A/N- Hi everyone! A huge round of applause for those who reviewed last chapter. You all are too good to me! I hope you are ready for a major angst fest. Enjoy! By the way, this is my longest chapter yet! Oh and by the way again I have no idea when Sookie's birthday is. I think I read somewhere that it's July 1st? I'm not sure but if it is I'm sorry because I changed it!
It was one of those days when you wanted to yell "FUCK YOU" to the world and blame everyone else for your problems even if they were really your own fault.
That's how I felt today.
I had been with Eric for a little over a month and was finally beginning to get comfortable. As much as I hated my life it was a hell of a lot better than where I was before. Eric and the rest of the Fangtasia staff treated me well-except the human waitresses, they were suspicious that I had a thing with Eric and were extremely jealous. I wanted to tell them that there was nothing going on between the two of us, but then they'd know something was off about me. Eric said he wanted to keep my telepathy on the down low. Only he and Pam knew my little secret, Longshadow did too. That is, before he kicked the bucket.
Eric had begun to allow me to go outside during the day which was absolutely incredible. What wasn't incredible was that Bobby Burnham was there babysitting me. He'd come over and "let me out" as he liked to call it-the bastard. Normally we'd just go on silent walks around Eric's neighborhood. Since I actually had a source of income sometimes we'd go to the local CVS if I needed anything.
Last week Pam had taken me shopping. You heard it-shopping. Apparently she had begged Eric to take me. Eric was totally against it. I don't know how Pam did it, but she had convinced him. I was more than nervous to be going out with Pam.
If anything happens to her this is on you, Pam. You will answer to me and pay the consequences. Do I make myself clear?
Eric had told her this in Swedish before we left. I was touched he cared about my safety. Or maybe he thought that I'd try to run away again. Either way I felt much better that Pam was under such strict orders coming directly from her maker.
Eric didn't want anybody recognizing me so we went to a mall an hour away from Shreveport and two hours away from Bon Temps. I'd told him that the only "mall" the people of Bon Temps went to was Walmart but he'd have none of it.
I'd thanked Pam for taking me shopping-I had needed some new clothes. She brushed it off and said she was excited about going. My mouth hung open. Pam was excited about something?
It turned out she was a really good shopping assistant. We had torn Nordstrom's apart and when we made it to the register she had whipped out Eric's credit card before I could ask how we were supposed to pay for everything. The cashier gave us a tense smile and didn't question that the name on the credit card was a man's name.
When we had returned to Eric's house that night I was smiling, Pam's lips were quirked upwards as well. Eric was surprised by our happy expressions.
"Everything went well, I presume?" Eric had asked, suspiciously eyeing me up and down.
Pam smiled with fang. "Oh yes, I believe Sookie is my favorite human."
I bit back a laugh when I saw Eric's stony expression.
"You have done well, Pam." Eric nodded his approval.
Pam's eyes gleamed and she turned to leave. When her hand was on the doorknob Eric called out to her.
"Pam," He said seriously, his hand outstretched. "I was born in 900 AD, not yesterday."
Pam looked like a grumpy teenager as she stomped back to Eric and slapped his Discover card into his hand and walked out the door, slamming it shut behind her.
I couldn't believe what I had just seen.
Eric must have seen the incredulous look face on my face.
"She can never get enough Prada." He said as way of explanation.
I laughed out loud, grinning from ear to ear. I had forgotten what it was like to laugh. The whole situation normally wouldn't have been funny but add vampires into the mix and that's Saturday Night Live worthy.
Eric grinned back at me, happy to see that I was happy. He said he would be in his study if I needed anything.
I went to sleep that night with a smile on my face.
Today, however, was a different story.
Remember when I said I wanted to curse out the world? Well I still do.
When I woke up this morning the date on my bedside clock made me do a double take. December 12? It couldn't be! It couldn't be my birthday already.
Out of tradition I ran to the mirror in the bathroom and inspected my features. I didn't look any older or wiser. I had been doing that since my thirteen birthday when I had wondered if being a teenager suddenly made you look more mature. Needless to say I was thoroughly disappointed and Gran had laughed heartily.
My last three birthdays had been spent in hell. Felipe had somehow found out the date and made those days extra horrible.
Birthday sex was what he liked to call it.
Coming from a vampire who was over 400 years old it might have been funny.
It wasn't very funny to me.
God I just wanted this day to be over.
I curled up in my bed, buried my face in the pillows and let my memories consume me.
That was how Eric found me when he rose.
"Sookie?" He said, tentatively stepping toward the bed.
"What?" I mumbled back.
"Are you unwell?"
"Yes."
He zoomed over to me and put his hand on my forehead and frowned.
"I may be mistaken but I believe that when a human is ill their body temperature increases from the norm by multiple degrees. Your body temperature is perfectly fine at 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit."
I groaned, leave it to Eric to try and find the logic behind it.
"I'm not sick I just don't feel well."
His frown deepened. "That makes no sense whatsoever."
"Ugh!" I covered my face with my pillow.
I knew I was acting childish but I had a legitimate reason. I hadn't celebrated a happy birthday since I was 20 and was taken by Felipe soon after that. Jason had got me a card that said, "One more year and everything you do now will be legal!" I had laughed and told him I hadn't drank alcohol (besides holidays) since I was in the eighth grade and Tara and I decided to see what all the hype was about. Gran was less than thrilled.
I had celebrated my birthday that year at Merlotte's on my night off. Jason and his best friend Hoyt had gotten rip roaring drunk and sang Happy Birthday to me in Spanish.
Eric snapped me out of my reverie when he pulled the pillow away from my face and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"The only reason for your behavior I can think of is that you're menstruating but I do not smell blood so I know my theory is incorrect." He looked at me, puzzled.
I gaped at him. He had NOT just said that. I was beyond grossed out.
"Ew, Eric, keep that to yourself, please."
He was right about being wrong. I wasn't on my period but when I was it was always a surprise. I'd had it maybe two or three times a year because of stress, weight loss, and other reasons I don't feel like discussing.
"Sorry." He said, not looking sorry at all. "I'm just perplexed as to why you're unwell."
"Maybe it's because I've been held captive for four years by psychotic vampires who love to see me in pain." I snapped.
Eric's eyes narrowed and I gulped.
"Do not raise your tone of voice with me. Do you understand?"
I knew better than to make a sarcastic comment so I just nodded and refused to meet his eyes.
He sighed. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what the matter is."
"Then you'll be here until sunrise." I said stubbornly crossing my arms and staring up at the ceiling.
"Then I better make myself comfortable."
Before I could process what was happening he was propped up on his elbow and staring down at me. He reached out his hand and stroked my stomach through the fabric of my t-shirt.
I made an "hmmph" noise, ignoring how his gently touch made me feel a bit better, and continued staring straight ahead of me at the ceiling. He took my face in his big hand and turned my head toward his.
"Sookie, please tell me what has upset you."
His eyes looked so blue and sincere that I almost just told him right there.
"It's nothing." I replied, my voice cracking. I turned my head away from him again, desperate not to let him see my unshed tears.
"Sookie," He whispered his voice a soft caress. "Tell me why you're troubled. Please."
I turned over on my side away from him and watched as my tears began to wet the pillow. I just wanted this day to be over.
I felt him shift on the bed toward me and he wrapped an arm around my stomach, pulling me closer to him.
"I've grown quite fond of you and it displeases me when you are in pain." He said, his lips brushing over my hair.
I was extremely comforted by his gestures and I could feel myself tingle with warmth.
"You'll laugh at me." I whispered.
He kissed my hair. "Never."
"Promise?"
"Yes."
I took a deep breath.
"Today is my birthday." I choked out.
He stilled and I waited with baited breath.
"I see."
I buried my head further into the pillow, wishing I could disappear inside of it. He didn't say anything for a moment and I was worried that he was trying not to laugh at me.
"I think I have a solution to your predicament."
I turned my head and stared at him. A solution to your predicament? Huh?
"What's that?" I sniffled.
"Would it please you if I took you to Bon Temps tonight and I allowed you to visit your family?"
My tears immediately subsided and I stilled, not believing my ears.
"You're joking." I rolled over completely and looked at him.
"I joke you not."
I jumped out of bed and he did the same.
"Are you serious?" I cried.
He nodded.
Without thinking I flung myself into his arms and squeezed.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
He was taken back by my actions but quickly recovered. I pulled myself off him and stood up on my tip toes and quickly kissed his cheek.
I bounded toward the front door where my shoes were in the closet and hastily pulled them on. I looked eagerly at Eric who had followed me into the front hall, chuckling slightly. He pointed toward the open closet and I quickly grabbed my jacket and put it on, not even bothering to zip it up.
"There are some ground rules that need to be discussed before we go anywhere." He said finally.
"Oh, of course." I looked down at the floor.
He came over to me and zipped up my jacket before gazing down at me.
He held up one finger "Firstly, you may not try to run off. I will catch you," He held up a second finger. "Secondly, when you interact with whomever you wish to see, you may not tell them where you have been the past few years. You may lie or avoid the question," He held up a third finger. "Thirdly, you may not go into anyone's house. That would mean I need an invitation to go inside and I don't want there to be trouble. Do you understand?"
I nodded vehemently. "Got it. No running away, no telling anybody where I've been, and no going inside any houses."
"Good girl." He said, patting my cheek.
I hopped into his car and shivered, crossing my arms. He glanced over at me and turned the heat on full blast. For the second time today I was touched by his kind gesture.
As we drove to Bon Temps I stared out of the car eagerly. I felt like one of those dogs who constantly have their head stuck out the window, barking at the passing cars.
I fumbled with the radio and decided to settle on a song by Michael Jackson that I remembered from years ago. I felt so out of everything pop culture related when the thousand year old Viking informed me that Michael Jackson had died this summer.
"How do you know that?" I asked incredulously.
Eric smirked. "A better question is how do you not know?"
I huffed and crossed my arms. We had just gotten off on the exit to Bon Temps and I could barely contain my excitement.
"I can feel that you're about to burst with happiness." Eric said, glancing at me.
"Sorry," I said, "I'm just so excited!"
His lips quirked upward and used the hand he wasn't driving with to take mine. He squeezed a little and I couldn't help but smile.
"I remember these streets!" I exclaimed, practically jumping out of my seat.
"Excellent. Maybe you can give me directions as to where I'm supposed to be going?"
"Oh right," I said sheepishly. "My brother Jason lives past Hummingbird Road. It's the next left."
He followed my instructions and when we passed my old street I felt my eyes tear up.
"I never asked you how old you are turning." Eric said casually.
"Twenty four. I'll be twenty four in a few hours."
Eric looked thoughtful.
"So young," He murmured. "When I was twenty four I had a wife and children." He mused.
I gaped at him.
"You had a wife and children?"
"Believe it or not Sookie, I was young once too."
I gave a little chuckle. "How old were you when you were turned?"
He frowned and I wondered if that was an inappropriate question to ask a vampire.
"I can't be sure but I believe I was in my late twenties."
I wanted to tell him that it must have been horrible to be turned when he was so young but we had pulled onto Jason's street and anymore questions I had for Eric flew out the window.
"It's this one!" I pointed excitedly to my parent's old home that my brother now lived in.
He ended up parking the car in the woods across from Jason's house and turned to look at me, his eyes serious.
"Remember what I told you. I want minimal trouble tonight and if you have to lie then do it. I will be right here and will be able to hear everything. Keep your conversation outside of the house. Understand?"
I nodded fervently and he smiled.
"Well then what are you waiting for?" He gestured toward the house.
I didn't need to be told twice. I bounded out of the woods and up the steps of the front porch. I banged on the door.
"Jason!" I shouted, pounding the door with my fist. "Jason!"
"What the fuck is all this noise outside of my fucking house?"
I barely even registered his words. My heart began to pound even faster just by hearing his voice.
The door burst open and there he was.
My handsome, idiotic, and amazing brother.
"Little shit whatcha doin' out he-"
He snapped his mouth shut when he saw me standing in his front door, grinning like a maniac. The bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey he was holding crashed to the floor and his face turned white as paper. He looked like he saw a ghost.
"Sookie?" He whispered, stepping outside and gently touching my shoulder, as if I couldn't possibly be real.
"It's me, Jason." I whispered back.
He stood stock still for a moment before tackling me with a hug.
"Sookie, Jesus Christ it's been four years." He squeezed me tightly to him and I could hear him trying to choke back tears.
"I know, I know." I said, hugging back as tightly as I could.
"Where have you been? God I've missed you so much."
I buried my face into his chest and let my tears soak his shirt.
"I've missed you too." I sobbed.
"I love you, Sookie. I barely ever said that to you and when you disappeared I realized what a shitty brother I was. I'm so sorry, Sookie. I should have been there for you more. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault, Jason." I said through my tears.
"Gran died the same night you disappeared and I thought," His voice cracked under his sobs. "I thought I had lost you, too. The only family I had left."
"I'm here now, Jason. I'm here."
"Don't ever leave again, Sookie. Please. I'll be the best damn big brother and I'll get all my savings and send you to college. I know you always wanted to go to college."
I cried harder and I could have sworn his shirt was soaked with my tears.
"I'm sorry, J. I'm so, so sorry." I whispered.
"Why are you sorry, Sook? It's not your fault."
"Yes, yes it is."
"Jason," I said, reluctantly pulling out of his embrace. "Jason sweetie, I can't stay."
"What?" He exclaimed, gripping my shoulders. "Why the hell not?"
"It's complicated. I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe."
"Goddamn it Sookie you're not leaving me again!" I looked into my brother's handsome face and I felt my heart break when I saw the tears that were pouring steadily from his eyes.
"I have to, Jason. I have to. It's for my safety." I tried to lie.
"Safety? Sookie who took you? Where have you been? You know I'll protect you."
"I can't tell you where I've been, Jason. Just know that I'm safe now."
"Safe now? When were you not safe? Who took you? I'll fucking rip them apart!"
His hands gripped my shoulders and I could see the pain in his eyes.
"There's nothing you can do, Jason. Just know that I'm okay."
"Tell me!" He roared. "For fuck's sake Sookie, tell me the goddamn truth!" He shook my shoulders to emphasize his point and I could feel a fresh batch of tears begin to gather behind my eyes.
"I can't tell you, Jason. It's for your own good. I can't get you involved in this."
"This? What's this?" He yelled.
"I can't tell you! And please let go of me, you're hurting me!"
He immediately removed his hands from my shoulders and began to pace back and forth on the porch. He stopped suddenly, and stared at me with vacant eyes.
"You should have seen Gran's body," He said, his voice ice cold.
I knew what he was doing. He was trying to guilt trip me, and it always worked in his favor.
"Please," I whispered. "Don't."
"It was lifeless. She bled to death."
"Jason! Stop it!"
"Nobody knows what really happened. The police thought she fell down the stairs and cracked her head open. The whole scene was so sketchy."
"I'm sorry, Jason, I'm so sorry." My knees buckled under my weight and I leaned back against the railing of the porch for support.
He advanced toward me.
"I saw my Grandmother's dead body and you were nowhere to be seen. You had just vanished."
"Stop it!" I covered my face with my hands and my shoulders sagged.
"And now you're telling me, that you're going to disappear again. My baby sister. The only family I have left."
"I have to, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"You didn't see her face. YOU didn't see here dead body. YOU LEFT ME WITH NO ONE."
He was towering over me and he gripped my chin in his hand.
"Look at me!" He roared and I began to shake uncontrollably.
"I DID see her!" I screamed. "I SAW HER LYING ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR COVERED IN HER OWN BLOOD."
"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANTHING?" Jason screamed, his face mere inches from mine. I could smell the whiskey on his breath. "WHY DID YOU RUN AWAY?"
"I DIDN'T RUN AWAY. I'M NOT A COWARD."
"YOU DIDN'T SAVE HER. IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S DEAD."
"No…" I whispered. "No. You don't mean that. You're just drunk!" I stumbled backward and Jason caught my wrist.
"I mean everything I ever say." He slurred. "And when I say it's your fault Gran is dead, it's your own fucking fault."
"Fuck you, Jason!" I screamed. "Fuck you, you bastard!"
And that's when he hit me.
The sting of his slap barely compared to the sting of his words, but it was still completely traumatizing.
I grasped my stinging cheek with my hand and glared up at him.
"I fucking hate you." I whispered. "I fucking hate you more than anything."
"Sookie," He tried, reaching out for me."
I flinched instinctively and took a step back.
"Don't you dare fucking touch me. Don't you dare ever come near me again." I hissed.
"Sookie I'm sorry…I… I didn't mean it. It was the liquor, I swear! I'm so sorry."
"You speak the truth when you're drunk. I know you, Jason Stackhouse. And I know that you're not really sorry."
I began to walk down the steps of his porch.
"No, Sookie, don't leave." He begged, grabbing my hand.
"What's it to you? Apparently I killed Gran."
"No, no, I didn't say that, Sook!"
He squeezed my hand and tried to pull me toward him.
"I told you not to touch me!" I shrieked, yanking my hand away from his grasp. "Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday." I turned to run back into the woods but Jason grabbed me around my waist. I screamed and tried to fight his grip.
"I told you that you're not leaving me!" He yelled, suddenly angry again.
I kicked and thrashed and managed to wiggle out of his grip with the help of Eric's blood in my system.
As soon as his hands were off me I was bounding through the woods. Tears had been trickling down my face in a steady stream the whole time and now they were pooling down my cheeks in reckless abandon.
I ran through the woods, not caring if Eric was concerned or following me. I got a flashback from a month ago when I was sprinting through the woods as Eric stalked me. I began crying harder.
I wasn't running away. I was running through the shortcut to get to my old house. Jason and I had discovered it when we were kids and would play tag in these woods for hours on end until Gran called us in for dinner.
When I approached Gran's old house I slowed down and walked toward the obviously abandon building. It really was out of shape. The siding was crumbling and the windows were boarded up. It looked like one of those haunted houses you saw in a cheap horror movie.
I slowly walked up the front steps and the wood of the porch creaked loudly under my weight. I grabbed the rusted door handle and was pleasantly surprised to find it unlocked. I knew Eric told me about not going inside anyone's house but damn him and his rules. If he had a problem with me going inside he would be here right now.
I cautiously pushed open the door and was immediately assaulted with the smell of rotting wood. I crinkled my nose but gazed in wonder at how familiar my house seemed. Besides the chipped wallpaper and the lack of furniture my house was completely the same.
I took a deep breath and decided to face my fears. I tentatively entered the kitchen-where it all began. I immediately fell to my knees when my nightmares began to play behind my eyes.
I could see her dead body. Her red stained nightgown and the gaping hole in her neck. Her arm was outstretched in front of her, as if she was reaching for something. I could see her blood dripping onto the tile of the floor and her white hair sticky with blood.
I collapsed forward onto my hands and pressed my head into the floor. I was blinded by my tears.
I could feel his rough hands pin me against his rock hard body. I could hear his sinister whisper in my ear. I could feel his fangs rip through my flesh. I could hear my muffled screams and could see my vision begin to blur.
I sobbed uncontrollably, my tears probably cleaning the dusty floor.
"I'm sorry." I cried out, as if Gran could hear me. "I'm so sorry."
A pair of hands gently pulled me up so I was just on my knees. I saw big blue eyes full of sympathy. I was pulled against a cool body and I began to shake.
"No," I struggled. "No!"
The arms held me tighter and I flailed desperately.
"Don't touch me! Let go of me!"
"Sookie, it's me."
I could hear Eric's soothing voice but I couldn't register that fact that it was Eric's hands, not Felipe's.
I beat my fists against his chest and quickly became exhausted. I collapsed against him and he gently stroked my back.
"I'm here, Sookie, it's only me." Eric said as soothingly as possible.
I cried into his chest and clung onto him for dear life.
I don't know how long we stayed in that position, kneeling on the floor, our arms wrapped around each other. It could have been seconds, minutes, or hours. I didn't even notice.
Once I had run out of tears I hesitantly looked up at him. His beautiful face was looking at me with concern.
"Don't cry, Sookie." He said, wiping my tears away. "No more tears."
He stood up, gripped me under my arms and lifted my off my knees like barely weighed anything. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and pointed to the corner near where the refrigerator used to be.
"That's where she died." I said, my voice void of any emotion. "He drained her dry and then took me."
I stared blankly at the spot where I had seen my Grandmother's lifeless body four short years ago.
"I don't even know where she's buried."
"Well then we shall have to find out." Eric said, taking my hand with his.
I allowed him to take me outside and into the cemetery in the woods.
"Where were your other relatives buried?" He asked and I pointed in the right direction.
He led me over to the Stackhouse grave display. I saw my parent's graves, some older relatives, and then finally my Gran's.
Adele Stackhouse
Loving mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin, and friend
March 17 1930-February 14 2005
Fresh tears pricked behind my eyes and I kneeled in front of her grave.
"I'm sorry, Gran. I love you so much. You have no idea how much I need you." I whispered, not caring that Eric heard me.
I stared at her gravestone and realized that this was the first time I had seen it. I had missed her funeral. I had missed four years of my life.
I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and crumpled into Eric's arms.
"Would you like to go?" He murmured into my ear.
I nodded against his chest and he scooped me up in his arms.
I must have fallen asleep because the last thing I remembered was Eric pulling the covers of my bed over me.
"Please don't leave." I murmured.
I fell asleep again but this time with my head tucked under his chest and his arms wrapped around me.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So it's one AM and it's officially my birthday! Yes, I kid you not. Where do you think I got the idea for this chapter from? So give me a present by writing super awesome/helpful reviews! And as my great grandmother would say: "Another year closer to death." How lovely. Hope you enjoyed!