Thank you so much everyone for your absolutely beautiful reviews. You are truly amazing and your words made me want to update so much faster. :)

Chapter 7: Finding a Way Back

Waking up, lost in a fog
You were the light that led me home
Overcome, thought I was strong
Thought I could make it on my own
I fooled myself, but believe me now...

...'Cause I don't wanna let you go
I'd be lost without you, I think you should know
I'm here. And I don't wanna let you go
~ Ross Copperman, I Don't Wanna Let You Go

The sunlight streaming in through the back door made him wince as it stabbed into his eyelids. He moaned softly and rested his head in his hands, hunching over in the chair.

"You look terrible," Kate observed, walking into the kitchen. "You sure you don't want some Tylenol?"

"How's Veronica doing?" he asked, ignoring her question.

"She wondered why I wanted her to babysit Aaron so early, but thankfully she didn't ask a lot of questions." She sat down across from him, twirling her coffee mug slowly.

"What'd he say?"

"He's a little confused, but not too worried. He's just happy that you're back," she told him truthfully, hating the way she could see her words cutting into his heart.

"What are we going to do?"

She sighed, hoping they'd be able to have a few minutes of normal conversation before getting to the more serious topics. Clearly Jack had other ideas.

"I don't know, but Aaron couldn't handle it if you left. He had to live without you once and I doubt he could do it again." She fell silent, realizing she was no longer talking about her son and wondering if Jack heard the double meaning in her words.

He seemed to be more focused on the shivers running along his arm than her words, however. Kate couldn't help the sliver of irritation that ran up her spine.

"Do you want to have a shower before we talk?" she asked bluntly, the tone of her voice catching Jack's attention.

"I'm okay, thanks," he said apologetically, hating how weak he felt. He decided to change the subject. "But I wouldn't mind a few of those pancakes."

Kate knew he was just trying to make her feel better, but for some reason the thought of Jack wanting to eat something she'd made caused her heart to beat faster. "You don't have to. I'm sure you're not really up to eating anything right now."

"Don't worry Kate. I'm actually kind of hungry, and I feel fine. Though that might change after I taste your cooking," he added, smirking.

Kate smacked his arm lightly, falling easily back into what had once been their normal routine. "I am not that bad of a cook."

"Oh sure. Setting the kitchen on fire is obviously a mark of extreme skill."

"One time," she squealed. "And that was because you kept distracting me." She scooted out of her chair doubtfully when Jack began walking towards her. "No," she told him fiercely. "You stay away from me." She could hear in her own ears the lack of conviction her words held.

"You mean like this?" he asked, grabbing her and tickling her viciously. Her gasps of laughter filled the kitchen as she struggled to get free, her efforts sending them both to their knees.

"St – stop it!" she screamed. "You k – know I'm ticklish there. P – please," she begged, but Jack was relentless. Only when she was completely out of breath and clutching her sides desperately did he stop, although he was still grinning hugely.

"Can you blame me for not paying attention to the oven?" she asked sarcastically.

"It's not my fault you have a short attention span..." Jack trailed off as he finally registered their position on the floor. Kate had somehow managed to situate herself in his lap as they leaned against the cupboards; they were both much to comfortable. Seeming to realize this at the same time Jack did, Kate carefully slid herself away from him, her back pressing against the counter on the other side as she tried furiously to control her blush.

"Um...you still want those pancakes?" she asked, subdued.

"I'll get them," Jack offered, standing up. "Listen, why don't you lie down for a bit while I eat? You must be exhausted, I'm sure you didn't get any sleep last night. And I'm sorry about that."

"Don't worry, I'm used to it. I can't remember the last time I got a decent night's sleep," she admitted. Jack eyed her doubtfully and she felt she had to elaborate. After all, he'd shared enough with her last night for her to reciprocate those actions now and, after their scene in the kitchen, she was feeling within her the stirrings of something she hadn't felt in much too long: pure, unbridled lust.

She swallowed thickly, forcing down those emotions as she struggled to maintain her self-control; it would do no good to give in to those cravings now. Needing a distraction, she began babbling out an explanation about her severe lack of sleep.

"I keep having these dreams...nightmares really...about, well, about Claire." She paused long enough to see the hurt fill Jack's eyes, as she knew they would at the mention of his half-sister. He felt just as guilty, if not more so, about leaving her on the Island, but there was nothing either of them could do now. As far as she knew, neither of them was willing to go back there, not for anything.

"And each time she tells me that I never should have taken Aaron away from her, that she will come back for him. It hurts so much to have her mad at me, even though I know it's just a dream. I can't bear the thought of her being left alone on that Island for all this time, thinking we all abandoned her. But I can't bring myself to go back either.

"So every day I wake up hating myself for being so selfish, but at the same time knowing I would never leave Aaron alone after all he's been through. I feel like I'm having to decide between two impossible choices, and I have no idea if I'm making the right one."

By now her words were so strung together that she was sure Jack wouldn't understand a thing. She shut her mouth quickly, turning away as she tried to hide her tears, not wanting to seem so weak in front of him.

"Kate," he whispered, in an agonized voice. Sitting back down beside her, he pulled her to his chest, engulfing her in his musty, familiar scent. She couldn't help as the tears spilled faster down her cheeks, his close contact bring back so many memories; making her feel more secure than she had in a long time.

"And I'm so scared that someone is going to find out. That they'll know we've been lying all this time and that they'll try to take Aaron away. I don't know what I'll do without him. He's the only thing that keeps me sane," she whimpered.

He wrapped his strong arms around her gently, as if he never wanted to let her go, and she let herself believe, just for a moment, that he did still love her and want to spend the rest of his life with her. That was before his next words sunk in.

"I hate that you had to go through this on your own. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you, and for what I didn't do for you. But it's too late now. As much as I want to change, what good will it really do? I'm a drug addict, Kate, and there's no way around that. I am seeing my dead father for god's sake and I was just checked into a hospital because I tried to kill myself.

"My life working as a doctor is over – if St. Sebastian's hasn't already heard about my "accident" then they will soon. And they'll know exactly what is going on. I'm already on probation for stealing drugs from the pharmacy there. How do you think everyone will react when they find out I'm suicidal too? I'll be fired for sure."

Kate shifted guiltily against him and he glanced down absently. "What? Is there something you're not telling me?" he asked.

"Jack," she sighed. "You were brought to St. Sebastian's hospital that night. It was the closest one to your apartment and you needed to get there as quickly as possible," she added after seeing his expression. "But that means – "

"I definitely won't have a job after they found out why I was admitted," he finished, his mood darkening. "And that won't take very long. In fact, I'm surprised no one has come here to look for me already, considering how I ran out of there last night..."

Kate decided it best not to mention the hospital's phone call last night. "I'm sorry, Jack. I was just so worried about you..."

He waved off her apology. "It's not your fault. You were just trying to save my life, Kate. How could I ever be mad at you for that, especially when I put in that situation to begin with? I just don't see how whatever semblance of a relationship we have is ever going to work out when I have so many other issues to work through."

"But you don't have to do it alone," Kate objected. "If I want you back in my life, and I do, then I need to help you with all that. I don't know what to do about your job, or your father, but I can support you with your drug problems. I can be there for you through withdrawal and rehab. And I will make sure that you never hurt yourself again."

Jack tried to swallow around the lump in his throat, wanting to let Kate know just how much her words meant. "I promise that I won't let anything happen to you or Aaron. I will do everything I can to keep you both safe. And I'll never leave you again," he told her sincerely. "But I don't know how this will work out; I honestly can't see a simple solution here..."

"We'll solve it together," Kate added, her voice muffled against his shirt. She would never admit it, but her heart was soaring at how tightly he was holding her. "I don't want you to go. No matter what. I was wrong before, to try and keep you away. I tried cutting you out of my life completely – that didn't work. Us trying to be just friends isn't going to work either. Not when Aaron is involved. I can only see one path for us. I know this is going to sound incredibly corny, but maybe we were meant to be together."

Jack chuckled lightly. "I don't believe in fate, Kate. We make our own future."

"Then how come you kept coming back to me? If we weren't supposed to be together, our relationship would have fallen apart ages ago," she countered.

"Maybe I could never truly leave my life with you behind because I love you," he said. Kate noticed he spoke in the present tense, not the past, of his love for her "Did you ever think of that?"

"If you love me so much, then how could you walk out on me and Aaron?" she demanded.

He took a deep breath, searching for the right words to make her believe him. "Like I said last night, I didn't think I was ready to be a father. I thought I'd never be able to raise Aaron the way you have, and that night he heard us fighting proved my point. If I had been more careful with what I said around the house, if I had just trusted you and believed that you would never have done anything to destroy our relationship, then maybe none of this would have ever happened."

He looked down at the beautiful woman curled up in his arms and wondered why he'd ever found a reason to be angry with her, why he would ever believe anything but the truth she was telling him. Being apart for so long had made him realize, again, just how lucky he was.

"And I think a part of me was always afraid that you'd choose him over me. Even though we were engaged, living together and raising a child, in the back of my mind I was so sure that you would go back to Sawyer. That you would run away and leave me alone again."

Kate frowned, not comprehending how he could still have doubts about how much she cared for him. "I would never have left you. Never once during all that we went through here, did I run. No matter how much I wanted to. And I'm not running now," she whispered, echoing the words he'd said to her that first day on the beach.

"No, but you were always the one to," was his reply.

She looked at him sadly, hating to know that she was the one who had turned him into someone so bitter and insecure. "I love you," she said with as much passion as she could muster. "With all my heart. You are the one I chose. Not Sawyer and not anyone else. I need you to know that."

Yet despite her efforts, Jack still didn't look convinced. She vowed to do everything in her power to make it up to him, so that someday he would believe her. Nothing she'd ever told him before had ever been so true and she needed to show him that.

With a sudden boldness more akin to that of the woman she had once been and not the mother she had become, she tilted her head up and kissed him fiercely. She put every last ounce of feeling into the kiss; every instant of sorrow, anguish, joy or fury played across her lips as first she, then he, deepened the moment.

When she finally pulled away, both of them breathless, it was to find herself staring into eyes so filled with desire that she couldn't help what happened next. Her body moved of its own accord, her mouth gravitating back to his without her fully considering the repercussions of her actions.

Jack responded in a way that was only natural, pulling her as close as possible without them merging into one single entity. Kate wrapped her legs around him in a fit of passion, struggling to lift the shirt off his head as she did so.

Knowing exactly what she wanted, he helped her along, nearly ripping the fabric off himself while she worked on her own clothes. Soon he had lifted her up and was carrying her to the couch – neither of them would have been able to make it upstairs – the entire time his lips never moving from her own.

As their bodies pressed against each other on the soft fabric, the blanket falling to the floor, Jack whispered Kate's name over and over, followed only by the words "I love you." No matter how many times Kate heard it, whether she was trailing her arms across Jack's chest or nibbling on his ear, she would always tighten her hold on him and mumble back sweet nothings, promising never to let him go again.

He couldn't do anything but believe her.