Halyn

By: MIA202

Summary: Harri Potter is a twin, not to mention a girl. Her older twin brother is named boy-who-lived, while she is swept aside, letting her brother have all the fame and spotlight. Eventually sent to live with the Dursley's. Harri grows up very different from her brother, and anyone else in the wizarding world. What happens though, when it turns out Dumbledore made a mistake? What if Harri has already made herself into a new person and barely remembers her past? Will she be bothered to save a world that has never thought anything of her?

Warning: fem!Harry, child neglect and abuse, offensive language, some violence

Disclaimer: I do not own or have any rights to any Harry Potter character or plots or universe. I only create plots and put the Harry Potter universe into them.

A/N: I'm sorry! I was very sick last weekend and couldn't update. :( For everyone who celebrates: Happy Thanksgiving! (early seeing as it's on Thursday!) On a story-related note: No one asked in the reviews for me to say ahead of time who is talking in each chapter, or whose point of view it is I should say, therefore everything will stay as is. I will however, keep the option open. If enough people review and ask for me to say whose POV it is I will change all the chapters and upcoming chapters by adding it. Thanks! Enjoy!

Chapter 4

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I thought I new love, once, but I was mistaken and told so outright. It was childish of me to think I did, and my actions, before I was set right, were a mirror to this. "Immature thoughts lead to immature actions," Sorin had once said. It made sense now, but before then, I did think I was in love for the first time. Perhaps the only time.

Viktor became more to me over time. He was my first friend and closest companion at school, and when I hit puberty I began to look at him differently, feel things about him that were new to me. This was at a time when I thought I understood friendship too.

Viktor continued to seek me out to spend time together through my first four years at Durmstrang. And while I was friendly with the entire Quidditch team, Viktor was the one I looked to first; the one I trusted the most. It wasn't odd to see me walking down the school hallways with him, his large arm slung over my shoulder. He'd invite me to fly with him and his friends on the weekends when he wasn't practicing, and sometimes it was just him and me. I showed him the small clearing by where the cliff met the water that I like to sit in and relax, and he would follow me to it and we'd just lie in the grass and think.

If I had problems, he'd insist I let him know. If he worried over something, I would speak of meaningless things until he was comfortable enough to let it out. He'd make me promise to watch all his Quidditch matches at school and soon I learned how to give a good massage, to help his aching muscles after a particularly bad session. He'd picked up on most of my hiding spots in the library and often joined me, sometimes even bringing a friend, quietly studying. After my second year, I found myself taking sidelong glances at him, memorizing the curve of his jaw or the way he did this and that. I delighted in the glares some girls would give me as I walked in the near-by village under Viktor's strong arm.

Looking back, I would say my third year passed in a haze of delight and indulgence in my new feelings. But these things never last and it slowly came crashing down around me during fourth year. The British wizarding school, Hogwarts, was hosting a championship. Our school was invited and Viktor, in his last year, was one of the favorites. The school was getting a boat together and taking some of the top and favorite students. I was not permitted to go.

"You're too much of a distraction. We don not need the other school knowing we have a female student, on top of it all." The headmaster told me. Karkaroff never did like me much.

The day before departure, the students who were being taken were announced. I was correct in assuming Viktor would be gone. I resolved myself to tell him that night how I was feeling. As he found me in the library, I put my book down and smiled. He took the seat next to me, close enough that I could feel his body heat.

"Hey." He said softly, "I'm going to be gone tomorrow morning."

"I know. I predicted as much when they announced the tournament." I said, scooting closer to him. He threw his arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah. Are you going to be all right when I'm gone?"

I frowned at him, "I'm more worried about you. You're the most likely choice for the tournament. People have died in it you know."

"I'll be alright."

"You'd better be. I want you to come back in one piece. Though, I guess I'd feel the same way about you even if you weren't." I said softly.

"Halyn?" He asked, looking me in my eyes.

I decided to take Sorin's approach of directness.

"I like you, as more than a friend."

"Oh," Viktor looked shocked for a moment, "this is pretty bad timing then, with me going away."

"Could you like me back in the same way?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe. We'd have to try dating and see where it goes, but I like you as a person, so I'm not adverse to it." He smiled. My face automatically returned the gesture, a bit of hope growing in me. "We'll have to wait until I'm back though."

I nodded, in agreement, before leaning in and pressing my lips to his momentarily, like I'd seen women do to handler Perez.

We were quiet after that, and we didn't speak as I saw him off the next morning. We wrote letters back and forth, taking about our days and the tournament. I was right again; he was chosen as champion. Apparently an minor uproar occurred when a fourth piece of paper saying only the last name "Potter" flew out of the goblet. There were only supposed to be three champions, and while the boy was underage, "Potter" was assumed to be Alastair Potter, the boy-who-lived, even though he was too young to be a competitor. His parents were happy about it for some reason, according to Viktor. An image of a young boy with auburn hair and brown eyes crossed my mind for some reason, but I shook it off. I would see images like that from time to time, and idly I wondered if it was from a previous life or just the one that I couldn't remember. Either way it didn't matter; I paid them little attention.

When the first task got close I received letters from both Viktor and the headmaster asking for my help with dragons. I sent what information I could, assuming they were a part of the tournament. I hoped they weren't dealing with dragon mothers.

The second task wound up being something about diving into a lake for a cherished item. Viktor was vague about it and just asked more about my time back at school. He mentioned the Veela girl from France almost lost her little sister in it, but the one Hogwarts champion, Cedric, went back down for her. I was a little confused over the details, but Viktor was still in first place, so I didn't bother asking more.

The last task wound up being a giant maze with traps and hidden creatures on the way to the middle where the cup was. I got more information from a copy of the wizarding paper, the Daily Prophet, than I did from Viktor. Apparently there was foul play in the last task. Viktor was put under the Imperious curse and forced to attack the Veela girl. The one Hogwarts champion, Cedric, was about to grab the cup, when he was pushed out of the way and it was grabbed by the other Hogwarts champion. The cup turned out to be a port key. Some time later, the boy was returned with a bleed arm, blubbering about Lord Voldemort returning. Through his cries someone made out a bit of what he was saying.

"He's back, You-Know-Who is back. He used my blood and came back. He said I am the wrong one. What does he mean I'm the wrong one? I'm the only one, right?"

The Durmstrang students returned not too long after. The Potter boy was named champion, only because he grabbed the cup. Headmaster Karkaroff disappeared, and the deputy headmaster officially took over Durmstrang. I liked him much better any way and vise-versa.

I was excited for the return, giddily waiting, bouncing on my toes. As the boat pulled into port, I waited for Viktor to come out. He was the last one and I greeted him with a smile. He approached me, throwing an arm over my shoulder, smiling slightly as well. Remembering the last time we spoke face to face, I reached up on my toes to give him a kiss to welcome him home. The next thing I knew I was being held arms length from him.

"Viktor?" I asked, clearly confused.

"What do you think you are doing?" His voice was rough, not at all what I was used to from him. I was confused, he did not react this way the last time.

"Welcoming you home. I thought-"

He cut me off, "You thought wrong."

"We had a conversation." I pointed out, perhaps he had forgotten. "You said when you get back."

"I can't, not anymore. I met a woman while I was there, whom I asked to come visit me in Bulgaria. Her name's Hermione and I think I love her, so no Halyn. Stop your thoughts right now. You are too young for such things."

I had read about her in some of the articles, she was a friend of the Potter boy, and the same age as me. "We are the same age, she and I. So do not make excuses Viktor. And I know you far better than she. You've only just met her, how can you love her?"

He shoved me away, "You don't understand true love, Halyn. How can you? Look at your life! You understand very little of human interaction at all, let alone complex emotions like love."

My eyes widened and I felt a pain in my chest I would later recognizes as an attachment suddenly and harshly being broken. My eyes burned with my chest, and I blinked rapidly trying to sooth them. The world around us was quiet, though we were surrounded by faces and sounds. It was one of those moments, my moments, where time stopped and marked down the passage of an event, only to start back up quickly with out any warning. Oh, how I wished I could have had some warning.

The surrounding students were still silent, but something in Viktor's demeanor broke, and he looked regretful as his eyebrows drew together in understanding of what he'd just said, almost as if he was hearing the words again, but for the first time.

"Halyn," he said softly, like I had been accustomed to, like the way that used to sooth me, but the attachment was snapped and now it only sounded like pleading- the whinning of an injured animal. Who was he to whine? I thought. I am the one in pain.

I swallowed thickly, like something was stuck in my throat, though I knew nothing was there. I nodded my head once and turned on my heel, heading to the nearby forest where I knew I could loose myself. No one needed to follow me. The several attachments I had made in this school where through Viktor and like with a tree, once the base was cut, the whole thing fell.

"Halyn!" He called after me again. I shook my head, clearig my thoughts and trying to find my voice.

"I'm taking a week of sick leave!" I called back to the new headmaster. My voice sounded off to my ears; strained. It hurt to speak. I didn't care if he agreed or not, and began to run until I was safely inside the tree line. I heard Viktor trying to follow me, but the forest was like the one back home and I easily got lost in the tress, going deeper and deeper until I felt somewhat more at peace.

Love is something I don't understand.

I understand the mental attachment one makes to another person or a thing. I understand the yearning that takes place when you are pulled away from something you are deeply attached to. But over time, sometimes a long time, that yearning fades until it is a dull ache in the chest and quiet thought in the mind. But I do not think this is love.

I also understand lust. The reaction cause by our hormones when we feel a suitable partner for intimacy is found. The reaction we have when we see something pleasing to the eye that is also pleasing to the mind and other senses. Animals have mating seasons to control their lust. Humans have a basic thought process and free will. At times I have wished humans had mating seasons too, because the brain can be addled and fooled and overrun by the senses. However, once the lust we feel is satisfied, the need is gone until the body responds again. This is not love either.

I asked Sorin, but he was unsure how to explain he said, and advised me to ask Mai Lin. Apparently women were supposed to know better. When I got to her, she told me it is a connection of the soul; more than sharing bodies or minds or energy. That when you find love, even if it is forced to leave you, it will never truly be gone. And that thinking of lost love will hurt, but over time that hurt will fade and there will always be warmth that will never leave you.

"Love transcends us and our understanding. Like a deity, it just is, it exists and we don't know why or how but it is there and you can feel it." She smiled at me softly then, "When you find love, no matter what kind, it will make you strong and you will know it is there, even if you don't realize it at first. Your heart will be unlocked by this person and you will feel better than you have ever felt before."

"How will I know? Can I learn?"

"When you find yourself doing everything possible to help or be with or save that person. When you are truly in love, Halyn, that person means more to you than you do to yourself and vise-versa. You will see them for who they are, know all their faults, and love them even more for it. And you may fight and you may cry, but in your heart you know it will always end up all right."

I think Mai Lin must have love or known love, but I still do not understand it. Mai Lin is convinced that someday I will. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

TBC…