoying it as much as me.
In the far recesses of my mind, I heard Rose call time and knew that the magical moment would have to come to an end. Too soon for my liking the catcalls and whistles began, but I refused to stop first. Edward began to pull away from me, and the momentary bliss I felt was instantly replaced with utter humiliation.
I looked square at his chest as he released me, unable to meet his eyes and see even a hint of regret in them. I was aware that my hands were shaking where they remained on his shoulders. My breath was coming out in shallow pants, and I felt a wave of nausea roll through me as all the possible ramifications for my actions assaulted me at once. Did I just blow my opportunity to be with him? Would I lose him as friend? I wasn't sure how I could go on without his presence in my life now.
And the hardest question to acknowledge… why didn't he want me? He had told me he wanted me.
Angry tears pricked at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall in front of anyone. I heard Edward whisper my name, but I refused to look at him, mumbling that it was his turn to call on someone in the game. I perched tentatively on the edge of the chair while he remained standing stoic next to me. I waited for the game to resume around me before I stood as quietly as possible and walked away in search of solitude. I didn't look at anyone as I fled the room. At first I headed toward the downstairs bathroom, but thought better of it and turned to head upstairs to the privacy of Alice's personal bathroom instead. I needed the seclusion and figured I could grab my overnight bag and make a clean get away after I had a moment to myself.
By some means of grace, I managed to keep my composure the entire trek from the living room to my destination, but the moment the bathroom door clicked shut behind me I fell apart. My back slid down the door as my knees collapsed beneath me in despair. The tears I was holding back cascaded down my cheeks as a strangled sob viciously ripped itself from my throat. It was all too much. I hadn't even had a chance to tell him how I felt and my heart was already shattering into a million little pieces.
My mind raced with possible causes to his sudden shift in his attitude, a million scenarios flitting through my brain faster than I could process them. Maybe I did or said something wrong. Maybe I just had bad breath. Maybe he didn't realize I was so inexperienced. Maybe the thought of being with a virgin bothered him. Maybe Lauren made up a new rumor about me. Maybe he got tired of waiting for me. Maybe there was someone else that caught his attention. Maybe he figured out that I'm not good enough for him. Maybe someone clued him in that I was just a poor girl from the wrong part of town.
I sobbed to the point of hysterics until I was too exhausted to continue on. I hugged my bare knees to my chest and let my tears flow freely until there were none left to cry.
My pocket buzzed, reminding me of the party downstairs and spurring me into action. I pulled out my cell phone and flipped it open to find three missed text messages.
Are you okay? –Ang
What just happened? Edward looks freaked out. –Rose
What's going on with you and my brother? Did I miss something? –Alice
I forced myself to get up off of the cold tile floor and wash my face. The harsh black mascara tracks on my cheeks marring my reflection further exacerbated the hopeless feeling welling inside of me.
I allowed the cool water and tingling sensation of Alice's face wash to clear my thoughts. I patted my face dry with a fresh towel; every trace of the impeccable make up that she had slaved over washed away. I looked plain. I looked like me again.
I schooled my features into a mask of calm, intent on holding it together long enough to make my escape. I hated up and leaving so suddenly when Alice had been so excited about having me spend the night, but I couldn't imagine staying under the same roof as Edward tonight.
I also knew that I would need to talk to him eventually and find out what had changed, but I wasn't ready yet. It was all too much. One moment I thought this may be the night we became an official couple and the next he looked like he was being physically tortured over a kiss. I didn't know what to think, but I knew if I dwelled on it any longer I would crumple into a weeping mess all over again.
I opened the door to go collect my things in Alice's bedroom, but startled when I noticed a figure sitting on the edge of her bed. Waiting in silence for me—looking so sad, vulnerable, and just defeated with his head hanging helplessly in his hands—was Edward.
xxx
A/N: Oh, teenage drama... Experiences like this do not make me miss high school at all. I hated that feeling of vulnerability and insecurity that we all go through as we find our way in the world.
Sorry to leave you hanging on a bit of a cliffy there. I had a lot more planned for this chapter, but it was getting too long. This felt like a natural turning to point to switch back to EPOV. Feel free to flay me for leaving you hanging without much resolution. There is hope though, right? I mean, he went after her and waited for her. And there was all that sweet flirting and dancing in the beginning.
Funny story… In my first draft of this chapter I forgot to have Alice and Edward switch their shirts back. The lovely Hibbleton78 noted my oversight when she sent the doc back to me. Her suggestion… add more drama. This was her contribution: "I thought I knew you but you're repulsed by the idea of kissing me and you enjoy wearing women's clothing so much that you're still wearing your sister's shirt without giving it a second thought... I'm really NOT your type, am I?" Yeah, I almost peed my pants. Definitely would have given the ending a different vibe. Good catch bb!
Thank you to usual suspects! Hibbleton78 for fixing my mistakes and making me laugh and Hollister1980 for prereading.
Reviews get teased!