Derek had parked his truck in front of Penelope's apartment fifteen minutes ago. He kept staring at the door. He was feeling overwhelmed with the most recent events in his life.
Kevin Lynch was dead. He took the easy way out and killed himself. Derek wanted to blame Cooper's team. He wanted to blame Strauss for sending them to Portland instead of hunting down Lynch. However, he knew that if he would have seen that pudgy glass wearing nerd, Derek would have shot to kill. Revenge prioritized over justice.
Similar feelings ran through his veins when he thought of Doyle. He had escaped. Derek didn't know how to handle that. When his team stormed into that dank dark room, his eyes immediately fell on his partner who had a wooden stake plunged within her torso. Fear, anger and panic motivated his body to move forward and allow his team to search for the Irish villain. He could still see the blankness that clouded her bright brown eyes. Let me go haunted his nightmares every night since the moment she had been found. He had let his partner down by not getting there sooner. Yes, he was violently angry at Doyle, but Derek couldn't help but blame himself.
Derek's attention moved from his thoughts when he noticed movement by Penelope's door. Her door had opened and two young kids, no older than twelve, were leaving the apartment. He recognized them as neighborhood kids who would visit their Dad on the weekends. They were nodding at the words and jumped slightly when she slipped something into their hands. Derek could only assume it was money. He knew he would want to ask what they were doing for her to be so generous.
He waited until she closed the door and made sure she didn't see him waiting in the car. He had so much on his mind, but he didn't want to disturb his time with her. Derek was still disturbed that he couldn't get her to be completely comfortable with him. He craved the touch of her skin and the taste of her lips. More than anything, he wanted to see the spark of life and love that lived in her eyes prior to the moment he betrayed her. He wanted her to believe in him and their love.
Grabbing his go back from the back of the truck, Derek made his way to the front door. Out of habit, he jingled his keys before slipping them into the hole. It was the typical alert for Clooney to know that his master was home. Since Penelope had been attacked, Derek made sure Clooney was with her. She had protested at first, but his dog's heart warming licks and nuzzles melted his Goddess's heart almost instantly.
Before his keys made their way to the hole, Penelope opened the door. Candles were lit around the apartment. On the table was a roasted chicken dinner with potatoes and steamed green beans. Derek's mouth dropped as he took in all the details Penelope put into her apartment. "Baby Girl?"
"Won't you come in, Handsome?" she asked quietly, a faint trace of her former flirtatiousness teased him.
Derek looked at his female companion and fought the rush of blood that moved south. She wore a black dress that capped at the sleeves. The dressed inched in at the lowest part of her breasts and fell down softly the remainder of the length. He could barely make out the gauze wraps that tied her ribs together. He chuckled when he noticed one wrapped foot and ankle and the other in a bejeweled sandal. Her hair was pulled up, an act he knew she had problems with due to her injuries. Her make up was light. Doctors had informed her that it wouldn't be wise for her to cover up her wounds while she was healing. Instead, her skin was natural with black mascara and ruby red lips dominating his vision.
As he stepped into the apartment, she moved behind him and took his leather jacket as he disrobed. "Penelope?"
"I received a phone call today," she said.
Derek could feel his heart pounding in his chest. "And?"
"I was informed that Strauss was suspending our team as well as Coopers until you all passed psych evaluations. I was notified that I couldn't return to my duties in my lair until all of my physicians, including a shrink, cleared me for work. I knew that you would be angry when you returned. So, I decided to order dinner from Rudy's, had the neighbor girls help me set up the apartment, and give you a night off."
"A night off?" he asked. He watched as she explained everything. He was sadly intrigued in the fact that she would barely catch his eyes. She would look about the apartment and express her words, but he knew that fear dominated her eyes.
"Derek, since my attack, you have been here non stop. You give yourself no time to just relax and allow the events of our recently disturbed lives envelope you. Until you do that, you can't move forward." She moved slowly toward the table and grasped onto the back of one for strength to stand. "Derek, I knew you would never leave this apartment, regardless of my request. Instead, I decided to bring relaxation to you. Tonight, you can decide where our conversation go and watch what movies you wish. I will simply be your roughed up companion in this scenario."
Derek smiled sadly as he took a seat at the table. He sat across from her. He could see her nervousness and bouts of pain flash before her face as she moved. He went to ask if she needed any medication when she raised her hand to silence him and said, "I am fine."
They ate in relative silence. The food from Rudy's was always delicious. Throughout dinner, they exchange small words about the case. However, Derek was overwhelmed by her beauty. Even in her darkest hours, she was the most beautiful woman in his life. Concern dominated his thoughts as he noticed the slightest shaking of her hands. "Penelope?" he asked softly.
"Yes, my chocolate warrior," she replied.
"Do you know why our teams are suspended?" he asked.
Her body stiffened. She bit down on her lower lip and fought the urge for tears to approach her eyes. "Yes, Derek," she responded.
"You know that Lynch is dead," he asked.
"Yes." She kept her head down and away from his focused gaze.
"I don't understand a lot of what happened, Penelope."
"Read Cooper's report," she said, attempting to place a quick Band-Aid over the problem at hand.
"That's not what I am talking about."
"Then what are you talking about?" she asked.
"How did Lynch suddenly snap and do this to you? Or was this occurring and I never notice my best friend being beaten?" he asked sadly.
"No, Derek. This attack was the only time Kevin touched me. Yes, he was verbally abusive when he drank, but we were getting that under control. That was until..." Penelope's mind flashed to her attack. She could feel him beating her, kicking her, yelling at her. His words haunted her mind and her appetite was lost.
"Until what, Penelope?"
"When I told you you had the right to decide what we talked about, Kevin Lynch was the last thing that was on my list of possible topics you wanted to venture in. I really thought we were going to talk about new properties, sports and movies," she said attempting to shift the conversation once again.
"Nice try," he said sitting up, leaning over the table to catch her haunted brown eyes. "Tell me what happened Penelope."
She bit down on her lip and attempted to keep her eyes from him. "We had a fight. We have been fighting a lot lately. I was stupid. I caused him to snap. I... I deserved what happened."
"Penelope Garcia," Derek growled rising from the table looking down at his Goddess with a flush of anger. "You did nothing to deserve this. No man has the right to touch or abuse you. You are a smart woman. I know you know this."
"You weren't there, Derek," she said quietly.
"Then explain it to me!"
"Derek, why don't you talk about Emily?" she asked, effectively shifting the conversation from herself and her attack. Penelope almost regretted the survival tactic when she watched the blood drain from his face and him step back from the table.
"Penelope?" he whispered her name in a warning tone.
"Derek, she was one of our best friends. A sister to us. Why don't you talk about her?" she asked.
"Please don't," he asked in a whisper. His self loathing and anger were creeping up on his senses while his fists clenched at his sides.
"Derek," she whispered his name. She made timid steps toward him. Penelope was saddened as she watched his body stiffen as she stepped closer to his warmth. "Derek, Emily's death wasn't your fault. It was Doyle's."
"Stop."
"Derek, you need to listen to me. She left us. She wanted to protect us, but we fought for her. We did what we needed to to save our brown haired beauty."
"We didn't save her," Derek said bitterly.
"Derek, that wasn't our fault. If I know Emily, she was fighting like hell. She probably had the upper hand on Doyle for a good portion of their confrontation. However, something must have happened and he took the cowardly option by staking her."
Derek's jaw clenched as he listened to his Goddess's words. He knew she was right, but couldn't get passed his own faults.
"Derek, it is such a blessing that you were the last face she got to see in this life. You and your love and ferocity. She got to see the passion of her partner and brother as she slipped from our world and into the next." Penelope felt a lone tear fall from her eyes and made no movement to wipe it away.
"If I had..." Derek started.
"What, Derek?" she encouraged him.
"If I had been there sooner, then maybe..."
"Derek, you can't do that to yourself. Emily's loss is something that is going to haunt all of us forever. You can't play the What If game if you ever expect yourself to move forward." Penelope took a timid step closer, so their bodies were almost in perfect contact. She lifted a timid hand to his face and touched him softly. "You need to forgive yourself, even though you did nothing wrong. It's the only way you can move on, Baby."
Derek felt his control slip as he fell into her. He held her as tightly as he could without doing more damage to her body. His body broke into violent sobs as he held her. The loss of Emily was at his feet and he needed to drown in his heart break. He lost a loved one. He couldn't move forward without acknowledging their loss.
Penelope held him for as long as she could. She wished she could take his pain and allow him to be the strong and fierce man she loved. However, Penelope knew that Emily's death had taken its toll on him. Now she needed to help him let go of his sorrow and possibly allow herself to begin mourning for the loss of her sister and confidant.
After what felt like hours, Derek's bitter tears had silenced. Derek lifted his head to catch a glimpse of the sight of his Goddess. Her warm brown eyes were looking at him with compassion. His thumb traced her cheek and cupped her face softly. His gaze dropped to her tempting red lips. He lowered his head and took them gently. Derek's tongue pressed for entrance into her warm sanctuary and he took pleasure in the moans she released as she granted him access. He touched her face reverently as his mouth worshiped hers. Her lips were his miracle as his heart began to heal. For what felt like hours, they stood in the candlelit living room, Derek holding onto Penelope as if she was the only thing that kept him alive.
As their need for oxygen dominated their senses, Derek could feel her hands traveling up his chest and stopping on his firm planes. He was surprised when he felt her pushing him back. Derek was not prepared for what he saw as his eyes opened after one of the most healing kisses of his life.