Title: It's All My Fault
Author Name: Lying In An Angels Arms
Rating: R/M
Spoilers: Books 1-6. Written After Half-Blood Prince.
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry
Summary: Guilt is a funny thing. It makes the world seem so much...colder. Draco's guilty. Two deaths are on his conscious and the closest thing to a father he has now is hanging between life and death because of him. Guilt is a funny thing, it makes you wish you were dead. Draco's drowning in a sea of coldness and he can't grasp onto something. Can Harry Potter be that something?
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
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/Warnings/
Slash! (Harry/Draco. Lucius/Severus)
Depression, Suicidal themes (no suicide depicted), Mild non graphic self harm
strong language, Sexual scenes, mild character deaths.
Chapter Five: Cracked Armour
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Contrary to popular belief, The Dark Lord does not harm those who are loyal to him.
True, if you piss him off then you are better of dead because he will torture you until your last breath leaves your body.
But...if you are loyal, then your world changes.
I remember when Father was The Dark Lords favourite.
We lived in luxury then.
The lesser followers bowed at our feet. They worshipped us.
We were like demi-gods.
The Dark Lord was, of course, the almighty supreme god.
We still bowed to him.
Father's reign of favourite lasted for little under a year.
I was in fourth year.
Father fell out of favour quickly though.
The power went to his head.
He thought himself more powerful and worthy then The Dark Lord.
No one is more powerful then The Dark Lord.
Severus soon became the new favourite.
However, I was still treated highly.
Severus was The Dark Lords favourite.
I was Severus' favourite.
It all worked out for me in the end.
I knew who to stick close to so I could gain higher power.
Until I made one fatal flaw in sixth year.
I hesitated.
Rule two in Slytherin house is...
Never hesitated.
Rule one is...
Never trust a Slytherin.
I did both.
Just proves I'm not as snake-like as I'd thought I was.
Pathetic, huh?
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Draco was sure that he was slowly losing his mind. The Malfoy Manor was, even in rich people's standards, huge. Draco had never been short of room to move while he'd been living there. Of course, Hogwarts had a large ground and, though he would adamantly deny it, Draco had enjoyed taking advantage of the wide open spaces to run in.
The tiny room in the Burrow was stifling.
"I'm going to go crazy, Sev," Draco confided in the other man with a sigh. He'd started to call the unconscious man Sev the previous night, after Arthur had left with his second tray of food. "If I haven't done so already."
Draco was fairly sure it was around ten in the morning but since there was no clock and without his wand he could not cast a tempus spell, Draco was not certain. Arthur had come a while ago with breakfast (pancakes..How muggle, Draco thought petulantly). The man stayed to chat for a while before hurrying off so he wouldn't arouse suspicion (Yes, because carrying a plate full of pancakes up into an otherwise empty room is not suspicious at all, Draco sneered inwardly).
Draco was horrified and would most likely deny it like mad should anyone ask, but he was actually wishing Arthur would return.
Talking to an unconscious man was not very interesting.
Poor or not, Arthur Weasley could actually hear what Draco was saying.
He sighed.
"Salzaar, I'm bored," Draco muttered. His hands were gently combing Severus' hair without prompting. His mother used to run her fingers through his hair when he needed comforting and Draco knew, with the three mental curses placed on him, Severus desperately needed comfort.
I really scored the jackpot on blackmailing material this time, Draco mused. I could have Sev under my power for the rest of his life...actually, I think...even with all of this new information, Sev still has more on me then I'll ever hope to possess. Draco shuddered. Down side of growing up around your teacher. They know everything.
"You know I hate you, right?" Draco asked Severus randomly, stopping his petting of his hair for a moment. "Of course you do." Draco looked oddly pleased with that thought and, with another sigh, went back to stroking the silky strands.
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Ronald Weasley sat in his room, staring out the window at the partly cloudy sky. He had grown more over the summer. At age seventeen he stood nearly six foot tall and was in no way slim. His red hair was still as vivid but, thankfully, most of his freckles had faded but if you squinted, you could still see them dotting his skin.
Ron was beyond glad to be back at the Burrow. Fleur's parents house had been nice (it was huuuuge) but it wasn't home. Home was just what he needed at that moment.
The war was coming to its climax. Ron was sure the Dark Lord knew his horcruxes had been compromised but wouldn't know exactly how many were gone.
Ron wished Harry was there.
But at the same time, he was glad he wasn't.
Ron, like any teenager hidden in the shadows of someone more popular, was full of contradictions. He missed his best friend but he really didn't want to see him. As soon as Harry Potter appeared, Ron Weasley became insignificant.
"Ron?" Ginny's voice called from outside his door.
"What is it, Gin?" Ron called back, going and opening the door. Ginny wore a old shirt of Charlies which reached down to her knees and a simple pair of green tights.
"Gred are going up to see what Dad's got hidden in the spare room. I'm going with, wanna come?"
Ron paused thoughtfully. Did he want to annoy his dad? No but he did want to know what was in that room. "Lead the way," Ron said, stepping out of his room and closing it behind him. His previous thoughts left behind for the moment.
"Great!" Ginny squealed, grabbing his arm and tugging him down the hallway towards the stairs. Ron grinned and followed quickly.
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"Merlin you two are-"
"-So bloody slow!"
"we were going to-"
"-go in without you-"
"-if you didn't hurry it up!"
Forge/Gred said playfully once Ron and Ginny finally arrived at the fourth floor. They stood in the hallway, leaning on opposite walls. They looked very much like bookends. Ron rolled his eyes at the empty threat of going on without them.
"Gits," Ginny said without malice to the twins. "Where is dad?" She cast a suspicious stare over her shoulder, as if expecting her father to leap from the shadows and bust them.
"There's a meeting-"
"-going on downstairs-"
"-'bout how to-"
"-kidnap Harry from-"
"-he's uber evil relatives-"
"-and since the whole order-"
"-is involved-"
"-they will be-"
"-forever!" The last word was said by both of them. Ron's neck hurt from swivelling his head to glance between them as they talked.
"Stop doing that!" He whined to them. "You make my head hurt!"
"Sorry Wonny," the pair said with a grin, not sorry at all. Ron muttered some insult under his breath, making his sibblings laugh.
"Where is Charlie? And Bill and his blushing bride-to-be?" Ginny continued to question.
"Charlie and Billie-boy are-"
"-in on the meeting too-"
"-and Flower-Power is-"
"-out shopping for the-"
"-up-coming wedding."
"And mum?"
"Is in the meeting too," Gred announced with matching grins.
"Great! Let's do this..." Ginny looked more excited then Ron had seen her for a while and thanked the twins silently.
That was another thing Ron disliked about Harry. Harry hurt Ginny. Starting a realationship only to break it off when things got 'too deep'? What type of friend did that? Ron didn't like the thought of his sister and best friend under the same roof and secretly (and rather guiltily) hoped the order would not find a way to rescue the boy-wonder.
"You don't suppose it's anything dangerous...do you?" Ron asked somewhat nervously as George reached for the door knob of the nearest door.
"What? Like a giant spider?" Fred said with a snicker at Ron's rapidly paling face.
"You two can go first!" Ron suggested, making the twins smirk.
"Oh you're such a baby, Ron!" Ginny sighed dramatically and, shoving George away, opened the door herself. They're wands were all out..just in case.
The room was empty. It was a spare bedroom, mostly for visiting relatives, with a few unnammed books litering the bed.
"Well...that was anti-climatic..." Ginny said, amused. They lowered their wands and gently closed the door.
"On to the next!" George cheered, hurrying to the next door. It was another bedroom, they soon discovered. This one looked to have been used recently. Fred studied it pensively.
"We're gettin' close, boys!"
Ginny huffed and glared at Fred who merely grinned back. "-and Ginny," he added.
The next room was a bathroom. One they hadn't even remember ever being there.
"Oh yeah! This used to be where Bill and Charlie bunked," Ron remembered suddenly. "They used to always brag about having their own bathroom, remember?"
"Yes, I do. Now we're going to have the private bathroom!" Gred chuckled evilly. They lifted their wands and placed privacy charms and a few mild curses to keep other people out. "There." They grinned. "Perfect!"
"Gits," Ginny muttered under her breath. She stomped on to the next door, Ron following with a glare towards the twins. Neither redhaired boy cared, they followed along behind with matching smirks.
The next door was, once again, a messy bedroom. It had a ratty old poster of a Dragon on it's wall. They were fairly sure it was Charlies old room.
"Alright!" Fred punched the air. "Last one! Ready yourself men...and Ginny."
"I'm going to kill you two," Ginny muttered but drew her wand up nonetheless. She was in the front, sandwitched between Fred and George. Ron was behind them, clutching his wand nervously.
"One, Two, THREE!" They threw open the door and gaped.
Draco Malfoy sat on the floor beside the bed, knees drawn up and head resting backwards onto the mattress. On the bed behind him laid a sleeping (or so it seemed) Severus Snape.
They gaped.
Draco gaped.
They did the only thing they could think of at the time.
They screamed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, DEATH EATERS!"
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Draco really, really really wanted to kill the yelling Weasley children but, thanks to a stunner sent towards him by the Weasellete, He was stuck only glaring at them. At the four red-heads scream, some of the order had raced up the stairs. Arthur, taking quick stock of the scene, immediately accioed the children's wands but not before the spell had hit Draco.
Molly had raced towards her children, hustling them away from the door. Charlie and Bill had gone to glance into the room, only to be held back by Remus. After a inquisitive stare at Remus, they went to their mother and (attempted) to calm their sibblings.
Arthur Weasley slipped into the room, seemingly unnoticed. He knelt by Draco and, after casting a spell search to find out what had been sent at him and by whom, had reversed the stunner. Draco slumped as soon as the spell was taking off but did nothing more. He raised curiously detached eyes to the elder Weasley.
He opened his mouth, attempted to speak before merely shaking his head and looking away.
"Are you alright?" Arthur demanded.
Draco nodded once.
"Are you sure? Speak up, boy!" Moody growled from the doorway. Moody's magical eye was already scanning the boy, leaving him feeling strangly voilated.
"Get out," Draco said simply.
Arthur gaped. "What?"
"Get out. Now." Draco did not raise his voice or sound anything but politely commanding.
"Now, Draco we need to-"
"OUT!" Draco's calm fascade broke and he glared at Arthur. "Now."
Arthur stared at the blond teen who was trying hard to disguise shudders which wracked his slim body. He realised with startling insight that he had just lost every piece of trust the boy might have given him in their one hour chat the previous day. For reasons that were not even his fault.
Trust is a fickle thing, especially when it involves a person as broken as this boy.
"Dra-"
"OUT!"
Arthur could only comply. At the distrustful look on Moody's face, Arthur merely shook his head and stepped from the room. He closed the door behind him and, more out of concern for the two men inside the room, locked the door. It would not do for anyone to come in and harm them freely.
Arthur, seeing that no one was watching, cast a alarm charm on the door which would send him a shock whenever someone was trying to get in the room.
"And just what," Arthurs voice was deadly serious as he locked eyes with his children, "did you think you were doing going inside a room I specifically forbade you from going into?"
"Dad! There are Death Eaters in th-" Ron started.
"I don't care what is in there!" Arthur snapped, his heart beating a mile a minute. "You disobeyed a direct order from me! What if it had been dangerous? You could have gotten killed. I specifically forbade you from going in their from your own saftey!"
"There was something dangerous in there!" George pointed out.
"You're harbouring two fugitives in there!" Fred added.
"Death eaters!" Ron growled.
"Are you forgetting that Lucius Malfoy tried to kill me?" Ginny demanded, looking shaken and quite pale.
Arthur's face dramatically softened at Ginny's words. He sighed and pocketed his wand. He stepped forward and drew his only daughter into his arms for a tight hug.
"Don't think you're getting away with this unscathed," Arthur warned but the glare he gave was lacking in any real anger.
"Why wasn't the door locked?" Remus asked, staring at the now locked door with a distrusting look. "Did he unlock it again?"
"Again?" The children chimed but were completely ignored.
"I kept it unlocked," Arthur said, rubbing Ginny's back soothingly. She was still shuddering from the shock of finding the son of her attempted-murderer in her home.
"What? Why? He could have escaped Arthur!" Molly yelled, not thinking to lower her voice. Unknown to all, Draco sat on the other side of the door, listening to every word.
"He wouldn't," Arthur announced. "He wouldn't leave Severus."
"You don't know that!" Remus pointed out. "It's just a suspicion you have."
"He wouldn't," Arthur repeated.
"Enough," Moody growled. "We shouldn't be here talking about some filthy murderers. We got to work out a plan to save Harry."
"Right," Charlie said, one hand on Ron's shoulder to show support for his younger brother. Bill stood with the twins, ready to catch them should they faint. All of the children looked white. "Harry is our number one priority, remember?"
"Exactly," Molly sniffed. "You have locked the door this time, Arthur?"
"Yes, dear. He won't be able to get out," Arthur said patiently.
"Good. Now, I believe we have tea waiting downstairs?" Remus attempted to distract them. It didn't work but they all played along, if only to leave the hallway. The Weasley children were sandwiched between them as they walked, covering the front of back in case Malfoy jumped from the room and attacked, however unlikely it was.
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Murderers. Filthy murderers. Murderer. Murderers.
The words repeated over and over in Draco's head. He held his head in his hands and drew his knees up to his chest. New words added themselves into the mantra that was taunting him.
Pathetic creature. Doesn't deserve to live. Die. Scream for me. I love it when you cry. Filthy murderers. I'm going to enjoy killing the traitor in front of you. Your fault. Your fault. Filthy murderer. Pathetic. Filthy. Disgusting.
Draco whimpered, holding his hands over his ears.
It's all your fault!
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Tea was strained. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife, had one been handy.
However, all knives and anything that might be used as weapons had been hidden from the Weasley children who looked like they'd very much liked to stab someone. Preferably the two upstairs but they didn't seem too picky.
"Why?" Ginny was the first to speak. Her voice was strained and exhausted.
"Why what?" Arthur asked quietly.
"Why are they here? Why are you helping them? Why aren't they dead? Why did they kill Dumbledore? Why don't you care about all these why's?" Her voice rose steadily with every question until she was practically yelling. Arthur winced. She gazed at him, betrayal written in every line of her face. "Why, dad?"
Arthur gazed at his wife for assistance but her face mimicked Ginny's. He glanced at his other children and found the same. Remus was sitting next to Arthur, who sat opposite the rest. Moody and the other order members had gone home, seeing that no more planning would be done that day.
Arthur looked at Remus but Remus shook his head. Arthur had the feeling that the werewolf was only sitting beside him because there was no more seats opposite him.
"Why?" Ginny repeated.
"Because they needed help," Arthur said, lamely. He reached up and ran a hand through his thinning red hair and dragged a freckled hand down his face. "Because they would die without assistance. Because they are the only ones who know why what happened on the roof actually happened." He stared at his family with a distraught look. "They're here and they're alive because I need to know why just like you do. I can't let Dumbledore go without knowing that."
His family stared at him. He knew they wanted to say they understood, that they were okay with it, but if they said that then they would be lying. Family didn't lie to one another.
Not without a good reason, at least. Arthur locked eyes with each and every one, until they were forced to look away.
"I..." Molly started before breaking off. She shook her head. "You left the door unlocked...why?"
Arthur sighed. "I don't know, Molly...but what I do know is that Draco will not leave without Severus. I have seen the two of them. There is something there that will not let one leave without the other."
"Have you questioned them?" Ron demanded suddenly.
Arthur shook his head with another sigh. "Severus is still knocked out cold. He's had several curses placed upon him and it is very unlikely that he will ever wake." The gleeful looks on his children's faces made his blood run cold. He looked away. "I have talked to Draco. He's told me what he knew about the curses placed on Severus but he wouldn't say more. I...I'll question him again tonight and see what else I can get out of him."
"Why not just hand him over to the order?" Fred demanded, a protective arm wrapped around Ginny's shoulder.
"Yeah, a little veritaserum would loosen his tongue," George added.
"Or a few curses," Ron muttered under his breath.
Arthur stiffened. "Now you all listen here," Arthur snapped, startling his family. "That young man up there may have killed Albus Dumbledore-" they flinched. "-but he is still just that. A young man! We all make mistakes-"
"He got someone killed!" Charlie snapped.
"-and he has paid for his! You did not see the state he was in when he came here or when we found him," Arthur continued, without pausing for Charlie's interruption. "He was nearly dead by the hands of the Death Eaters! You don't know what happened up on that roof. Do not make judgements until you know the facts!" He stared at his family with flaming blue eyes. "I will only say this once, so listen closely...No one and I mean no one deserves to be violated like he was. Understand?"
The children nodded numbly. They had seen their mother blow up in anger but they're father...they're father had always been so level headed.
"...good." Arthur nodded harshly, standing up and looking away from their shocked faces. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go check on them. If I ever find you anywhere near that room again, you will wish they had gotten to you first." He stormed from the room, leaving silence in his wake.
"Oooh," Fred said.
"Dad's pissed," George finished.
The rest could only agree.
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"Draco?" Arthur knocked on the door, to be polite. "Are you alright? I'm coming in." He pushed open the door, meeting resistance along the way. He paused, the door opened only a crack. He frowned and, thanks to his skinny body, slid in the doorway. Draco Malfoy was curled up by the door, on his side in a ball-like position, rocking slightly. Arthur gasped and quickly shut the door. He murmured a few privacy charms and knelt beside the boy.
"Draco? Draco can you hear me?" Arthur called but the boy did not respond.
The blond teen had been so close to breaking point before, Arthur feared the boy had finally shattered.
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Harry sat on the stairs, listening to the screams from the kitchen. He lent on the railings, cheek pressed against cold metal. It was strange hearing his relatives arguing. They had seemed like such a perfect family but when Petunia Dursley got riled up, there was no way of stopping her temper.
"-FREAK IN MY HOUSE!" Vernon bellowed.
Of course, the argument was about Harry. Recently, they had become more and more frequent, as Harry was quickly approaching his Seventeenth birthday when he would be finally rid of his aunt and uncle.
"HE'S ONLY GOT A FEW WEEKS TO GO. LETS JUST SHOVE 'IM OUT NOW AND LET 'IM FEND FOR HIS BLASTED SELF FOR ONCE!"
"No! Dumbledore said-"
"THAT INFERNAL MEDDLING COOT IS DEAD! DEAD, YE HEAR ME? WHAT HE SAID DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE!"
Harry winced and tried to block out the yelling along with the cold feeling of guilt settling in his chest.
Dead.
It's all my fault.
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Authors Note:
Urgh, this one was such a Bit-err, witch to write.
I had such trouble wording this one. I have several chapters and events planned out but I can't get to them without going through this.
If it sucks, don't blame me. The Weasley's refused to cooperate with my story. Sorry if they're a little OOC. I tried to keep them in character as much as possible.
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I am a very Music-depended writer. I couldn't find a song to listen to to inspire me for this chapter. So, in the end I ended up listening to "Being for the benefit of Mr. Kite." XD I love that song. It did make me want to write George and Fred burst out singing it though and that was not appropriate for this chapter.
It might happen later though :Winks:
If anyone has any songs to recomend, I would most appreciate it!
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REVIEW RESPONSES: (ZOMG! Luv you all!)
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Ali-chan et Vani-chan: Thanks so much! You're so nice to me. It's great having someone who reviews all the chapters and doesn't just put me on their alert lists xD Is this update fast enough for you?
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Nameless Little Girl: Thanks! From liked to loved in only one chapter, that makes me so happy :3
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TearsOfTheForgotten: Thanks for the review! I am so glad you liked the fondness between Draco and Sev. I was worried it would be too much. (I'm a sev/draco fan as well as a Harry/Draco.) I got worried people might get a bit antsy about it but I swear it's only friendship xD Despite what Arthur thinks. Thanks for the advice. The story should speed up from this chap onwards.
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Bflatgirl: Thanks so much for your reviews! I'm glad you liked the chapters so much. Ooh cookie xD hehe. I hope you liked this one too!
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Thanks all for your brilliant review! The next chapter should be out soon!
Review M'dears,
-Liaa
((I am still searching for a Beta or a Chatter (Someone I can talk over plot ideas with who can tell me if they're too cliché or just lame) so If you're interested, please PM me (on profile) Email me (on my profile too) or mention it in a review!))