Please see first chapter for disclaimer and other info

A/N: tries to hide from barrage of rotten tomatoes I'm deeply sorry for the ridiculous wait for this! I only have one assignment left and then a nice long break, so hopefully I'll be able to churn out some more for you all. A few things, I have to admit that I'm not so present in the Star Wars fandom lately. Rest assured, this fic is my baby and I'll finish it even if it kills me. Secondly, I've set up a forum so if anyone wants to discuss the fic with me, just go on over and leave a message. Thirdly, I included a little something for those Luke/Mara fans out there. Don't worry, your time will come to shine my LM fans. Let the games begin!

Chapter Nine: Formal Dinners

Anakin stood alongside his wife and the royal family of Alderaan as the guests filed into the grand dining hall. It was only the welcoming dinner tonight but it was important nonetheless. Anakin found himself being impressed with the manners and etiquette of the elite of the galaxy. True, he should have been used to these things by now but several years as Padme's boytoy hadn't taught him a thing.

As he shook another scaly hand, he spied Obi-Wan in the corner, with a drink in his hand.

Typical.

Frowning, he briefly wondered where Luke was. Luke and his willingness to help his father execute his brilliant plan was the whole point of the evening. That and finally telling the Pretty Pompous Prince where to stick it would be the aim of tonight Yes, this plan would clearly demonstrate just why Anakin Skywalker was the most brilliant man, Jedi, husband and father in the galaxy.

Brilliant should be my middle name, he mused. Okay, so my middle name is Fergus but I'm sure in some foreign dialect it means brilliant or sexy.

As a dozen or more important and dignified guests including the smelly, hairy, scaly and just downright ugly filed into the room, Anakin was beginning to wonder where the jewel of the night, his daughter was. Hopefully Han hadn't done anything incredibly stupid…which was very, very possible considering he was Han. If the Galactic Dictionary had Han Solo in there, incredibly stupid would be the explanation.

As that image amused Anakin, he felt someone elbow him in the ribs. Snapping back to the dark reality of Galactic Politics, he glared at the offender. "Pay attention, Anakin!" Padme hissed. "It is rude to drift off into your own world when there is company present!"

Anakin fidgeted. "Yeah well it's rude to make me speak to boring bantha fodder when I could be doing more productive things!"

Like setting fire to the Prince's robes. Stealing the Prince's shoes. Possibly cutting off the Prince's wonderful blonde locks as he sleeps. Letting loose Gundarks in the Prince's ship.

As if on cue, the Prince entered the room. There was an odd hush as everyone stared as the Holonet Channel 7's Most Eligible Bachelor in the Galaxy sashayed into the room. His robes were grand and a few people, namely Anakin, would argue clashed horribly with that "crown of glory" called hair. Anakin tried to hold back a snicker as he imagined Gundarks pulling his hair and him squealing like a little girl.

"Good evening, Chancellor Skywalker. You look wonderful this evening," the Prince said politely. Padme nodded and shook his hand, ignoring the immature death stare her husband was currently giving Isolder.

"Thank you very much, Your Highness. I'm sure my daughter will be along shortly," she replied respectfully. Anakin didn't take his eyes off the Prince as he gave Padme another appreciative look and continued down the line. The man really deserved a lightsaber to the head and if Han, Leia or Luke didn't arrive soon he would be getting it within a matter of minutes. There was a list of things all men in the entire galaxy should not do in front of Anakin Skywalker.

Anakin Skywalker's Guide to the Galaxy

Staring appreciatively at the Chancellor in full view of her husband who has an evil looking robotic arm and a wicked blue lightsaber is a no-no. Particularly when aforementioned husband is a powerful Jedi and can read your mind. And finding out that you're mentally undressing her and imagining her naked will most likely result in loss of a crucial body part. Not including arms or legs.

Thankfully, before Anakin could get even more bent on dismembering the Prince, Luke arrived at the doors. Smiling, he entered gracefully. He was wearing his best set of robes which were black as usual. Anakin really needed to teach his son the art of colouring one's wardrobe. As he approached, Anakin could feel Luke's discomfort through the Force.

"What's the matter son?" he asked as he yanked Luke from the dignitary standing next to him. He shook his head.

"You know this ingenious plan of yours?"

Anakin nodded., feeling uneasy at the sarcasm in Luke's voice clearly stating that not all plans of Anakin were ingenious. This was so disrespectful and wrong it wasn't funny.

"Well…it may have backfired." Luke waited for the fallout. But instead of the barrage of the galaxy's most vulgar words he was rewarded with nothing but a stare.

"What happened?" he asked through gritted teeth. No plan of his went wrong. He chose to ignore the incident with Count Dooku where he lost an arm. It was easier to just blame Obi-Wan for that incident and besides…he looked good fighting with two sabers anyway.

Luke sighed. "Well you know the part where I was supposed to approach Han and tell him you had a plan to get rid of the Prince and that it was essential for them to come tonight and just trust you? Well that part backfired."

Anakin raised his eyebrow. "How so?"

"Han apparently has his own plan to, and I quote 'get rid of that woman-stealing, hair-brushing, make-up wearing, flamboyant clothes-wearing, mother's boy with a death wish' himself. After that the door slammed shut, on my foot I might add and I had to get ready to come here."

Anakin was starting to get that familiar feeling in his stomach, the one that came when Han had done something incredibly foolish and stupid and completely ridiculous and now he was going to have to fix it.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snapped him back yet again from fantasy 'destroys Leia's suitors' land. It was Padme. "I'm afraid the dinner is going to have to start without Leia. Dinner is being served and Breha and Bail are anxious to start talking with the new Chandrillan representative."

Anakin nodded in agreement. Leia would be here soon enough and he was hungry. He took Padme's hand and led her up to the main table. Looking at the name-cards as he went along, he quickly discovered he would be seated next to Obi-Wan. And not surprisingly, there was already a large bottle of Alderaan wine with a giant portion missing from it. Obi-Wan however was distinctly missing from his seat and Anakin immediately assumed he was probably chatting up the alien ladies to make up for those cold, lonely nights from the past few decades.

As the dinner progressed, Anakin was getting increasingly annoyed at Leia's non-attendance and even more annoyed at Han's obvious involvement in it. He flashed his son a look at what the adults called the "kids table". To his surprise, instead of sitting there with a sullen look on his face, he was deeply involved in what seemed like a very amusing conversation with a stunning redhead. Wow, he hoped he used the line he'd taught him the other day, the one about the lightsaber. Ignoring the possibility that another one of his progeny was possibly finding romance, he scanned the room again. Probing the Force, he found Leia's presence. Something was quite odd about it, however. Wherever she was, she wasn't alone.

That dirty, rotten, no-good son of a gundark! Anakin thought. Instead of accompanying the guest of honour to dinner, Han Solo was corrupting her!

Just as Anakin was about to get up and physically drag the two of them by force of lightsaber, he noticed that the Prince had stood up.

"Attention distinguished guests!" the Prince said, flashing the room one of his Holonet Galactic toothpaste commercial smiles. It was apparent that the Prince intended to make a long winded and boring speech. Anakin was beginning to suspect he just liked to hear the sound of his own voice.

"Firstly I'd like to thank Your Highnesses…"

Check One: Incorrect grammar.

"For their wonderful hospitality these evening…"

Check Two: Sucking Up.

"..And also to you all for coming to our welcoming dinner. Tonight's celebrations are just the beginning of this weekend here at Alderaan. Before we wrap up tonight's events and seeing as our Guest of Honour, the wonderful and beautiful Leia Skywalker-Organa has yet to make our acquaintance, I shall like to give an informal announcement on our behalf."

Check Three: Long winded sentences designed only to hear one's own voice. Wait a moment, announcement?

Anakin shot his wife a look. She obviously had no clue to where this was heading either. He doubted she was as worried as he was at the present moment.

"I'd like you to be the first to know that Leia Skywalker-Organa has agreed to become my wife!"

Surprise: to discover something you previously did not know beforehand in an abrupt and shocking manner. Finding out that either your daughter has either lost her mind entirely or that in fact, the Prince is a damn ugly liar who deserves to be thrown into a pit with a Rancor.