Title: It's All My Fault
Author Name: Lying In An Angels Arms
Rating: R/M
Spoilers: Books 1-6. Written After Half-Blood Prince.
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry
Summary: Guilt is a funny thing. It makes the world seem so much...colder. Draco's guilty. Two deaths are on his conscious and the closest thing to a father he has now is hanging between life and death because of him. Guilt is a funny thing, it makes you wish you were dead. Draco's drowning in a sea of coldness and he can't grasp onto something. Can Harry Potter be that something?
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
BETA: ??????
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/Warnings/
Slash! (Harry/Draco. Lucius/Severus)
Depression, Suicidal themes (no suicide depicted), Mild non-graphic self harm
strong language, Sexual scenes, mild character deaths,
Mild Potions Abuse
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Chapter Seventeen: Run
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Everybody has a prophecy.
Everybody has a destiny.
Potter isn't that special.
Most are 'created' at birth by the traditional visiting oracle (or sometimes known as a Seer). Some parents don't want to know their child's destiny and don't request an Oracle.
The prophecies are still made but they are hidden away in the ministry.
I have a prophecy.
I've known about it for years, but I only ever truly understood it when I met Potter.
Crazy, huh?
To believe that little grotty boy I met in Madame Malkins is my destiny.
Bloody barmy, I say.
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It was like a truce had been formed. Like that one moment had sealed all of their fates together.
Or maybe Draco was simply being melodramatic.
But one thing was for sure, thing had changed around the house. Such as, Mrs. Weasley no longer scowled when he entered the room. There was something of a smile on her lips when she greeted him, making him frown. It was strange. The other order members, while they weren't particularly friendly, no longer avoided being in the same room as him.
Hell, even the other Slytherins were allowed from their rooms for an hour each day.
Draco was sure that he had entered an alternate universe or something.
What was so special about that moment? Was it because Draco had helped a friend? Because he had risked his own neck to try and help Theodore? Draco found that annoying. How dare they simply assume he was being nice! There could have been a thousand selfish reasons why he wanted to save the Slytherin, each one more heinous then the next. Yet, the ever-Griffendors wanted to assume the best in him. Why? He had no idea. Maybe it was because, when the war was this dangerous, the Griffendors had to believe in something.
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Mrs. Weasley was flustered, that much was obvious. She had flour on her cheek, some sort of sticky goo in her frizzy red hair and her clothes were covered in an assortment of foodstuffs. Draco was instantly suspicious. A week had passed since Theodore's – uhhm – 'interview' and Draco found himself gravitating towards the kitchen. Potter was somewhere with the holy trinity, or whatever they were calling themselves these days, and Severus was asleep in their room. Draco was bored.
"Hello dear," Mrs. Weasley greeted, with a distracted smile. Draco froze, instantly assuming that the woman obviously didn't recognize who she was talking to, else she wouldn't have ever uttered 'dear' towards him. "Did you need something?"
"No," Draco replied, unable to find a suitable insult to tack onto the end. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, as Mrs. Weasley merely smiled again and went back to the stove she was slaving over. Draco scowled, crossing his arms. He couldn't even make a game of Weasel baiting, not with her so thoroughly distracted. He turned to leave the room when he spotted an unattended bowl of cookie batter. Chocolate chip with cocoa swirls. He eyed the back of Mrs. Weasley, before reaching over as he passed the table the bowl sat on, stealing a little of the batter from the side of the bowl with his finger. Sticking it in his mouth, he left the kitchen.
He didn't see the bemused smile on the matriarchs face as she watched him leave.
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The rest of the house was in a flurry too. The werewolf was scrubbing the floor in the hallway, the other Weasley's scattered around the house cleaning this or that. It was crazy, like a madhouse and all of them were too distracted to offer any real sport to Draco. He huffed, deliberately stepping on the werewolves freshly cleaned spot, frowning when the werewolf merely waved him off, scrubbing the spot he'd messed.
Taking the stairs two at a time, he sought out the only spot that was acting normally. The Golden Boy's room. The door was opened and the trio was sprawled out on the beds, amazingly having avoided the spring-cleaning party for the moment.
"Orgy time?" Draco sneered, leaning leisurely on the door frame with his arms and legs crossed. The weasel looked up, instantly going bright red and spluttering, while the bookworm simply looked horrified. Though the most amusing expression had to be that of Potter's, who merely looked exasperated as if Draco did it all the time. Which he did, which was the amusing part. Potter had come to expect his comments, which meant he'd become something that the Weaselette only dreamed of being, a fixture in Potter's hectic life. Draco told himself he was insane to be proud of that.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" Potter demanded, trying to discretely cover the book he was reading. Too late, Draco had already read and memorized the title for later purposes. However, annoying Potter wasn't the only reason he'd come to see the Trio-Who-Won't-Get-Laid.
"What's up with the rest of the house? Have they all decided to quit the Light Side and turn into house elves?" Draco mocked, watching the bookworm slowly turn red in outrage, just as she opened her mouth to explode, and probably spew molten crazy all over them, Potter spoke.
"There are outside Order Members coming for dinner," Potter said simply.
"Harry!" Bookworm squeaked. "Why on earth did you tell him that?"
"If I give him what he wants, maybe he'll leave," Potter muttered, scowling down at his book.
Draco couldn't help but snicker. "Oh, are you going to give me your head on a silver platter?" Draco drawled and was instantly attacked by three vicious glares. Griffendors they might be but they had very Slytherin glares.
"Bugger off, Ferret!" The Weasel snapped, growling like a rabies-infested dog. Draco half expected him to start foaming at the mouth any minute.
"No," Draco said, picking at his perfectly filed nails. "I don't think I will. I'm bored. Entertain me." He waved his hand in a mocking gesture and Weasel seemed to growl even more dementedly. The redhead launched himself to his feet, intent on attacking Draco it seemed but the bookworm grabbed his arm to hold him back. She hissed something at him and he stopped his movement but continued to glare.
"Just leave, Malfoy," Potter snarled, looking just as furious as Weasel. Draco had the strangest feeling that it wasn't simply because of him that they were angry. He wanted to cheer and be happy that things weren't going well for the trio but if Potter lost...the Dark Lord would win...and Draco couldn't think of anything worse...except Potter actually winning, of course. Either way, Draco was going to loose. Damn.
"Hmph, well I know when my presence isn't wanted," Draco sneered, glaring at all three of them. "I'll see myself out, shall I? Oh and if you're really that fascinated with Horcruxes, you should find 'Becoming One With Your Soul.' Great-great-great uncle Thadius knew what he was talking about." With that, Draco swept from the room in true dramatic fashion, reasoning in his head that perhaps Potter was the lesser of two evils. At least, in this case he was.
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"You've been nicer to Draco," Arthur remarked, stealing a kiss from his wife as she tried to fend him off with a wooden spoon, away from the cookies.
"Hmm, have I?" Molly said, feigning disinterest. Her blank look crumbled when he continued to stare at her. "Alright, I may have but do not think I am planning to adopt him or something." She fussed with her ever-growing pile of cookies. "It's just..."
"Just...?" Arthur prompted, eagerly leaning forward.
Molly sighed and tried to duck around her husband to get to the sink, only to find herslef grabbed and pulled close. "Just...?" He repeated, looping his arms around her waist.
She smiled at the familiar pose, putting her hands on his shoulders, touching their lips together just once. "It's just...harder to see him as an enemy now." She stared at the spot over his head. "When I turned around, I saw him and that boy-"
"Theodore," Arthur supplied.
"-they were smiling at each other, Arthur, smiling."
"Did you think Death Eaters didn't smile too?"
Molly ignored him. "I saw my boys, Arty. I saw Bill and Charlie standing in their places and I just...can't help but think that they're someone's sons too. Even if their fathers are dirty, cruel, disgusting excuses for a h-"
"Molly," Arthur reproached, feeling a rant coming on. Molly sighed again, looking him in the eye.
"Alright, I'll admit it. I don't hate them. I can't." She pushed away, going back to her cooking. Her shoulders had a defeated slump to them.
Arthur bit back a gloating cheer and kissed her shoulder instead. "That's all I ask for, Mollywoddles. You don't have to love them, but they're someone's sons."
He left the kitchen, a bounce to his step. Now, all he had to do was convince everyone else that they weren't all bad, then he could start on their treatment of Severus.
Speaking of the 'unconscious' man, Arthur took the stairs two at a time. He smiled at his son as he passed Ron's room, calling out a greeting that was returned with only a few grunts. Even the trio's bad mood didn't deter him, whistling happily.
Knocking on the Slytherin's door, he wasn't surprised when Draco yanked the door open. Instead of a glare, Draco regarded him with curiousity, spotting the man's empty hands.
"Hello Draco, may I come in?" Arthur asked brightly, pushing inside anyway. "I have something to discuss with you and Severus if you don't mind."
"He's in magical sleep," Draco protested. "He can't hear you."
"Now, now," Arthur scolded, "I've lived with six sons, I can tell when someone's playing racoon."
"Possum," Draco corrected, regarding the father suspiciously. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Arthur gave him a blank look, walking over and transfiguring a book onto a chair, which ended up looking more like a box then a chair. "Hmm, I'm loosing my touch," Arthur muttered, taking a seat. "Wakey-Wakey, Severus. I know you're not unconscious."
For a moment, everyone in the room stopped breathing. Draco gasped when Severus opened his eyes without protest.
"Good day, Arthur," Severus sneered.
"Hullo Severus," Arthur replied, undaunted.
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It was disturbing, Draco decided, when Arthur was in a good mood. The red-head took on an almost Dumbledore attitude, which on it's own was disturbing enough. Then add in the Cheshire grin, it painted a very horrifying picture.
Draco settled on the bed next to Severus, who had sat up for the first time in a while, holding his head as though it hurt.
"You're still weak," Arthur sympathized, reaching out a hand to steady Severus just as Draco did the same on his other side. "Are the potions not working?"
"The potions are designed for someone who is not waisting his energy by thinking or talking or moving more then sleeping. I am using up all the energy they are giving me by simply being awake," Severus muttered, pushing both men away from him.
"I see, what potion do you suggest then?" Arthur asked brightly.
Draco had had enough.
"ALRIGHT! What do you want?" Draco burst out, glaring furiously at the man. "You know he's awake, are you going to turn us in now? Kill us?"
"Draco," Arthur sighed, shaking his head. The smile had fallen away from his face and he looked old. "I just want to know why?"
Neither Slytherin spoke, though Severus locked eyes with Arthur unashamed.
"Let me tell you a story," Arthur said quietly when no one spoke for several minutes. "When I was seventeen, fresh out of Hogwarts, I was unequivocally in love. Unfortunatley, I came from a poor family."
"Brilliant," Draco sneered, "a love story. Just save it, I don't want to hear it."
Arthur smiled. "It's not a love story. Love just features heavily in it. I wanted to marry Molly so much it was killing me that I couldn't. Not only couldn't I afford the wedding or a the binding ring, I couldn't even afford a place of our own. Albus showed me to this block of land, he had been my friend throughout my years at Hogwarts and I bought this block of land with my very last galleon. The next day, I proposed to Molly, without a ring, but with just a deed to this land. Her family said no, she said yes. Albus, in a surprise wedding gift, bought Molly a ring, which he gave to me to give her. His wedding present to me, was this house." Arthur looked up, fondly examining the cracks. "He wasn't brilliant at transfiguration at the point, and ended up making it lopsided, so that every time we added on, it got a little more out of balance. Still, with the ring, with the house, Molly and I were able to be married. If it weren't for Albus...I wouldn't have everything that matters most to me."
"If it weren't for Albus dying, I would have lost everything that matters most," Draco said, launching himself to his feet. He went for the door before anyone could protest. "Not that it matters anyway, I still lost it all."
He was out the door before another word was said.
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"He's very dramatic," Arthur mused, staring at the door which was slammed behind the blond.
"Hmmm," Severus said, staring as well. "Tell me, Arthur. Why did you come here? You and I were never friends."
"Nor were we enemies, Severus. I like to think we were at least allies. Won't you tell me why?"
"No. It is not my place."
"Draco."
"Yes."
"I see. Will you be coming out of your 'coma' soon?"
"Not until it is necessary."
A sigh. "I wish I could be in a coma. Molly's making us clean the house for the order members tonight."
"Hmmm."
"I'll leave you in peace, perhaps I'll go make up with Draco."
"No. Leave him be."
"You really love him, don't you?"
There was silence in the room.
"I believe the correct term is 'loved', Arthur."
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"Dear!" Molly called out, spotting Draco storming down the stairs. "Yes, you, don't look so surprised." She huffed, "I call everyone dear. Get down here."
Draco finished his decent, looking suspicious. "What?"
"Oh! Stop that suspicious look, I was only going to ask if you wanted to come outside," she thrust a bowl of salad into his hands. "We're having an outside picnic. You won't be allowed outside the boundaries, obviously, but you will get some fresh air." She piled a few napkins into his hands and laid a bowl of chips on top of the salad bowl. "Well?"
"You just want someone to carry your food," Draco snarled. "Malfoy's aren't house elves!" He froze, as did Molly.
Clearing her throat, "Well, it's a good thing you're not a Malfoy," she said, picking up her own pile and hustling him out the door.
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It took several trips but the food was soon spread out on the table. Draco protested the entire time but Molly simply ignored him, dragging him back and forth with arms full of food.
"Oh no!" She gasped, "I left the salt and pepper. Finish setting up the napkins dear, I'll be right back." She bustled off, humming something.
Of course, the first thing Draco did was throw down the napkins on the table and high-tail it away. Ducking around the side of the Burrow, he snickered to himself. He didn't plan to go outside the boundaries, he just wanted to freak the woman out a little.
Staring around the fields surrounding the house, he thought briefly how easy it would be to just...slip passed the barrier and disappear.
The world outside the Burrow was calling to him but he knew that his aunt, or even his father, would find him within a heartbeat.
"MMMRWAAA!"
His head snapped up, lips parting. A familiar black shape circled outside the barrier. He knew that sight. He'd never forget it. He'd seen his father sending messages with that blasted bird ever since he was barely old enough to walk.
He suddenly realized he was running, running towards the barrier, away from safety. That bird. What did it say? Was it looking for him? Father.
He paused, just inside the barrier.
"MALFOY?" He heard Molly shriek when she couldn't find him. Sucking in a deep breath, he launched himself forward. He shuddered as he passed through the magical barrier, invisible as it was it was designed to keep people out. Would he be able to get back in? He didn't know.
He was running again, into the field of whatever plant it was, wheat probably, and away from the Burrow. He heard more voices screaming for him, but he was deaf to their calls.
The bird was flying away from him, scouring the area. Breaking through the wheat, he stumbled as he hit a rock, falling to the ground. The black pants he wore belonged to the eldest Weasley, too long for him. His shirt was a dirty, stained t-shirt from Bill.
"MMWWRAA!" The bird called again, spotting him. Tucking it's wings in, it began to dive towards him. Draco lifted his face, crouching on the ground. The bird was aimed directly towards him. There was no doubt in his mind that it was for him.
Instead of landing, the bird released it's hold on the message. It fluttered to the ground, only to be grasped in Draco's greedy hands.
The thought it could have been a portkey didn't cross his mind, not even for a second.
It was a note.
'Do not tickle a sleepy Dragon.
Red eyes watch for you.
Silver eyes protect you.
Green eyes will save you,
and death follows swiftly those with eyes of blue.'
Staring down at the words, they could have only come from him. He lifted his gaze, the Craven was flying off now, without waiting for a reply. His father wasn't scolding him, or begging him or even disowning him.
It was a warning.
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Harry was furious.
No, he was beyond furious.
He was livid.
Just what was Malfoy thinking? Running off alone. He was going to get himself killed and Harry wouldn't be able to protect the prat if he was outside the barrier.
"Alright, we need to split up," Arthur said, quickly and seriously. "Ron, you and Charlie go west. Fleur and Bill, you go south, myself and Molly will go east and-"
"Me, Hermione and Ron will take North," Harry interrupted. They all opened their mouth to protest but Harry shook his head. "We're going anyway, at least you know where we'll be this way."
Arthur's jaw snapped shut with an audible click. "Fine. Everyone else, search only around the house! Go!"
In a flurry of action, everyone split up. With that many people, it was only a matter of time before they found Draco.
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One hour later, they had yet to find him.
Ron stopped through the field, scowling furiously. He could be playing quiddich or eating but no he had to be out looking for Malfoy. When he found him he was going to kick his as-
"OW! Watch where you're going, Weasley!"
Ron froze, glancing down at what he'd kicked. Lying on the ground, staring up at the sky, Draco Malfoy glared back. A piece of paper clenched in his hand.
Everyone had been searching the hills surroundng the burrow, no one had thought to start closer. They'd assumed he'd ran and was trying to get away.
Judging by the squashed wheat around Draco, he hadn't been running away, he'd been there the whole time.
"OW! What the hell, Weasley." Draco sat up, rubbing his side where Ron had kicked again.
"You PRAT! What the hell did you think you were doing? Never mind," he growled, "you can explain yourself to mum when they come find us." Ron reached for his wand, intending to send out the sparks needed to get the other's attention. Draco didn't give him a chance. Launching himself at the redhead, he shoved him to the ground beneath him. Ron's wand flew from his hand, landing nearby on some grass.
"You bastard, git'off!" Ron yelled, bucking beneath the blond. Draco glared down at him, struggling to keep him subdued. Ron managed to get one hand free, and just one right-hook later, Draco laid on the floor, clutching his jaw.
Yet another bruise to add to the many he already possessed.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ron snarled, getting to his feet. "First you run away, then you just lay there, ready to be found, then you fucking attack me? You're fucking screwed up, ya know that? Why the hell d'you leave the burrow?"
Draco laughed bitterly, reaching into his pocket. Ron froze, leaping for his wand, thinking Draco had somehow gotten one of his own. Pointing his wand at Draco, he blinked. Draco held out a piece of paper.
"That is why I left," Draco sneered, shoving it at Ron. Nearby dropping his wand in the process, Ron unfolded the note. Reading it, his brows furrowed.
"Is this supposed to mean something?"
Draco huffed, looking away pointedly. "It's from my father."
Silver eyes protect you, Ron re-read with surprise. Lucius Malfoy was trying to protect his son? His disowned son?
Clearing his throat, Ron held the note back to Draco, who took it and shoved it back in his pocket. "Were you planning on coming back?"
"To that rat-infested place? Yes," Draco sneered, but it lacked cruelty. He sat back down on the grass, ready to fight Ron if he attempted to drag him back.
Ron hesitated. "Just...be back before nightfall." He turned, missing the shocked look on the blond's face.
death follows swiftly those with eyes of blue.
No, Ron decided. It couldn't be...
Percy?
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The search continued. No one checked Ron's area for Draco, convinced that he couldn't have been there if Ron had checked already.
Draco sat in that same spot, on that same spot of grass, until it grew dark.
He'd missed lunch, and dinner. He'd only had a little breakfast, but he wasn't hungry.
His stomach churned at even the thought of food.
Silver eyes. His father, without a doubt. Did his father still love him? No. Impossible. Lucius didn't love anyone.
Red eyes. The Dark Lord. Did he know they were still alive? They'd have to be careful. They could use their 'dead' status to their advantage.
Green Eyes. Potter. It's always Potter. Would Potter really save him? No. He wouldn't. Not after everything.
Blue Eyes. All the Weasley's had blue eyes. Would they really kill him? They seemed harmless enough. Would...Would Arthur? No! He couldn't...could he?
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It was cold at night, Draco realised, curling further into himself. Everyone at the house would be asleep by now, he reasoned, climbing numbly to his feet. He could sneak back. Severus was probably worried sick by now.
Stumbling back, Draco was vaguely aware that one of his feet was asleep but didn't pay it any mind.
The barrier welcomed him back, rippling around him like invisible jelly. What an odd thought, especially coming from a pureblood.
The kitchen door was left ajar, urging him in.
"Malfoy?" A shocked hiss greeting him. His head shot up, glancing in surprise at Potter who was seated at the kitchen table, eating a cookie. It was such a domestic sight that Draco almost had to double-take.
"Potter," Draco responded promptly, wobbling a little on his feet.
"Shit, sit down before you fall over. You came back. I-I can't even belive that. Sit!" Potter shoved him into a chair, pushing a cookie into his hand as well. "Where were you? Everyone was panicked! Molly was heartbroken too! You're a real bastard aren't you? I bet you just did it for fu-"
Draco set the note on the table, Harry falling silent. "What's that?"
"Why I left."
Harry reached for it, hestiating but when Draco made no move to hide it, picked it up. Scanning it, his eyes widened.
"Shit."
"Basically," Draco sneered, biting into the cookie. "Though I don't think it's worth paying attention to it. I mean, it got two out of four facts wrong, what's the say the other two aren't aswell?"
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Two facts.
Draco couldn't know that Volemort wasn't looking for him or that someone with blue eyes wouldn't kill him.
Silver eyes. He didn't think his father loved him.
Green eyes. He didn't...he didn't think Harry would save him.
Harry frowned, pushing the note back towards him. "Malfoy?"
"What, Potter?"
"I promise I'll save you."
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Author's Note:
I'm back! Or well, I'm trying. I apologize for the absence, my profile explains my reasons. Let's just say I've had a really shit year so far.
No review replies, but I do appreciate them all! Thank you so much for your support.
This hasn't been beta read, as I haven't contacted my old betas yet to see if they still want to continue to work for me. So all mistakes are mine and I apologise for them now, as I have only just written this up.
Slash comes in the next chapter! I promise XD
Please reviews, m'darlings,
-Liaa